ThE EmAnCiPaTiOn oF pAmMiE

Saturday, April 16, 2005

Sunshine Monologue 5

This is the Blog Entry That Never Ends!

Can't Take Ya'll Nowhere OR Yes I admit I'm Bougie

I have to accept the fact up front that I am a card carrying member of the 'Bourgeoisie' or 'Bougie' for short. I cringe at the sheer notion that I will be somewhere and my people will show out. However, it seems as if I'm always being tested on my self proclamation.

Case in point - Mini-me was chosen to receive the Board Scholar Award. It's a prestigious award given to the top five academic/citizenship and behavior students at each Elementary School in my County. I was quite proud of her and we went to the ceremony so she could be recognized.

As soon as I walked in the gym - I knew they were attempting to have a quality program. I was glad that all the recipients were dressed appropriately (no sneakers, hanging jeans etc.) and that MOST parents and family members were obvious 'reflections' of their children and their ability to succeed.

Well I sat down and before long - I saw rather heard them coming and much to my chagrin - I had just become a magnet for the "ying yang twins" "Foxy Brown" "Little Kim" and "Shorty Pimp nem" Lawd have mercy! Why must we be so loud? Why must little 'quintavious' ( a common name these days) be embarrassed as foxy nem scream his name, stomp their feet and then talk about all his fellow classmates? I was turning 3 shades of red, because I still see it as, when the spotlight turns on them from the public - I am in the line of fire.

I was so glad when the program was over and half of the twins packed up his 4 cameras and what not that he told us quite proudly 'he uses when he gets his freak on' and got the hell up out of dodge!

Quintavious baby - I hope you get a full scholarship - OUT THE STATE!

40 IS the NEW 30

When Mini-me told me this - I was like "that has got to be the best marketing plan I have heard in awhile!" So exactly what does that mean? Does that mean that in 2006 when I turn 40; I'm really 30 and I can partake of all the supposed things 30 year old do? I took a moment to look back at my 30's and I made a lot of change during the beginning from moving back down south, to establishing myself in the work force, to beginning the journey in my dating/relationship life post marriage. UH I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK THERE!!?! Maybe The Desperate Housewives are relishing their forever 30's, but I'm looking forward to my 40's and being IN my 40's. I think it will be a time of picking the flowers I've been nuturing in my teens, twenties and thirties.

Now in terms of my previous entries concerning my 'mojo' and my 'legacy' I can see how because we are pretty much stunted in our growth emotionally and mentally these days that unlike yesterday where people were hitting their stride by 35, most of us won't hit it till we are about 45 and that's cool.

Hmmmmm, maybe 40 IS the new 30 - it's just made to look frivolous on TV.

Letting it all hang out

Can you do that? Can you just approach people or relationships and just let it all hang out? Take your girdle off and let those belly rolls breathe? Tell a person exactly who you are, no pretense, no cleverly edited stories about yourself - can you answer the hard questions and reveal the bitter truths?

I wonder what would happen if we did that? I wonder.. I wonder..

Questions I'm Still Thinking On

This week was full of some of the most intriguing conversation! I mean it has been blowing my mind, how indepth the people I know come at me, lol It's what I ask for though and so I gotta take it.

First "MoBetta" and I have been on quite a liberating ride lately. After the Goat conversation, I felt like so many things were lifted from my soul. That conversation will go down in history as the best bit of criticism I've ever had from the opposite sex and now it's our running joke, lol

He asked me "How do you know love?" "Did you EVER feel it from me?" The questions took me aback because it became clear to me that it is a sad place that we throw the word love around so haphazardly and that if it's important to you - then you want to know, and especially the blackman, that you acknowledged his love and it meant something to you.

I answered him giving him two examples and I could feel thru the IM box his fluttering heart be still, because sometimes we can only love the best way we know how and if it's never acknowledged, then maybe we feel like 'damn I've never been recognized for my love'.

Next up "Milkman". The drug of newness has raced thru my veins and I'm giddy with the high. Men think they have it on lock the concept that the only thing better than oldness is newness, but as women we feel the same way except the very best for us is STEADINESS, lol

This is the interviewing round where you ask every question from the poignant to the sublime just to hear the other person talk and to gain tidbits that you can stick on the real live person in your assessment of their potential.

"Milkman" is quite the conversationalist and thru that Brooklyn Accent he's flushing himself out to me and making me a bit flush, lol

My multi-personalities are beating the shit out of each other as they argue over whether or not they will propel me forward into this and it's keeping me up at nights, but I'll quiet them all down soon.

There were actually two questions, but I'll address one here and another on it's own. "What was the most romantic thing ever done for you?" **CRICKETS** **CRICKETS** and did I say **CRICKETS** I drew a complete blank! Could not think if a damn thing that has stuck to my memory banks. However, I could think of several things when the question was "what are some of the romantic things I have done for other people" That put ALOT on my mind bloggers and blogettes, lol What the hell is up with that?!

Damn, Why are you Single?

The question that rings around the world, lol It's that question you absolutely dread answering because when you're putting your best foot forward, you don't want to think about the reality that if you ALL THAT why is your ass having a personal relationship with the couch instead of another human!

The unique flip I got on this was "no why have YOU remained single" which definitely put a new spin on things because it validated that I was a good catch, LOL I give him points for that one.

My answer (paraphrased by now cause you know when you give these brilliant answers they don't stick around, LOL)

Because I have never seen in a man's eyes the same passion for me that I have had for him.

That's it. When I see pure, heavy, open, honest, overwhelming commitment and passion in a mans eyes. I will be his Mrs.

Posted by Pamalicious :: 9:04 AM :: 0 comments

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