ThE EmAnCiPaTiOn oF pAmMiE

Monday, April 11, 2005

Sunset Monologue 29

Catching up on Plicious' Brain Cavity

Hmmm, the sun has been calling me for several days and I was heeding it's message. I feel refreshed and alive as if the dormant pulse in my body has begun stretching and getting ready for the marathon of the activity of summer.

A lot of random thoughts have been rolling around my head and now that I'm in the blogging mood - let me press EJECT.

I'm so tired of being broke!

Ed McMahon Do You Have A Check For Me?

One of the reasons, other than the fact that it's too time consuming, that I don't like going to the Mall is because I get upset. Upset that the marketers know their job and entice me constantly as they peddle their wares. I made a choice a long time ago, that frivolous things like clothes, shoes, etc. would never be a focal point of my life or my dollar - now several years later, sometimes I wish I hadn't went down that road. I guess it's just because the season is changing and everywhere you look, it's the new color, the new shoe, the new new new! It's no secret that I am "$3.95" woman, but I get overwhelmed when I go to the mall and the feeling becomes anger and resentment to those people that have no problem, buying three outfits, or that are carrying various bags around. I then have to defer to mini-me, because her needs supersede mine right? {wondering aloud the validity of that statement}. Her sneakers come before that burnt orange pair of cute ass cropped pants that I already have a sandal for....Right? {someone remind me of my priorities please}. I'm going to stay out the malls until this 'feeling' passes.

What will you be remembered for?
Well it's spring, the flowers are blooming and seeds are being planted, a perfect time for my mom to get in my ass. {sigh} This time it's about my 'legacy' and that I'm on the cusp of being 40 and I have nothing to show for it. Except that I'm a Mom and an Employee - which aren't all that special. I have a wealth of knowledge, was given a vast of information and yet I do nothing with it. I'll look up and be 50 and have not done anything defining in my life.

You know, it's not like I have not been giving some of this some thought (now I won't cause she brought it up-I'm determined to make my own journey and not be pressured).

I don't feel like I've come into my own and I know it might sound really crazy, but to be honest - I have no 'set' plan and I have no 'set' idea as of yet what I want my defining moment to be.

It's funny that coming from super strong parents, my brotha is the only one with the furniture making that has come upon his 'calling'

Either I can't hear it, or I'm not listening because I haven't found it yet. It doesn't scare me because sometimes being mediocre is NOT a bad thing and being the best friend, mother, worker, lover (well when I have that opportunity) etc. IS a good thing - but I now feel this 'pressure' that maybe I should get to doing whatever IT is.

Does anyone else feel like this?

It's over before it begins

Boom! Ending it before it begins

Have we become so detached from the possibility of love and happiness that we come into situations as if they are already over? We meet people and they don't even know they don't have a chance, because we've built the walls so high, we can't even climb over them ourselves. Everyone no matter what,should feel that they deserve happiness and they deserve to be loved and cherished and honored and taken out to dinner and made to feel special. It's as if we've all been drinking so much vinegar that our tongues have become numb to the taste of honey and even if we could taste it - we reach for the vinegar because we've become accustomed. Let's not make vinegar a way of life - honey is one sweet condiment!

Dateless in Atlanta

Milk Does A Body Good

Hmmm, my mojo must have snuck back in, because here I am minding my own business and look up and there's someone in my eyesight. I wiped my glasses clean to take a good look and I like - now if I can keep myself from just getting back in my bed, I'll be fine. You know - with each 'maybe' you tend to pack your heart a little bit farther away - I'm tired of dancing in the front yard and never making it inside the house, but I'm still motivated to see how close I get to the door, lol

"Milk Man" and I connected and Destiny Child went a rambling thru my head. You know the verse 'oooh he lookin good and he talking right, he don't know it might be on tonite'. I'm intrigued and I'd like to explore the 'possibility', because that's all there ever is a 'possibility' the question is......of what? Can I keep from vomiting all of my fears on the hood of his truck, or am I ready to hop up in that cab and see where the ride takes me. I think as I sit here and type - that I'm going to put on my pink Tim's and learn some CB talk - what do I have to lose....there's always mapquest to bring my ass back home if I get lost.

Posted by Pamalicious :: 8:53 PM :: 2 comments

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