Thursday, September 15, 2005

Sunshine Monologue 40

To The Left To The Left Now SLIDE!

My Neck My Back....is so TENSE!! I have seemingly the weight of the world on my shoulders and am having a hard time shucking it off. All of my worlds have collided and though there is not alot of wreckage - there is still stress. If I went to bed at 8pm maybe I could just sleep it all away - that is if I could sleep. I purchased some Jack Daniels Hurricane's and drank one the other nite and it's looking like I might need one tonite, lol On a achool/work night no less. In my previous post I was absent of words - now they are overflowing - getting this chip off my shoulder should surely help - so let me get to chipping....

What Are You Looking For?


I would like to officially say that I wish men would not ask me that question - it's loaded and I find it a Trap Question for the man to plan either his escape, his way to flip what I say to his sexual advantage or to lay out a plan.

I have no 'short quippy answer to this' or some 'vague answer' Now I don't have a strigent one either - but to answer this question is to basically for the most part -end the possibility for continuous with a man at this stage in the game.

You are damned if you do and damned if you don't.

This question comes in many forms but basically it's a way to find out (and it's asked from both sexes) what you down for?

If I've asked the question and I get "just looking for a friend to chill with" in man speak this might sound like a good answer in woman speak this sound like you looking for the old couch/takeout/screw/leave scenario and I evaluate it as such until it's proven otherwise.

If I'm asked the question and I say 'looking to find a person who's about setting up foundation" in woman speak that's not a bad thing - in man speak that is "you looking to rope me in, marry me, take away my freedom and help you raise your kids"

I am finding it increasingly fustrating and difficult to believe that men in their late 30's and 40's and early 50's don't have command of their dicks. I mean that they still actively seeking the sex only relationships - Men in general have always been programmed to display this part of themselves, but it seems that now it's as if a furnace has been lit and they can't turn it off. How have we as a people in general finally fallen into the trap of being defined by our sexuality and bringing to life the 'rumor' that we were nothing but 'fucking' savages who can't control their carnal desires.

Time is a commodity to me and the pursuit of what a person doesn't want is a waste of that precious commodity - giving a guideline is what is asked and it's not written in stone - but certainly can give a person an opportunity to make a decision if that's within their scope - if I'm looking for grapes and you looking for cranberries - we could possibly make crangrape but then again maybe we couldn't, lol

It's all so fucking confusing. Why would that question come up before even going out or within the first four dates anyway - I checked and apparently this is some Southernplayalistics - go figure!

So as a side note: Sistas - if you doing the personals and it says "I am looking for a sista who KNOWS WHAT SHE WANTS" - read the fine print - "Just make sure it doesn't involve me having to put my dick away and get to know you."

Personally and I mean it - don't ask me that shit. Whatever whatever, lol

You Think to Much

"You real deep", "You over analyze things" - now in some circles these are compliments to your intelligence level but NOT in the dating world, lol I've been told this a couple of times and I claim the I over analyze things part (because sometimes I do),but how can a person 'think to much'? We are all given some level of cognative ability and the brain is a mechanism that needs to be fed or it will die, we don't even use all of it, so I try to use the portion that I do have available to me. I don't give 'pat' answers to things - maybe from being raised in a household where complete thoughts were encouraged or maybe because I'm a conversationalist or maybe because I have been in way to many discussions groups - but I like to expound. Anyone who speaks to me knows that very rarely am I boring and that I can tell a story, lol I don't just have diarrea of the mouth either - I can be deathly quiet - so yea I could just answer a question with one sentence, but life is so much more interesting when you give it a full paragraph.

Now in the dating world, if a man tells me that, immediately I think he's actually saying "I'm going to have work harder, because I bet she figuring out my angle from jump street" Not necessarily - but I am listening to what you say and how you say it. Isn't that what I'm suppose to do? (no need to go on - just shaking my head).

Damaged Goods


From a random brotha on a random site:

If you are a single woman with a child the average man will look at you as damaged goods. The average man that does not have children does not want a ready made family. It doesn't matter that you have been taking care of your child on your own and it appears that you have your life together, it's an instant family and it's another man's seed. That just goes against basic male instinct. However that does not make you any less sexually attractive so the single mother falls into the sexual relationship only box. If you are a single mother of multiple children, you'd have better luck at winning the Power Ball for $125 million as to finding one of these "good" brothers. Not saying it won't happen for you but the odds are extremely against.

Think I'm just blowing smoke out my ass, let's look at the reality of the situation. Black women out number black men only slightly. Something like 2.4:1. However, take into account the men locked up, gay, switch hitting or married and the ratio is more like 12:1. So you got 12 women competing for 1 man. We ain't talking about a good man, we just talking a man. If you narrow it down to only dealing with the good men, I wouldn't be surprised if the ratio sky rocketed to something like 50:1.

Whew! I know right - he said a mouthful now didn't he? First, I'm sure there are Brothas who are like "Damn Man you telling the Frat Secrets" - I would like you all to go stand beside this brotha - now MOVE TO THE LEFT!! So I can see a GROWN MAN.

I won't dispute the words, but I will speak on the condition. If this is in any way the thinking of the majority of Blackmen then we are officially in a state of emergency. With teen pregnancies etc. etc. those poor children don't have a chance in hell now do they?

If the birth of a child equates to a woman being damaged goods - hmmmm - what does that say - since there is only one supposed Mary and that story is disputed as well?

Preferences is what have gotten alot of us in the 'condition' we are in today - some people don't do well with choices and Black People are one of them. We are not equipped here in America (I'm speaking of my brothas and sistas who are descendents of former slaves) to take to many choices. That kinda freedom we no longer even have genetically.

If we take out all of those that are just not capable of sustaining a relationship because they are 'damaged' on an emotional level (which I'll address in a minute) - and we take out all the MEN who are emotionally damaaged - the pool is shrinking. If we look at grown folks who I am going to identify as 35 and up - there's a child somewhere for the most part. So is this one of those 'double standards' that is a way of life but we wish it wern't. I'll paraphrase someone here "99% of the men who have children are NOT full time parents - 99% of women who have children are - so men have always had wider latitude to perpetuate the stance that they are 'single no kids' - hmmm there's that pesky double standard again, lol

I would like to think, when I closed my eyes that the beautiful child I have birth and nutured is not being held against me in this world - but when I open my eyes she is. I can't get up and run to the moon, like a man can. I can't sneak out for a midnight tryst like a man can. But I'm a woman, a self-reported good one - so I don't consider myself damaged goods...sorry.

The only humans who are not 'damaged' in some way shape or form are currently in the birth canal and depending on who their momma was - that might not even be a safe haven (i.e. drug abusers, drinkers etc.) so to assign damage takes alot of nerve and for the BLACKMAN to decide we are damaged is a hell of a lot of nerve.

Alot of us are damaged, but I find it surprising that pussy never gets damaged - we can't be taken to meet momma, we can't be joined with the vision of building, we can't have allowances made for us but we sure can be commissioned to drop it like it's hot!

Women who are damaged from relationships - didn't just wake up one morning and say - I think I'm going to become bitter. There has been a culmulation of things that lead us to being sad, depressed, disillusioned, frantic, weary, bitter and all the words that blackwomen carry on their backs today - let me tell you they weight a whole lot more than Queen, Mother, Foundation, Earth, Mate.

To limit one's range of motion with a blessing (as in children) is a shallow preference indeed. Brothas shouting from the rooftops - "judge me for me and not by the whiteman's standards" must have been pushed over or something - since I'm being knocked out the running, by such a thing.

I'm going to refuse to believe that GROWN brothas are operating like this - but it sure leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I don't mind waiting until Mini-me is out of the house - I wouldn't want her exposed to such a notion anyway.

Whew! Now I think I'll go have that Jack Daniels I spoke about! Sorry if I 'thought to much', lol lol lol
Posted by Pamalicious :: 8:10 PM :: 1 comments

Speak Your Piece

---------------oOo---------------