ThE EmAnCiPaTiOn oF pAmMiE

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Sunset Monologue 4

Dating Far Far Away

Alot of people including myself wonder how and why I end up in situations such as the dreaded Long Distance Relationship. Hell I don't know, lol but then again maybe I do.

See it takes a 'special' kinda person to be able to enter into and maintain a long distance relationship. What started off as an exercise in maturity, has now developed into a happenstance to a certain degree. Alot of people over 30 and certainly over 35 have begun to look outside of their comfort zone for just that comfort.

Is it a desirable situation? Hell No!, but is it one that intrigues? Hell Yes!

Prior to the internet dating revolution (that's another column) the most you heard about long distance was between military couples or kids going off to college. Well nowadays; attractive, virile, desirable people are dating people anywhere from 2 hours to damn near two days away from each other.

So what is the lure? Well first of all if you are a conversationalist this relationship is for you, lol because you're about to do ALOT of talking. If you are afraid of or avoiding daily contact - this also works. However, if you are seeking a deeper level of intimacy, this also can be for you (as long as both parties are in it to win it). To have to communicate as the MAIN focus of the relationship opens up all kinds of doors and you can become addicted to that. Now it also lends itself to much fantasy, which is also addictive. The relationship ends up being a perpetual honeymoon state of mind. You meet, you honeymoon and then you part to start it all over again. It's a wonderful escape if you've been hurt and just want the good of a relationship.

It's like playing The Sims You have this figure and you can manipulate the situation to your liking. If you want Sexy Man - click button A, if you want analytical man - click button B. Moreso if you don't feel like dealing with "I had a bad day at work" Man you can click button C and erase that man.

It takes a unique individual to be in and stay in a long distance relationship because it's all a mindgame. You have to have the ability to speak to someone's mind and stimulate them on a level that keeps them 'entranced' (for lack of a better word) with you. It's the pimp game in a manner of speaking; but it doesn't have to be taken in a negative context. You have to wine, dine, stimulate, make love to a person all via mediums that call for you to give of your mind, your heart and yourself because that person is not at your disposal when you want them to be.

You can become a figment of your own imagination as well. You are witty, you are funny, you don't cry, you are not lonely, you can DO THIS! Becomes the mantra of alot of people in long distance relationships. Until it's 2:30am and you're cold and the bed beside you is cold and doubt about whats happening in the other persons bed drifts into your mind.

Slowly the distance grows farther and farther apart as the hearts become closer. The real world begins to poke it's insistent head into your fantasy life and suddenly decisions have to be made and F.E.A.R. sets in. Did he know that I snort when I sleep? Did he know that I don't clean daily but more like once a week? Did she know that I don't really exercise daily? Did she know that 'Melissa' is not really my cousin? All of these things eventually come into play and the longer the long distance is dragged out the bigger the chance it won't make it.

Are you ever really a couple? Yes you are, sometimes moreso than people who live in the same state. Can a couple move to the next level that start off as long distance? Yes they can. Has it ever happen to me? No it hasn't.

I'm no longer a fan of the long distance relationship. If I embark upon one again it needs to move swiftly in the direction of bridging the gap.

So why do I keep getting in these situations? Because the man I see everyday isn't ready to settle down, he's forever 'going thru something' - but the long distance man, gives me at that moment his undivided attention, he enjoys my company, he tells me what I want to hear, he feeds my greedy mind and becomes the consummate blackman -maybe one day he'll stop running and close the gap.

The Mike Chronicles

ABC easy as 123

Well the Jury has been chosen! They are moving ahead, quite swiftly if you ask me in the direction of the trial. My heart is starting to flutter - I wish the Brother the best.

Posted by Pamalicious :: 8:14 PM :: 0 comments

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