Monday, February 21, 2005
Sunshine Monologue 3
Last Nite I had the weirdest dream. It involved me taking my daughter and Stephanie from Full House to the dollar store! Uncle Jessie dropped her off. Now I don't watch Full House and I don't like Full House so immediately I knew that this was about my three day anxiety attack....because I'm going HOME!
Nothing is more complicated than being a parent and a child. I'm going home for four days and though Dorothy might have been clicking her heels to go home, I can think of a few places I'd rather be. Do I love my family? YES. Do I freak out about being around them? YES. by Wednesday, I'll be physically sick and then once I get in the air, it will be gone because I have to put on my game face and go do what I have to do.
It's quite funny if you ask me. I am the oldest girl of 14 kids (not all in the same location). I have given back that particular title due to stress, but it hangs over my head. I created long ago an alternate family and an alternate way that families should be - the problem is, my real family keeps bursting that bubble, lol They are an eclectic and eccentric group and I am drawn to some more than others. It's just alot of us and we are disjointed, because within my fantasy family is my real family who is living a fantasy, lol Chew on that, lol
I have guilt, I have issues, I have it all and it begins to well up the closer I get to going home, because I have to leave me at the door and while I'm outside screaming LET ME IN! The person who does come in, is a small fraction of who I am. So they begin this battle early on so that that other person can effectively beat the hell out of me and thus present what needs to be presented.
Aye yah yah............
What About Your Friends
My best gal "janet" and me - don't hate..it's a figment of our imagination as well.
I look at my friendships as spokes on a wheel. Therefore I avoid the best friend moniker because I need them all. Sometimes we add some flashy hubcaps etc. but all in all it's about me the center and my 'spokes'. My closest friend however is "Janet" and seeing as my alter ego is "Beyonce" we are a good match, lol "Janet" and I are like sistas with me being the oldest chronologically but probably the youngest mentally, lol I am stuck in a proverbial 30-32 year old cycle, lol She's my spiritual twin however because we enjoy alot of the same frivious things. I'm an escapist and I admit that - and she is a willing partner on my trips, lol. We assigned our alter ego's almost a year ago and adhere to the rules and regulations of being someone other than ourselves. "Janet" was out touring this weekend and so we didn't speak, but now that she's home. There is so much that has gone on in celebritydom and TV land that I must update her on, we have been yakkin non-stop.
Later on I will introduce you maybe to some of my other friends, but "Janet" and I you will probably see on the regular.
The Mike Chronicles
You are Not Alone
will be showcasing Mike from 1:30-8pm ending with that movie (and I use the term loosely) "The Jacksons an American......" I can never remember the name. I have my VCR primed and ready to go, because my daughter has never seen thriller
and I wouldn't be an astute parent if I didn't introduce her to that, lol
Posted by Pamalicious ::
11:52 AM ::
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