ThE EmAnCiPaTiOn oF pAmMiE

Sunday, July 31, 2005

Sunset Monologue 57

I don't do parties

I have retitled them 'get togethers' because several years ago - I was giving parties and they got expensive and stressful. 'Get Togethers' take the pressure off and allow those that want to come, to come and those that think every get together with black people should include an opportunity to screw or drink liquor out of Quik Trip Big Gulp Cups, can NOT come.

With mini-me, practically on a plane home, I wanted to have something at my house. I had been going to 'Janets' home and others and I wanted to pull it back to my spot. Have some grown life up in the place, because starting tomorrow, I will be getting my agenda together for getting ready for school etc. and a much more reeled in existence, which by the way I'm not sorry about.

The Set-Up

I am a person who can do well under self-imposed pressure. So the notion that I had to pull the entire party together in basically 5 hours was something I eagerly took on. Now, I've been planning all week, I could have cleaned, I could have done some prep work on the food but NOOOOOOOOO, I bopped around, went to the movies Friday nite and then did my grocery shopping on THE DAY OF THE EVENT!! Quite 'pam-like', lol I just got in the zone and got it going.

I had everything planned out with an alotted time. It was that simple and believe you me, it was flowing quite freely and I was whipping the entire thing into shape. I had said sixish - which gave me a phantom hour that I never count (that hour is the hour black folks take EXTRA or commonly known as CP TIME). I operate off the original time set. Anything else should be to crunk it up higher.

So like a well oiled machine, here was my written time frame:

First guest arrived at around 6:45pm - I LOVE entertaining and I'm good at it (self-complimenting grin, lol)

Getting it Started!

This was the little get-together that could. I invited 14 people - my house is little, basically an apartment sat on the ground - so to many bodies would have been cramped. I thought around 10 would show - 7 showed so with me that made 8, which turned out to be a good group of folks. Six women and Two Men.

I, if I say so myself, had laid out quite a nice spread. I did all the cooking and it was a joy. We had spinach dip w/veggies, Tortilla chips w/queso & ground beef dip, salsa, regular chips, macaroni and crab salad, curry chicken salad and spicy bbq hot wings. I also made some of my non-alcoholic punch and supplied sodas, ice and mixers (juice etc.) There was a variety of food for the nibbler.

"Janet" and "JD" got here first - "Janet" immediately made Berry Mojitos for us, while "JD" made sure all the food was edible, lol. I was drinking out of my Coconut Cup, like a good hostess should! (always do something to distinguish you from the guest, lol
By 9:00pm things were in full swing....


Anyone who knows me, knows that when I'm in my element, with my friends - I am very relaxed. The notion that I am reserved is one I put forth, lol I've spun a fine weave of multi-plicity about myself - it's the Gemini in me, lol.

As spoken about previously on the page, I have been having a fascination with the soundtrack to Husle and Flow, lol "Whoop that Trick" has been officially declared my song of the summer, closely followed by "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp" so of course I had it in the playa for when the time was right. "JD" and I had dabbled a bit and "Janet" and I agreed that it just made you wanna dance. So I was hyped anyway. It's always a pleasure when you run into people who are not so caught up in 'right' that they can't mold a spectrum of it for themselves. Last nite was the nite to listen to stuff we don't let our kids listen to, lol lol Then it was time! I got that bad boy going and we set off on a journey, that ended like alot of my journeys that involve alcohol, ON MY ASS!

We were off the chain! A group of professional black women singing at the top of our lungs "Beat that trick, Stomp that trick" It was a sight to behold, lol lol We were dancing and singing and just having a good time - when in an overzealous attempt at whipping "JD" using a morph of the dance we had developed, I stepped back and just kept going and going and going.....if a chair had not stopped my descent, I would have literally fallen out my screen door. Now the funny part IT'S ON TAPE!! One of my male friends from BTW, (who by the way brought a quite tastey Sweet Potato Cheese Cake - He can bake! - I think I spoke of him because he brought a cake to my b'day party) had his camcorder and was taping us and though you don't see me falling because he was focusing on us dancing - you see everyone's reaction and then you see me plopped in the chair. Man oh Man!! Only like I can do it! I've never been coordinated and never have professed to be, lol lol Talk about a good time!
We got quite loud and rowdly and the conversation was good and flowing. I did my Flag girl routine (which I never made it, but I gave it a good BTW try). We just had a good time! I can't say that enough.

The Wind Down

We ended the gathering like any good gathering should be ended, with our favorite couple - - - Bobby and Whitney. Bravo has seemingly cancelled all future programming to play them non-stop and we are a captive audience. I wish I had a ticker-tape like in NY around my house, so I can just sit back and tune in, lol lol

The Party's Over

After helping me do some cleaning and making plates which I required everyone to do, the get-together officially ended at around 1:00am. I looked around as everyone left and felt like this was a success. The food, company, drink, music, conversation and television - was good, topical and lively. That's all you really ask for when you have groups of people anywhere. I will have to see about doing one again soon.

As usual, the perfect night cap would have been some fine blackman wanting to (quoting Whitney) 'Work Me Ova', lol - but all that in due time.

Bloggin Steps Off The Computer

I'm very excited to say that I have met a fellow blogger, live and in person! Sista Morena and I have been communicating pretty much since I began blogging and so I invited her to the party. Her aura seemed like, she could flow in circles where she really didn't know anyone and I was right! What a beautiful sista with a great spirit. I am so glad that she accepted the invite and came. She was right in there with us and honey that's something in itself. I look forward to furhering our budding friendship.

The Aftermath

I only had a slight headache for a couple of hours today. I've already put the living room back together and I ran the dishwasher last nite - so life is back to normal. I nibbled a bit on the leftovers, but basically a quiet Sunday. Couple of phone calls letting me know, they enjoyed themselves. A couple of conversations with people full of excuses as to why they didn't come - no problem, I don't trip on that kinda stuff - though I was a bit peeved that "Brooklyn" got ghost! Platonic should not have those kinda issues - only brothas I DATE - do that kinda stuff, lol

Anyway, a sista had a good time - doesn't it show?



I don't usually give commentary but I have to this time. Harvey Walden the fitness instructor on "Celebrity Fit Club" Ooooo La La - there is just something about this man, when he yells at them - it's almost orgasmic. I feel the need to smoke a cigarette, lol lol lol So here's to my ANGRY BABY DADDY!

Posted by Pamalicious :: 6:00 PM :: 5 comments

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Thursday, July 28, 2005

Sunshine Monlogue 24

Today's My Friday

Well though yesterday was catharatic for me, it was BORING AS HELL FOR YOU! So back to your regular scheduled programming, lol It is hot as three levels of hell in Atlanta and I'm sick of it. I can't breathe and my hair looks like I've been in a fight....and lost. I have been hiding out - now believe you me - if I gotta fake it and rock it - I can, but I'd prefer to get my hair done. Tomorrow I will be camping out at the hairdresser, lol So today is the end of my workweek. I took this friday off and next thursday and friday cause mini-me will be home. I need to count my vacation days. I get 35 a year, but they can get out of hand if you taking one here and there.

Rollin out my Momma

I decided today was a good day to introduce ya'll to MY MOMMA. I haven't really felt the need to do so (especially when Video Vibrations slunk out based on who she was - which I still find amazing considering he and I spoke of MY politics and what not at length) - but because she's in print on the net right now, I thought ok. I don't think I've done so up till this point because it's not pertinent to me and my blog and I haven't really talked about most of my extended family. Because I am rollin her out however, you will not hear alot about our interpersonal relationship. I'll just leave it at take my personality which has been outlined by Chey Whitey in the previous post and run that up the flagpole of a Type A personality on Red Bull - you get my drift. So in order not to convulute her accomplishments etc. - I won't be expounding on our relationship, but because I am damn proud of her - I will allow you a peek into the professional side.

Sad that Martin when out so messed up

I have been tuning into old episodes of Martin. I happen to catch the series finale the other day and I was sitting there like DAYUM!! What a way to mess up a show! The entire premise of the show was the connection and timing between Martin and Tisha Campbell and after she married Duane Martin and his insecurities starting coming out - it basically ruined the show. They had sexual harassment claims and all kinds of stuff and the end of the last season - Martin and Gina were never in the same room, shot or anything. Then Martin looked thin and drugged and we know about the things that happen to him after the show. I tell yah - it was just such a disappointment that it didn't go out like Cosby, A Different World, Living Single or later on Jamie Foxx. I wish we could get a do over!

Not My Kind of Girl

Was listening to some New Edition this morning and had an epiphany - this shit is self explanatory - so I'll just post the lyrics and let it marinate, lol

Oh girl I know that you're
Attracted to me
And I should feel the same
About you
There's just something wrong
I don't know what it is
That keeps us from becoming a two

It's not your looks, you're very pretty
It's not your style, the way you dress is oh so fresh
It's not the way that you carry yourself

Oh, girl I'm sorry
You're not my kind of girl
Case you're the kind of girl That a man's dreams are made of

Oh girl I'm sorry
You're not my kind of girl

cause you're the kind of girl
that a man would be proud to call his own

Girl listen to me
You're so pretty
I wouldn't cgange a thing about you
But I've been in love before
So I know how it feels
And the chemistry just isn't there

'Opinions are like assholes...we all got em'.Quite a popular phrase. I was tooling along in the car this morning and realized something - that in the beginning of the net discussion groups were like the cream de la cream. It was a place for all types of people to expound on what their personal truths were - you could always find someone that was walking your walk and talking your walk. As a participant it was an excellent venue to throw what you believe against the wall and see if it stuck. Fast forward to now. There is officially nothing left to discuss. In particular African Americans have totally lost a monumental opportunity to take the internet and treat it like our own modern 'underground railroad' we could have had a revolution three times so far, but in actuality all we've had is an open door to all of our decadance and enough rhetoric to send scholars into tailspins from the grave and beyond.

Pesonally, I've come to a point in my life where discussions are not enough - there needs to be experience and commentary. Life is not a series of questions anymore. All the answers are available to all of us, if we chose to seek them out. I've flung most of what I believe are my personal truths up against the wall and alot of them stuck and those that didn't - I went along and found one that did OR I decided fuck that - I'm going with what I believe. Now put that thought process up against the rest of the world thinking the same thing and you see where I'm going with this - I'm discussed out, lol At this point and time opposites no longer attract - we all are looking to be with those that think like us and so I am enjoying READING and OBSERVING alot more these days than actively participating. Because if we all got opinions then there is no universal truth - so why keep arguing about it?

Dateless in Atlanta

I've been having these methaphoric mind chats with someone I met awhile ago on BP (before I totally took my stuff down because it's just foul over there). He popped back up and just started talking to me. For the past couple of evenings, we've had these battle of words about how hot it is. The common link we have is that we grew up here and last nite we spoke quite fondly of being a teenager in Atlanta. I enjoy our conversations, but I'm not pushing up on Bro, just conversing, I think he's an eternal member of the IM, lol lol He ain't coming out of there, lol but I haven't conversed with someone who grew up here - so it's cool while it lasts. If anything changes (which I doubt) I'll let yah know, lol

Dang I wish I had of met 'Brooklyn' earlier in the summer! We hanging this Friday evening - can't wait. Sometimes stuff just surprise yah - a platonic male friend - QUITE REFRESHING!!

Met my neighbor from across the street last evening. He's been over there for awhile, just haven't had a chance. Cool peeps - rough around the edges and all up in my grill, lol I invited him over for a drink at the happy hour on Saturday - I hope I don't have to a restraining order, lol He looked wayyyy to happy, lol

I'm on countdown to the applications process being OVER for Summer 2005 - I'll be regrouping and beginning the Fall Phase of recruiting sometime in August.


Childless in Atlanta

SEVEN DAYS until Mini-Me is back in the saddle. I have to get some food in the house, go into her dungeon and air it out and basically that's it. I spoke to her yesterday and she wants me to go and pay for a trip to six flags, her Atlanta camp is going on next Friday and to remind me that she'll be spending the nite at camp! I just stared at the phone. I took off so that maybe we could hang and this gal got PLANS ALREADY!!! I can't even hate - I want her life to be full - well I guess I got another Friday nite to hang out - she won't be home, lol lol

Funny, I have put NO BABYSITTING dollars in this two weeks budget - watch the phone begin to ring........

Posted by Pamalicious :: 9:19 AM :: 0 comments

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Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Sunshine Monologue 23

My Employer Getting In My Head

I was cleaning out some files in my desk and came across my personality study that my job did earlier this year. Each of us went under the scope of 'Insight' a company jobs use for team building etc. etc. We had this big meeting where after we filled out a profile about as long as eharmony (which is why I won't go over there and take that long behind test, lol) Then we were given a booklet supposedly all about us and our 'style'. Alot of people at the table were not claiming the personality laid out before them, but mine made my eyes buck. It was so on the money! I started to immediately think - I'm not as deep as I profess to be, lol That worried me more than what the booklet said. I found out I was the only one in my department that was a "Yellow" which explains alot.

I thought about maybe I should write all this down and put it in a personal ad, lol lol a clue to how to approach me and how to get in good with me and my issues, lol but then again - no fair since no one else comes that real.

However, the blog is a PERFECT place to expound on that which is Pam. So I am going to post some of what it said. Obviously I'm bored at work, to sit here and type alot of this but it will keep me busy. I will offer BOTH SIDES of the spectrum to be fair. No just the good parts of Pam. I will however be giving snippets - the report was long...

Personal Style

Pamela radiates goodwill and enthusiasm. She is optimistic about life in general and human potential in particular. She wants to be indispensable to others and her desire to please is so strong that she can sometimes lose her own identity by ignoring her own needs.

Pamela is team -centered, thorough and articulate. She gravitates to other people and his highly skilled at understanding others' needs and motivations. usually appearing friendly, tactful and sympathetic. Pamela tends to be at her most flexible, adaptable and easy going in everyday living, preferring to fit in harmoniously with those around her. Pamela has a real zest for living and enjoys company.

She tends to be fiercely loyal to her friends, prepared to sacrifice her own wants for the needs of the other person. Pamela can juggle several activities at ones. She has a tendency to play down the rules, particularly if they appear to oppose her values. Pamela can be gregarious, sociable and focused on others' needs. She may benefit from taking a step back to consider the cause and effect of her actions, and from practicing becoming more tough-minded. She is seen by most others as a friendly, practical, realistic and down-to-earth person.

Because she tends to live for the present moment, she does not sense the need to prepare or plan more than necessary. She exhibits personal warmth, insight, originality and a broad organizational ability. Pamela is a good companion and fun to be with. She likes people and tends to be aware of and appreciate a person's more admirable qualities.

Interacting with Others

Pamela is good at helping others achieve their goals and objectives, and will seek to encourage them to be all they can be. She may become possessive of people in whom she has invested alot of her emotional energy. She may suppress her own needs in the interest of pleasing others and may feel indispensable to her partner.

Outgoing, friendly, challenging and sympathetic, Pamela radiates warmth and fellowship. Placing a high value on her harmonious relationships, it is not surprising that people turn to Pamela for encouragement, nuture and support. Pamela tends to be very sensitive to the way she relates to others and is at her best in situations which run smoothly and harmoniously. She preers a stimulating life of co-operation and harmony. Both a fluent talker and listener, Pamela is optimistic about her ability o influence people towards her viewpoint. She is usually especially sensitive to unexpressed anger and conflict. Her primary desire is to be of service to other people. She attracts many friends and acquaintances.

Decision Making

People occasionally see Pamela making decisions that appear to fly in the face of logic. She tends to make choices around her own personal feelings which may be as important to her as more objective data.Because she values harmony and agreement., she believes the best way to maintain this is to persuade others of the validity of her viewpoint. She may unconsciously manipulate the process to get her own way.

Preferring harmonious outcome, Pamela will go to great lengths to ensure the preservation of relationships. She prefers moderate to slight-risk in decision making. Pamela loves fun and surprises and can bring a breath of fresh air to any situation through her free spirit.

Top Five Key Strengths

  • Innovative Counsellor

  • Sensitive to the needs of others

  • Easy going and fun approach to most things

  • Unassuming, patient, relaxed and non-threatening

  • Honourable

Top five Key Weaknesses

  • Avoids interpersonal aggression and irritation

  • Demotivated by routine tasks

  • Will tend to be influenced by the last person she talks to

  • Tends to hold grudges and will tell you about it

  • Masks her true feelings to avoid unpleasantness

Top Five Best Ways to Communicate with Pamela

  • Use a casual, informal style of conversation

  • Maintain a consistent, personal relationship with her

  • Talk about her and areas she finds stimulating

  • Be prepared to talk about a wide range of topics

  • Use warm gestures and expressive body language

To five Worst Ways to Communicate with Pamela

  • Judge, criticize or embarrass her in public

  • Act aggressively or reject her ideas without explanation

  • Take advantage of her good nature

  • Assume that her sunny disposition means that she agrees with everything you say

  • Adopt an intransigent, judgmental stance

Pamela' Blind Spots or Less conscious behavior

Trying to be less sensitive would enable Pamela to hear the often helpful information that is contained in constructive criticism. She may be so concerned about the feelings of others that she can be blind to important facts when it involves hurt feelings. She is vulnerable to the criticism of others because she tends to take feedback personally, which leads her to take offense and become discouraged. She needs to be more aware of her tendency to live much of her life for others. More self focus may bring surprising benefits. Pamela's ideas may occasionally get lost because she tends to rethink them continually, preferring to keep them private. She can sometimes be impractical and may neglect routine details that need attention. Pamela may not realize that it is perfectly acceptable to receive without having to give in return.

Posted by Pamalicious :: 10:18 AM :: 0 comments

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Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Sunset Monologue 57

Rollin Out the New Pix

Decided this would be my new picture. Sassy for the Summer and Yea I got some clothes on - so STOP IT!!!

Posted by Pamalicious :: 5:08 PM :: 0 comments

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Sunshine Monologue 23

A Glimpse Into the Darkside

Woke up disenchanted this morning.... Lay in bed glad I was given an opportunity to wake up, but cursing the world....Hot as hell as usual....Second shower needed...why do I work?.....I'm broke as glass in a china shop AFTER the bull has made his appearance....why can't I go to work naked?.....naked never works when it's hot - you need light airy fabrics....had a dream that I was a dancer for Common and we moved in together.....I was thin in my dream and tall...don't you love dreams?....keep leaving the TV and light on nightly.....waking at 4am to cut them off....I remember waking at 4am because me and 'mobetta' would talk on the phone....isn't it nice to know someone is there for you at 4am?.....I need a kiss....a kiss from a strong man...a kiss from a man who feels a spark in his heart when he kisses me.....I need some D-I(whooo shut yo mouth!)......I will not let my disenchantment get the better of's temporary.....where's my CD?......Mike glad you can be of assistance...closing my eyes "Let me show you...let me show you the way to go".....Happy Place.....Going to have a good day afterall.

The Dissolving of Casual

The earth is continuously spinning and we should be moving right along with it. Such is the case with 'Italy' and I. I was sitting on the couch the other nite and gave him a call. I hadn't talked to him in about a week. I went straight to voicemail. I left a quaint message and went on back to what I was doing. Later on however it dawned on me. Our relationship has changed. When he was living in a small village, he leaned heavily on my laughter, my wit to take him away from the locals. Hours of phone conversation and in person passion. Well now "Italy" has moved to the big city. Lots of sights and sounds and conquests to make. Phone conversation lessened a bit, but the flirtation was still there. Then more stories about this one and that one - so I added my own stories. A small puncture hole in the carefully crafted balloon. I can feel the air seeping out, but it's still afloat. My interest starts to wane because I'm off doing other things as well and I want my interest to equal his current. After that phone call, I feel a soft breeze on my face, the hole is bigger - his phone is never off, I had carte blanc, not anymore - - - I'm glad that the balloon didn't burst and put my eye out. It was meant to just gently deflate leaving the remnants of one type of relationship. He still hasn't called me back....

As Always I'm on the cutting edge

Chris is one of over 40 million Americans who visited an online dating service last year, according to a report by comScore Networks. Online dating generated $214 million in revenue in 2003, and JupiterResearch has reported that the industry revenue will top $516 million this year, making it the most important subscription-based business on the Internet.

African Americans make up an ever-growing chunk of the online dating market. Even though the 2004 empirical analysis of online dating, 'What makes You Click: An Empirical Analysis of Online Dating' by economists from the University of Chicago and MIT, observed that "minorities are largely underrepresented' on many major dating sites, the researchers noted the rise in black-only dating Web sites. Whether you're looking for a "Black Singles Connection" or an "Online Booty Call," there's a Web site out there for you. There are currently over 25 active major Web sites dedicated solely to African-American dating, but there are also major online dating services like, which features the profiles of over 1.5 million Black singles. Other Web sites are not strictly dedicated to online dating, but many of their millions of members, like Chris and Cyrica, use them to make love connections.


Found this interesting (if skewed since BV, AOL and are all in cohoots) article about Black On-line Dating. Quite interesting indeed. Nothing I didnt already know, but people let's face it - it's here to stay. It has forever changed the landscape of dating, relating and choosing mates. It also has added an entity of mistrust, deception, greed and ambivalence that we now have to deal with. Welcome to the New Era in Dating. I'm going to one day list all the dating sites for us - to make your search easier, lol

Doing for Self - Family Promotion

Take a moment and check out my brothas web page. It's under construction but you get the basics. He's making hand crafted furniture and his business is taking off!

Party Central

14 invites sent out 11 confirmations and 3 just haven't read their email as of yet. That's what I'm talking about. I'm getting excited, lol "Janet" and I thought up a great drinking game! I don't want this to turn into a traditional 'party' this is a Happy Hour event, unstructured, no pressure, freedom to just chill and enjoy the vibe.

Smile for the camera

As much as I enjoy taking pictures of myself, I haven't taken any of my self-glamour shots since June. I was reminded of this by a friend, who commented that I take great pictures. I've had my leg up on the blog for a minute - maybe I'll take a picture of another body part, lol Wouldn't THAT be special? (sassy grin).

Posted by Pamalicious :: 9:18 AM :: 0 comments

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Monday, July 25, 2005

Sunshine Monologue 22

Monday Musings

Well the boss is on vacation this week – so outside of wanna be bosses deciding they are not THE boss and thus making this the beginning of a lonnng week for me – things are going fine, lol

It’s hotter than three levels of HELL in Georgia right about now! I wore some black sandals and swore my feet caught fire over the weekend.

Don’t have a set topic for today – but lots of loose wires that have been popping off in my head. So let me download and get back to surfing the net, lol

Coming to America……to talk to ME!

Ok, I’ve made a statement about Chey Whitey and his interest in me – well now is the time for me to make one about someone a bit closer to home…..My African Brothas. They have been for the most part stalking me!! Everyday I get up to three IM’s from someone from either Ghana or Senegal or the like.

I’m sure maybe some of them are handsome, most are very well educated etc. etc. but there’s one little issue – I have a definite preference for my African American Male counterpart. That Brotha who is a descendent of a slave just like me. That Brotha understands my plight here and I understand his – we RELATE – we VIBE – we BELONG.

Sometimes cultural differences are harder than racial ones. I know one time I was speaking to this Ethiopian Brotha and I asked him what was wrong with his woman – and he said “Oh I’m going to marry one of my women, but it’s common knowledge that the African American Woman is looser and more with it.” So now I’m talking to Akeem from “Coming to America” He’s trying to sow his wild oats with my Sistas and then marry, respect and raise children with his own woman.

That’s not to say that all Africans think that way – I know some other cultures who ‘thanks to OUR OWN MAN’ feel like we are a free for all.

Well I ain’t the one! I’d rather go thru the trials and tribulations with ‘Leroy’ here, because at least I know most of what ‘Leroy’ got on his mind.


YIPEE!! The Hyundai is back in the business of pumping music! Radio installed! Volume on 24, lol lol Man I missed my tunes in the car. I’d almost rather go without air conditioning and heat than my radio. LL – I know JUST what you were saying. I burned me about four CD’s of stuff I’ve been wanting to listen to in the soundproofing of my car but first I had to do one thing –

Whoop That Trick

There is nothing funnier than the looks on people’s faces when the visual does not match the actual. I can remember how surprised I was to find out the bumping system – spraying rap music belonged to an Asian.

Well this morning it was my turn. I had ‘Whoop that Trick” turned up in my car and it was funny to watch the Brothas with the ‘is she listening to that’ on their faces on my way to work, lol Here I am very low key today – long dress, just lip-gloss, MY GLASSES (yea I wear glasses) and a home made hair do – rocking it for all it’s worth, lol That was fun this morning.


Public Announcement to the drivers of Atlanta and surrounding areas

If you don’t get the hell off my ass out here on the road, I’m going to S-N-A-P! DAYUM!!! Where the hell is everyone trying to go in such a hurry? It’s getting so annoying. I’m going 75 on a 55 mph road and still folks damn near sitting in the car with me.

I’ve begun to let my road rage get out of hand as well as get a bit ‘nervous’ on the Highways around these parts. Truck Drivers are all on Crack or something and are taking innocents with them and just all this ‘go speed racer’ is starting to work my nerves.

I’ll be definitely checking my alcohol content as I’m out here on the roads.

Are you single if you are ‘dating’?
The reason I enjoy conversation is that in it – there’s always something you can ponder, lol I get asked via the IM a lot “Are you single?” and I say yes – doing some dating here and there and yesterday someone said “I consider single not dating?” I said, “I consider single – not involved in a one on one continuous relationship” They didn’t get it. If I am going out then I’m not single. (heavy sigh) Semantics are a motha, lol. Single people DATE as in go out with more than one individual – even sometimes with just one individual – until you either find yourself in a relationship or stop going out, lol People in relationships DATE one another up until they get married and then you still go out on DATES.

This just affirms to me that we are so confused about the very notion of relating that we all have different definitions and meanings for everything that involves it. What constitute a relationship to me – might not to someone else and as proven by that conversation Single people are suppose to not ever go out, lol


Eat Drink and Be Merry

I’m going to have me a little ‘get together’ which is different than a PARTY this Saturday. I’ll be getting releases signed so that I can post pictures, lol Should be nice – I want to get one in before Mini-Me comes back. It’s a short notice, but I’m sure the group I invite will see about making it out.

I felt like doing some cooking as well – so I’ll be making several different – plate fillers and will provide all the mixers but it’s BYOB.

Be on the lookout for the Aftermath 

Posted by Pamalicious :: 9:48 AM :: 0 comments

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Sunday, July 24, 2005

Sunshine Monologue 21

PaMmIe goes to the movies

"It's Hard out here for a pimpppppp" - whew lawd! Of course I had to go see Hustle and Flow. All this hype for months has had me on the edge of my seat. Now anyone who knows me and even reads this blog (which is only a slice of Pammie) knows that basically I'M KINDA CORNY. I embrace that, it's who I am, it's part of my charm and it keeps me out of trouble, lol However, there's this gritty side to me - that will probably never be explored that is just polar opposite of who I am. It's the bass, it's the sweat, it's the rhythm of parts of life I will never live. When I go see certain things, I don't go with my intellectual hat on - I go and take it for what it is and if intellectual thoughts come from it - cool, but I don't go with them, that way I won't be 'fake' while I'm watching the movie.

That was what happen with this. I left MY LIFE and what I perceive to be a PROPER African American life in the car and I went in 'naked' and wanted to see if I could come out 'clothed'.

I enjoyed the movie - The grittiness of the film, the lighting etc. were all lending itself to the bleekness of the storyline. I don't profess to know Hip Hop but what I do know and identify with (being the former wife of an up and coming record producer) is that sometimes that's the way it goes. That's how dreams and beats start and like ole boy's (Anthony Anderson) wife - you either sit at home and fret or you show up with sandwiches - in my life - I showed up with sandwiches so I could SEE my husband, lol

Oscar whispers abound about Terrence's performance - personally it was good, it was gritty, but I feel like if he gets an Oscar nod - it will be because like Denzel - in order to get one you need to be playing the bottom of the blackman rung. So I hope he gets a nod, but I'll be glad when we do get nods for something else.

Now another thing about me is that I'll latch on to a song so out of my character that it's bizarre. I mean I have always had a 'thump' in my heart for Florida Bass Music. I must be from the tribe where that beat was prominent, lol. So of course I have latched on to the soundtrack for this movie. "whoop That Trick" is the soundtrack of my summer, lol lol and I'm not ashamed to say that. So WHAT I'm a woman and that movie took the human female form and reduced it to it's lowest common denominator - um ever seen polite pimps? Nope - so what's the fuss. I think it's hypocritical for us to constantly as women complain out the images that are being portrayed at the present time. Back in the day, maybe because the majority was not being represented - well guess what - too many of us are those women - so if it's not you - good move on - but whining about the portrayal is not going to help until we make the REALITY be so different that it sticks out as being fake. I'd rather see these broads than constantly be sugar coated with the same devious chick in our 'buppie' movies. Them chicks is raw too - just hidden behind nice clothes, soft colors and the like. Stop trippin! Film and Flim making is about bringing a story to the masses - if it's not your story FINE - if it is FINE, I enjoy getting out of my element and living thru someone else's mindscape.

So all in all I give the movie an A- and if you see me tooling around with "Whoop that trick" blasting - just do the dance baby, just do the dance, lol lol

It's My Anniversary

July 24 marks the date I would have been celebrating my anniversary. I would have been married 16 years and known him 20! (I've been widowed 11years). I can remember our wedding day - we had been living in NY and one day just decided to go ahead and tie the knot. At the time, the sheer magnitude of a ceremony along with us not having the money for it (families were not the 'wedding' types)- we decided to elope. To make it special, we chose to go to Brooklyn City Hall, it wasn't in our borough,lol.

I bought a very nice white dress and had a girlfriend from work come with me to be the witness. We took off 1/2 a day from work and took the train up to City Hall. I recall - we were behind an Hispanic woman and she had two toddlers and was visibly pregnant with the third and her mother was telling her in broken English 'no mas' she was going to marry her children's father. I got nervous, this was not how I had envisioned getting married, but no turning back now. It was a simple ceremony, we took five pictures (which I can't find - that's why you are looking at a picture of us a couple of years later on a cruise, lol).

All of a sudden, I felt bad that not one family member was in attendance - so I began to cry and I called my mom and told her we had gotten married which was met with - when you moved in you were married to me. He calmed me down and we went on back to work!! No celebration, no cake, no gifts, no nothing.

Later on we took the Greyhound down to Florida (you should have seen that ticket book! we had I think 36 stops from New York, lol) and stayed about a week at his moms house.

I wonder what life would have been like today. I never intended to be a widow or single or to be raising a child alone. I wasn't even raised to just be a woman out here in the world - geared towards being a mate. But here I am and I have no regrets or ill feelings about it - such is life. I'm living a good life, but I wonder what my life had of been like if I had awaken this morning to "Honey Happy Anniversary"

Childless in Atlanta

Well the countdown begins. I have 11 days of this long distance mothering, before I'm back hands on. We've been talking and she's looking forward to the 'welcome back' party her camp is going to give her, the six flags and over nite sleep over she's going on - so her life will pick up right where it left off, as the social butterfly. I can't even be mad at her, lol I am looking forward to seeing my baby.

Dateless in Atlanta

Hmmmm, on the romantic front this time w/o child has been a BUST. On the dating front, I have had a good time. I can't even lie. To say you want to 'date' and then not know the meaning of or how to, is crazy. I wanted to get out and enjoy the company of some nice brothas FIRST, I was hoping to develop a relationship SECOND. That will always be running like a ticker tape in the background of my existence, but any extra energy in that area would be unjustified, lol I'm single, available and a good woman - the rest will have to be figured out by the right brotha :)

"Mo Betta" and I are still conversing. My thoughts haven't changed, it's not something on the front burner either - because that meal has been cooked and left to get cold so many times, it's not even funny.

"Brooklyn" and I are hanging tough. It's so refreshing to meet someone and it not be complicated with all the rest. We both said, sometimes you just want to meet someone who is articulate, has personality, isn't a mudduck and that is good company. Do I think he's attractive? Hell Yea! But I'm not even on that with him. I enjoy his company, I really am drinking in his NY vibe and that's that. I wanna get a ride on his bike too, lol It's been YEARS since I rode shotgun. He gotta catch me on a almost hair appt. time, lol so I can put that helmet on, lol

Posted by Pamalicious :: 12:10 PM :: 0 comments

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Thursday, July 21, 2005

Sunset Monologue 56

A Day In The Life Of - A Visual Journey

Yawnnn- thank God for another day, ahhhh refreshing, the silence of the car, traffic traffic traffic, the J-O-B, looking busy, lunch with the girls, freedom...finally, dinner for one, social life, and to all a good nite.

Posted by Pamalicious :: 10:40 PM :: 3 comments

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Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Sunset Monologue 55

Hump Day Hysteria

Whew have I been blogging. I think that me taking work/study from "HighSchool" has left a spot to be filled. But then again, maybe I'm just full of words that need to spill out. When your mind is going and going all the time, if it's not released - you tend to get antsy. I mean 'release' does a body good (wink).

So anyway, here are some Wednesday ramblings.

I'm going to Vegas to kick This Broads Ass!

I was so speechless! Check out Celine Dion's tribute to Michael.

Celine don lost her mind

Why did I coach 'Becky' to a man?!

Ok, a 'keebler' at my job (oh for the challenged Keeber=Cracker) and I were briefly chatting in a group & dating came up and I suggested she put an ad up. Why did I just hear that this chick met a man - who was looking for a wife - out of town - flew her up so they could go on a date and she's been going to see him EVERY WEEKEND!! It's looking serious!! I almost fell out my chair when I was told this. I've met all the men on all the sites and I can't even find one that's looking for a second date and this broad puts one ad up and finds a man, lol lol Lord have mercy! LOL LOL Okay, hateration over.

Okay I DON'T do the swirl!

Ok, lately I have been getting approached on line by Chey Whitey. Um no offense but I LOVE the black man and I only want to date him. Okay, let me repeat that - I LOVE THE BLACK MAN AND I ONLY WANT TO DATE HIM. I don't even socialize with white men because I don't want anything to be misconstrued. I have been blocking left and right because I also don't want to argue that preference. I just say "thanks but I don't date or socialize with white men good luck" CLICK IGNORE!

I need a Super Power

After seeing all these different comic book heroes strut their stuff, it dawned on me. I'm worth of being a super hero! I have so many sides to me and I think, especially since I love wearing boots that I would make one hell of a super hero, lol If anyone has any idea - who I should be & what should my power be - let me know!

Found a Cool Meme

Took this from Urban Sistas Adventure - please visit her page.

Five Snacks I enjoy
Sugar Babies
Tortilla Chips
Wavy Lays
Cheese Squares

Five Bands/singers I know most of their lyrics
The Jacksons
Michael Jackson
Janet Jackson
Teena Marie

Five Things I would do with $100,000,000
Pay of mine and all my friends debt
Give "Janet" enough money so she and I could be Oprah and Gail
Buy me a Carribbean Island and move there
Sponser an Urban area

Five Locations I'd like to run away to
Turks and Caicos - don't you love saying that
New York

Five Bad Habits I Have
Sucking my tongue
Doodling - I do it on anything, lol
Talking to myself
Being Catty
Being a GOAT

Five things I like Doing
Watching TV
Surfing the Net
Listening to Music
Reading Magazines
Laying Around

Five TV shows I like
Law and Order SVU
Being Bobby Brown
The Cut

Five Movies I like
The Five Heart Beats
The Best Man
Dumb and Dumber

Five Biggest Joys
My Child
The Sunshine
My Friends

Five Famous People I'd Like to Meet
Oprah - to bask in her aura
Michael Jackson - to get that out the way before I die
( I really can't think of anyone else, lol)

Five Favorite Toys
Digital Camera
emachines T5026
Nokia Phone
Comcast Cable DVR
GE 2.4 GHz house phone

Five People I'm Tagging
(cant' think of anyone else)

Posted by Pamalicious :: 9:10 PM :: 3 comments

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Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Sunset Monologue 54

They Love Me - They Really Love Me

I decided to look at my own blog today and much to my TOTAL surprise my counter has turned thru the 2,500 mark (I have it set so that I don't register from my home or work computer). I can't believe it!! I want to take a moment to say THANKS to everyone who stops by for whatever reason.

I know I have my favorites bookmarked and ready at my fingertips, but it's nice to know that blogland has embraced a sista!! Keep on reading! You never know what I might come up with :)

Tossing the Pack

A new decision in my life - when the pack I am currently on is finished in a couple of weeks, I will cease taking birth control pills. NO I haven't decided to birth anything, nor have I had some kinda Moral adjustment - - I just really thought about the fact that (1) I have been taking them for like 11 years non-stop (2) they are costing me $35 a pop and more importantly (3) I ain't even getting sex on the frequency to need a birth control pill.

I've never had a scare in all these years and I really don't know why I'm taking them. I have forgone other medicine to stick to my faithful pill. Well I'm thru with that - I can use that money elsewhere. The infrequency I'm having sex and the totally non-spontaneity of it as well as the STRAP IT UP mantra, allows me to use some good ole fashioned over the counter contraceptive. So I'm going to stock up on what was my favorite the Sponge and then start the game of who's 'sponge worthy'. I know the rate is like 90% effective on that bad boy - but a condom is 100% effective on not letting 'mr. I gotta get to you egg' hit it's mark and so the sponge with it's convience, one time insertion and barely there feeling for your partner is gonna be my new method of choice.

Besides, if Lightening strike and I get into something that would even evolve to removing the condom - I can always get back on them. But for now....


And this Brotha Right Here

I met him on a yahoogroup site at least 4-5 years ago. I can't even remember. I distinctly remember this because it was my very first time meeting a group from on-line. I sashayed my ass into the Dugans on Memorial Drive and it went down hill from there - eventually leading to me getting kicked out the group (which is another story, lol) However - he coined me 'heel/toe' because whenever I take pictures or think I'm cute I walk and stand heel to toe,lol and we've been friends ever since. He's cool peeps and I just wanted to give him a shout out because, he's always been a loyal supporter and waiting patiently until every other man on the entire planet and all life forms in the universe die and then he can get his shot with me, lol lol

When I started to blog - he was like here you go again, but now (click on the link) he has his own spot and let me tell you he's shall we say 'different' I always laugh when I go over there and I wanted you to check him out as well.


Odds and Ends

This is QUITE interesting. Check it out. it's a site where they show celebrities pictures before and after retouched - celebrities and all. Alot of people look fine UNretouched but it's always interesting how the asses get bigger and the extra skin disappears and the cleavage gets even deeper, lol

pass your cursor over the pictures to see the differences.

Thanks Crunk!

Baby Daddy Hall of Fame

He is missed!!!!

Posted by Pamalicious :: 8:05 PM :: 1 comments

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Sunday, July 17, 2005

Sunshine Monologue 20

Let's Get This Party Started Right!

Whew what a Saturday! Sometime last week "Janet" and I said we needed to just go do something. We contacted two other Sistas we know and had made plans to go to Tennessee and just do the touristy thing. It was then that someone sent me an invite to the Crabbash. I had never even heard of this and it was the 8th Annual! So we talked about it and decided to go be with the people.

Now you all know how I feel about being with the people. I am very much in love with my people and whatnot and enjoy hanging with them. I love outdoor events, where we are together, laughing and just chillin. This was going to be great because the FOOD WAS INCLUDED in the price to get in - $10. I even read about it on one of the blogs I frequent Freakygoodman. I was like yea, he cutting edge, so I have to see what this about. I also was quite intrigued by the very prominent ADULTS ONLY!! So the only thing we had to come up with was booze, snacks and other picnic supplies.

It was on my side of town, so of course that made me even more excited. I travel alot out of my space to add my energy to others space. I quite enjoy it when I get the feeling back.

Totally hyped about our outing - we set off. As customary with black folks the 3:00 get there early notification was totally ignored and we slowly started dragging in. We found us a great spot on the lawn and rolled out our blanket and immediately settled in. I am always at home in these settings and I sit back and take a look all around me. Soaking it all in. There was not the 1500 people the website boasted, but there were enough people. We immediately introduced ourselves to 'K' and his partna (who's name is escaping me). Nice looking brothas - who had brought a cooler of beer and something we forgot - water. Now we came more than prepared with libation fit for queens, lol I started drinking almost immediately. Someone found the food and we all took turns going to get our plate. Sitting in the hot sun, eating,drinking, laughing and people watching.

Looking around, I came to a thought about something. As black people in our 30's, we have become overly conscious of the moniker 'ghetto' and sometimes try soo hard NOT to be ghetto that we don't have any fun. Too many sistas just sitting around looking at each other as if on display. Brothas having a wayyy better time.

Our blanket became a hot spot, because as our voices carried in the wind and the fact - we were (drumroll please) Approachable!!

We weren't even trying to mack - it was just about being comfortable and being us. We met some cool Brothas: We have 'B' who is suppose to be having some kinda party for one of his boys who comes in from somewhere and apparently deserves a party, lol If anyone knows where it's gonna be, because we were invited - let me know,lol

Then there was 'L'. 'L' was 6'6 - feeling nice and quite comical.
'L' stopped by many a time and we took pictures and just had a ball with 'L'. I sure hope he got home okay - he said he played for the Clippers - I have to go check out their roster, lol Glad there was no game today - cause Bro was out of it, lol

Also met Be Ellis the poet! That was hella cool, because I met him via internet thru my Philly Muse Mo. It is always interesting to pull someone out of emaildom and into the real world. Nice Chocolate Brotha with the gift of the written word, now I have to go see him :)

Now I had been getting my drink on. I wasn't driving, it was my side of town and a straight shot to get home - so I was enjoying myself. As I walked around and what not, I felt sooooo comfortable in my skin. I was sooo with me being 39, grown, sexy, sane, and just doing my thing. The freedom I have acquired in my mind - has been great and to me it shows. I was grooving and the cranberry and absolute was playing my tune.

Fast forward to 12:30am - I am in the bed - things are crawling on me - Jack Nicholson the actor portraying the Joker was in my bedroom telling me stuff. I couldn't sleep, I thought my eyes were open but they were closed, I remember vaguely coming in the house, I know I was ripped at the park and so my girls and I,noticing the lightening, began packing it up. Some friends from High School, actually came and joined our neck of the woods and they have more booze that I was drinking.

I know "Janet" got me in the house and we split up our belongings and I was pretending to be sane. I found my clothes right in the living room by the front door.

I remember speaking with 'brooklyn' and I called 'Italy' (what's up with HIM? He usually returns calls in 24 hours). I remember thinking about the fact that I wished despite my good time that I was with a man. I could have made us the romantic picnic basket and we could have chilled and then came home and made passionate love all nite - I would have only gotten enough buzz to put it on him and not be in the state I was in at that particular time which was just drunk.

Hangovers don't follow when I've had to much to drink, but a queasy stomach does. So today I have been eating bread (to soak up the brine) and chillin. Got some more sleep and been just kinda wandering around the house. Phone calls to a minimum, nothing else going on.

I had a great weekend (it was hot as three levels of hell, I have the cutest tan now,lol)!!

Dateless in Atlanta

Hmmmm, I am suddenly not so focused on the whole dateless thing - because I have been dating. Dating is about meeting people and experiencing situations to try to get to know them better. I've had some nice dates with some non-keepers. I am no longer being the one calling and expressing interest. IF a man is interested, he needs to make it known. Go ask an elder if in your pursuit of coochie - you've forgotten how to show true interest. 'Video Vibrations' like most satellite dishes - went out in the rain and never came back on.

Went out with 'Brooklyn' on Friday. Went to see Fantastic Four. Loved it! I love those kinda movies. It got bad reviews, but I liked it. He fixed the fuse in my car so now I have light. We ate at the IHOP where Reverend Leon Lonnie Love and his flock were also dining. We didn't want to get trapped in that service, so we finished and left. He lives out near "Janet" and since I'm out there always that's cool. A bit younger than me, but insanity I have learned is an equal opportunity employer, lol I first and foremost want SANITY, next PASSION. We enjoyed each others company - he's at some places in his life I've been and going in some places I probably don't want to go. But I put no expectations on anything anymore so we had a good time, I enjoyed his company and he's quite handomse, I believe he enjoyed my company...what else is there to say? You know second dates are fleeting in my life - so I make sure I enjoy the first one, lol

Reach out and touch somebody's hand

'Mobetta' and I are talking again. Yes I instigated this one, but it's of no consequences, because we are even in that respect. One thing I can say - the co-dependency we have for one another is equal, lol

He has been reaching out of his self-imposed cocoon to me and I am surprised that I even have anything to give. I think because the things that are troubling him are the very things that throw salt in my fantasy as to why we aren't together. All the things he says he wants to get to - are the things I need for him to be and the things he hurts me with the most because he can't.....or won't. I don't try to explain me and mobetta anymore because on the surface to an outsider looking in, I'm a fool - I've been told this in so many words. However, you have to walk the walk I'm walking to understand why his reststop is one I frequent and frankly vice versa.

I sometimes still think - I need to be with him - but I can't be where I'm not wanted and I choose to get in where I fit in, even if it's the tiniest hole available - I will at least get to stick my pinky in. Then I think about the fact that maybe we would feed off of each other, pick the bones clean and leave, lol lol He takes alot of work and I take my fair share - so what does that say.

My momma once told me that most women end up dealing with the same 1-3 brothas in a cycle that they have always dealt with.

I keep dealing with 'mobetta' and he keeps dealing with me for a reason. I wish I knew, I wish I really wanted to take the time to figure it out. I tried once, and every road led to some fantasy happiness - so I don't anymore. I just stop at the rest stop knowing that soon they are going to run out of essential and close - and then I'll just wait for the reststop to open again - I do find it interesting that just when I'm on "E" I see the rest stop off in the distance - - I wish I could just park and rest there.....forever.

You Go, I Go, LOGO

The premiere of the first all gay network LOGO (comcast channel 288) has peaked my interest. I have watched quite a bit of it. Nosy, Curious, whatever you want to call it. I look at it with the same viewing capacity I looked at BET and TV-One when they emerged as all black networks. I was/am particularly interested in the advertising dollars being spent and the way it would present itself. As we know BET decided to take all our worst, but a bow on it and roll it out and I wanted to see, if LOGO wss going to do the same. Would we have flaming, gum popping, lavender wearing shows that made the entire group look well well gay, lol lol Or could I as a straight person, come in and have my mind opened to something new?

So far and I have to agree with Entertainment Weekly - who have been keeping me up to date. I am enjoying some of the new programming, especially the documentaries. I know it all looks like a good time to the outsider looking in, but the struggle and battle has been a doosey. I do take offense to the notion that it has been equivalent with the black struggle in America - but I applaud the ability to mobilize in this day and age - seeing as alot of Black America are on pause.

What I do know is that 'the life' is no different than other subcultures. The same issues that keep me shaking my head over here in the hetro world, keep them shaking their heads.

Tonite, they are rolling out the first basically look at black gays with a movie called "The Ski Trip". I don't know why I'm nervous about it. I shouldn't be, doesn't have anything to do with me right? Wrong, the word Black is associated with it and though I have definite ideas from various angles (religiously and otherwise) about the happenstance of homosexuality - I don't want any part of 'us' misrepresented or made mockery of just for the benefit of being made mockery of. I have thru the world of blog - read some GREAT GREAT things by people, who are out here just trying to live and if they are going to have a channel that is going to represent an entire subculture, I don't want the 'black' to be misconstrued.

So it comes on at 10pm est. - if you are open to just exploring something different (and this will probably fall on deaf ears among my hetro men set, lol) check it out.

I'm waiting on some fabulous show by RuPaul - Can a sista get a concert or something?!

Showing some Love

Holiday-N - GOD BLESS YAH!!! Thanks! Thanks! and Thanks! A sista needed that!

Posted by Pamalicious :: 8:03 PM :: 4 comments

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Friday, July 15, 2005

Sunshine Monologue 19

Free Flowing Friday

Hmmmm, I have been blogging on the regular lately. I am feeling constricted and when that happens, I have to let it out. I am considering spiraling off another page, more about opinions than commentary. That way I can exercise my freedom to talk about whatever the subject matter may be in the privacy of my own 'home'. I am a diverse soul and I don't even talk about Entertainment etc. on here like I would like to - I think that I will make me a page to run sidebar to this one - EXPANSION is coming - - so be on the lookout!!! A whole page of Pam's Daily Interests, hmmm my wheels are turning! Don't you love it!! but in the meantime, some things that are interesting to me today:


Bravo will be showing Terry McMillian's "How Stella Got Her Groove Back" here in my area from 8-10pm - I KNOW they are trying to be funny, but I might tune it to relieve her and Winston's - I mean Jonathan's beginning, lol lol

I thought it was ONLY ME

I am mad at ABC!! How in the world could they have not called me for their new five week series Hooking Up?! Good Lawd! They could have just come over here and got enough programming for the rest of the year.

Hooking up is a show about 11 women's adventures in NYC with on-line dating. I feel so VINDICATED. My stories, though deep are not outside the realm of reality in this world, lol I just sat there laughing and testifying. The guy who said he looked like Fabio, but come to find out that his pictures were 15 years old, the dates that produce spark but no fire and they have some balance because there's a chick who gives out false names and is not honest about her profession and she got her face cracked when her date was like "Nah you broke the golden rule - dating deception".

For the next five weeks I will be in front of the TV and I think I am going to write ABC - maybe they will do one here in Atlanta. I'd love to have my dates arranged and for someone to pay for all the sites, lol

Did they say over 20 million people are on-line dating? hmmmmmmm.......

Behind the Tree with Whitney

Lord have mercy! Being Bobby Brown (which I have not spoken about at all on here) What can I say that hasn't already been said. I am sooo glad that a more balanced picture of Whitney is being portrayed. I have known for years through an Aunt that knew the camp EARLY EARLY on, that the PR Machines had been working overtime on her. She's a hot mess, but she's like an accident - you don't want to look, but you are rubbernecking like hell anyway - can't even damn blink or you might miss something. Last nite I was like: (1) why did she fuck up Bobby's trip? (2) did she say she wanted to go behind a tree and have him work her over (3) was she trying to get some in the raft? This my friends, is Teleivision at it's best which says ALOT about television these days, lol lol

Well I have taken a mental health day off from work - I am anticipaing a good weekend, so I'll be back with that soon - with pictures!

Posted by Pamalicious :: 8:07 AM :: 1 comments

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Thursday, July 14, 2005

Sunshine Monologue 18

We're Just Ordinary People

Didn't I graduate High School 21 years ago?

I attend one of the local Highschools in internetdom (i.e. online discussion groups) - it's all black in a bad neighborhood with insufficient books or qualified teachers, but it's one of the few available these days - since 'public' school is even worse - this is a private institution. I am being bussed in with a few other 'students' from the suburbs.

Just like most Highschools there are all kinds of 'students' 'cliques' 'groups' and Highschool debauchery going on all the time. The halls are full of activity; we got your flashy dressers, the ones who skip class and hang out in the bathroom only showing their faces if there is a fight, Srs. picking on Freshman, those who have been kept back a couple of years, Those born with a silver spoon in their mouths and those chomping on plastic, The cool guys leaning up against the wall and the cool girls flitting around trying to get their attention.

We all sit in classes ranging from Sex to Entertainment and attempt to get along in peace. There's always however,sometimes 'special ed classes' are full and then they matriculate with the rest of us and cause trouble.

I've always been one to sit in class and contribute, I enjoy the banter of quite a few students in the classes offered. I enjoy getting up, getting dressed and attending. I don't have alot of friends, but I don't like alot of people surrounding me - blocks my view of the light.. Apparently lately however, I've been attracting unwanted attention. I started hearing whispers as I was walking down the hall, little snippets here and there and finally a 'bully' cornered me and called me out. YOU TALK TO FUCKING MUCH - SHUT UP! I swung around in my seat and noticed who it was immediately by the larger than normal frontal lobe he possesses - he had no one to sit with at lunch and would come over periodically and mess with other people who were minding their business. I let loose a barrage of choice words to him, because I'm not scared of HIM. It's funny how bullies and bullying is about shortcomings in self. It's a power trip and when it gets to the internet it's REALLY a powertrip - and a sad one at that. He came back with a weak response and then tried to deflect and call me 'insecure'. Everyday I attend classes - I interact - sometimes make bad grades and sometimes I excel - to be 'insecure' about High School in 2005 is a bit much, don't you think - especially when I am taking INTERNET COURSES!!!! So after I said fuck you and the reinforced horse your big ass rode in on - I got to thinking.

There hasn't been any real classes in awhile, which is probably why I started goofing off in the first place. STUDENT interaction is important and lately all we've been studying is things written by others and we just check A,B,C or D. but then again it is SUMMER SCHOOL. Conversation about why there isn't has been made - people have speculated - but maybe it's because the private school doesn't have any interaction with the rest of the world and so differences of opinions don't promote growth but instead implode the class as a whole.

I had been reading brochures about 'classes without walls' another school across the way that is semi-private and has a diverse group of people. Now I'm sure it's still just High School, but I've been sitting in on a couple of classes - in the back - just chillin and listening to the conversation Hands are going up, complete sentences are being made and people are cool with SHARING.

One of the principal reasons I got on the net was that the opportunity to SHARE myself with other black people was right at my fingertips. I grew up a bit sheltered and adding the net to my journey has definately opened my range of motion. It's a shame when other black people carry our crabs in a barrell mentality everywhere we go. Now there's nothing wrong with us flaunting our sexuality all over the damn place (and I have shown bits and pieces of mine in my day), but let you start trying to become HUMAN in a WORLD OF FANTASY - and best believe someone else's reality will creep up on them - you are breaking out the matrix and they don't like that - the internet is where you can be whomever you want to be - as long as it's not the REAL YOU!

Funny that my blog address is written in all the bathrooms at school - so I'm sure that when they go on lunch break someone will stop thru, lol

Childless in Atlanta

Point Blank - 21 days until Mini-Me is home! I have already come to the crux of what I was to learn during this time and I am more comfortable with it than I've ever been in my life - I am a MOTHER, not the best one, but one nonetheless. I was thinking my life was not all it's cracked up to be but you know what flitting around this city and supposedly having the 'freedom' to be single, black, female and free is about as NON-PAM as I can get. I enjoy moreso the surprise element of being able to go out. I enjoy fretting about the baby sitter etc. Shit I enjoy as mini-me calls it PHONE DATING cause guess what - nothing has changed since she's been gone. My social life has not picked up, Prince Charming has not rode in on his horse, the mailbox both email and literal has not been filled with invites. I'm still just beating to my own drummer, lol Just dont' have anyone cheering me on from the sidelines.

I have also discovered things I need to change immediately because she's no longer my little baby anymore - she's blossoming and I don't want to lose her or what I perceive we have - because I'm so wrapped up in self.

I look forward to seeing Mini-Me because with her return I'm sure my social life will suddenly be off the chain, because that's the way it goes, lol lol

Dateless in Atlanta



I remain QUEEN OF THE FIRST DATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Until next time peeps,lol.......

Posted by Pamalicious :: 9:32 AM :: 0 comments

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Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Sunshine Monologue 17


To combat the rain - I am going to blog. I just need to talk myself into happiness, lol. Drearyness abound in Georgia. Traffic is a hot mess. Job working my nerves...Alcohol is in my VERY near future so let me just ramble off some things to kinda make me happy.

50 Of My Favorite Things

  • Beverly Jenkins Books

  • Red Creme Soda

  • Michael Jackson's Music

  • Oxtails

  • Indian Food

  • Muscadines

  • Sunday Mornings

  • Florida Bass Music

  • Bell Bottoms Night Club

  • Little Black Babies

  • Cranberry and Absolut

  • Ford Explorers

  • Corn Pops

  • Soft kisses while I'm sleep

  • Dark Chocolate Men

  • New York Men

  • Cropped Pants

  • Boots

  • All day emailing with a friend

  • Maple Walnut Icecream

  • Mango Waterice

  • Pink Nailpolish

  • Grocery Shopping

  • Crisp cold sheets

  • Ikea Furniture

  • Cell Phone Ring Tones

  • Internetting

  • On-Line Dating

  • All my Gay Men Blogs

  • Law and Order

  • Reality TV

  • Cheaters the show

  • VH-1 Soul Channel

  • Marie Claire Magazine

  • Eats Restaurant on Ponce

  • Beyond Paradise Perfume

  • Strawberry Smoothies

  • BBQ'ing

  • Passion

  • My daughters Bratz Dolls

  • Talking on the Phone

  • Queen Latifah

  • The Color Black

  • Shoes

  • Drinking cups and glasses

  • Thrifting

  • Television

  • Cooking

  • Eating

Wish I May - Wish I Might

I wish:

  • That the next time I open my door - Publishers Clearing House is standing there

  • That the 23 year old I kicked it with (didn't tell ya'll THAT story -wink) was 33 & and then could be legally, morally and socialy legal, lol

  • That I could feel some passion cause it's sorely missing in my life

  • That I know who/what/where I was suppose to be at this time in my life

  • That Michael Jackson and his brothas go on tour

  • That before the year is out I'll be well on my way to falling in love

  • That I catch a break about ANYTHING in my life

  • That I never totally lose myself trying to 'fit in'

  • That I wake up 18 pounds lighter

  • That I could 'dance with my father' again

Why I loves to love yah baby!

Men, a favorite topic of mines, lol I can't get enough of them. I like looking at brothas, talking to brothas, lusting after brothas, lol I am ohhh sooo into Blackmen. They make the sun shine in my life. Here are some things I love about them:

  • That muscle (in the fit brotha) that jumps as they walk away from the bed in the morning naked

  • The way their presence totally eclipses mine most of the time

  • The way they smell fresh out the shower as they are slapping and missing lotioning up

  • The way they look as they play sports

  • The way they can look at you and entrance you with their eyes - game at it's most purest

  • The way a deep chocolate man looks against my skin as he's spooned beside me

  • The way they all interact with one another

  • That look they give you when they see you naked for the first time

  • How I FEEL when I'm with the RIGHT one!

Ok, I'm feeling ALOT better!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by Pamalicious :: 10:11 AM :: 0 comments

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Monday, July 11, 2005

Sunset Monologue 53

A Late Dinner and a Blog

Hey peeps! I've decided to make my blog more personable by saying something to the readers, when I get the notion, lol I do appreciate you and all the reading that you do - be sure to tell your IM list etc. about me - the more the merrier.

I am eating a late dinner and decided to couple it with a blog entry because there's really nothing on television. I have about 7 magazines sitting around to read - maybe I'll read one before I fall asleep - well on with the entry!

Stairstep into blog land

The cool thing about blogging is that - on everyone's page that you read - there are there favorites and before you know it, you are up to your neck in blogs, lol I don't necessarily have all that time to just sit and read blogs and you know it cuts heavily into my work time, but I LOVE THEM!!! I have them all saved on Kinja and I need to post something in the comments of each one so that they will come visit me and maybe add me to their lists - it's such a warm circle of people to begin with. I so enjoy reading about people's lives and how they are intrepreting their journey. That's what it's all about. I also enjoy those of us, who just wanna put it out there and I get all tingly at all the celebrity comments, lol lol My kinda people, lol Please look to the left - I have a slew of new blog's for you to read and keep up with and also use up time in your life.

I will, however, always have a soft spot in my heart for Rod 2.0 and beyond, lol The brotha is hip, topical, handsome, real and has exposed me to a world and some thinking that I was not privvy to. Much love for yah Bro!

Spending my internet dollars - - wisely

Why am I about to pay for this site? I'll just leave it at that!

Is that a jeri curled pubic mound!?!
I was looking for something in the closet and came across this brown box. I pulled it down and dusted it off and lo and behold - porno tapes, lol lol I sat it on the dresser and went back to doing what I was doing. Well the other nite, I decided to plop one in. Lord have mercy!! These bad boys are so old, I could do nothing but laugh!! I can hear that corny music now. I remember buying these bad boys,lol Calling the 1-800 number several times until I got a female on the phone and then just ordering quickly, lol Ahh adulthood gotta love it. Everybody in these bad boys have jerri curls and other obvious signs of the 80's, lol lol

I am so out of touch - if anyone is feeling sorry and wants to donate any modern black on black stuff to me - feel free to hit me up, lol

Dateless in Atlanta

Well well - FINALLY a nice date!! "Video Vibrations" and I met online - did a drive by to make sure we wern't misrepresenting and yesterday went on a date. Very nice! I was quite impressed with his manners. It was raining so he always dropped me off at the door of said destination and then parked the car. As well as he can make a hell of a good drink, lol. Even gave me socks when my feet got wet from the rain and me trying to tip around in sandles during a monsoon, lol. Good head on his shoulders as well - always desirable.

We'll just see, what's going on. I no longer put the cart before the horse - no hurry no worry. Besides, you know I'm the QUEEN of the first date, lol It's the second one I'm waiting on, lol

I told the 'little red flag man' to sit down and just chill - he got a bit restless - when it came to discussion and conversation regarding (1) religion and (2) my mother - both things that can throw a HUGE monkey wrench in the picture. We'll see - cause I'm not battling about either one of those - if we are too far apart philsophically - it will rise to the top soon. Which brings me to....

Are You There God...It's Me Pammie

I've been thinking about this lately and my movement away from organized religion. I moved away awhile ago, because I needed to see some things. I have seen them and formed my own opinion about them, but lately I've been feeling like something is missing and I've been evaluated that the older I get, the more being 'evenly yoked' means something - we all got kids and they are being raised in such and such a way and I'm a thinker and if I see us coming to a great fork in the road - then I will doom the relationship from the beginning. Living in the bible belt doesn't help at all.

Sad thing is, I don't even KNOW where they gather to worship or fellowship. I also need to expose my daughter to those that are like her. And I might just need to address that 'feeling' inside - might even meet some potential (ok that is SELFISH). So I am contemplating, first finding and then going to temple maybe once a month. The clean up is going to take a moment - I'm a blonde haired Muslim for Gods sake, lol lol

Baby Daddy of the Week

Um Um Um - haven't had anyone worthy of the title in awhile until this one showed up!! Thank you God every day for men of color!!!!!!!

Posted by Pamalicious :: 8:57 PM :: 1 comments

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Saturday, July 09, 2005

Sunshine Monologue 16

The Power of Love

YAWN! I'm up already this morning, anticipating the day (look for a future entry). Though Sunday mornings are my groove time - Summer Saturdays can be great. We are still on the cusp of being drowned by various storms and what not, but part of my internal moniker is to make sunshine wherever and whatever I am doing - so I'll just keep my feet and head dry and carryon!

Went to the hair dresser and told her to spray my hair like my life depended on it, lol So it could probably soak up Peachtree creek and remain intact. She was doing a little much and it's kinda high - but I'll pat it down. I enjoy the sleek controlled look - funny seeing as I'm always trying to fight the 'control', lol

Well this edition is all about the Power of Love (yes in memorial of Luther)

Affection or a new code word for sex

As common in my life, before I start throwing around words; I like to define them. We have a bad habit of using the language and not know what the hell we are talking about and feverently defending our use of the word - starting off with at least the most current definition, helps explains things to me. So before I begin here is the definition as defined at of AFFECTION: A tender feeling toward another; fondness. See Synonyms at love.

In the dating world, ever so often what I call 'code' words begin to pop up. I saw the shift from straight sexual banter to everyone's being 'God Fearing and Spiritually Grounded' another popular code word is 'open minded'. Well a new one and a new question is popping up in my travels "Are you Affectionate?"

Now, you know my BS detector has been maintenanced and is raring to go and the new man with the flags has completed training, quite rigorous considering he had to deal with emotions; so right away I know that 95% of all roads lead to sex, so immediately the little team in my head begins to get to work. What's this affection thing all about?

I review my somewhat limited but studied history of black women and we have been accused of being cold blooded and having ice running thru our veins as well as giving only when we have received or to acquire something in the long run.

Next, I had to examine my own declarations about affection as defined above. I grew up in a loving family, no doubt - but 'physical' affection was not something that was widely used. Some families are all over each other - we weren't like that, maybe because of our religious teaching or whatever, but we weren't lovey dovey.

I learned about affection in High School when I became attracted to the opposite sex, lol Seeing as I had made the pact to remain virgin - I had to perfect some other skills to hang out with the fellas. So kissing, hugging etc. Became something I took time to learn and experience. However, there was a period in my life, where affection was denied me and I went into a shell. Did like a superhero, a force field shot up around me. I got a bad reputation in my family (nothing new) that I was cold and didn't like to be touched. At that time, it was true - my soul was on ice and if you're not touching that - you're not touching me anyway.

I worked damn hard to force myself out of the deep freezer and there is only one reason for that 'mini me' - the love and affection - I felt for her, was overpowering and I was not going to deny me or her that feeling.

I remember one time, I saw a friend of mines and I gave her a good strong hug and she said "welcome back Pam" - caught up in my own drowning - didn't know I was splashing water and drenching people near and far......

I don't know about anyone else, but I fought HARD to recapture who I thought was me. I left me in about 1985 and I wanted to grab that person, fresh out of Highschool, THAT personality and grow it up and I did that.

So now at 39, affection doesn't exclude me but I'm not one who wants someone hanging all over me all the time. I want to feel the tender feeling towards me and I will return it if I'm feeling that way to. Sometimes I have to consciously remind myself that people want to KNOW you are liking them. I find it funny because there have been times in my post re-capture me life, where I have tried to make MY affection and intention known and been rebuffed. Whenever that happens - I have to immediately check that and get my balance back.

I enjoy holding hands, kissing, those little things that couples do, when they close out the world and become one. Now on a first date - you are getting limited, unless I am reallllly feeling you and I will back you up off me, if you get overzealous, lol However, I am not afraid of affection or afraid to give it, or using it as a weapon or negating the importance of it.

So if a man is serious about showing his interest...then affectionate we are...

Growing Pains - I get them too

Lately I have been learning about 'growing pains' and 'boxing one's self in' As astute as I am with the written word (yea tooting my own horn) I am and have always professed to be just an ordinary sista out here. I live, bleed and cry just like everyone else. I make mistakes and I AM going to live my life. Part of my summer was about experimentation and I have at various little times been doing just that with alot of things, you'll read about something on my list later on in a future entry - with absolutely NO REMORSE OR APOLOGIES. My psyche, karma and vibe so far in my life have been good to me and I intend to keep it that way. It does not take away from my ability to give advice or my knowledge, wisdom and understanding about alot of things. So yea, I'm going to be testing my personal limits and as long as I'm safe, sane and in the right frame of mind - you best believe I'm going to KEEP DOING ME!!!

(this is a public service announcement to anyone who thinks that now they got something on me to make my crown rusty - honey it already WAS!)

Luther Vandross....R.I.P

hmmm - we were sitting around - a bunch of us Straight Black Women paying a bit of homage to Luther last nite. Guess what was NOT in the discussion - his sexual orientation and not because (1) at various times we haven't been curious (2) and for most of us we 'knew' so okay what...we sat around speaking about him because in a time where R. Kelly's '12 play', Luke 'pop that pussy' and other classics were circulating the globe - Luther was plugging away at what we really wanted to hear - ballads.

Luther had a way of allowing (especially the creative like myself) to paint a picture - insert lover HERE and take it THERE. Your genitals didn't become inflamed..your heart did.

So I don't give a rats ass what Luthers Sexual Orientation was - it's disrespectful, I will miss the man and worry about the future of R&B Balladeers instead.

Read a very provocative piece by my friend Rod - where I had this epiphany and had to put it to my page, lol

Posted by Pamalicious :: 9:30 AM :: 0 comments

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