Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Sunset Monologue 52

Rainy Night in Georgia

Whew! Talk about raining. It is pouring outside. Such a soothing sound the rain. Water cleanses and I feel like going outside in my t-shirt and letting it rain on me. Echoes of my voice bounce off the walls and the clicking of my french manicured nails on the keyboard sound like little men marching to war. It's really quiet in my home. I will sleep good tonite - if not a bit troubled by the cold sheets beside me...Perfect night for that someone special....perfect night....

Where the Party at?

Ok, let me tell you; I have no idea what the media is trying to get us to believe, but single, childless and 39 is B-O-R-I-N-G. When I say boring I mean that the outgoing, social butterflies must be in their cocoons or something. I am having quite a nice time - exploring locations and just reveling in the freedom of motion. I don't necessarily need other humans to 'create' a scene of fun for me, but it would be nice. I am leaning heavily on 'Janet' and that's not fair. I need to get me some more friends.

All my friends are married, so this which I represent is not in their range of motion, lol What irony. I am such an oxymoron of my damn self. I live in a matrix, where I am dating, dancing and cooking up fabulous meals and I enjoy that place - and have an uncanny knack of living OFF the feelings of the fantasy.

I won't even say this is a Pammie thing, because it isn't. I have run into more people who are just doing the solo thing. I went to the movies yesterday evening and there were about a dozen people and NO COUPLES!! Just us soloist playing our individual insruments.

I haven't met a man yet that wants to go out. They want to come over and rearrange the cushions on my couch with their asses!!!!!!

This is soooo interesting to say the least. I have a couple of things planned for the remainder of my summer mommy vacation, but to be quite honest....I'll be glad when my child comes back, because it's the other end of the see saw - her balance is needed in my life. You all can have all this!! I enjoy the feeling of being settled and then that burst of opportunity to get out. You all LIED to me about the fun and fantasy - this is a bunch of SHIT!

Dateless in Atlanta

Jigga WHO? Jigga WHAT?

Lord have mercy! 'mobetta' and I have been chatting. I know, I know - don't ask, there isn't enough bandwidth on Blogger to explain this shit, lol. He mentioned coming to Atlanta. I tell yah - we follow the same pattern - it's seamless and the best ride in the world - there should be a TLC special all about it. My cyncism is warranted and directed more at myself. You know how superman always seemed to be there just when you were about to get swallowed up by the earth crater - well 'mobetta' is 'mobetta' for a reason.

Dumping the Phone Logs

I am dumping out all numbers in my phone - they were all wrong numbers anyway. I do applaud the technologically astute however, I have always been leery of just throwing my number around, but the game is accommodating and you really don't have to call back or remember a number you clamored for just days ago. Hmmm, Name, Details, Delete...Delete ALL....Repeat.

Cry Me A River

Ok, I need to address this. Today is July 6th and in the span of about 7 days I've had 3 different men shed tears to me. I'm afraid at the significance of that on many levels. Brothas are in pain and it pains. That's a very real and humbling revelation. Three different scenarios where blackmen have expressed their fustration with life to me. "Be My Sunshine" "Be My Bandaid" "Thank you for saving my life" I only know one of these men better than a casual acquaintance. The other two were on a FIRST DATE with me.

I retreated out of sheer horror at the plight. I was not prepared. As the incidents registered, I became angry. World - get off his back! Sistas - Damn can't you see he's in pain!

I was in a qunadry as to how to digest these things adn make it work for me. Am I that kinda sista that will be a shoulder to unload upon? Is that something that I am about to birth from myself? Can I handle the plight of the blackman as well as I thought I could. I have to think further on this, because I offered my ear, my limited wisdom and my insight, but that was all I could offer. I am the Mother of Civilization - it is my DUTY and my CHARGE FROM GOD to be there for my man. I have to think on this some more, because my shoulders are so stiff, so weak - I was looking for shoulders....
Posted by Pamalicious :: 9:43 PM :: 1 comments

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