Saturday, July 09, 2005
Sunshine Monologue 16
The Power of Love
YAWN! I'm up already this morning, anticipating the day (look for a future entry). Though Sunday mornings are my groove time - Summer Saturdays can be great. We are still on the cusp of being drowned by various storms and what not, but part of my internal moniker is to make sunshine wherever and whatever I am doing - so I'll just keep my feet and head dry and carryon!
Went to the hair dresser and told her to spray my hair like my life depended on it, lol So it could probably soak up Peachtree creek and remain intact. She was doing a little much and it's kinda high - but I'll pat it down. I enjoy the sleek controlled look - funny seeing as I'm always trying to fight the 'control', lol
Well this edition is all about the Power of Love (yes in memorial of Luther)Affection or a new code word for sex
As common in my life, before I start throwing around words; I like to define them. We have a bad habit of using the language and not know what the hell we are talking about and feverently defending our use of the word - starting off with at least the most current definition, helps explains things to me. So before I begin here is the definition as defined at www.dictionary.com of AFFECTION
: A tender feeling toward another; fondness. See Synonyms at love.
In the dating world, ever so often what I call 'code' words begin to pop up. I saw the shift from straight sexual banter to everyone's being 'God Fearing and Spiritually Grounded' another popular code word is 'open minded'. Well a new one and a new question is popping up in my travels "Are you Affectionate?"
Now, you know my BS detector has been maintenanced and is raring to go and the new man with the flags has completed training, quite rigorous considering he had to deal with emotions; so right away I know that 95% of all roads lead to sex, so immediately the little team in my head begins to get to work. What's this affection thing all about?
I review my somewhat limited but studied history of black women and we have been accused of being cold blooded and having ice running thru our veins as well as giving only when we have received or to acquire something in the long run.
Next, I had to examine my own declarations about affection as defined above. I grew up in a loving family, no doubt - but 'physical' affection was not something that was widely used. Some families are all over each other - we weren't like that, maybe because of our religious teaching or whatever, but we weren't lovey dovey.
I learned about affection in High School when I became attracted to the opposite sex, lol Seeing as I had made the pact to remain virgin - I had to perfect some other skills to hang out with the fellas. So kissing, hugging etc. Became something I took time to learn and experience. However, there was a period in my life, where affection was denied me and I went into a shell. Did like a superhero, a force field shot up around me. I got a bad reputation in my family (nothing new) that I was cold and didn't like to be touched. At that time, it was true - my soul was on ice and if you're not touching that - you're not touching me anyway.
I worked damn hard to force myself out of the deep freezer and there is only one reason for that 'mini me' - the love and affection - I felt for her, was overpowering and I was not going to deny me or her that feeling.
I remember one time, I saw a friend of mines and I gave her a good strong hug and she said "welcome back Pam" - caught up in my own drowning - didn't know I was splashing water and drenching people near and far......
I don't know about anyone else, but I fought HARD to recapture who I thought was me. I left me in about 1985 and I wanted to grab that person, fresh out of Highschool, THAT personality and grow it up and I did that.
So now at 39, affection doesn't exclude me but I'm not one who wants someone hanging all over me all the time. I want to feel the tender feeling towards me and I will return it if I'm feeling that way to. Sometimes I have to consciously remind myself that people want to KNOW you are liking them. I find it funny because there have been times in my post re-capture me life, where I have tried to make MY affection and intention known and been rebuffed. Whenever that happens - I have to immediately check that and get my balance back.
I enjoy holding hands, kissing, those little things that couples do, when they close out the world and become one. Now on a first date - you are getting limited, unless I am reallllly feeling you and I will back you up off me, if you get overzealous, lol However, I am not afraid of affection or afraid to give it, or using it as a weapon or negating the importance of it.
So if a man is serious about showing his interest...then affectionate we are...
Growing Pains - I get them too
Lately I have been learning about 'growing pains' and 'boxing one's self in' As astute as I am with the written word (yea tooting my own horn) I am and have always professed to be just an ordinary sista out here. I live, bleed and cry just like everyone else. I make mistakes and I AM going to live my life. Part of my summer was about experimentation and I have at various little times been doing just that with alot of things, you'll read about something on my list later on in a future entry - with absolutely NO REMORSE OR APOLOGIES. My psyche, karma and vibe so far in my life have been good to me and I intend to keep it that way. It does not take away from my ability to give advice or my knowledge, wisdom and understanding about alot of things. So yea, I'm going to be testing my personal limits and as long as I'm safe, sane and in the right frame of mind - you best believe I'm going to KEEP DOING ME!!! (this is a public service announcement to anyone who thinks that now they got something on me to make my crown rusty - honey it already WAS!)
hmmm - we were sitting around - a bunch of us Straight Black Women paying a bit of homage to Luther last nite. Guess what was NOT in the discussion - his sexual orientation and not because (1) at various times we haven't been curious (2) and for most of us we 'knew' so okay what...we sat around speaking about him because in a time where R. Kelly's '12 play', Luke 'pop that pussy' and other classics were circulating the globe - Luther was plugging away at what we really wanted to hear - ballads.
Luther had a way of allowing (especially the creative like myself) to paint a picture - insert lover HERE and take it THERE. Your genitals didn't become inflamed..your heart did.
So I don't give a rats ass what Luthers Sexual Orientation was - it's disrespectful, I will miss the man and worry about the future of R&B Balladeers instead.
Read a very provocative piece by my friend Rod
- where I had this epiphany and had to put it to my page, lol
Posted by Pamalicious ::
9:30 AM ::
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