ThE EmAnCiPaTiOn oF pAmMiE

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Sunshine Monologue 196 - Glitter Graphics

And this morning I decided to mess up my entire day by....

Stepping On The Scale!





I should NOT have done that shit! Now I am going to have to really focus to get my beauty mojo back. Anyone who has weight issues, whether they are in denial or not, knows that sometimes it all comes crashing down on you and you just can't bear to look at what you have done. Cause yep it's you that's done it. It is a constant struggle to maintain your self esteem and no one can give that to you. I have got to and need to do better.

You can't win for freaking losing - first the weight was, you know, a bit of depression, and a companion through the lean times NOW it's because I'm freaking Happy!!! I be damn!

It's such a complex subject because I don't look bad (now let's not trip, lol) due to heredity my skin is tight and I don't have any sagging or anything and visually I actually don't ever look like my weight - HOWEVER, I know my freaking weight.

I'm afraid to really reach out to CAUN cause he's gonna have me running through Decatur with a whip on my ass (which might be kinda fun, but I digress). It's nice to know someone loves you regardless - but, again, I need to do better - so that I can be around to be loved regardless.

So now I must work on getting the UMPH back up and at em - cause I looked FABULOUS in my B'day dress and I don't want me feeling down about my appearance cause I'm a really HOT forty year old Momma! OH YES I AM!!

Posted by Pamalicious :: 7:50 AM :: 1 comments

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Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Sunset Monologue 190 - Glitter Graphics

I've been rolling around saying "I'm forty" on my tongue and it sounds pretty good. It seems so finite - I feel like I can't have one moment of non-adulthood/growness after Sunday. Damn that's wayyy to much pressure when I was just in the kitchen doing the booty dance with CAUN,lol.

I've been getting the 'Pam's doing her own hair again' look but public announcement: I'm a HOT MESS till Friday when I start my transformation - so deal with it and my superman curl, lol (my hair dresser can tell I been messin with her carefully crafted do's when I end up with a superman curl in the front of my head, lol lol lol). Boy I can't wait to get this mess braided up then I think I'll go bald - just something totally drastic, lol.

So today (hold on CAUN wants me to rub his spot) Ok so anyhoo - I am about to have a problem with the fact that my mother is not coming down for my party. They have known about this for awhile now and the wrath I would face if I didn't show up for something like this - no matter how I made it happen - Heaven help us, so for them to not have planned and now skirting the issue I THOUGHT was not going to affect me - but it is...

My daughter is very upset and wanted to know why we always have to come up there and they never make a way to come and visit us or participate in anything we have going from graduations to my party. I have no answer, cause I'm tired of trying to figure it out.

And as we know - I've been called selfish - but I am defensively selfish and that's what I can't get any of them to understand. In my non-family life - I will give you the shirt off my back - but because there are always 'conditions' speechs and all kinds of level three BS - when it comes to family - I get on the defensive and close my arms around myself.

Oh and it is not a situation where we are estranged - it's just a mother/daughter damn you working my nerves and fostering new ones to work for the rest of my natural born life type situation.


I just get fustrated with the entire thing and moreso now because mini-me is older and 'noticing' things. How am I having 70 folks to celebrate me turning 40 and my own momma ain't there?

No I don't have the money to fly her down here

I will not let this get me down, because then we'll argue and fight and I don't feel like it.

I have three siblings coming out of the 12 and that's it. Oh well. I'ma have me a banging time!

Posted by Pamalicious :: 8:49 PM :: 2 comments

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Monday, May 29, 2006

Sunset Monologue 189 - Glitter Graphics

"I Never Knew Love Like This Before" - sung by CAUN in the shower this morning.

Happy Memorial Day Ya'll! Hope it went well for yah. I am dreading that tomorrow is back to business as usual - yet I have Friday and Monday off, so it's all good.

We didn't do anything special today. CAUN washed all the clothes (smile) and we ran some errands and just kinda hung out - it was H-O-T! Good grief. I'm still hot. I been hot all weekend. I do however have a that cute sun glow, lol.

I took a moment this weekend to catch up on all my magazines. They were piling up. I am a magazine junkie so I currently subscribe to: Vibe, Glamour, Cosmo, Redbook, Essence, and Marie Claire. I have two free subscriptions from a couple of fund raisers that I haven't even filled yet. I am also gathering information for the rebirth.

Something very interesting is happening up in here. The emergence of the CAUN and Mini-Me (oh she's been named Shocamatima as her Xmen name). As a parent and especially as an astutue single parent - the thing you fear most is involving your child in a relationship and if it goes to the left, it goes to the left for the child as well. Many a woman will sacrifice her entire viable dating years because they have fallen into the 'all men are trying to molest me and my child' syndrome. Well as ya'll know, I don't subscribe to that hysteria. First off it is very unfair (and downright wrong) to assume that all blackmen are molesters and two, a well rounded child is a well rounded parent. Now my thinking might be a bit skewed, because my situation is different. I'm a widow, who was widowed when my child was an infant. I was raised with a Father and I have a wonderful Step Father and even now a Biological Father. These things I know have greatly affected the type of decisions I've made. I think I have made great choices on who I have exposed her to and she's quite balanced about her view of men and their purpose and reason for being.

This however is different. CAUN is just an involved with her as he is with his kids and me. She's opened up to him and in the process found herself an...advocate. I never thought about the fact that when the power is always one way, a child may feel as if there are no alternative points of views. Now she has started actually looking to him for advice, instruction and conversation.

She's known four men out of the 12 years I've been 'single', but this is the first one who has understood the meaning of the 'package'. Now Mobetta was great, her first solid exposure to a strong blackman - but it was one sided because like with me - he was around for only the good times and provided only good times. CAUN has been here through the lost camcorder and the knee injury. She's seen him be there for ME and she's seen him love ME and be open about it and embrace her as well. He's carried her, the crutches, her wheel chair. He opens doors, he listens to her, he tries to get me to get out her ass so much about stuff. He's been consistent in our lives and it has had an effect on her. I've heard her say thank you to him for all the nice things he does for me and her.

Remember in the Grinch how at the end his heart grew three sizes and burst out his chest - there's your visual of how this makes me feel. My child is getting some much needed positive male interaction - it has come at such a pivotal time in a young girls life - she'll remember this for the rest of her life irregardless of what the future might hold. It's one thing to know the man your mom is 'dating' 'with' etc. but it's another to feel like a 'family'.....God is Good!

So before I leave - I want to give yah some summer drinks (yes it's that time). Make sure you keep this close to yah!

1. CHAPALA - 5 small chunks of watermelon, 1 lime/chopped, 1/2 oz sugar syrup, 1 1/2 oz gold tequila, apple juice; ice cubes

Mash up watermelon, lime and sugar syrup in a cocktail shaker. Add a scoop of ice, then the tequila. Shake vigorously and strain into a tal, chilled glass 1 inch from the rim; top up with apple juice.

2. WOO WOO - 2 oz vodka, 1/2 oz peach schnapps, lime wedge, cranberry juice, ice cubes

half fill a cocktail shaker with ice. Squeeze in lime, then add the vodka and schnapps. Shake, then strain into an old-fashioned glass half filled with ice. Add the squeezed lime wedge and top up with cranberry juice.

3. BELLINI - 1/2 oz peach liqueur, 1 oz peace juice or nectar; chilled champagne or sparkling wine

Pour liqueur and jucie into a chilled champagne flute. Slowly top up with champagne or sparlkling wine.

4. BAHAMA MAMA - 1/2 oz. Malibu, 1/2 oz. Kahula, 1/2 oz each dark & white rums; pineapple juice, pineapple wedge; mint sprig, ice cubes, crushed ice

Half fill a cocktail shaker with ice cubes. Add the Malibu, Kahlua, and rums. Shake vigorously adn strain into a highball glass half filled with crushed ice. Top off with juice; garnish with pineapple wedge and mint.

5. MOJITO - 2 oz white rum, 8 mint leaves, half a lime/chopped, 1/2 oz sugar syrup, club soda, ice cubes

Mash up mint, lime and sugar syrup in a cocktail shaker. Add a scoop of ice, then the rum. Shake vigorously adn strain into a chilled tumbler 1 inch from the rim, top up with club soda.

6. CUBAN LIBRE - 2 oz white rum, 7 lime wedges, cola, ice cubes

half-fill a highball glass with ice. Add rum and squeeze in seix lime wedges, addig the squeezed wedges to the glass. Top up with cola; garnish with the last lime wedge.

7. SHAMPOO - 1/2 oz gin, 1/2 oz lemon juice, dash of pernod, dash of blue curacao, chilled champaigne or sparkling win, lemon twist

Pour gin, then lemon juice, pernod and blue curacao into a chilled champagne or sparlkling wine, garnish with a twist of lemon.

8. CAIPIRINHA - 2 oz cachaca ( a clear Brazillan spirit made from sugarcane), 1 whole lime chopped, 1 Tbsp superfine sugar, 1/2 oz sugar syrup, ice cubes, mint sprig

Mash up lime, sugar, and sugar syrup in a cocktail shaker. Add a scoop of ice and the cachaca. Shake vigorously and strain into a chilled tumbler. Garnish with mint.

Posted by Pamalicious :: 6:36 PM :: 1 comments

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Sunday, May 28, 2006

Sunset Monologue 188 - Glitter Graphics

What you see is not a test.....Yea right! How are you all this evening. Everyone
must be enjoying the weekend/holiday. The net is DEAD! I haven't been on much myself today so I understand. I'm glad to see that folks still know how to live outside this little box.

I decided to do my BBq'ing this morning - so that I could chill tomorrow. Woke up early full of invigoration about the whole process. CAUN was up as well and this is the craziest thing - we hang around each other constantly, but today is the day I had to deal with some of my issues all over...the BBQ!!

I started freaking out. I was so agitated as he tried to help me. I was in full 'Stormeka' and then to top it off - I was fustrated because in all honesty, I couldn't identify exactly why I was feeling this way. It was as if he were encroaching on some sacred space - the BBQ. Of course he noticed it and he took it, but I wanted to work through it within myself - by expressing it to him. I was ashamed that I was lashing out and didn't even know why - so I began to try to verbalize it. He beat me to it however and very calmly - explained to me that I was used to the man who came over AFTER if AT ALL, I had done everything. He always had family, stops, things to do and came over when I had done all the work and he could reap the benefits. I was used to men in general who reaped the benefits and were not committed to doing anything to get it to that point. He was not going anywhere and he wanted to be involved in every aspect towards the goal and not just come around for the reward. What painful words to hear. I had to get away, so I hopped in the car to take a ride to the store. I screamed on that ride - releasing the pent up fustration that I, Pamalicious, Pretty steady sista - had some.....BAGGAGE! I mean I know I am not exempt from baggage, but the manifestation of some contents of it can be unnerving.

For someone to even 'read me' on that level, was unjarring. I've been read before but not for MY benefit, always as a way for someone to access, how much they could expect to get. I resolved to push through the issue, decompress the power the issue could take on - which would have been that I could shut him out and take control. IT IS SO DAMN HARD AS A BLACK WOMAN TO GIVE POWER TO SOMEONE ELSE!!! We be so tired, but it is still hard to say 'ok - he's not going to.....hurt me'.

So when I got back - there he was in his wife beater and shorts ready to open my car door, take my bags me. I stuffed my IKE (what?! you trying to help Ike) back in that damn bag and handed him the reigns. He cooked the hotdogs, chicken and steak and I did the lamb ribs. I also did the Kale, potato salad, baked beans and whipped up a cheesecake.

We had a wonderful day and I feel good that I did not let an issue take over me. It - hell - ya'll really don't understand.......CAUN is a beautiful beautiful person and he's forcing me to shift alot of cabinet space around in my head, heart and life, but that's a good thing - alot of us (sistas) never get that chance and we can't figure out or won't figure out how to, as much as we have been running around exclaiming we are, EXHALE. It's hard and it hurts your chest - but it can be done and dammit - I'm going to do it, because I be damn if I'm going to choke me....or him.

Posted by Pamalicious :: 10:36 PM :: 0 comments

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Saturday, May 27, 2006

Sunset Monologue 187 - Glitter Graphics

Hey Mon! It was breezy HOT lower 90's today in the A-T-L and we were all out in it. First up - the Caribbean Parade celebrating Carnival. Man oh man do I need a vacation. CAUN and I have been talking about crusing around Christams and boy oh boy. I had even pulled out my cruise tape from wha....14 years ago, lol lol. It was alot of fun and I came away with soaring self esteem, cause as we know our Island Sistas aren't really hung up on little stuff like: (1) they got guts (2) they old as hell, lol lol So I danced and had me a ball!

Next up we went to Atlantic Station. For those not in the know, Atlantic Station is this 'project' Atlanta has that simulates what it is like living in Manhattan. You go over a bridge and it's like entering that part of Epcot where they have the different countries. Nah it ain't Manhattan, but I guess if you close your eyes after you've had about three mojitos it might be (rollin eyes). Anyhoo, we went to see X-men 3! Whew Lawd that movie was OFF THA CHAIN! To me, it was the most intense installment by far. But let me get this off my chest: HALLE BERRY CAN NOT ACT!! Dayum! That woman is just to one-dimensional to me. Is it because she's so photogenic AND pretty (because you know you can be one without the other) or what, but she just comes across as having no depth to me everytime I see her. The wig was 85% better though, and she looked as if she was no longer embarassed to be in the damn franchise (well after Catwoman - she did have to humble herself).

Of course CAUN and I had to immediately adopt names. Well actually he came about his quite by accident - he was pretending to be Magnito and of course that didn't work, so I said he was more "MAGNEGRO!" Well there you have it and he christened me "Stormeka" my power? I can roll my neck and make you submit and I can telepathically pick out skanks and yamps!

This time around, we went Indian for our meal. One reason why I love and like (because sometimes those don't go hand in hand either) CAUN is because he's got a penchant for giving things a try. He's shown me all about if it's important to a person, part of loving is to 'give it a try'. So he ate it and it was tasty. Now will this be a part of his 'lets go to eat' list - NOPE, but he gave it a try. As always, mini-me and I will certainly keep this in our 'mother/daughter' pot.

The night before we watched home movies. CAUN learned all about my family and it's dynamics and I discovered quite to my dismay that I gave the exact same party the first four years of Mini-me's life, lol lol That was hella funny. We then watched my old VCR tapes of Video Soul and damn near ran Mini-me insane, lol lol I fell out a cuple of times at some Mike footage (good to see him back out and about).

It seems as if every weekend we have all this activity and what not. We are gelling more and more daily and that's a good thing. Mini-me and CAUN are developing quite the relationship. She has taken to 'thanking him' for the things he does for us and the way he treats us. That means more to me than gold. We got a very nice groove going.

I was thinking in the car about whether or not it's 'tacky' to consider that I might get gifts at my birthday party. I know, I know it IS a birthday party,but it's not like I'm twelve. Do I hope I get something? Hell yes! I would love for some folks to recognize me in that way - it's not something that happens to me on the regular, if ever. Hmmmmm - wouldn't THAT be nice.

Well let me go ahead and wrap this up. I decided to throw those lamb ribs on the grill tomorrow. We don't really have any plans and have exhausted our allotted budget for the weekend already. Dinner on Friday and Movie w/snacks and dinner in the evening wiped us out and we are trying to be astute about our spending habits. Our collaboration is not an excuse to pretend we've 'saved' any money unless we actually 'save' some - yah dig? I'll have my usual BBQ pictures.

Peace out!

Posted by Pamalicious :: 10:58 PM :: 1 comments

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Friday, May 26, 2006

Sunshine Monologue 195 - Glitter Graphics

Can ya'll believe that?! It's been a good week - I can't complain. This makes a week since CAUN and I have been ghetto-honeymooning and it's going fabulously! No regrets on either side.

I sent out a reminder note about the party and now my RSVP list is over 60!! I had a stroke of nervousness last night. That's alot of folks coming to celebrate with me - I sure hope they are going to help this be a slammin party. If that many people come and the party ends up being WACK - I can never show my face again, lol lol.

Got my dress and almost had to tackle CAUN with a stun gun, so the dress looks hot, lol lol. Shoes working and I've figured out a hair style - so it's all good.

I want to sit and read my personal journals for this past year (the 39th year) and see where I was on that level.

June 5th is my last day of class. I am taking a haitus! I will be back in school July 28th (damn I think I told ya'll this, lol) Part of my agenda is to do some leisure reading!! I really want to just sit back and read a good ghetto novel, lol. I hope I get a gift card for the bookstore.

We have a few things planned for Memorial Day, but nothing extravagant. I will be BBQ'ing and I found some Lamb Ribs, so it should be off the chain. I will be posting pictures of the mini-cookout.

I want to highlight a blog that I think is really fly. I got the glitter idea off of there. N'search of Ecstasy is off the chain. She has some good stuff over there! Go check her out.

Here are some blasts from the past - Mobetta is off to Cancun with his new lady friend. He claims he doesn't want to date or anything, but this woman is treating him to Cancun, lol lol. Italy and I spoke briefly and I told him that CAUN and I were cohabiting and he got his boxer/briefs in a knot, lol lol Whateva!

NINE DAYS YA'LL. I can't believe I am 9 days from being 40. I can't believe that I will celebrate with folks I know and love. I can't believe that I've found love. I CAN believe that God is Good and these next 40 years are going to be fabulous.

Ya'll have a wonderful Memorial Day! The man is out looking for shit so BUCKLE UP! USE MOUTHWASH (LOL), GET A RADAR!!


Posted by Pamalicious :: 10:00 AM :: 1 comments

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Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Sunset Monologue 186

A Whole Lotta...NOTHING!

What it be? I can't even lie - I really don't have alot to talk about, lol. Sometimes, your mind just goes blank. I was trying to write a letter to my biological father today at work and for some reason I couldn't think of a damn thing to say. That letter ended up being 1 page long with alot of pictures thrown in.

I decided to take the summer off from school. I got the paperwork and will fax it in tomorrow. I will be done on June 5th and will go back on July 28 - just in time for "Communications in Organizations". Every class I take ends with the word 'Organizations' I wonder if there is 'Sex in Organizations" Now that class I would love, lol.

As I predicted in my own mind - 80% of my family have flaked out about coming down for my party. No biggie - My space is limited for that bullshit. I know they will be there in...spirit (laughing exceptionally loud).

Can you say - 10 days till the party! I'm in a holding pattern right now because basically what's left is the food and my fridge is wayy to small to store anything - so I have to get all that stuff at the last minute.

Co-habiting is going fine. We have a nice flow going (we had that already). I really am loving laying in the bed in the evening giggling/laughing/planning etc. with CAUN. If there were two people who needed a master suite - it is us, lol. We need room to run around.

Ok, why didn't someone tell me that IPODS were so time consuming?! Damn I need to devote several hours to getting all my listings corrected and organized! I did buy some stuff from itunes, but I be damn if they wouldn't sell "Whoop That Trick" as a single!!!!!!!!!! I need that song dammit!

My Brother is taking my daughter with him after the party for a couple of weeks. Since this is during the blog haitus and rebirth period - that's cool. Ahh, just gave ya'll a hint eh? Write these down - there might be a contest, lol.

Here is some REALNESS FOR YAH!: We all take these medical walks and sometimes we fall off the wagon. I confess I've been off the wagon for over 9 months - no meds, no eating right, no nothing. I just went into this entire denial thing. The meds cost (even with Insurance) and I kept finding other things to do with the money.

Last month I did go to the Dr. to get back on track - but the meds he prescribed me to went off the freaking market. So I just kinda tried to eat a bit better and fall back into old habits.

Well I've finally had my wake up call - it takes different things for different people - I'm finally getting an 'issue' with not controlling my diabetes and it's cut me to the core - because my issue is with my........SEX! So I know ya'll know that this is a definite HELL TO THE NAW!! I called my Dr. and asked for a new prescription and as of today - DIET CHANGED. I gotta bring my sugars down and under control. It's sucked up all the moisture in my body and I am the equivalent to a big TUB OF COTTON CANDY!!

So sure it's all sexy to taste sweet and all that stuff - but no way in hell am I gonna mess up my sex!

Before I Go: Sista wrote CAUN and asked whether or not I was his...Mother ( I am developing an entry on the state of women relations when it comes, and I just have one thing to say - Yea I'm a MILF - don't hate!! (thanks Scott).

Ya'll be easy!

Posted by Pamalicious :: 9:49 PM :: 1 comments

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Sunday, May 21, 2006

Sunshine Monologue 194

Winds of Change

Blog Musical Mood: The Entire New Edition Catalogue

As I sit here in a wife beater and boxer briefs, belonging to one CAUN, and listen to the sounds of early Sunday morning: Lawn Mowers, that ass next door and his chain saw and a load of clothe going in the washer - I smile to myself. It's almost funny how life moves you along.

The move on Friday went well - he's all settled in, I have a stereo in my living room that would rival Phillips Arena and I have alot more day to day stuff to do. However, it was VERY nice to come home last evening and the grass was cut,little odds and ends were done, I could just walk in the house - no need to carry bags, and I got a foot rub! (smile). So yes we are 'ghetto honeymooning' (this is the honeymoon w/o the benefit of the marriage, lol) but it's all good.

Never Underestimate the Power of NEW EDITION! People, People - we went to see New Edition on Friday evening at Chastain Park, one of our amphitheatres. When I tell you I almost had a STROKE trying to get to see New Edition - I am almost not stretching the truth. Traffic was so bad that we missed all the opening acts, didn't get to take the picnic in and ended up having to get out the car and strike out walking. So it's me, a pregnant "janet" and a blanket! We were determined. When we walked in - they were introducing New Edition. Let me tell ya'll something - if I had missed ONE SECOND of them after paying $110 for those tickets - they would have been right here in my living room giving me a private show!! If Atlanta PD don't figure out how to do traffic up in this bitch I am going to SCREAM!!!!!!!!! I had never seen Chastain so crowded - New Edition never sounded so good. It was smooth as butter and YES BOBBY WAS THERE! and I was so proud of him! "Janet" and I shed a tear. He was ON KEY, KNEW THE STEPS, DRESSED IN THE OUTFIT and LEFT WHEN HIS TIME WAS OVER. We were so overwelmed that HE IS NOW THE BREADWINNER in that family! Even though we had our picnic in the car during traffic leaving the amphitheatre but a good time was had by all. I was in seventh heaven - I was in a sandwich of love my very bestest friend and CAUN.

So, because I'm handling my business grown folks style - I am making sure I maintain the relationship I've nutured with my daugher. I am a mother first and foremost and making sure she is comfortable with my life is definately on my radar. So I took her and her girlfriend out for 'girls day' - we had a good time. All of my years of teaching shopping is paying off, lol.

Party plans are on and poppin. Over 45 people RSVP'ed (but you know negroes - we'll see who actually shows up). I have all the cutlery etc. - if I had more than a college fridge - I could get the food. I'm sooo excited!

A word about change - I'm not sure that "Janet" is overly keen with CAUN. It's not a negative feelings I'm getting - but, a 'my friend has another focal point' feeling. I think we both are going through it - her foray into the journey of parenthood, is going to cause me some growing pains as well. The life she and I used to have is changing and it's a natural progression. I am enjoying this time in my life and I all the activity. I don't know should we talk about this or what. It's just an 'oddness' about the whole thing. Growing Pains!

Well - let me balance my check book and get my grocery list together. I'll talk to you all tomorrow!

Posted by Pamalicious :: 9:00 AM :: 1 comments

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Thursday, May 18, 2006

Sunshine Monologue 193

Ain't No Mountain High Enough

To keep me from blogging to you babe! So this is what I know - the most moving and frighteningly paralyzing experience a person can have is when God gets to you in the blessing rolodex! I have taken some time this week to look back over this particular journey here in blogsphere and the sum total of all of my 'work' done on here is where I am at today. I set a time limit for myself and as the clock ticks away - it seems as if I'm in the game Jumunji and I am moving under an outside pace to the finish line. So very interesting ya'll!

There will be no real epiphanies this entry - just some catching up. I know that just as many of you have the nosey gene, like myself and just wanna know - what in the world has been keeping you busy? Well let's see.....

  • Mothers Day weekend was the best I've had in eons. Friday I had to get the do did and then we went to see Mission Impossible 3, which was WAYY better than two - but not as good as one, lol. Saturday we went to the Georgia Force game and that was like a Monster Truck Pull or something. Sitting high up in the 'Executive Suite" however was sweet. We had a good time and on Sunday - I had breakfast and then got presented with an IPOD MINI (holds 1000 songs). I was so excited! Then we went to the Sweet Auburn Festival, which was very nice. Next Target and Dinner. All in all it was a GREAT weekend! Mini-me was sooo very excited and what not because this is significant in that - this is the first Mothers Day in 12 years where I haven't faciliated it. Her and 'CAUN' were in cahoots with one another and I was obvilious to the whole thing. So nice! So very nice......

  • I have assembled a 'glam squad' to help me with the party preparations. If my alter-ego Mariah can have one, so can I. These set of sistas will ensure that I don't fall asleep from being tired at my own event, lol. As you know, my initial thought was to have it outside in my yard - but this 'blackberry winter' we are having scared me and once again - a hookup came through and yah girl has rented out an entire CLUB for my event. No, not a corner in a club, but the entire thing! It's more like a lounge and it's been renamed "Club Pamalicious" and it's on and poppin. Invitations have been sent out, I have my DJ and things are coming along just fine. How about with the package comes my names in lights up on the Marquee in the street? It's okay - I know I'm trippin, but you know what - I haven't ever done anything for myself (remember I eloped) so this is what I'm getting off on. Let it ride baby!! Pam is turning 40 and damn fabulous!

  • I actually paid my fee to go to "Summer Camp" with the Highschool (ya'll know I call the discussion group I belong to High School). This should be fun. I haven't really gotten away as an adult in eons either - so me going off is a good thing. I recommend all women experience vacationing not wrapped around a 'family vacation'.

  • Plans are DEFINATELY underway for the next phase of my Emancipation - aren't you dying to know what it is?!

  • And she is FIERCE and she is FIERCE and I'm glad she won

  • This little woman is FIERCE as well! "Janet" is about as cute as she wanna be preggers!

  • School is going well - I am juggling it all. I have a somewhat by the books Teacher this class, but I have a B so far - so it's all good!

  • Mini-me is doing fine - gets out of sixth grade next Friday with a 4.0 average! She has on a full leg cast in hot girl pink - that will remain on until June 29th at which time hopefully we can begin a bit of physical therapy. The Dr. is thinking of going back in (!!) to make sure the cartlidge is regenerating itself, but I hope not . What I know is that even if the Armed Forces has to escort her - she getting up out of here and be pampered by the family in Philly, lol lol - I need some ME time

  • Let me tell ya'll. Having a man is a full time job. Well it is if you are really having a full time man. This means that you have to make time, split time, grow time in a petrie dish and then some,lol. I don't have alot of time anymore to sit and lounge on the couch like I used to. The crazy thing is, I never really realized or acknowledge how sedate my life had become until I'm cooking, cleaning, entertaining, etc. a man. I should be in shape in no damn time!

  • Here's something never talked about: the personal upkeep when you got a man. DAYUM! You pluck, wax, pumice, buff, blowtorch, excavate - as well as, pose, preen. You have to rearrange your intestinal track because of course you don't burp, fart or get the trots. That's a full time freaking job!

  • And to top it all off - As of this evening - "CAUN" and I are living together! Yep you heard correct - we are merging households. Now I attempted this back in 1999 - when I let physical attraction become a negro sitting on my couch playing play station. This is NOT the same thing - in that instance he moved in with me. Here we have us moving in together, lol. I'm entering this with my head correctly attached to my shoulders and clear as a view off the Grand Canyon on a crisp clear morning. We've talked, flushed out the finances and it's a go. We've told our children and our parents. Now ya'll know I live in a two bedroom apartment sat on the ground better known as the 'dollhouse'. Well - this move definately required a storage bin offsite, lol lol. It's funny I wrote this in an email to a friend not to long ago:

    Ok - I need to gush a bit so excuse me - I just get full and I've pretty much stopped talking about CAUN and I but every once in awhile. Girl this man is soooo wonderful and so much fun to be around!! Last night he brought home a hub so that he could split my internet and then we sat side by side together and he began IM'ing me (now remember he's right next to me) it was just so much fun to hang with someone who is just being themselves - no pretense. We get along soo well and I am not faking anything - most of the time I'm looking a hot mess. I cook and he cleans up - we are running around the house and what not. I have never been so pampered IN MY LIFE. Foot rubs, hugs, kisses, baby, honey, darling, I love you at least 10 times a day, snuggles, WOW is all I got to say - We keep joking we are too old to be having this much fun, lol. He is also creative and will write a song and sing it to me (I said creative and NOT singer, lol). He has his groups he's working with etc. He even wrote a screen play and it's inspired me to actually pull out my dusty old manuscript and I might finish that bad boy up this summer. There's alot he hasn't experienced, especially in the areas of travel - but he's open and willing and excited about the possibilities - whew let me just stop - but it's a beautiful thang!
    And Ya'll.............IT IS!!

So there you have it! Tomorrow we are going to see New Edition (our third concert since we began dating) and our calender is jammed pack till after this party - when we will regroup, get the house fixed up and then begin the Pam and CAUN tour of America - we got three vacations planned so far!!

I should be back on schedule with the blogging - so look out for more, more, more!!!!!

Posted by Pamalicious :: 10:06 AM :: 2 comments

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Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Sunset Monologue 185


Posted by Pamalicious :: 9:05 PM :: 1 comments

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Saturday, May 13, 2006

Sunshine Monologue 192

In The Spirit

I saw this in Essence and it moved me and I thought I would share, especially before Mothers Day.

Sweet Surrender

Our lives don't lie. Our joys, sorrows, challenges and triumphs reflect our deep, often unconscious beliefs, just as the choices we have made mirror where we are on our journey. Your most difficult moments have come from resisting change. We hold on to what's familiar, even when it's hurting us. We stay in unhealthy relationships rather than learning to love and cherish ourselves and our own good company. We may resist doing the work to heal our addictions, even when they're destroying our physical and emotional well-being. At times, we resent our circumstances, unaware that wherever we are, we're always in life's flow. We feel alone, though we are never alone-and afraid, though we have nothing to fear. As we awaken to the presence of Spirit within and around us, we feel free and at peace.

To humble yourself and surrender to God-this is life's great spiritual challenge. Yes we must have vision and passion, and we have to be engaged in life, planning, creating, re-creating - but we must release our attachment to the outcome. God asks us to trust the details of our lives, the timing of our every blessing, to a Wisdom that is greater than we are and to find the sacred in our very circumstance. When something is meant for you, it can never be lost or taken away. When it's not for you, it simply won't come your way, and that's a blessing, too. The task is to stay positive and focused on the big picture, so you will see along the path the treasures, ever plentiful, that God has laid out just for you - everything you need to fulfill your life's purpose.

Faith. Sweet surrender. Trusting in the goodness of life. Understanding that everything and everyone has a reason and season for being. Allowing folks to be who they are and things to unfold in divine order, rather than criticizing, worrying, stressing, and trying to force them them to work our way-this is the source fo inner peace, the path of joy and infinite possibilities. with this mind-set, hold the powerful thought: I can't wait to see the good that will come from this.

Surrender to God your every burden - fear, guilt, anger, illness, addictions, financial woes-everthing holding you back. Banish the word can't from your vocabulary. Sweet surrender-faith-leaves no room for doubt or fear. Its' the ultimate paradox: what you fight, you strengthen. To be strong in the world, you have to be patient, humble and willing to let go. The spiritual warrior's path is one of complete nonresistence. Surrender the illusion of control and you relax into your great spiritual power. Bow to the Source with absolute faith-just as our foreparents did. Embrace the gifts of grace and divine protection that are yours; they were bestowed on you at birth. And practice living each day by the most powerful words ever written: Thy will be done.

Posted by Pamalicious :: 10:19 AM :: 0 comments

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Friday, May 12, 2006

Sunshine Monologue 191


Blog Musical Mood: Motownphilly - Boys to Men

Whataweek! I have been so busy and I apologize for not working more diligently to find time to blog. Mini-me ended up having to get a cast! She will have to wear that for 8weeks then they probably will go back in to make sure her cartlidge is regenerating itself. Worse case scenario? She would have to go to a specialist to get some grown in a petri dish! She got a cute shade of pink and seems to be doing okay with it. I have been obsessed with the birthday party. Only 22 days. It was going to be outside but this recent weather(something called "blackberry winter")started freaking me out,so I decided to try once again to find an inside venue and let me tell you GOD IS GOOD! I found the perfect location to showcase my fabulousness - I have rented an entire small club for this party folks! I am quivering! I am so exicted and CAUN says he already knows he's going to have to tie me down. Club Pamalcious in effect! Invitations sent out, responses coming in, glam squad assembled (these ladies will help me pull this off), DJ hired, Menu set, now just decorating and tying up loose ends. This is the biggest thing I've done for me in my entire life(the elopement took 20 minutes to plan)so yes I'm enjoying myself.
Ok,why is my teacher of 'Groups in Organizations' trying to really teach?! I don't have time for class right now,lol
Mothers day weekend in effect - MI3 tonite,arena football in the sky box on Saturday and who knows on Sunday - CAUN being closed lipped.
Well as you can tell I am speeding through in a run on sentence kinda way,lol Peace out and I'll be back on Sunday!

Posted by Pamalicious :: 3:40 PM :: 2 comments

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Sunday, May 07, 2006

Sunset Monologue 184


Blog Musical Mood: Love Is A Battle Field

Hey Peeps! Yah see yah girl CHILLIN! This is me enjoying the car show. Again, Thanks KARSH for the ticket! We rolled down there on Saturday; CAUN, Mini-Me and I. I like the car show and hadn't been in a couple of years, so this was hella cool. We parked at CAUN's gig and took the scenic route to the World Congress Center. It was a beautiful day and I was strutting like a Drum Major, so happy to be out and about with

At first Mini-me was upset because of the wheelchair. I wish it wern't so close to the end of the year, she could write a wonderful report about being 'disabled'. Eventually she got in the hang of things and that is in part due to CAUN's spirit. He is wonderful with her. The brevity of being with a man who treats my child well - - moment getting choked up - continuing my entry - so we up in the car show enjoying ourselves, Mini-me and I turned the corner and she yelps "There's Mr. RW" Lord have mercy - my ex. The one who asked me to marry him. Now he lives exactly 17 minutes from me, yet I hadn't seen him in almost two years this September. Mini-me was panicking. CAUN was getting himself some cotton candy and would be coming to find me any second. Well I gathered my balls about me and marched my behind right over to him and got his attention. The look on his face was priceless. We started to chat and suddenly CAUN was at my side. RW's face changed ever so slightly as I introduced the two and he introduced me to his friend. Some more pleasantries and that was that. It felt SOOO GOOD to have a man on my arm when running into an EX, lol. Ya'll know ain't nothing worse than running into someone and you by yo self. I wonder did he, like me, clue his partner in on exactly who we used to be. Of course then I continued to see his ass the rest of the time at the show, lol. I ain't gonna hate - his new woman reminded me The funniest part of the whole thing; Mini-me decided to give CAUN a debriefing about him, lol lol Who knew she thought he was....corny, lol lol. Kids.

We did all the things you do at a car show and settled on the Maybach as one of our favorite cars. CAUN and I have such a good time together and for the most part Mini-me stayed mortified at our antics,lol. We settled on the Hyundai Santa Fe and the Toyota Sequoia as our rides. Now I settled on the Jag for my 50th birthday gift, lol I sat in that bad boy and it was LUSH and I looked LUSH in that bad boy.

We went all over that place and then we ended our evening at Ruby Tuesdays. It was a wonderful saturday.

Today, I panicked and decided to clean up. Now yes, I've been home all week with Mini-me and yea I did a couple of things, but I'm having to increase my housework. This whole 'having a man' thing takes alot of energy, lol. All this cooking, cleaning, loving etc. My physical activity has picked up three fold. Tomorrow we go back to work and school. At least we have an all staff and BBQ, so my day will be cushy.

Janet is preoccupied with the baby, so we have been missing each other - but no fear, I've been getting ghost alot lately myelf, all wrapped up in CAUN.

Well I would write more - but my domestic has CAUN in a frenzy, His cup is about to runneth over - so I'mma go get something out the washing machine or something and end my night on a High Note, lol Ya'll take care.

Posted by Pamalicious :: 9:27 PM :: 1 comments

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Friday, May 05, 2006

Sunset Monologue 183

Fruitopia Friday

Blog Musical Mood: Riding Dirty - Chammillion

Hey Ya'll - just sitting here listening to LA's Finest shake the rafters on my home with his snoring, lol lol We were going to the movies to see Mission Impossible III - but then decided not to do everything at once. We are going to the car show tomorrow. I won one ticket through a blog contest THANKS KARSH!, so it will only cost us $15 to get in - so that's a go. Mini-Me will be in the wheel chair so she'll be fine.

I had enough of staying in the house - so I went out today. Packed that child up and we hit the streets. Funny the best place for me to unwind? The thrift store, lol. I needed to go anyway because I needed to get Mini-Me some pants to fit over her brace. Well this was a good trip - I mean once I cleaned out the trunk the wheelchair wasn't bad to get into the car at all. I have been weaning her off daytime meds and making her do some things for herself these last two days - so it worked out fine. Funny what kinda determination and strength you get as a parent. I just had to deal with that whole lift the wheel chair up and out. Now I fogot to put the brake on and pushed her into the street (!!!) but it was okay. I was in the zone, lol I got me two pair of cropped pants, five shirts and a pair of slides. I got her a pair of cropped pants, two pairs of sweats, and two dresses and a really cute shirt. I got LA's Finest a pair of dockers for work and two really nice shirts all for $45.00!! You know how I do it. I outfitted us all, lol It's no wonder why it's so HARD for me to shop 'normal'.

So He has also been dragging me around the block a couple of times a week. That's a good thing. We talk and plan out things while we speed walk. I joined my gigs Active for Life so I might as well be active. Now he knocked out and I'm still up - but then again - I got alot of excess energy being locked up in this house this week.

I got a feeling that I'll have a nice Mothers Day coming up. I'm excited. Funny I always was one who said I didn't like flowers but since he's been bringing them to me - I LOVE THEM, lol. One bouquet has lasted a month no lie - these are super flowers,lol. I had three bouquets and the other two died but this one is going strong, lol.

Before I go enjoy my weekend - let me show ya'll something that has not happened to me since um 1983 or something like that. LA needs to stop hatin on my Caramel Skin, lol

And FINALLY - as of this thread - I am officially changing LA's FINEST to his New Name: CAUN - No need to know what that stands for (heheheh,) but he will be referred to as CAUN (pronounced CAH YOUNNNNNN) from this day forth.

Posted by Pamalicious :: 9:33 PM :: 0 comments

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Thursday, May 04, 2006

Sunshine Monologue 190

And The Thoughts Continue

Part II

I had something interesting happen that deserves a few words. LA's Finest and I are adding more and more to the foundation of our love as we take this most beautiful journey. Now of course - our union affects alot of people, we got kids, ex's and all kinds of other people that we both will acknowledge within our union. Now we might not give them any real energy, but we do know they are around. Well LA came home one day and said he was told that he probably wouldn't end up marrying me because I didn't look like I was up to his....speed. Now unbeknownst to him, this was not the first time this sentiment had been expressed about me. I actually had heard this before from Mobetta's Ex wife. And here I was again, many years down the line running into this sentiment again.

I always find it interesting how as women we think it is our 'right' to chew up and spit out men and then require them to forever be in debt to us because we gave them the time of day. So many women operate on the principle "Do as I say and not as I do". We can break up and move on with new people and new experiences but don't let our last man, finally bury what we had and move on - - Oh HELL NO! How dare him! How dare he have the nerve happy. We need to really check this among ourselves, because not only is it not fair - it's borderline psychotic behaviour if you ask me.

I smiled this time like I smiled last time at that 'ASSumption'. When LA's said it, it reminded me of that McDonalds Commercial, where the dude looks at the woman and thinks she's square and not with it and then her cell phone goes off and she's CRUNK! I like being that woman! I like the fact that the fabulousness that is I - is not wasted on everyone and it takes a keen eye to even point it out. There are alot of thoughts out there about me and WHO I AM. I find it exciting and intriguing. So please, continue to think right up until "I Now Pronounce You Husband and Wife" rings out over the land........

Missy Heat Mizer! Missy Heat Mizer! I have been laughing at this one as well, because I have come to accept that I can be a meany and can get quite fiesty. It's a part of my personality that I have embraced. It also is coming in handy when it comes to LA's Finest. He has the softest, most open heart I have ever encountered. He is AN ANGEL!! We are really ying for yang because he certainly has made me look more into my sensitive, tender side and I have had to just lay some stuff out on the line to him - because I want to fight so many people for taking advantage of him! How dare they take such a beautiful person and use him over and over again for their own evil selfish plans! Know this: Pamela is in the house and I'm blocking left and right on his behalf - the days of using LA's Finest are OVA!!!!!!

You ever feel like you wanna get even closer to someone. Love Making, which is the ultimate expression of openess and passion is NOT ENOUGH. I feel like that about LA's Finest. Ya'll just don't understand, lol and probably are tired of me expounding on it - but oh well, lol. This is soooooo different than any experience with a man I have ever had. I feel like I want to take my skin off and show this man my soul. He is stripping away so many layers of old paint and the shine that is coming through is blinding! Getting in touch with deeper levels of me (including tears) has me all discombobulated but it is such a necessary journey. I sing from the rafters my love for this man. I have never been this demonstrative, this open or this forthcoming about a relationship. I have opened up to my momma, my family, perfect strangers.

We feel a bit fustrated because we want to be more to each other than just dating or whatever - it's like we need a bigger title and a bigger identity for what we got going on. I don't keep track of time or anything because it would put limitations and societal pressures around our union and I'm doing MY THANG with this man.

The atmosphere in my world, in my house is so wonderful. He belongs here - he is not outside of the scope of my day to day and I am not outside the scope of his. We have merged and it has been the most natural thing I have ever experienced. We have NO PRESSURE among us - our bond is bereft of drama. Some say you should argue before you mate - well we have disagreed, but we both are not argumentative - so why interject something that is not needed for us to get along.

We are up in here living, grooving and loving. I gots me a family and that's a beautiful thang! LA's Finest has met and integrated himself into my friend base - we move as a unit. Him being so open about our love with his family and friends is the most beautiful thing in the world. I have been a 'secret' in a man's world more times than I care to admit and for a man to 'claim' his love for me - is worth it's weight in gold. It's allowed me to 'claim' my love for him.

To be on the cusp of 40 is sexy within itself, but to then find Love and GOOD LOVE from a GOOD MAN - is Orgasmic.

Posted by Pamalicious :: 8:45 AM :: 4 comments

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Sunshine Monologue 189

The Trifecta Approach

Blog Musical Mood: Make It Last Forever - Keith Sweat

Mannnn, I have been trying to get back to blogging! My mind is about to explode with thoughts. I am going to NOT break the blogger rule by posting one long as post - but hit you with a couple of mini-one's, lol. So enjoy!

First, Mini-me is doing alot better. I've been out all week tending to her. Being put back in a position of a new mom (as in I'm on call 24 hours) has been interesting to say the least, lol. I am T-I-R-E-D. At least a new child weights like 7 lbs. I should be ready for bikini weather in no time, lol. I am however, attempting to wean her off of the codeine and we need to deal with pain management - in order to go back to school - so I am going to just take this week and we will start again on Monday.

I have to go and buy some jeans etc. (from the thrift) because she has to wear the brace under her clothes and as we know young people's clothes have no breathing room. I'm picking up a few things that we can cut up and she'll be going 'Hulk Style" for a little while. I will try to make it creative etc.

She's been quite a trooper and I let her know that I was proud of her and that one of the beauties of she and I is that we can make one HELL of a glass of lemonade out of the lemons we are dealth. Hopefully by Monday, we should be back to some form of a routine.

Meanwhile, I was doing quite janky with my school work. Just been preoccupied. So I was down to the wire - had an 8 page final paper due. I was on page negative two. I sat down and focused and crunk it out in three hours! Turned it in and hoped for the best - just went and checked for my final grade and I got a 34 out of 35 on my paper and an A out the class (93). YES! Next class started that very day! I didn't have the money for my book - so I won't be able to get in the groove till Friday when my book gets here. I was thinking of taking the summer off, but I'm in the zone and so I'll just go right on through.

The 40th Birthday Party Plans are coming along fine. I have decided to have a white party. I think they are so classy and outside in the beginning of the summer it will be hella sexy. Of course as the Person of Honor - I have something up my sleeve. Apparently, "La's Finest" does as well.......

Stay tuned for Part Two.........

Posted by Pamalicious :: 8:08 AM :: 2 comments

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Monday, May 01, 2006

Sunset Monologue 182

The Limbo Heard Round The World!

Blog Musical Mood: Don't Disturb This Groove - The System

This E.T. looking creature is not a sonogram of some impending birth I'm about to have, but Mini-me's Knee!! It's been a long day people! Mini-me was a trooper and surgery was successful. Unfortunately it was at the worst end of the scale and there were two 2 centimeter pieces of cartlidge (bone) floating around. The Dr. ended up calling some residents in because this was the biggest break she had seen in her career on a child!

There were two options - to remove the floating pieces and 'grow' some cartlidge for a graft or try to work with hers. The Doctor decided to get 'experimental' and try to save hers.

Mini-me has two screws in her knee holding the broken bone together, which required a bit of additional time in surgery. They are 'hoping' that this bone recognizes it is home and fuses itself back to her knee. however, they couldn't save it all - so she has a gap (which basically means when she gets old - she probably will have knee problems - the short term is we are hoping arthitis doesn't set in while she's young).

It is imperative that she puts NO PRESSURE on this leg. Currently she is in a stricter brace which has a contraption hooked up to it - so that I can actually pump ice cold water into the brace. I have to do this a couple of times. Pump the water out and replace it with ice cold water. She must keep pressure off this leg for six weeks and she is in a wheel chair for a minute.

The Dr. is predicting she should be ready to go back to school (based on me calling and making sure) on Thurday...Friday at the latest. However it looks like six weeks in this immobilization brace, then they might have to go back in to make sure the screws dissolved and things are going okay - then we got about 4-6 months of additional therapy because by the time the six weeks are up - her knee would have fused...straight.

There is an option of a cast, which I will explore next week when I take her in for her check up. I might just get the cast to ensure - she doesn't get antsy and move that leg.

So there you have it! I got her all the way up to 12 without a childhood injury and she takes her maiden voyage with a doozy! ALL FROM DOING THE DAMN LIMBO AT A FESTIVAL!!

Otherwise things are going fine - let me just say that it is SUCH A BLESSING to have this man (LA's Finest) in my life! To have someone to be there, to listen, to hug me, to just be a man about his, I'm damn near speechless and this ain't the first time since he and I began. We had such a wonderful weekend (I got about three blog topics off of this one) and we both were like - Who would have thunk we would be sitting here doing THIS from a decision to answer my note on Blackplanet.

I have a paper to write (yea I'm getting to it and it was due today) - but never fear I got three blogs to get on here!


Posted by Pamalicious :: 5:58 PM :: 2 comments

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