Thursday, November 10, 2005
Sunset Monologue 104
A TunnelBlog Musical Mood: Five Miles To Empty - Brownstone
and she's still there and her boyfriend just cussed me out for not giving him any money to contribute to getting her out. "You a cold bitch" **SIGH**
I know I disconnect myself from 'family' things. That is my choice because I grew up in it and I haven't reconciled it.
This is the lowest she's been and she'll get out and be right back in the life where actually the drugs are the least of it. It's the lying, stealing and hurting other people. NO ONE trusts her. She has burned every bridge young and old and now.
Drug addiction is one thing - but all the rest that my sister does is another. I could really sit here and go on and on about the 'things' she's done to me but it is just things and time after time - There will be some down time and she'll come on back in the fold - now even her nieces and nephews don't want her around.
I'm not going to give my daughter mixed signals just so I can say "she's my sister and I Love Her" and then sleep at night. I sleep fine at night and she is my sister and I love her. My daughter told her and me that until she gets her life together, she didn't want her around. She gave her a paper and talked to her about getting a job - she was 11 my sister is 33.
Folks may sit back and say "pam is a cold bitch" The story is more than I could ever write here and maybe one day I will be able to separate the 'issue' from the 'people' but right now....I can't adn I"m not spending any money to get it worked out (i.e. therapy).
I have been stepped on and taken advantage of and used and ganked and a whole bunch of other stuff - if I did have such a hard shell, maybe I could shake it all off because I would have such a cemented foundation of self to stand on - but I don't - so that stuff is always fresh in my mind and I treat it with kid gloves.
I'm FINALLY at a place where I am at peace concerning my Mother & I. That is a HUGE step for me - took all of my adult life and it's also shaky.
Right now - I can't do nothing for my sister. I don't have the bandwidth or the nerve or the ghettoism or the non-fear capacity to deal with this......It just ain't that simple.....Let me move on to something else.Bobby Brown, Jr.
tagged me so let me free my mind for this:
Ten Years Ago (This Month)...
I was living in Philadelphia with a two year old daughter, starting to date again after my Husbands murder and thinking about what direction I wanted to take my life in.
Five Years Ago. (This Month)...
Began my journey with "mobetta" thru a random placed IM to someone who had a 'funky name'
One year ago
Ok this is going to sound weird, I can't remember, lol
Five Yummy Things
- BBQ Chicken
- A Nice Hot Pulsating Shower
- Black Jelly Beans
- Crisp chilled sheets in the summer
- Ok Food in GENERAL lol
Two Songs I Know By Heart
- It's Bitsy Spider
- You Can't Win
Six Things I Would Do With A Lot Of Money
- Get Out of Debt
- Get My Degree
- Get My Lipo
- Get My Material Desires Fulfilled
- Bring some people along to share it with me
Five Places I Want To Escape To
- St. Kix
- Paradise Island
- Mall of America
- Pine Mountain
Two Things I Would Never Wear
- Anything excessively revealing
Five Favorite TV Shows
- Law and Order SVU
- Ghost Whisperer
- Noah's Arc
- Nip Tuck
- Everybody Hates Chris
Five Things I Enjoy Doing
- Yakkin on the phone with friends
- Listening to Music
Five Favorite Toys
- My Computer
- My DVR
- My T2
- My Wing Daddy
- My Digital Camera
Five People To Tag
You know what? If you feel compelled - do the damn thing!RIP
- B.O.B. Died "How did he die?" "On top of me"
Posted by Pamalicious ::
10:25 PM ::
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