ThE EmAnCiPaTiOn oF pAmMiE

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Sunshine Monologue 48

Run On Sentences….

Hello is this thing on?when the most excitement you have is an old re-run of Martin – time to reevaluate the lifeplan, lol

Conflict Resolutiondoesn’t include ‘with your bad weave’ mini-me! I’mma need you to do better – and a weave in middle school?!

I don’t like you but I’ll do you what is that about? My genitals don’t even wake up if I’m not feeling you as a person, lol yet everyday you hear about the I slipped and fell into the situation. Shouldn’t more of us get suction on the bottom of our shoes?

Last night as I looked at that football field known as the empty side of my bed (don’t it look big as hell when no one is over there) I really missed coming into my room and seeing some 6 foot brotha lounging in his boxer/briefs. If you ‘built’ for relationships – the visual without one is pitiful.

Truth in Advertisingwouldn’t it be revolutionary if this ad were real? (thanks Crunk)

School yard antics are raising their ugly head in my life. There’s a new sista in the group and though she cool– she got all the others mesmerized and it’s wearing my nerves thin. I USED to be the wittiest and the one they all turned to for pearls of wisdom and now here comes this broad and she sucking up all my air. Not to mention she been everything and everywhere – no story is complete without ‘oh yea when I was a rocket scientist…’ or however she can interject her story into my story. I know it’s childish but I’m jockeying for position on my own playing field and I’m not liking it! See, it takes a conscious effort to unite – unity has to be forced because your natural territory instinct is gonna kick in. So I’ve been forcing myself to grit my teeth and bear it. I hope I don’t snap.

A word about expectations from a mate as part of that other question that can suck the air out of any budding relationship (what are you looking for?) the second part of that is more an implied question: What do you expect? Other than I expect you to have a bit more game than to ask that question – here’s my answer:

"The mental strain and aerobics of trying to wear several sets of costumes out here in the world I would 'expect' the man in my life to alleviate some of that stress for me. HE figure out what direction our family needs to go in, HE figure out how to best utilize our money, skills etc. out here in the world.

His owning and being productive with chores/obstacles that require a stronger hand and/or testosterone (for respect) - I would also like him to be able to do - independently of me. My answer applies to a man who has staked claim and made PUBLIC his desire to be the head of my household.

I don't 'expect' household bills to be paid by a non-residential boyfriend. What am I suppose to do charge him for the TV time, lol Break down how many miles he rode in my car and then charge him accordingly. I never understood the logic that a man who comes over twice a week should be required to pay one of my bills. Some things you are just going to have to bite the bullet for and that includes running your household.

A conscious man 'might' offer up household services such as grass cutting etc. etc. because he can SEE that there are some things that might require his assistance, astute men do these things because they recognize that works when trying to get closer to a female. If a man never offers I never ask - but it is put in the mental rolodex."

Would it be ghetto if I won a car from V-103 and then let them repossess my old one so I wouldn’t have a note. Now sure, my credit would be messed up forever – but oh well.

Does anyone else have a lottery winning plan I have one for various amounts of money, but one thing that is constant my family must write a 500 word essay as to why I should be giving you some money. I have to make this interesting – I have 11 bros and sistas, lol I think I need start playing first though.

I am officially declaring myself dumb as hell and will begin repeating the sixth grade immediately. Mini-me is kicking my as with this homework! I told her in the second grade that momma not going to be able to help you past the fifth with your math – and here she comes with Fractions etc. the Teacher sent a note home saying ‘old school eh’ because I had to show her circa 1978 how we did it and it shole didn’t take half a damn page!

I wanna be 50I know this is suppose to be about my journey to 40 – but I wanna race ahead a bit. Why? Because then I can DO ME and come from under the boot of society. Once you get 50 (and I don’t mean celebrity 50) I can just let it rip. First thing I’m gonna do? TAKE OFF MY DAMN GIRDLE! I can see it now – I can breathe!! Next, I’m rocking my elastic in the waist jeans! I’ma also finally get me a man because by that time – the criteria will be about Are you nice? Do you love me? Can you cook? Can you still get it on a couple times a week? Can I go fishing every other weekend without you being all in my ass? All that REAL stuff and then me and my new man are going to be happy as hell! Now don’t get me wrong, I’m sure there is some new uncharted bullshit that awaits me when I get to that age – but I think that if I make it thru what I have to go thru now – that will be a piece of cake!

I want my man a little crusty and I mean that. Blackmen have always taken pride in their appearance and even that one with three teeth (and two of em loose) smelling like death warmed over will approach a sista cause in his mind – he strutting with the best of them (reason number 1003 why I love the Blackman – he the only one got that kinda confidence) but a lot of bros are walking a thin line with the metrosexualism. What is that you might ask?

metrosexual (met.roh.SEK.shoo.ul) n. An urban male with a strong aesthetic sense who spends a great deal of time and money on his appearance and lifestyle. metrosexuality n. A metrosexual is a clotheshorse wrapped around a dandy fused with a narcissist. Like soccer star David Beckham, who has been known to paint his fingernails, the metrosexual is not afraid to embrace his feminine side. Why "metrosexual"? The metro- (city) prefix indicates this man's purely urban lifestyle, while the -sexual suffix comes from "homosexual," meaning that this man, although he is usually straight, embodies the heightened aesthetic sense often associated with certain types of gay men.

Mark Simpson invented this term in 1994 it drifted slowly from one media source to another throughout the rest of 1990s and early 2000s. Then Simpson wrote another article about metrosexuals in the online magazine on July 22, 2002, and the term took off. Since then it has been picked up by thousands of media outlets, has made numerous TV appearances, has spawned at least a couple of books, and has been dropped in untold numbers of cocktail party conversations. There is no escaping the metrosexual.

Now no fire breathing, ball scratching, farting brotha would EVER admit to being this, but some of you exhibit such behavior. Getting a manicure is one thing – getting ‘blush’ as a polish is another; One earring is one thing – door knocker hoops (unless you are a Black Hewbrew Isrealite) is another; wearing the latest fashion is one thing – but pitching a fit because it was from last season is another. A facial routine to keep razor bumps down is one thing – FOUNDATION is another. You get my drift. Watch it!


Step right up and get your B.O.B.’s from….Walmart Now we all know that most stores sell ‘deep tissue massagers’ and that a lot of women buy them to massage something alright, lol, but now Walmart is selling ‘sexual well being products’ beginning in the $5.99 price range! I am so excited! B.O.B.’s (Battery Operated Boyfriends for those not in the know) Phallus’ as a Kwanzaa gift for Everyone, lol. I’ll give them away on Kujichagulia – cause that just sounds fitting.


My new blog obsession is Babee Munkees and Clams – ya’ll ain’t ready, lol lol

Candidate For that Empty Side of the Bed

Posted by Pamalicious :: 8:50 PM :: 5 comments

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Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Sunshine Monologue 47

My Hump My Girlie Girlie Hump

Well it’s ‘hump day’. Not quite sure where that name came from, cause everyday is a long ass one for me. Sometimes I surprise myself with this whole being on time thing, lol I have always fought clock conformity but there comes a time when you have to get on the treadmill of life and go the speed the rest of the world is going. It has become my time. Well let’s get it started. Unfortunately I can't upload pictures from work - so check back for the visuals, lol

Nite and Day

Sure the Vh-1 Honors had a few glitches, but overall it was a top notch show; last nite Bubba Eddie and Tyrone – had their second annual ‘Comedy Awards’, hosted by Steve Harvey. It was like going from prime rib to steakums, lol . A few quick comments: At what point was Steve Harvey funny?, Mini-me and I were dying laughing at the designer names - - WHO?! Why do I always feel like Martin Lawrence has lost his ‘spirit’ some kinda way? They punked out on the Paul Mooney piece? Um, exactly WHO is Tierra Maria and WHY was she on this show? And Katt Williams is the funniest man currently alive.

My Paul Mooney/Tracee Ross Moment

Always interesting when my life imitates art, lol. I’m surfing and run across a board where they are slamming my mom against the pavement WWF style. Usually I don’t entertain these type of conversations because they are base, especially when they begin to devalue the woman and not the word – which in itself validates the words. However, today I was feeling a bit cheeky so I showed my face just as a reminder that you never know who might be looking, watching, waiting – always fun. That thread will sink to the bottom, lol

Ghetto Anthem Remix

I’ve already discussed how “Whoop That Trick” was my personal summer ghetto anthem, well lo and behold a late entry has appeared and must be incorporated into my inner hood – Mike Jones f/Ying Yang Twins (or the other way around, lol) “I Need A Dime” is the new joint!! How could I resist classic lines like “I snuck up behind her and said it’s time to let a playa get in that vagina” ROTFL ROTFL ROTFL ROTFL

Second Time Around
I bet we all got that person that we would go another round with in the romantic ring. I thought about mine as I received a string of emails from ‘NY Transplant” – expounding on how much he misses me. Now if I’m about the ‘game’ I would certainly feed into this, but because I’m really no longer interested – especially when the dance is followed by the ‘let me get your number again’ song – people I miss and am feeling – I remember their phone number, it hasn’t even been a good two weeks. I haven’t even taken his number out my phone and still remember it and I’m no longer interested – so how is it that he misses me and can’t remember or find my number………..

I feel an epiphany brewing

Be on the lookout for more of my introspective soon. I got a couple of topics I wanna explore. Sometimes you have to let these things marinate so thanks for bearing with me while I fill the space with other aspects of my being till I get a chance to look inward again.

Posted by Pamalicious :: 9:59 AM :: 5 comments

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Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Sunshine Monologue 46

Clutch the pearls, I’m multi-orgasmic and my left leg was twitching last nite! The VH-1 Honors were Class A Off tha chain last evening. I know I’m checking in late (as evidenced by my full email account) – but I was worn out and needed my rest, lol.

If you want to see all these performances go here and click on performances - included is a performance by David Banner - the multiple orgasms continue!

First top of the line:

  • The Good: Everyone looked good and healthy and did I say good!

  • The Bad: Kanye’s continued media blast – wasn’t interested last nite

  • The Ugly: The same as it was last year for me, the audience. They should have picked a more appropriate crowd. One where they didn’t have to give out the lyrics because they already knew them. I really would have liked to see the 30 and older crowd up in the front – teenagers in the back with a notebook to TAKE NOTES!

I’m a fan, it’s one of my personality traits – I like celebrity and all its trappings; so an opportunity to go back in time had me all giddy. Like I stated, I moved the cocktail table and mini-me said “I’m going in my room and close the door so I won’t get traumatized” LOL. Got me a cool drink and lined up all my phones and the DVR remote by my side and strapped in to take this ride.

Vh-1 should be age restricted with your birthday having to come no later than 1975, lol lol They have their finger on the main vein of what people like me want to see and this was it. They also have the better employee base from Viacom in terms of planning live or live to tape shows (the worst of course on that OTHER network for Black People and it ain’t TV-One) – but I digress.

There’s something about performers – they are never to far from trying to perform, and that was to our benefit last nite. All the ‘honorees’ performed and brought it in varying degrees. Rappers seem to be aging well. Is it because the early ones were against type and popular culture. I want to see what the ‘glam rappers’ look like in 20 years. They all so ‘pretty’ now – I needs my rappers rough around the edges, lol lol having been the one that got beat up and not the one who was on the corner watching, lol

Hosted by Reverend Run and his older Bro. Russell (who did much better in the pre-taped monologues than the actual reading of the teleprompter) – it was a nite to pay homage to some more of the founders of rap and yet another “I really did love him” tribute to Biggie by Diddy.

So now let’s get to the performers of interest –

Michael Jackson needs to call LL Immediately and debrief about the benefits of the oxygen chamber, because brotha man is obviously sleeping in that bad boy (yes you can take this Pam rumor and run with it, lol) The man looooookeed Jood, which is one step beyond good. It was as if a prism image of him was on the stage – cause he certainly couldn’t look the exact same as he looked at 16, lol All I needed was some mayo and I would have had me a Nelly LL Sandwich! Nelly formerly revealed all his workouts lifting Ashanti and they have paid off! He paid a fitting tribute (reincarnation) down to the shark fin. One Two Steppin Past Ciara.

Hey DJ won’t you play my song; I love Dj’ing, now there’s a skill that showcases the inventive nature of the Blackman and it was displayed in perfect form last nite. This go round on the tables was better than last years in my opinion.

I’ll admit, I’m not really focused so here’s a mind dump (now how’s that for in your face blogging, lol)

JD’s head is big as hell, Grand Master Flash and the Furious Five are the GRANDFATHERS of rap, LL knowing all the words to everyone’s songs was impressive and he LOOKED GOOD (ok ok I’ll let it go), Queen Latifah was looking slightly ‘Cleoish’ last nite. Ice-T kept it gangsta, Ice-cube’s Hollywood skin is so smooth, Nia Long knows she can walk – ranks up there with Ms. Jackson if yah nasty, Kane “I go with everything” did his usual, TI still in training for the real big leagues but he getting there,

The first official reemergence of EnVogue as a group was refreshing and I can’t wait until they come out with a new video. I missed the gals!

Salt and Pepa (w/Spinderella) remember when they were kinda ‘risque’? LOL LOL I know they like what the hell now. Looked good. Had to laugh and get sad as the video for ‘Whatta Man” went thru my head – Tupac and Treach – my how time flies.

And finally what all the above dribble filler was for to get to the best part of the evening for me: BIG DADDY KANE!! This chocolate, mustard shirt wearing, blow out kit having Brotha made the show and my nite. First let me give much dap to Black Thought from the Roots. He had Kane’s tone and cadence down! I was feeling it and let me give a super duper shout out to the old school dancers they were BREAKING IT DOWN. I love when the feeling takes over you and Common’s spontaneous break dancing was right on time – a hip hop shout, lol Let the Church say Amen!

At first I didn’t think BDK was going to perform. When looking for pictures of him, I kept running into some Eddie KANE, Jr. type poses and I was like – man Bro don has some rough spots eh? Well He was looking good in the balcony so I was happy he was back on the up and up.

Then he came out and basically ripped it. Damn is all I could say and when he started doing his ‘signature’ groove complete with a over the head leap of a dancer (which almost got him decapitated) I was thru! The entire room was in an uproar because at that moment – we all were back there and it felt GOOD.

The best part of Biggie's Tribute - that his kids were there. Enough said.

Posted by Pamalicious :: 9:51 AM :: 4 comments

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Monday, September 26, 2005

Sunshine Monologue 45

Yes Yes Ya'll To The Beat Ya'll

I don't know about the rest of you - but I have already moved my cocktail table out of the way in anticipation of the Hip Hop Honors tonite on Vh1 @ 9pm est. Talk about a goodtime coming up. If you saw it last year you know that Vh-1 outdid themselves (and that OTHER channel I won't mention) with this one. I was hoarse after it went off and I think I dislocated my hip from all the wopping I was doing, lol.

In tribute - I am reposting my "When did I fall in love with hip hop" moment from a previous entry and rolling out the honorees. I'll be back post show, with my comments.

I Used to love H.E.R.
Today I got to thinking about Hip Hop and when I met 'her' and if she's had any influence on me. I grew up in Atlanta in a world that was black - I rarely interacted with the rest of the world. Black hoods, black people, black schools. Uptopia in a manner of speaking. I have memories of 'her' in passing - we met but it was nothing that made me want to meet 'her' again. The Sugar Hill Gang was catchy but it was seen more as this quirky 'song' that came from some place called New York. At least to my friends. My girlfriends and I couldn't figure out why? NOBODY was cute! She was that girl that stood on the wall and maybe one person asked her to dance..but Mike, Prince, El Debarge were the frivolities of choice.

Then I met my math teacher. He was from 'up north' as we liked to say and one day while we were acting a plum fool - he brought out a cassette player and popped in this tape and "She" came out sat down in front of the class and commanded our attention - 'she' had brought Grand Master Flash and they were telling us they were 'close to the edge'. We looked around at our trees and grass and southern charm and were blown away. Where is this place of urban decay and what is this form of talk/singing? 'She' had passed out party favors and alot of us kept them on our dresser - in sight but not touched.

I moved to Philadelphia and when I stepped out the car and my $10.00 sneakers hit that concrete I was....appalled. So this is urban squalor. Where are the trees, what is this 'accent', how come the homes are...connected?! I just couldn't get it. Then one day up in my older brothers room (and excuse if my chronological order is out of wack) he pulled out an LP and these three guys were on the front with these funny hats and huge glasses. He told us this was RUN DMC and listen to this. When he put the needle to that piece of plastic - 'She' was Carrie at the prom! We sat mesmerized by this music...but unlike Carrie 'she' won prom queen and went on to graduate w/honors.

So many memories of the beginning of the commercialization of rap. We were like the stepford kids - this music was making us act strange, we were moving with jerky movements and the music replaced our former passtime..the television. The first time we heard "Eric B for president" and then.....Public Enemy. We would sit in my brothers little car and I mean little; 2 doors put 5-6 of us in that car as he blasted this music and our heads bobbed in unison. For a voracious reader like myself - this was prose put to music and I could get with that. Hours and Hours on end we were instrumental in making Def Jam rich.

I moved to New York in 1989 - so I lived in the mecca and took part in the pilgrimage! My husband grew up in New York and used to be part of the Wrecking Crew a very popular breakdancin group. "She" had introduced me to her friends :) 'her' consciousness was mind boggling - KRS ONE etc. taught and preached and made us be so proud to be black...Ralph McDaniel became my second cousin, lol and slowly some 'cuteness' began to emerge as well as a reshaping of my personal choice landscape in the form of Big Daddy Kane...oooo la la.

Then one day - a shot rang out from far away..a place called Compton...there were black people in California?! It was intoxicating..mesmerizing...and addictive. Our cousin who we didn't speak about had come home and he was UPSET! Your psyche didn't want to embrace the violence, but it did and in doing so...we slowly self imploded.

Throughout the years 'she' has planted herself firmly in my life. The Chronic, Parents Just Don't Understand Doggie Style Hammer Don't Hurt Em - all parties I have joined in with 'her'.

At 39 however, she has alienated me for the most part. She's now naked, hungry and out of doors. She has lost her own respect and whored out so many of her bretheren. She sits at the grown folks table but the grown folks don't really respect her..anymore. We want to see her cousins from back in the day - sit back, play a little spades and remember when.....

The Honoree's


Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five


Ice T

Salt and Pepa

Big Daddy Kane

Also Honoring Boyz N The Hood by John Singleton

Posted by Pamalicious :: 7:30 AM :: 1 comments

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Sunday, September 25, 2005

Sunshine Monologue 44

Sitting on the Watchtower

I awoke from my sleep startled after having had quite an 'active' dream about a former High School Classmate of mines. I have no idea how he came into my subconscious, but I'll certainly drop him an email to say hello, lol lol So I've been up puttering around. My shoulders have descended back onto my body in relaxation which is a good thing. I wish my computer were out on my porch because I would certainly sit out there and do some writing. I like my desktop however, because it keeps me structured in my computer time - If I could move, it would be dangerous, lol So let me get this entry cranked out..enjoy.

Ooo When The Saint..Come Marching In

There are alot of things that define the South and even more specific things that define Georgia, but something that defines the Black South is the Marching of Highschool and College Bands. Saturday was the annual AtlantaFootballClassic hosted by the Atlanta Chapter of 100 Blackmen. Of Course I was up early getting ready to go to this!! Mini-me had invited a new friend of hers and so we hopped on MARTA (Moving Africans Rapidly Thru Atlanta)Rail Line and went on down.

I don't go to the 'city' often but with the potential for that many black people and possibly 85 of the 100 Blackmen - I had to make an appearance. Decked out in my High School Alma mater shirt (gotta rep) and carrying our chairs in a bag - we got down to Five Points. Now for the non-resident Five Points is the hub of the rail system. All trains can be caught from Five Points and all transfers can be made from there. Tons of people come thru their daily and it's right in the center of the old section of downtown and a stones throw away from the hood, if you gotta hoof it, lol If you get off there - you can pretty much walk wherever you need to go in downtown if that's your thing, lol

As soon as we got off and out of the station - you could hear the drums. So we hurried on down and then they came into sight. I get so excited, maybe because I could never qualify for a stop on any team be it band, flag girl or majorette for that matter, but I LOVED IT. Now I'm looking at mini-me and though I'm not transferring dreams - that gal gonna be on some team!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL

Now Mini-me goes immediately into 'Mom gonna embarass me' because I am and we both know this. I dance, march alongside, relive every high school moment with someone standing next to me and give commentary to her.

At the top of this years commentary was my prejudice. Imma really need the big girls to step away from the dance/majorette/cheerleader/flag girl teams (and as a sideline from High School College Queens as well). There's tradition and visuals that need to be upheld and huffing and puffing and sweating IS NOT IT!! I love to see a beautiful dark young sista marching proud - so this aint' a color thing (well ok with the queens it is - keep em light and long hair), but the bigem - hmmmmmm not cute. YEA I SAID IT!!

So of course now that mini-me is on the dance team. I am sooo excited. I'm telling her look at that - that's gonna be you - see how she stepping and flinging that hair - oh yea! oh yea! She's looking at me like - can someone come adopt her, lol

Then here comes the college bands and I am freaking out! The Drum majors from FAMU were all seemingly identical and tall and slim and fine and I was dancing and caught up with the rest of the crowd. "Mini-me Mini-me that's college girl! Look how they look and how they march and girl you are going to experience this and you're gonna have some cute cute boyfriends", lol lol lol (might as well keep the tradition alive).

Now I didn't go to college as in college college - I went to community college so I'm looking forward to her going and experiencing that and I am not going to exclude HBCU from the list. I have a question: A Question: At how many white dinner tables does this conversation go on:

"hmm we might need to send Chad to a mixed or HBCU because he better know how to compete and going to an all white school, will impede him being able to live out here in the real world - "

Not any we all can think of so why do we have these types of conversations? I have to send Shaniqua to a white college so that she can compete and learn how to be out here in the world. I would never instill that thinking in my child. She got PLENTY OF DAMN TIME - to experience Keeblers, you can't get away from them - so what's the hurry. She can experience them in other ways, but self perservation, pride and culture should be on the list as well. I'm not trying to build an employee, I'd like to build a leader, an employer and a person who doesn't feel she has to 'compete' with White America but carve out her niche.

Why fight for our own if we then are going to decide (like we always do) that it's not good enough. She will go where the scholarships and money is - but we are not going to cancel out HBCU's.

Walking away from the parade, I felt engerized and hopeful that I'd be one day running alongside the band in my I'm a band parent t-shirt backwards - making sure Mini-Me is focused in video camera!

The Boob Tube

The Fall Season is in full swing! I have been spending alot of time at the Blackwatch TV - the yahoogroup I moderate engaged in conversation as well as it's making good 'Highschool' lunchroom chit chat.

Now that for the most part, the bulk of the shows have rolled out (a few stragglers from last season will make an appearance next week and be forced in) here is the way it's looking for me (all times est):


  • Extreme Home Makeovers 8-9pm ABC


  • Girlfriends 9-9:30 UPN

  • Half and Half 9:30-10 UPN

  • My Super Sweet 16 10:30-11 MTV


  • Biggest Loser 8-9 NBC

  • House 9-10 FOX

  • Amazing Race Family Edition 9-10 CBS

  • Law and Order SVU 10-11 NBC

  • Nip/Tuck 10-11 F/X

  • Wife Swap 10-11 ABC


  • America's Next Top Model 8-9 UPN

  • Lost 9-10 ABC

  • Law and Order 10-11 NBC


  • Everybody Hates Chris 8-8:30 UPN

  • Apprentice (Trump) 9-10 NBC


  • Ghostwhisperer 8-9 CBS


  • Watching what I taped due to double booking etc.

Whew! Okay, now add in any reality shows, cable, some new shows on my radar like "Commander in Chief" from 9-10 on ABC and I have a full schedule. I might get me another DVR in my bedroom and then I'll have two DVR's and a VCR, lol lol S-A-D!

Keeping it on the QT

'Unusual Attractions' We all have em. People who just don't fit that 'preference' thing we all have worked out to perfection. Well this week, I'd like to roll out the three in order of preference that are my Keeping it on the QT Baby Daddies.

David Banner

Nick Cannon

This half the ying yang twins

Posted by Pamalicious :: 10:30 AM :: 1 comments

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Friday, September 23, 2005

Sunset Monologue 82

Playa Play On

Have I had a lonnnng week! Ended up taking me a mental health day, because the health of my mental was suffering. I've shoveled more bullshit this week than the richest rancher in Texas! Speaking of - Rita is stressing me out! Especially since my two time kidney having, 100 meds a day, I got four kids under 14 Brother decided to stay and send the rest of us into overdrive. So my fridge is full, my do is did and I'm cranking the Tina Marie and about to spit some Friday nite introspection into M-E. So put your ears close to the speakers so you can hear me alright? By the way October 21st - Save The Date! Something so powerful is going to happen you WILL feel it - be it negative or positive.

All Gamers Welcome

I can't speak for all women (of course), but an intregral part of my love jones is a mans possession of 'game'. I like 'game'. There is argument that 'game' is something you shouldn't have. I beg to differ, not only should you have it, but the better it is the quicker you get me hooked. We all got 'game' though we may call it something else - even I got 'game' (wink).

There is nothing sexier than a man with flawless, seamless, as fine as vapor game. It swirls around your head, misting around you as you inhale it - becoming intoxicated with it's scent. The best visual representation of 'Game' at it's essence was given to us courtesy of the classic seventies exploitation flick "The Mack". There was a scene where he took his 'potential' to the theatre and showed her a dazzling light show, while running his 'game'. I was mesmerized by that scene - still am. A man WITHOUT game has to take a woman's panties off; a man WITH game has her show up with none on. It's as simple as that.

Every male thinks he has 'game', but only MEN have 'game' - the rest is like a pickup ball game at the park - it looks like the real thing - - but there sure isn't any endorsment deals, lol

I need a man to play me like a fine chello, plucking all the right strings until I am singing in the note he wants me to sing in. The beauty of the man with real true 'game' is that it never ends and you two just travel around the board in never ending turns. Each role of the dice, presents new opportunity.

I've had two examples of 'game' personafied in my life. "Mobetta" and "Italy" - two masters of the 'game', different in the goals, but masters nonetheless.

"Italy" was about the worship - when you are with him - you ARE the most beautifulest girl in the world. He takes you and presents a full length mirror and points out every square inch of your womanhood, how wonderful it is and then proceeds to prove it to you.

"Mobetta" is much more dangerous because he captures your heart. He holds a picture frame up and places you and him in it - - for eternity. You sweat this man, you hear songs, write poetry, have spontaneous orgasms and pine for this man. He becomes the litmus all other men are judged on.

I'm too intelligent to not know, identify and understand 'game' but not intelligent enough not to fall for it, lol lol. So I embrace it.

Now does a man who always gets the prize have 'game' - sure, but in my book he got "Vegas Game" Bright Lights, Drive Thru Wedding Chapels and Two Dollar Hooker Game, it doesn't discriminate and is selfish. That's the 'game' everyone uses; you want to hope to run into the man with "Monaco Game" - invitation only.

So the next time - you traveling on the Highway in just a skirt and pair of 'fuck me pumps' or balled up in a knot on your bed cause it hurt to bad that he can't see you, or curled up sucking your thumb because it was so good - think about exactly what it is that got you in that position in your life and just whisper "checkmate", I know I do.

Posted by Pamalicious :: 8:38 PM :: 0 comments

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Thursday, September 22, 2005

Sunset Monologue 81

Visuals Anyone?

Yours Truly - rocking the heel/toe, lol

Mini-Me about to do her thang on the Dance Team (as Co-Captain)

My Newest Clothes Hanger

My Job Gave Me this - as incentive to walk 10,000 steps a day as opposed to my current 10,000 ass indentions in the couch a day

Wolfgang Puck had me slaving in the kitchen trying out this recipe to discover - IT'S SMOTHERED CHICKEN!!!! He got me this time - last time I'll go with a fancy Keebler name for something I've known all along, lol

Posted by Pamalicious :: 4:10 PM :: 2 comments

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Sunshine Monologue 43

It's Obvious the universe is upset

I'm really going to need 'you people' to stop wearing plastic diapers, eating off foam, tossing your trash all around, using up all the oil, not inhaling your weed deep enough, farting in an upwind or whatever the freak you all are doing!! I can't take but so many disasters!!! Let me call my brother in Houston and make sure he's not trying to be no 'hero'.

Posted by Pamalicious :: 8:31 AM :: 7 comments

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Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Sunshine Monologue 42

5000+!! 5000+!

I just wanted to take a moment to say THANK YOU! Over 5000 views (and mine don't count - I have it set - so I'm not stuffing the ballot, lol)- I really appreciate those that stop by and those that keep stopping by. You have upped the ante and I must now keep it coming strong, witty and regular. I accept the challenge!!

Again Thanks!!

Posted by Pamalicious :: 7:54 AM :: 9 comments

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Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Sunset Monologue 80

Blog Reruns

I got a feeling - I got a feeling and I knew I had written about this feeling. I've been blogging since February of this year - my readership is much higher of course from when I started out & alot of my pieces have not been allowed to marinate with this new audience - so this my friends is a Blog Re-run - don't worry I got some new stuff!

A Lonnnng Winter

At some point in everyone's life, especially if you are single - there comes a time where you experience a 'drought' or at minimum 'drought like conditions'. A lot of us don't like to admit that, because it flies in the face of (1) all the lying we do on the net about how much we are scoring and (2) it's just damn pitiful,lol.

Some people never experience 'droughts' (lucky bastards) but for those of us that do - let's explore the phenomenon.

"Drought" status sneaks up on a lot of us gradually. We might have a plane fly over and drop nourishment on us ever 4 weeks or so and we don't realize that we are approaching drought conditions. One day however when the dust settles and we are laying in our beds late at night it dawns on us - - it's been what? 3-4 months since we've had any 'water' and then the psychosis begins, lol Twitching, Mind Wandering, Evil attitudes, Dull Eyes and Skin and Delusions begin to overtake us, especially after 'self nourishment' ends up leaving a bad taste in your mouth.

Now for the "Camels" among us - going without 'water' is something that is just a part of the life cycle and no real energy is given to lack thereof. This set of people are usually the ones who know how to slow their heartrate down to the bare minimum and who wants to mess with them anyway,lol

For the REST of us - it is a SERIOUS ISSUE!! Now like a lot of 'water' deprived individuals; Personally I start to hallucinate. We start to see 'mirages' and the like. As we are crawling along on the desert floor, tongue out, longing for one drop of 'water' - we pass by phonebooks, IM Friend List and other 'trash' that we know not to pick up, but we handle it and smell it and try to remember it when it was fresh and wonder if we could salvage it but then the dilemma: is all 'water' good 'water'?

If you are not at total dehydration; the question is "do I want to drink from the first water source I run into or do I want to keep on till I find a well?" NOTHING IS WORST than jumping into a pool of water to find out it is shallow, lol. When you're just parched - the goal is to find a deep deep well, where you can drink several times, long satisfying gulps, filling yourself up. However, if you are just about to lapse into a coma - water is water and even recycled water is better than nothing - as long as you make it clear that this is just a quick swim and you're not getting a membership to the pool.

One day I hope to hit the jackpot and come upon an oasis, where I can take a dip whenever I want and it's always just the right temperature - - until then however, I'm crawling along the rest of you, hand, knees and heart scorched in search of a 'well' I can partake of..if only till it dries up.

Posted by Pamalicious :: 6:55 PM :: 2 comments

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Sunday, September 18, 2005

Sunshine Monologue 41


What a lovely Sunday. No rain since Katrina spun thru, just cool mornings and comfortable afternoons. A perfect day to just sit around in your 'casual' clothes. As a precursor to fall - I pulled out the crock pot and made me some oxtail soup. YUMMY!! Did a bit of writing in my Diary and caught up on some TV. I am so glad it has reappeared in my life - it certainly is something that I welcome and I look forward to snuggling up all winter with it. It makes me laugh, it can get me emotional and show me unconditional love - It can even (if I pick the right channel) satisfy me sexually - now THAT's something you don't want to get rid of and it's alot more reliable than that other thing called a human, lol.


"We have different politics", and with that said, 'NY Transplant' DUMPED ME! Yep, a sista got dumped before it even got off the ground - we never even MET face to face. I can't even say it any other kinda way and I'm woman enough to admit that.

If you are a frequent reader at my spot, you know that I took a self-imposed fast from the land of the men. I have been chillin and just doing my thang. Well, this Brotha comes out the blue and I was considering coming out of retirement, since this was not driven by me.

Well as luck would have it - no need to - the transplant failed.

Three weeks of conversation, promises of dates that never transpired and then the above sentence. I saw it coming, the 'tone' changed and so it was only a matter of days. The questions became more focused, more probing into my make up etc. until it all came to a head.

Let's look at a quick definition of POLITICS: the art or science concerned with winning and holding control; the total complex of relations between people living in society; activities characterized by artful and often dishonest practices

I've relabeled it what it really is though - POLIDICKS - because ultimately this is what was different - when I took control of my sex and said I was not just giving it away all willy nilly - we stood on opposite sides of the fence from that point on. My resistance to talking explicitly and to planning beyond a day, obviously put a monkey wrench in his plans and it got the best of him.

Now on the up and up my POLITICS are different than alot of people. I am pro-black, afrocentric, intellectual as well as intelligent, downhome, bougisghetto and some other stuff thrown in the pot. I don't wave flags or pledge alligence or trust Keeblers. I also am Muslim (Nation of Islam to be exact) and I live in the Bible Belt. So no, I'm not necessarily typical but I'm not odd either. I know ALOT of people who carry themselves like me some more to the right than others, all the men I've cruised into some sort of relationship with, pretty much possessed some of the same things I did - which was an attraction.

I don't walk around for a second thinking that a Grown Man is going to change for me or adopt all of my principals and I don't expect him to think that of me either - compromise is something that is a part of any relationship I get involved in on BOTH our parts, even if I were to date a man who was identical to me, lol We been out here molding ourselves for many a year now and the only way to really find out if we click is to spend time together - sometimes you are taken off guard.

Apparently, however, he must have been running out of time or something - so that was unacceptable. I didn't fight it - why? I'm glad it happened now, instead of after lots of babysitting money, and anymore time and energy.

What made this unique to me was that in the midst of all of this - he let me know "You are a beautiful woman, intelligent, I love the way you laugh' I don't remember the rest because I was in an instant state of shock at the audacity to compliment me and then end it with "but you talk to loud and you curse and to be almost 40 listening to 'whoop that trick' seems not good - seems as if you can't decide who you are?"

At first I was going to go off, but I paused, because to go off would further fill his ego and imagination with visions of him being perfect at his attempt at 'game' - I couldn't give him that, lol So I just let him know that I really don't think it's appropriate for us to have a debriefling, since we never even met or were in a relationship.

Then the phone calls started "why do I feel bad about this?" "does this happen to you often?" "so we're not having sex" - I did reply to this one, since I don't do pity screws. I saw a man who had put his foot so far up his ass, that he was tasting leather and on top of that about to fall on a stake in the ground. I told him to not belabor the point and move on - I wish him the very best in his life and I have no issues about shaping up the resume he sent me and constructing him a new cover letter OR emailing some things out for him on my time. Because I'm gonna be blessed - I think I do know who I am - just that he wasn't willing to take the chance - his blow not mine.

Now we all know about my friend 'Red Flag Man' - well he was already pissed about having to come back from his Villa on the French Riveria to police this thing to begin wtih. He would sit and just wave yellow flags tauntingly in my face and then as he boarded his yacht to go back to vacationing - he was mad cause he didn't even get a chance to toss out any red flags, lol So tempermental - he stabbed me with one just out of spite before his boat left the dock.

So I wasn't upset - as a matter of fact he said I didn't have any emotion about it at all - and I actually didn't. Why? to give it energy would just end up hurting me, he's back out in the street looking for two dates and I'm sexing Shamika..and I'm just fine. I like the fact I'm fine. I like the fact that didn't rock my boat, I like the fact I got peace in my life, I like the fact it was just a reminder - just a reminder. I came into it pure and am leaving the same way.

I love that winter is coming - all this crisp air is good for my soul.

Sending Up The Bat Signal

Where are you?
Why must you hide?
I'm so disappointed you won't show your face.
You've sent parts of you to me, to remind me that you exist - but where is all of you.
Do I have on the wrong outfit?
Do I need to change my contacts, because I can't see you -
Sometimes you send a messenger with words of encouragement, a little bit longer and you're on your way.
I have been waiting and waiting but my heart is getting smaller and smaller
It needs your light to grow again - to beat new blood - to produce that glow
I'm wilting because your sunshine is being blocked
Please come and make it alright......alright.

Baby Daddy of the Week

Posted by Pamalicious :: 2:20 PM :: 1 comments

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Friday, September 16, 2005

Sunset Monologue 79

When Doves Cry

Friday Nite at the P Spot

If you listen closely you can hear the wailing, crying and moaning - if the YAWNING would stop,lol lol

Have a good safe weekend!

Posted by Pamalicious :: 6:17 PM :: 1 comments

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Thursday, September 15, 2005

Sunshine Monologue 40

To The Left To The Left Now SLIDE!

My Neck My so TENSE!! I have seemingly the weight of the world on my shoulders and am having a hard time shucking it off. All of my worlds have collided and though there is not alot of wreckage - there is still stress. If I went to bed at 8pm maybe I could just sleep it all away - that is if I could sleep. I purchased some Jack Daniels Hurricane's and drank one the other nite and it's looking like I might need one tonite, lol On a achool/work night no less. In my previous post I was absent of words - now they are overflowing - getting this chip off my shoulder should surely help - so let me get to chipping....

What Are You Looking For?

I would like to officially say that I wish men would not ask me that question - it's loaded and I find it a Trap Question for the man to plan either his escape, his way to flip what I say to his sexual advantage or to lay out a plan.

I have no 'short quippy answer to this' or some 'vague answer' Now I don't have a strigent one either - but to answer this question is to basically for the most part -end the possibility for continuous with a man at this stage in the game.

You are damned if you do and damned if you don't.

This question comes in many forms but basically it's a way to find out (and it's asked from both sexes) what you down for?

If I've asked the question and I get "just looking for a friend to chill with" in man speak this might sound like a good answer in woman speak this sound like you looking for the old couch/takeout/screw/leave scenario and I evaluate it as such until it's proven otherwise.

If I'm asked the question and I say 'looking to find a person who's about setting up foundation" in woman speak that's not a bad thing - in man speak that is "you looking to rope me in, marry me, take away my freedom and help you raise your kids"

I am finding it increasingly fustrating and difficult to believe that men in their late 30's and 40's and early 50's don't have command of their dicks. I mean that they still actively seeking the sex only relationships - Men in general have always been programmed to display this part of themselves, but it seems that now it's as if a furnace has been lit and they can't turn it off. How have we as a people in general finally fallen into the trap of being defined by our sexuality and bringing to life the 'rumor' that we were nothing but 'fucking' savages who can't control their carnal desires.

Time is a commodity to me and the pursuit of what a person doesn't want is a waste of that precious commodity - giving a guideline is what is asked and it's not written in stone - but certainly can give a person an opportunity to make a decision if that's within their scope - if I'm looking for grapes and you looking for cranberries - we could possibly make crangrape but then again maybe we couldn't, lol

It's all so fucking confusing. Why would that question come up before even going out or within the first four dates anyway - I checked and apparently this is some Southernplayalistics - go figure!

So as a side note: Sistas - if you doing the personals and it says "I am looking for a sista who KNOWS WHAT SHE WANTS" - read the fine print - "Just make sure it doesn't involve me having to put my dick away and get to know you."

Personally and I mean it - don't ask me that shit. Whatever whatever, lol

You Think to Much

"You real deep", "You over analyze things" - now in some circles these are compliments to your intelligence level but NOT in the dating world, lol I've been told this a couple of times and I claim the I over analyze things part (because sometimes I do),but how can a person 'think to much'? We are all given some level of cognative ability and the brain is a mechanism that needs to be fed or it will die, we don't even use all of it, so I try to use the portion that I do have available to me. I don't give 'pat' answers to things - maybe from being raised in a household where complete thoughts were encouraged or maybe because I'm a conversationalist or maybe because I have been in way to many discussions groups - but I like to expound. Anyone who speaks to me knows that very rarely am I boring and that I can tell a story, lol I don't just have diarrea of the mouth either - I can be deathly quiet - so yea I could just answer a question with one sentence, but life is so much more interesting when you give it a full paragraph.

Now in the dating world, if a man tells me that, immediately I think he's actually saying "I'm going to have work harder, because I bet she figuring out my angle from jump street" Not necessarily - but I am listening to what you say and how you say it. Isn't that what I'm suppose to do? (no need to go on - just shaking my head).

Damaged Goods

From a random brotha on a random site:

If you are a single woman with a child the average man will look at you as damaged goods. The average man that does not have children does not want a ready made family. It doesn't matter that you have been taking care of your child on your own and it appears that you have your life together, it's an instant family and it's another man's seed. That just goes against basic male instinct. However that does not make you any less sexually attractive so the single mother falls into the sexual relationship only box. If you are a single mother of multiple children, you'd have better luck at winning the Power Ball for $125 million as to finding one of these "good" brothers. Not saying it won't happen for you but the odds are extremely against.

Think I'm just blowing smoke out my ass, let's look at the reality of the situation. Black women out number black men only slightly. Something like 2.4:1. However, take into account the men locked up, gay, switch hitting or married and the ratio is more like 12:1. So you got 12 women competing for 1 man. We ain't talking about a good man, we just talking a man. If you narrow it down to only dealing with the good men, I wouldn't be surprised if the ratio sky rocketed to something like 50:1.

Whew! I know right - he said a mouthful now didn't he? First, I'm sure there are Brothas who are like "Damn Man you telling the Frat Secrets" - I would like you all to go stand beside this brotha - now MOVE TO THE LEFT!! So I can see a GROWN MAN.

I won't dispute the words, but I will speak on the condition. If this is in any way the thinking of the majority of Blackmen then we are officially in a state of emergency. With teen pregnancies etc. etc. those poor children don't have a chance in hell now do they?

If the birth of a child equates to a woman being damaged goods - hmmmm - what does that say - since there is only one supposed Mary and that story is disputed as well?

Preferences is what have gotten alot of us in the 'condition' we are in today - some people don't do well with choices and Black People are one of them. We are not equipped here in America (I'm speaking of my brothas and sistas who are descendents of former slaves) to take to many choices. That kinda freedom we no longer even have genetically.

If we take out all of those that are just not capable of sustaining a relationship because they are 'damaged' on an emotional level (which I'll address in a minute) - and we take out all the MEN who are emotionally damaaged - the pool is shrinking. If we look at grown folks who I am going to identify as 35 and up - there's a child somewhere for the most part. So is this one of those 'double standards' that is a way of life but we wish it wern't. I'll paraphrase someone here "99% of the men who have children are NOT full time parents - 99% of women who have children are - so men have always had wider latitude to perpetuate the stance that they are 'single no kids' - hmmm there's that pesky double standard again, lol

I would like to think, when I closed my eyes that the beautiful child I have birth and nutured is not being held against me in this world - but when I open my eyes she is. I can't get up and run to the moon, like a man can. I can't sneak out for a midnight tryst like a man can. But I'm a woman, a self-reported good one - so I don't consider myself damaged goods...sorry.

The only humans who are not 'damaged' in some way shape or form are currently in the birth canal and depending on who their momma was - that might not even be a safe haven (i.e. drug abusers, drinkers etc.) so to assign damage takes alot of nerve and for the BLACKMAN to decide we are damaged is a hell of a lot of nerve.

Alot of us are damaged, but I find it surprising that pussy never gets damaged - we can't be taken to meet momma, we can't be joined with the vision of building, we can't have allowances made for us but we sure can be commissioned to drop it like it's hot!

Women who are damaged from relationships - didn't just wake up one morning and say - I think I'm going to become bitter. There has been a culmulation of things that lead us to being sad, depressed, disillusioned, frantic, weary, bitter and all the words that blackwomen carry on their backs today - let me tell you they weight a whole lot more than Queen, Mother, Foundation, Earth, Mate.

To limit one's range of motion with a blessing (as in children) is a shallow preference indeed. Brothas shouting from the rooftops - "judge me for me and not by the whiteman's standards" must have been pushed over or something - since I'm being knocked out the running, by such a thing.

I'm going to refuse to believe that GROWN brothas are operating like this - but it sure leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I don't mind waiting until Mini-me is out of the house - I wouldn't want her exposed to such a notion anyway.

Whew! Now I think I'll go have that Jack Daniels I spoke about! Sorry if I 'thought to much', lol lol lol

Posted by Pamalicious :: 8:10 PM :: 1 comments

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Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Sunshine Monologue 39

Absence of Words

Morning! I've been digging into my mindspace looking for words that I always have available only to find none. I know right! I am suffering from absence of words, lol. Sometimes that happens. My wit and double talk just go poof! I stayed away but I didn't want to disappoint anyone - so I do have an entry - let's see ca I get my writing mojo back......

It's Fun To Play At The YMCA

Whooo Weeeee!! The Village People Ain't NEVA Lied. Mini-me takes swimming at the Y so twice a week we trudge over there for 45 minutes to help her realize her goal of being a lifeguard when she gets 16 (I know I know). Well mommy here - usually does some work or read and try her damnest not to just pass out from all the eye candy! Now true my ass should be IN the gym - but right now I'd rather just watch. It's like a slo mo video up in there. All I can see is wet shirts, shorts, sweat, do rags, tats, buldging muscles and buldging packages (snicker). I get faint, lol The Brothas are just all over the place - then if you go peek in the basketball window and catch a good game - you wanna just start cheering. Too much testosterone in one spot for me. I like men to much, I like to admire them to much - I haven't been in the company of one in a minute so it's like the buffet up in that piece. Reminds me of this comedianne "Montana" from Comic View when she said "Ever see a man and you just hunch over he so fine?" I remember that vividly because I'm damn near crawling up in there. I am not trying to mack - but I am just enjoying the scenery and let me tell you - it's never been better. I really gotta figure out how to work me a membership into the budget, but quite honestly the Y is too damn high! Not to mention if I were in there huffing and puffing - the scenery wouldn't be the same. I decided a long time ago, working out with women is best for me, lol

I'm Ready For My Close Up

If you are like me, you run into alot of pictures on the net. I have spoken before about the happenstance of all the nudity on the net and I purposely come in and Hate on peoples pages because of it - yea I do that,lol. I also will look at the Brothas from time to time - but I don't have MY ass all over the net. I have, however, make some observations about this taking pictures of one's self and I'd like to share a couple of things wit cha:

  • Make the Bed!

  • Clean up all areas that might end up in the picture - your clothes piled up on the floor kinda breaks the mood

  • Remove any indication you got kids - A freak doesn't look good with a bottle on the night stand

  • One Word - Lotion!!!!!!!! Let me say that again: LOTION!! Does wonders especially Bros. Ashy balls and thighs are NOT cute!

  • Find your pose: Know why I do 'heel toe' because I figured out it enlongates my frame - sometimes a wide ass shot is NOT cute - no matter what posters tell you
  • Don't go overboard on the cropping - a nice shot can be made distorted if you use the crop feature to enlarge.

  • Take a damn test shot - It would help all of us - sometimes what's in the mirror doesn't transfer onto film well

  • Props - Creative is cool but um chili, cheese and onions on your dick - NOT!

  • Forcing Your Freaky - Sometimes it's so obvious you were just bored on a Saturday Nite and decided to read up on the timer feature of your camera

  • Getting Happy w/your Photo Program - the swirls, the mist, the overlay shots - leave it to the professionals

It's TV Time!

Grab the remote, DVR, TV Guide, Microwave Popcorn and anything else yah need and plop your ass besides me because the FALL TV SEASON IS HERE! Now I can live without Football, but the rest I'm looking forward to. Here is a listing of show season premieres, I'm not going to watch all of this - but the ones in BOLD I am looking forward to:

  • Wife Swap Fox 8pm Sept 12th

  • House Fox 9pm Sept 13th

  • Biggest Loser ABC 8pm Sept 13th

  • Survivor CBS 9pm Sept 15th

  • Girlfriends UPN 9pm Sept. 19th

  • L&O SVU NBC 10pm Sept 20th

  • Nxt Top Model UPN 8pm Sept 21st

  • Law and Order NBC 10pm Sept 21st

  • E'body Chris UPN 8pm Sept 22nd

  • ER ABC 10pm Sept 22nd

  • The Apprentice NBC 9pm Sept 22nd

  • Home Makeover ABC 8pm Sept 25th

  • Desperate Housewives ABC 9pm Sept 25th

  • Greys Anatomy ABC 10pm Sept 25th

  • Amazing Race CBS 9pm Sept 27th

  • Boston Legal ABC 10pm Sept 27th

  • Will and Grace NBC 8:30pm Sept 29th

A Few Odds and Ends

Try This (THIS IS NOT A VIRUS) Go to; Type in the world FAILURE and see what comes up first, lol lol lol LOVE IT!

A Katrina Article

'People making decisions hesitated'
More officials' jobs may fall to Katrina response criticism

Tuesday, September 13, 2005; Posted: 5:18 p.m. EDT (21:18 GMT)

Michael Brown stepped down Monday as FEMA chief.

(CNN) -- Michael Brown may have been the first official to lose his job to Hurricane Katrina, but he might not be the last.

Even after Brown's resignation as head of the Federal Emergency Management Agency, criticism of the government's response to the disaster keeps rising.

It threatens to swamp other officials involved in the recovery effort. Blame is being directed at every level of government -- federal, state and local

As new details emerge on what happened behind the scenes as the storm ravaged New Orleans, it is becoming clear that government officials knew what to expect, despite claims to the contrary. ( Watch the video that documents what officials knew and who warned them -- 3:28)

They had planned and trained for it for five days last year, playing out the disastrous scenarios of a hypothetical Hurricane Pam. But when the real disaster stuck, they appeared to be paralyzed.

President Bush on Tuesday acknowledged "serious problems" in the government's response to emergencies, and accepted responsibility for the federal government's failures in responding to the disaster.

"Katrina exposed serious problems in our response capability at all levels of government and to the extent the federal government didn't fully do its job right, I take responsibility," Bush said during a news conference.

There are plenty of unanswered questions about what went wrong, when it went wrong and who is at fault.

In the hurricane's aftermath, thousands of people trapped in the submerged city began asking how they got left behind without food and water. And why?

Why did it take so long to get help to stranded people? Where were the helicopters to drop food and emergency supplies? And eventually, why were people who sought safety in shelters still without food and water five days after the storm?

In the aftermath, the questions grew sharper: Why did aerial shots of the flooded city show hundreds of school and city buses window-deep in water? Why hadn't anyone used those buses to move people out? Did Amtrak really offer residents seats on trains the company moved out of harm's way? And if so, who refused that offer and why?

People also asked why FEMA wouldn't allow the delivery of 20,000 trailers Sen. Trent Lott found? Lott, a Republican from Mississippi, lost his own home.

Then there's perhaps the most alarming question of all: Is the Department of Homeland Security too big a bureaucracy to be effective in its mission?

"We had our first post-9/11 task and we've miserably failed," said former U.S. Rep. Tim Roemer, an Indiana Democrat who was a member of the 9/11 Commission.

"Our government couldn't drop water to our most needy citizens," Roemer said. "We couldn't get generators to people in hospitals. We didn't go by any evacuation plan."

Plenty of blame
In addition to Brown, other public officials face criticism and hard questions about what they did and didn't do. Chief among them are Michael Chertoff, who heads the Department of Homeland Security, Louisiana Gov. Kathleen Blanco and New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin.

Chertoff has insisted for two weeks he had no warning of how bad Katrina could be.

But the National Weather Service issued a detailed message a day before Katrina made landfall as a Category 4 hurricane, saying buildings would be leveled, high-rises crippled and most of the area will be uninhabitable for weeks, perhaps longer.

Chertoff, whose department oversees FEMA, had continued to downplay the significance of the levee breaks in New Orleans, even as floodwaters consumed 80 percent of the city.

Blanco is under fire over whether she asked the right people in Washington for help soon enough. She has been accused of engaging in a bureaucratic turf war that delayed the National Guard response as New Orleans spiraled into anarchy.

Help turned away?
State officials also are being blamed for turning back assistance during the critical first few days. Sheriff Steve Simpson, of Loudon County, Virginia, sent 22 deputies with supplies and 14 vehicles, including four all-terrain vehicles. But he called them back when Louisiana state police officials waved him off.

"I said, 'What if we just show up?' and he says, 'You probably won't get in," Simpson told CNN. Later that night, Blanco cleared legal hurdles that would have allowed local officials to accept the help, but no one ever got back to Simpson.

"I'm very frustrated, trying to figure out what went wrong in that process," Simpson said.

The White House has suggested that Gov. Blanco also failed to call early enough for the federal help she needed. The governor's office says that before, during and after the storm, Blanco's message to the president was consistent. (Watch the video on political defensive moves -- 1:56)

"The governor genuinely felt at that time she had asked for help," press secretary Denise Bottcher said, "She said, 'We need your help. We need everything you've got.'"

Blanco lashed out at FEMA Tuesday for what she said was a "lack of urgency and lack of respect" involving the recovery of bodies of Hurricane Katrina victims.

Blanco said she ordered the state to sign a contract with Kenyon International Monday , after Chertoff failed to live up to renew the private disaster recovery firm's contract. The company has been recovering bodies in New Orleans.

Kenyon worked for the Australian government to identify the remains of tourists killed during the December tsunami, and the company handled the remains of plane passengers who crashed into a Pennsylvania field during the September 11 attacks.

Kenyon told the state that if they didn't get a contract soon, they would be force to leave as soon as they professionally could.

"In death, as in life, our people deserve more respect than they have received," Blanco said.

Empty train
Nagin, whose desperate plea for help in the days after the storm made him a folk hero to some, faces criticism for turning away resources that could have moved more people out of the city faster.

The mayor's disaster plan called for mobilizing buses and evacuating the poor, but he did not get it done. He said he could not find drivers, but Amtrak says it offered help and was turned down, so a train with 900 seats rolled away empty a day and a half before the storm. (Watch the video detailing the failed evacuation plan -- 2:11)

"One of the problems that we're facing at the federal level and at the state level and at the local level -- and again, not casting blame anywhere, is a total systemwide failure, because people making decisions hesitated," Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist, a Republican from Tennessee, told CNN.

Louisiana Sen. David Vitter, a Republican, said he initially was impressed by how quickly federal authorities mobilized before the storm. But after it hit, nothing happened for days.

"There was absolutely no execution," Vitter told CNN.

"I was very happy with how quickly the president had signed his first emergency order," he said. "The FEMA director was on the ground before the storm. FEMA teams were on the ground. But then Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, absolutely no execution. I don't know what they were doing."

Bureaucratic breakdown
The accusations and the public outrage make federal, state and local leaders jittery and defensive. They know that just a few days ago Brown's job appeared to be safe.

Vitter believes the time will come soon enough to answer the hard questions.

"I don't have a doubt in the world that all of these questions are going to be asked in a very forceful, focused way," he said. "So there are a lot of folks, myself included, just as a citizen of Louisiana, who are going to demand straight answers and get the full story, wherever that leads."

He said that the blame does not rest solely with Brown.

"This wasn't a failure of one person, although it was that also," Vitter told CNN. "It was a failure of the whole bureaucracy, and the solution to that isn't getting a new head bureaucrat or a new type of head bureaucrat. I think the whole bureaucratic FEMA model is what has to be probably discarded. "

CNN's Tom Foreman, Mike M. Ahlers and Anderson Cooper contributed

Posted by Pamalicious :: 7:25 AM :: 4 comments

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Saturday, September 10, 2005

Sunshine Monologue 38

Observations from my porch

Morning! I've been sitting outside this morning on my porch, paying homage to the ability to breathe the air,drink the water, blow my money and other things we take for granted. The air is crisp and clear and my lungs are thankful, my soul is thankful. My mind opened up let the oxygen nourish it and of course I came in with some thoughts. I try to keep the weekend Pamalicious Lite - but sometimes the planet dictates that we leave playtime alone.

The Katrina Velvet Rope


I'm not the only one sitting here looking at the 'perks' of being a Katrina Survivor. I'm also not the only one, not tripping off of it, they need help HOWEVER, there are people who are starting to grumble about the 'Katrina Gold Card' accepted at just about anywhere.

we need to be real careful as this plays out. Black People all over this country (for the most part) have come together and given like I have NEVER seen seen us in my lifetime. The hairs stand up on the back of my neck as I see my blackman out there helping, and the tears flow as I see him cry - a small crack in the 'Brewster Place' walls of our existence has happen and alot of us have alot on our mind.

Do Not think this has not gone unnoticed by the folks who's job it is is to notice this kidna stuff. Don't think the editorials, chat rooms and blogs are not being read - There has and always will be a fear of a black planet and the consellations have gotten closer thru Katrina than it has in awhile.

So very subliminally let's start "Operation Rock Em Back To Sleep" All of a sudden this group of black people are getting all this 'special' treatment because they are in our towns. Jaleesa can come here and flash her "Katrina" card and get the red carpet - Dontavious, been humping the pavement for months and is paying taxes in this city and can't get anything. Resentment starts to set in and all of a sudden we are no longer of the giving spirit and we decide they are getting 'better' treatment and walah - yet another notch in the old AmeriKKA belt.

The people themselves might not want to feel like they are 'special' or that they get a gold star for being a "Katrina" survivor but they are being made to adopt a stance because the media etc. etc. is labeling them and rolling it out across the country and those of us sitting in these towns and states are beginning to be like WTF?

One of the PRIME methods to break us as a people was SEPARATION. Not just physically but mentally, spiritually and economically. We added color, class and statue. It boils like a sore in our community and is present in this situation as well. The survivors from the Dome and Convention Center have a velvet rope of Governmental Guilt around them and the ones who had the means to get out better keep the means to keep it going - so there is a set of survivors that is better than another set?

We need to not fall for this bullshit. We got enough on our plates as it is. If we are going to complain it need not be against the people, but the corporations that only open their doors if it's advantageous to them. The media coverage, the tax money that can come to a city etc. etc. The people (like babies) didn't ask to be here - but they are and we gotta deal.

The Niggas Are Coming, The Niggas Are Coming

"I Don't Like Niggas either!" - Chris Rock. Well Well Well Surburbia Watch Out - the thugs are coming your way. I have heard whisperings of unrest among the African American I've Arrived Set about the fact that among the survivors that are slowly making thier way to a town near you - an unsavory element is also in the mix - THE THUGS! Can you see the beads of sweat on the forehead of Howard the VP of whatever at whatever company, driving a Saab, living next door to the very best white people they could find, while thier kids play croquet in the yard? Can you see him running thru his mind, trying to figure out exactly where did his second cousin say he lived - 9th ward was it? LOL LOL LOL I laugh! I laugh long and hard at the very notion that the alot of the fronting are going to run dead into those they have been fronting against.

Sure that element is mixed right in, but for a person to be afraid is crazy. Concerned sure, but I'm also sure that behind the scenes - operation - 'Thug Niggas moving South East" is already in effect and on paper. So the hustlers, pimps, pushers and other odd gangstas are going to hop in their fo fo's and hit the nearest town near you. Most of us probably got some living beside us anyway. The anti-lawless people usually first get with their own kind - there will first be disagreement among them about new folks moving in on their territory - wayyy before they get to the surburbs. I don't think I have to get the burgular bars out just yet.

We are getting ready to get a whole new meaning to "I am my brothers keeper" and it's going to be interesting who are going to start feigning non-relation status. It's hella fake now that "the niggas are coming" soundtrack is playing 0 that we scrambling for 'solutions' etc. etc. because our rose colored glasses have gotten cracked.

Press Release

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: September 13, 2005 (215)339-0062

PHILADELPHIA –Best selling author Shahrazad Ali suggests that the Black citizens of New Orleans organize to file a CLASS-ACTION lawsuit against FEMA, Homeland Security and the Federal Government for dereliction of duty and attempted murder – for not doing the job they had been paid to do – which is to protect them from harm.

Ali says that all of the survivors from hurricane Katrina should SUE America in the WORLD COURT for violation of their human rights and criminal negligence, for abandoning and starving them during a natural disaster.

Sister Ali further suggests that the surviving families of every Black person who died in the Superdome or Convention Center resulting from deprivation of food, water or medical care; should SUE and press charges for involuntary manslaughter against every politician who over the past 20 years voted against replacing the levee that burst.

Ali claims that although many of the storm victims were poor, that they are
taxpayers, even if unemployed, because Louisiana uses their census numbers to qualify for and receive Federal funds to finance state and city projects. New Orleans Black population totaling almost ½ million represent a huge part of Louisiana’s tax base.

Ali firmly believes that the current situation, unlike our pleas for Reparations, which are repeatedly denied allegedly due to lack of proof; this time the whole world witnessed America’s brutal treatment and blatant disregard for Black life.

Shahrazad Ali concludes that after seeing the unlawful detainment and horrific
suffering of thousands of Blacks,of all ages; that this time America must be held
accountable and compensate those victimized by a racist uncaring government.

Sister Ali is asking that all concerned parties contact:

The National Conference of Black Lawyers 1-866-266-5091
P.O. Box 80043
Lansing, MI 48908-0043

PLEASE urge them to take up this cause and respond to these unprecedented civil rights violations forced on our sisters and brothers in New Orleans.

Please help support this worthy campaign by circulating this information
among your family, friends, customers, groups, organizations and constituents. We
must stand up for our people who cannot stand up for themselves.

Thank you.

Posted by Pamalicious :: 10:15 AM :: 3 comments

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Friday, September 09, 2005

Sunshine Monologue 37


Morning! I'm still at home. The Life and Times of Mini-Me have caught up with her and she ran out of steam last evening. So she's sleeping in. The whole schedule I've developed is actually outside of her scheudule. She doesn't have to be to school until a full 45 minutes after I get to work but she has to adjust so that I can be available after school. Well they gonna have to just damn wait. My baby was in tears last nite - saying there was not enough hours in the day. I rubbed her down, spoke softly to her and she doesn't have to get up just yet.

Friday, Friday - let's keep it light - but be aware Sunday I gots a couple of topics, lol......

Does This Stuff Just Come Out Your Head?

For any blogger, I'm sure that question arises - do you write, edit and reedit or does this stuff just flow right out your head on paper? I don't know about anyone else but I write. Bits and pieces of things - so my blog literally bubbles forth from my brain to my fingers to my computer without any happenstance. An average blog entry takes me about 45 minutes, only because I like to let my thoughts marinate - but I think in 'wittisisms', lol Now sometimes my brain can't wait and it begins to spew forth at the most inopportune times, lol like in the bathroom or in the car. At that time I just have to keep repeating the thought until I can get it on paper or actually it becomes lost. I keep a piece of paper on my computer desk so that I can jot down topics I might want to talk about later, but that's about it.

So after I was asked this question and explained it - believe it or not and MUCH TO MY SURPRISE - I was issues a challenge. It made my skin tingle. I haven't been asked to perform cerebral in a long ass time. Score a point just on GP for that one! So here it was: I am going to give you a word, you have to write a short story incorporating that word; you have 48 hours. Are you kidding!!!! Please tell me you are!! I was so excited!! I like these kinds of things. So I'm like okay what's the word. They say: RAISIN. Hmmm I said - I felt like a contestant on an improv show, lol.

Well I hung up and because I was so excited the story appeared immediately. I wa amazed at how sharp it came into focus and so in 30 minutes, I cranked it out. Of course I have to share. Is it worthy of publishing, probably not - but you certainly can say I met the challenge right?

The Picnic

She was feeling the food and she was feeling him as they sat on the floor of the living room. The rain had unceremoniously cancelled their picnic in the park and always quick on his feet – he brought the picnic to her.

She giggled at the memory of him standing at her door – basket in one hand – yellow roses in the other. They both had very tiring weeks and had been looking forward to just relaxing in each others company.

After pulling a blanket out of the closet and turning on the jazz channel that she got with her cable subscription, they had plopped down and he lay out the spread he had brought - - cheese, pineapples, crackers, strawberries, pieces of slicked turkey and….raisins.

The conversation was free flowing and easy. They had found that thought they came from different backgrounds and different regions of the country they meshed. – the fact they had broken their respective gender molds drew them together; he wasn’t a fly by night brotha and she wasn’t a difficult gold digger. They had decided to give each other a chance and this was their sixth date.

She looked him over as he sat on the floor. He was tall and a nice brown color. He had Northern mannerisms and his laidbackness could almost be misinterpreted as blasé’ but it was just the way he was. Their laughter rang out as she told yet another one of her vividly described stories about something that went on in her world earlier that day.

As the sun set – they drank wine and further connected. He picked up a pineapple and leaned in to give it to her. She opened her mouth as the sweet/tangy piece of fruit was gently placed on her tongue. They looked at each other and both had a visual of decadence. Her heart skipped a beat and it was as if he actually heard it, because he picked up another piece of fruit and fed it to her as well. She didn’t remember when the distance between them closed, but suddenly he was very close to her – she could feel his body heat and smell his cologne, she became a bit heady.

“I really am feeling you”, he said softly to her. She replied in kind and they just stared at each other thru lust heavy eyelids. He leaned in and his kiss landed right on target. Her head lifted to meet him halfway. The kiss was electrifying – she could have sworn the lights flickered from the connection.

Upon opening her eyes, she noticed he had the box of raisins in his hand. He shook a few out and held them in his hand. “I want to find the passage way to your heart”, he took a raisin and fed it to her. She inhaled his fingers and ran her tongue around them, beckoning the rest of him to join in. They began to kiss and he lay her gently back on the blanket. She looked up at him with needful eyes and he glanced at her body, rising and falling from her quickened breath.

He placed a raisin on her forehead and then on her nose followed by her lips and very gently kissed each of them off. Next he placed raisins on her neck…one, two, three he placed. He took deliberate hands and unbuttoned the buttons to her blouse. Four, five, six went the raisins on her rapidly inflating and deflating chest. The raisins stuck to the plump mounds of flesh that peeked above her bra. Her mind was getting foggy and she thought she was going to faint from the sheer eroticism of his acts. He placed a raisin right on top of her nipples which were shielded by the thin fabric. Next, he ran raisins down her exposed stomach and made a little mound in her belly button.

She held her breath as he began eating the raisins off of her neck. “Is this a path to your heart?”, he whispered and since she didn’t trust herself to speak she just nodded up and down in response. Her eyes rolled back as he ate the raisins off her chest but flew open to watch him take the tip of his tongue and very gently swirl it around the raisins on her nipples – the fabric became damp from his salvia and her sweat as they strained to be released from their prison. He continued on down and when he got to her belly button he tongue kissed it long and hard in a passionate display of attraction.

Her body was SCREAMING!! But when she felt his presence leave hers she opened her eyes and he was just looking at her. He backed up and pulled her up. Her mind and body were confused and she looked at him with questioning eyes. “That was not the way to your heart – that was a path to your sex – the way to your heart is a road less traveled and well worth it – so I’ll take my time and learn it before I rest my head at my new ‘home’. Her eyes got big – it had been some picnic – she had been enticed by his company, blew away by his sincerity and seduced by some raisins. Lord only knew what he would have in store for her as he continued on his journey – but she sure as hell couldn’t wait to find out.

Pamalicious – 9/8/05

I'm not sure I want to play the challenge game forever, but so far I am definately intrigued.

Posted by Pamalicious :: 6:25 AM :: 0 comments

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Thursday, September 08, 2005

Sunshine Monologue 36


Housing Available in SC for two Black Katrina Survivor Families

Available: 3 bedroom/1 bath and 2 bedroom/1 bath for Katrina Survivors

Any families who would be interested in relocating to Greenville, SC and receiving free housing for a few months, please contact

They will be offering a home, furnished with everything they will need to feel safe and secure and will be covering utilities for a couple of months. If needed, transportation can be arranged. Again, please contact Thanks!

All About Yahoo

I have used Yahoo for at minimum 5 years now. It's the way I organize my internet life - it's homebase. There's some good and bad and sometimes they get a bit busy and I want to tell them - 'you doing to much' Take for example Yahoo 360 - what the hell is this for? When I got the note - I was like okay something new. But basically it's linking folks to you and having some sorta cumbahyah revivial on the net. You know there are pyramid levels. You first add all the people on your IM list - then they add their friends and so on and so on. You can share photos, blog,provide links and feeds and give reviews on things etc. etc. At first I was like okay - but then I began to realize. Homebase is not where I kick my feet up. I don't know half the people on my 360 and they don't know me. It's not like we COMMUNICATE. I also was going to mini-blog about the diet over there but quite frankly that was boring as hell, lol So I stopped that and put a link to me over here. I like this blogging community much better. Something else I discovered, which I kinda knew but had lost touch with - freakism is alive and well on Yahoo, lol lol WTH?! I have seen more plus size ass than I EVER want to see PERIOD!! I tell yah Freedom of speech (and expression) should come with a disclaimer. I always find it interesting that if you say something - then the flag of freedom starts to wave and the people get offended, if in fact, you are comfortable with showing your ass cheeks on the net - then no explanation is needed - when you start to explain it makes me think that you have taken something someone has said to heart. Now maybe it's just the circle I got connected to (HS) - but nah I think I'll pass. My 360 is now a link to my blog and just a big ole profile.

Now I am LOVING the new Yahoo Messenger but I would like the $10/month rumor to stop being IM'ed to me, lol It has it going on and I always laugh when I'm like 'who is calling me from the computer' If you have NOT gotten up to date - man/woman what's taking you so long.

Now they have a new 'gimmick' which I actually thought they had read my personal diaries, lol Can Love Survive Separation? Watch three real couples, separated by college - try to keep their love together using nothing but yahoo. Now to me they should have gotten grown folks to do this - college kids aren't gonna make it anyway, but I'll be peeking in.

Need some Katrina Diversion?

Need to get away from CNN and all the Katrina coverage on the net - well how about giving Little Kim a whole new look? or prepping Fifty out? go to and have fun!

Press Picture of the Week

George: Ever Heard the story of Picking Cotton
Barbara: George, can I pleasssse have this nigglet here?

Posted by Pamalicious :: 8:40 AM :: 5 comments

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