ThE EmAnCiPaTiOn oF pAmMiE

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Sunset Monologue 104

A Tunnel

Blog Musical Mood: Five Miles To Empty - Brownstone

and she's still there and her boyfriend just cussed me out for not giving him any money to contribute to getting her out. "You a cold bitch" **SIGH**

I know I disconnect myself from 'family' things. That is my choice because I grew up in it and I haven't reconciled it.

This is the lowest she's been and she'll get out and be right back in the life where actually the drugs are the least of it. It's the lying, stealing and hurting other people. NO ONE trusts her. She has burned every bridge young and old and now.

Drug addiction is one thing - but all the rest that my sister does is another. I could really sit here and go on and on about the 'things' she's done to me but it is just things and time after time - There will be some down time and she'll come on back in the fold - now even her nieces and nephews don't want her around.

I'm not going to give my daughter mixed signals just so I can say "she's my sister and I Love Her" and then sleep at night. I sleep fine at night and she is my sister and I love her. My daughter told her and me that until she gets her life together, she didn't want her around. She gave her a paper and talked to her about getting a job - she was 11 my sister is 33.

Folks may sit back and say "pam is a cold bitch" The story is more than I could ever write here and maybe one day I will be able to separate the 'issue' from the 'people' but right now....I can't adn I"m not spending any money to get it worked out (i.e. therapy).

I have been stepped on and taken advantage of and used and ganked and a whole bunch of other stuff - if I did have such a hard shell, maybe I could shake it all off because I would have such a cemented foundation of self to stand on - but I don't - so that stuff is always fresh in my mind and I treat it with kid gloves.

I'm FINALLY at a place where I am at peace concerning my Mother & I. That is a HUGE step for me - took all of my adult life and it's also shaky.

Right now - I can't do nothing for my sister. I don't have the bandwidth or the nerve or the ghettoism or the non-fear capacity to deal with this......It just ain't that simple.....Let me move on to something else.

Bobby Brown, Jr. tagged me so let me free my mind for this:

Ten Years Ago (This Month)...

I was living in Philadelphia with a two year old daughter, starting to date again after my Husbands murder and thinking about what direction I wanted to take my life in.

Five Years Ago. (This Month)...

Began my journey with "mobetta" thru a random placed IM to someone who had a 'funky name'

One year ago

Ok this is going to sound weird, I can't remember, lol

Five Yummy Things

Two Songs I Know By Heart

Six Things I Would Do With A Lot Of Money

Five Places I Want To Escape To

Two Things I Would Never Wear

Five Favorite TV Shows

Five Things I Enjoy Doing

Five Favorite Toys

Five People To Tag

You know what? If you feel compelled - do the damn thing!

RIP - B.O.B. Died "How did he die?" "On top of me"

Posted by Pamalicious :: 10:25 PM :: 1 comments

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