Friday, March 04, 2005

Sunset Monologue 7

The GOOD Girl

Main Entry: good ;Pronunciation: 'gud; Function: adjective
of a favorable character or tendency: BOUNTIFUL, FERTILE, HANDSOME, ATTRACTIVE SUITABLE, FIT, AGREEABLE, PLEASANT ,AMUSING, CLEVER, TRUE,HONORABLE, ADEQUATE, SATISFACTORY.....

How could something that sounds so wonderful - end up being so bad?! In my adult life I've relied on and perpetuated two traits that had great appeal to me: being cute (cause fine is fleeting) and being a 'good' girl. In looking at the definition, not only does it for the most part, describe me, but that should be something all people aspire to be..Right? Well at 8,18,and 28 this was quite amusing, but at 38 - this has become a hindrance. It has become a 'label' that on certain levels haunts me. I am the woman in the glass case. Time and time again, I have heard from potential 'mates' "you are such a good girl" "you are wifey material and I'm not ready for that yet" "I don't know how to deal with you" Now I'm sure by now you are wondering 'what kinda men does she meet?' but let me tell you - these are educated, God fearing, gainfully employed, straight up blackmen.

Someone might be happy to be put up on a pedestal, but it is lonely up on that thing, lol I can't have a successful 'casual' relationship because most brothers have this 'guilt' that I deserve better THEN I can't have a relationship because the assumption is that it HAS to lead to Marriage.

I am in no way implying that I am this perfect specimen of woman or anything like that which is the POINT. I am learning the power of "labels" - can a sista get a chance? Can you stick around long enough to find out what being a 'good' girl is all about all sides of her? the good, bad and ugly? Or at minimum could you stop saying that's what you want from a woman and then I am consistently laying on cold sheets...alone

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Snap! Snap! Snap!

DANGLING BETWEEN UTOPIA AND REALITY

I lay in the dark, eyes closed..Silent, remembering, reliving the moment..

Dangling between my utopia and my reality

The door opens,
I'm dizzy, I feel weak, gotta sit down,
I'm alive, he's alive, I'm aglow...He's my fire

TOUCH ME!! I scream behind the small talk and laughter,
I'm' scared of my wanton desire for my fire,
burn me baby, engulf me in your flames

Ooooooo - the heat!
I can't get naked enough...
I want to be nude..My clothes...My jewelry...My skin -- take it off

Would you like to see my soul?

A scream in my throat, vibrating down his firm manhood,
My name spilling from the place where only I take him.

He savors the moment - - The chatter of ecstasy escapes his mouth,

The one enveloping my..

Breast, stomach, thighs.....does he need a napkin?

Burnt orange toenail polish dancing around his head like the sunset,
On the brink of letting go, but it's so hard to do,

Aaah, Aaah..it was the best

When my thinking returns: I'll say it
When the paralysis is over: I'll dance it

I lay in the dark, eyes closed..Silent, remembering, reliving the moment

Dangling between my utopia and reality

-Plicious
Posted by Pamalicious :: 10:23 PM :: 0 comments

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