Thursday, July 14, 2005

Sunshine Monologue 18

We're Just Ordinary People

Didn't I graduate High School 21 years ago?


I attend one of the local Highschools in internetdom (i.e. online discussion groups) - it's all black in a bad neighborhood with insufficient books or qualified teachers, but it's one of the few available these days - since 'public' school is even worse - this is a private institution. I am being bussed in with a few other 'students' from the suburbs.

Just like most Highschools there are all kinds of 'students' 'cliques' 'groups' and Highschool debauchery going on all the time. The halls are full of activity; we got your flashy dressers, the ones who skip class and hang out in the bathroom only showing their faces if there is a fight, Srs. picking on Freshman, those who have been kept back a couple of years, Those born with a silver spoon in their mouths and those chomping on plastic, The cool guys leaning up against the wall and the cool girls flitting around trying to get their attention.

We all sit in classes ranging from Sex to Entertainment and attempt to get along in peace. There's always however,sometimes 'special ed classes' are full and then they matriculate with the rest of us and cause trouble.

I've always been one to sit in class and contribute, I enjoy the banter of quite a few students in the classes offered. I enjoy getting up, getting dressed and attending. I don't have alot of friends, but I don't like alot of people surrounding me - blocks my view of the light.. Apparently lately however, I've been attracting unwanted attention. I started hearing whispers as I was walking down the hall, little snippets here and there and finally a 'bully' cornered me and called me out. YOU TALK TO FUCKING MUCH - SHUT UP! I swung around in my seat and noticed who it was immediately by the larger than normal frontal lobe he possesses - he had no one to sit with at lunch and would come over periodically and mess with other people who were minding their business. I let loose a barrage of choice words to him, because I'm not scared of HIM. It's funny how bullies and bullying is about shortcomings in self. It's a power trip and when it gets to the internet it's REALLY a powertrip - and a sad one at that. He came back with a weak response and then tried to deflect and call me 'insecure'. Everyday I attend classes - I interact - sometimes make bad grades and sometimes I excel - to be 'insecure' about High School in 2005 is a bit much, don't you think - especially when I am taking INTERNET COURSES!!!! So after I said fuck you and the reinforced horse your big ass rode in on - I got to thinking.

There hasn't been any real classes in awhile, which is probably why I started goofing off in the first place. STUDENT interaction is important and lately all we've been studying is things written by others and we just check A,B,C or D. but then again it is SUMMER SCHOOL. Conversation about why there isn't has been made - people have speculated - but maybe it's because the private school doesn't have any interaction with the rest of the world and so differences of opinions don't promote growth but instead implode the class as a whole.

I had been reading brochures about 'classes without walls' another school across the way that is semi-private and has a diverse group of people. Now I'm sure it's still just High School, but I've been sitting in on a couple of classes - in the back - just chillin and listening to the conversation Hands are going up, complete sentences are being made and people are cool with SHARING.

One of the principal reasons I got on the net was that the opportunity to SHARE myself with other black people was right at my fingertips. I grew up a bit sheltered and adding the net to my journey has definately opened my range of motion. It's a shame when other black people carry our crabs in a barrell mentality everywhere we go. Now there's nothing wrong with us flaunting our sexuality all over the damn place (and I have shown bits and pieces of mine in my day), but let you start trying to become HUMAN in a WORLD OF FANTASY - and best believe someone else's reality will creep up on them - you are breaking out the matrix and they don't like that - the internet is where you can be whomever you want to be - as long as it's not the REAL YOU!

Funny that my blog address is written in all the bathrooms at school - so I'm sure that when they go on lunch break someone will stop thru, lol

Childless in Atlanta


Point Blank - 21 days until Mini-Me is home! I have already come to the crux of what I was to learn during this time and I am more comfortable with it than I've ever been in my life - I am a MOTHER, not the best one, but one nonetheless. I was thinking my life was not all it's cracked up to be but you know what flitting around this city and supposedly having the 'freedom' to be single, black, female and free is about as NON-PAM as I can get. I enjoy moreso the surprise element of being able to go out. I enjoy fretting about the baby sitter etc. Shit I enjoy as mini-me calls it PHONE DATING cause guess what - nothing has changed since she's been gone. My social life has not picked up, Prince Charming has not rode in on his horse, the mailbox both email and literal has not been filled with invites. I'm still just beating to my own drummer, lol Just dont' have anyone cheering me on from the sidelines.

I have also discovered things I need to change immediately because she's no longer my little baby anymore - she's blossoming and I don't want to lose her or what I perceive we have - because I'm so wrapped up in self.

I look forward to seeing Mini-Me because with her return I'm sure my social life will suddenly be off the chain, because that's the way it goes, lol lol

Dateless in Atlanta

YAWN YAWN YAWN YAWN YAWN YAWN YAWN YAWN YAWN YAWN YAWN

PASSION IS ABSENT!!
TRUE ATTRACTION IS MISSING!!
REAL INTEREST IS FLEETING!!

I remain QUEEN OF THE FIRST DATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Until next time peeps,lol.......
Posted by Pamalicious :: 9:32 AM :: 0 comments

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