ThE EmAnCiPaTiOn oF pAmMiE

Sunday, July 24, 2005

Sunshine Monologue 21

PaMmIe goes to the movies

"It's Hard out here for a pimpppppp" - whew lawd! Of course I had to go see Hustle and Flow. All this hype for months has had me on the edge of my seat. Now anyone who knows me and even reads this blog (which is only a slice of Pammie) knows that basically I'M KINDA CORNY. I embrace that, it's who I am, it's part of my charm and it keeps me out of trouble, lol However, there's this gritty side to me - that will probably never be explored that is just polar opposite of who I am. It's the bass, it's the sweat, it's the rhythm of parts of life I will never live. When I go see certain things, I don't go with my intellectual hat on - I go and take it for what it is and if intellectual thoughts come from it - cool, but I don't go with them, that way I won't be 'fake' while I'm watching the movie.

That was what happen with this. I left MY LIFE and what I perceive to be a PROPER African American life in the car and I went in 'naked' and wanted to see if I could come out 'clothed'.

I enjoyed the movie - The grittiness of the film, the lighting etc. were all lending itself to the bleekness of the storyline. I don't profess to know Hip Hop but what I do know and identify with (being the former wife of an up and coming record producer) is that sometimes that's the way it goes. That's how dreams and beats start and like ole boy's (Anthony Anderson) wife - you either sit at home and fret or you show up with sandwiches - in my life - I showed up with sandwiches so I could SEE my husband, lol

Oscar whispers abound about Terrence's performance - personally it was good, it was gritty, but I feel like if he gets an Oscar nod - it will be because like Denzel - in order to get one you need to be playing the bottom of the blackman rung. So I hope he gets a nod, but I'll be glad when we do get nods for something else.

Now another thing about me is that I'll latch on to a song so out of my character that it's bizarre. I mean I have always had a 'thump' in my heart for Florida Bass Music. I must be from the tribe where that beat was prominent, lol. So of course I have latched on to the soundtrack for this movie. "whoop That Trick" is the soundtrack of my summer, lol lol and I'm not ashamed to say that. So WHAT I'm a woman and that movie took the human female form and reduced it to it's lowest common denominator - um ever seen polite pimps? Nope - so what's the fuss. I think it's hypocritical for us to constantly as women complain out the images that are being portrayed at the present time. Back in the day, maybe because the majority was not being represented - well guess what - too many of us are those women - so if it's not you - good move on - but whining about the portrayal is not going to help until we make the REALITY be so different that it sticks out as being fake. I'd rather see these broads than constantly be sugar coated with the same devious chick in our 'buppie' movies. Them chicks is raw too - just hidden behind nice clothes, soft colors and the like. Stop trippin! Film and Flim making is about bringing a story to the masses - if it's not your story FINE - if it is FINE, I enjoy getting out of my element and living thru someone else's mindscape.

So all in all I give the movie an A- and if you see me tooling around with "Whoop that trick" blasting - just do the dance baby, just do the dance, lol lol

It's My Anniversary

July 24 marks the date I would have been celebrating my anniversary. I would have been married 16 years and known him 20! (I've been widowed 11years). I can remember our wedding day - we had been living in NY and one day just decided to go ahead and tie the knot. At the time, the sheer magnitude of a ceremony along with us not having the money for it (families were not the 'wedding' types)- we decided to elope. To make it special, we chose to go to Brooklyn City Hall, it wasn't in our borough,lol.

I bought a very nice white dress and had a girlfriend from work come with me to be the witness. We took off 1/2 a day from work and took the train up to City Hall. I recall - we were behind an Hispanic woman and she had two toddlers and was visibly pregnant with the third and her mother was telling her in broken English 'no mas' she was going to marry her children's father. I got nervous, this was not how I had envisioned getting married, but no turning back now. It was a simple ceremony, we took five pictures (which I can't find - that's why you are looking at a picture of us a couple of years later on a cruise, lol).

All of a sudden, I felt bad that not one family member was in attendance - so I began to cry and I called my mom and told her we had gotten married which was met with - when you moved in you were married to me. He calmed me down and we went on back to work!! No celebration, no cake, no gifts, no nothing.

Later on we took the Greyhound down to Florida (you should have seen that ticket book! we had I think 36 stops from New York, lol) and stayed about a week at his moms house.

I wonder what life would have been like today. I never intended to be a widow or single or to be raising a child alone. I wasn't even raised to just be a woman out here in the world - geared towards being a mate. But here I am and I have no regrets or ill feelings about it - such is life. I'm living a good life, but I wonder what my life had of been like if I had awaken this morning to "Honey Happy Anniversary"

Childless in Atlanta

Well the countdown begins. I have 11 days of this long distance mothering, before I'm back hands on. We've been talking and she's looking forward to the 'welcome back' party her camp is going to give her, the six flags and over nite sleep over she's going on - so her life will pick up right where it left off, as the social butterfly. I can't even be mad at her, lol I am looking forward to seeing my baby.

Dateless in Atlanta

Hmmmm, on the romantic front this time w/o child has been a BUST. On the dating front, I have had a good time. I can't even lie. To say you want to 'date' and then not know the meaning of or how to, is crazy. I wanted to get out and enjoy the company of some nice brothas FIRST, I was hoping to develop a relationship SECOND. That will always be running like a ticker tape in the background of my existence, but any extra energy in that area would be unjustified, lol I'm single, available and a good woman - the rest will have to be figured out by the right brotha :)

"Mo Betta" and I are still conversing. My thoughts haven't changed, it's not something on the front burner either - because that meal has been cooked and left to get cold so many times, it's not even funny.

"Brooklyn" and I are hanging tough. It's so refreshing to meet someone and it not be complicated with all the rest. We both said, sometimes you just want to meet someone who is articulate, has personality, isn't a mudduck and that is good company. Do I think he's attractive? Hell Yea! But I'm not even on that with him. I enjoy his company, I really am drinking in his NY vibe and that's that. I wanna get a ride on his bike too, lol It's been YEARS since I rode shotgun. He gotta catch me on a almost hair appt. time, lol so I can put that helmet on, lol

Posted by Pamalicious :: 12:10 PM :: 0 comments

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