ThE EmAnCiPaTiOn oF pAmMiE

Sunday, June 26, 2005

Sunshine Monologue 14

A Whole Bunch of Solitude

The Best Laid Plans of Mice, Men and....Me

Well due to an unexpected death in 'Janets' family - the Janet Mariah Summer Road Tour had to be cancelled! But because part of this trip was going to take place REGARDLESS.....

Mini-Me flew out of here Thursday Morning! So for 72 hours, I have been flying solo - a true single person and already as I sit here in this dismal quiet with the TV and the Mediaplay going so that the white noise is in effect - I wonder - why would anyone want to be alone? I can see a couple of blog entries brewing on this 'alone' thing, lol lol but until I really get to that point - I've been keeping myself busy!

How Could I Have Forgotten?!,

As part of my continuing effort to do something for myself; I made sure immediately that I got my hair done (to which my surprise the chemicals I put in it, turned the color once again! I like this one and I hope that this is it - I have been three different colors not by my own hand and I'm ready to get to one and stick with it - my gemini nature is becoming evident, lol) and then I went next door and got my first professional manicure and pedicure in about 4 years (I know right!) Now I have always kept my hands and feet together. I am one of the women who can grow nice strong long natural nails, so I've enjoyed doing them myself as well as a pedicure. I usually send mini-me to get her nails and feet done, lol But today it was about me. Man oh man! How could I have forgotten how nice that was! All the massages and a dip in the wax bath etc. etc. etc. (I got my feet and hands done by the owner, a male so I was getting a nice strong masculine feeling). I quite enjoyed getting all that attention! I was grinning from ear to ear. I might not be able to do it all the time but once a month (cause that sucker costs $32) - but I am going to officially add this to my personal upkeep.

Childless in Atlanta

A new feature I'll be poppin in from time to time to chronical this short portion of my life - my child being gone. When I left the airport, I had all this jittery feeling coursing thru me. It's not like she's going to be gone for a week she won't be back until August 4th and we are still in JUNE!

First on my agenda was to clean up the house and I felt funny closing her door, where for the most part it will remain close until I go in and clean it and get it ready for her return or if I need something. I have been in there a couple of times, just to feel her essence.

Then it was immediately, what now? All my friends know about my 'freedom' but it takes a minute for it to sink in. I was quite enjoying just kinda moseying around town. Go to the mall, noone is beggin; go to the movies, see what I wanna see. Get up right now and just get dressed and leave the house, lol I think that right now I am feeling more of the 'freedom' as opposed to the activity level. That will come.

I know it was funny to run to the grocery store and spend like $40, lol. My appetite has immediately decreased, so this will be a plus all the way around. It's also a time to try food that mini-me balks at.

By the way, I haven't spoken to Mini-me but once since she's been gone - huzzy ain't even called her momma!

Dateless in Atlanta

Now here comes a part of my new found freedom that is going to PISS ME THE FUCK OFF! At the completion of the my internet dating - Phase One. There is a calm before Phase Two begins and that's 'the fallout', who have I spoken to wants to still keep in touch, possibly meet, possibly more. I went on two dates this weekend Yep I did. One, I'm still smarting from the ramifications of that, amazed that I let myself get caught up in my own head as opposed to reality and then when the reality presented itself - I immediately feel back into my comfort zone and left a hurt heart in the wake. I feel very bad, but that's part of life - I've been on the receiving end..more times than I care to mention. Second date was spontaneous, nice, comfortable and the pilot light was lit I believe....we'll see.

Now, up front, I'm not about to begin the dating as many men as possible - you can keep that shit! I still want continuity with one brotha - I have this whole place to myself - NOW is the time to fall into something that can be about movies, popcorn, maybe a home cooked meal - maybe coming to said man's home, movies maybe hanging out etc. etc.

What is going to be funny and this has already happen is the "I got four of your name in my cell phone and so I'm calling to find out who are you?" Gotta laugh at that one! LOL LOL

An Update on some old friends

When I firt started blogging, I introduced you all to a couple of Brothas with colorful names etc. etc. Let me give you a quick update.

Italy - has moved 5 hours in the other direction. Still a good friend of mines, would be the perfect 'fall back' brotha if he were closer - we still have our memories however..

Mobetta - After our nasty split,I needed time to cool off. Now my sorrow has kicked in somewhat. Why did our relationship have to ultimately end that way? Why would he purposely run me away and in such an ugly manner? Why do I even care? Tsk Tsk Tsk..I wrote him a short email - he won't answer, but I whenever I have my jones for him, I act on it; and then go back to my regularily scheduled programming.

Africa - I need to call him. We talk like once a month and talking to him picks up right where our last conversation ended - you changed my life. Glad I could be of some assistance.

milkman - I had an article of his clothing and he Im'ed me for it's return. I returned it, he indicated he received it - - moving on.

So that's it - where these brothas are in my life. I do think that we all as we move around this earth fill up our atmosphere and our outer spaces with stars, meteors, dead planets etc. It's what makes us...US. I have alot of stars, little flickering lights all around me representing people etc. I have known, however brief that either appear sometimes as guiding lights or flicker to alert me to it's negative energy. As an earth, I am out here spinning spinning reaching out to the Sun, hoping that it will appear and make the grass grow, the flowers bloom, the trees reach for it's unending warmth...My sun is out there, but I am grateful for the stars - I am.

Posted by Pamalicious :: 12:48 PM :: 1 comments

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