Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Sunset Monologue 190



I've been rolling around saying "I'm forty" on my tongue and it sounds pretty good. It seems so finite - I feel like I can't have one moment of non-adulthood/growness after Sunday. Damn that's wayyy to much pressure when I was just in the kitchen doing the booty dance with CAUN,lol.

I've been getting the 'Pam's doing her own hair again' look but public announcement: I'm a HOT MESS till Friday when I start my transformation - so deal with it and my superman curl, lol (my hair dresser can tell I been messin with her carefully crafted do's when I end up with a superman curl in the front of my head, lol lol lol). Boy I can't wait to get this mess braided up then I think I'll go bald - just something totally drastic, lol.

So today (hold on CAUN wants me to rub his spot) Ok so anyhoo - I am about to have a problem with the fact that my mother is not coming down for my party. They have known about this for awhile now and the wrath I would face if I didn't show up for something like this - no matter how I made it happen - Heaven help us, so for them to not have planned and now skirting the issue I THOUGHT was not going to affect me - but it is...

My daughter is very upset and wanted to know why we always have to come up there and they never make a way to come and visit us or participate in anything we have going from graduations to my party. I have no answer, cause I'm tired of trying to figure it out.

And as we know - I've been called selfish - but I am defensively selfish and that's what I can't get any of them to understand. In my non-family life - I will give you the shirt off my back - but because there are always 'conditions' speechs and all kinds of level three BS - when it comes to family - I get on the defensive and close my arms around myself.

Oh and it is not a situation where we are estranged - it's just a mother/daughter damn you working my nerves and fostering new ones to work for the rest of my natural born life type situation.

Love her but GRRRRRRRRRRR

I just get fustrated with the entire thing and moreso now because mini-me is older and 'noticing' things. How am I having 70 folks to celebrate me turning 40 and my own momma ain't there?

No I don't have the money to fly her down here

I will not let this get me down, because then we'll argue and fight and I don't feel like it.

I have three siblings coming out of the 12 and that's it. Oh well. I'ma have me a banging time!
Posted by Pamalicious :: 8:49 PM :: 2 comments

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