Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Sunshine Monologue 67

The Year End Interview

Adjusting the Mike: Well because I am a Gemini and borderline crazy (lol) - I've gotten Eva, Cumisha and myself together to bring forth Pamela for an interview. Ya'll know the ever changing Eva, Cumisha and her crazy ass and Pammie the writer of this blog - but Pamela is the one who is out here working, doing and just keeping all of the damn thing together. I thought it would be nice to sit down and talk with her as we start wrapping up this year.

Interviewer: Well I first want to thank you for sitting down with us - so how are you?

Pamela: I'm doing fine thank you

Interviewer: Are you sure? Your eyes have this, I can't place my finger on it, look to them - they are quite soulful I might add.

Pamela: I am okay, they just might reflect my readiness to get this year over with and thanks for the compliment. I've been told that sometimes it's very hard to look into my eyes because they tell the truth.

Interviewer: Sooo where do we start? How has this blogging thing been for you?

Pamela: Let me tell you, I have QUITE enjoyed it. Allowing other parts of me to express myself without judgement and other nuiances that humans tend to have has been refreshing. I certainly have liked the bigger opportunity to meet and explore the mindset of a whole different set of folks out here on the net. Message and Discussion Boards are cool, but the blog world is a place to speak without retribution from someone else (mostly) and I feel so close to folks I've never laid eyes on thru this medium.

Interviewer: Any specific things that affected you this year?

Pamela: Katrina literally tore me to bits - it touched me in a way I haven't been touched emotionally by forces outside of me. Feeling that kinda emotion made me look at just how selfish I can be with my feelings - it's really not all about me. A definite turning point in my development.

Interviewer: How has the year been in terms of Mini-Me?

Pamela: Whew! Mini-me is into the second stage of her development, the one where if the first stage was not right - it will begin to manifest itself negatively. I've seen her 'grow' in all sorts of ways and it's allowed me to take a peek into the future. I think we have a MUCH better joining of the spirits and I'm thankful for that. I think that I have become confident in my parenting abilities which is right on time because now is the time I'm going to have to use it, lol. She's a beautiful beautiful person and that fills my eyes with tears because that was so important to me. She's going to be just fine......

Interviewer: Did you accomplish what you set out to do this year?

Pamela: What keep breathing? LOL Hell yea! Now breathing thru the bullshit was sometimes difficult, but I felt this year I was more prepared with the necessary filters and blockers to really bob and weave. The thing about next year is that it's time to get out that comfort zone and take some chances. I want 2006 to be about chances and strength.

Interviewer: What do you mean chances and strength?

Pamela: I am a person who thrives on normalacy. I want everything to be just so - no waves rocked, etc. This was fine for many a year, but I see no movement and I feel as if my brain is shrinking and so I want and need to feed it and that means taking chances. The strength comes into play because basically I'm a scary person, and I am non-confrontational but sometimes I have to confront and feel strong about confronting.

Interviewer: Tell us a couple of 2005 joys?

Pamela: The biggest joy actually came late in the year and that was finding out "Janet" was having a baby. So joyous!

Interviewer: Any Disappointments?

Pamela: Sure - the biggest disappointment I have to honestly say was with men. Every man I've dealt with this year has been a disappointment to me from Mobetta on down. I never thought I'd be the one to say that - but I know what I've encountered. Whining, Disillusion, False sense of pimpdom, reckless dick activity, lies, overwelming crippling fears - the list is quite disturbing, Quite prolific and telling about the condition of our people as a whole because the blackman's condition is directly linked to the condition of the blackwoman..due tell. At this point as the year winds down - I am just going to focus on the overall MEANING of why these people have entered my life. What was I suppose to get from this? How am I suppose to do and be in light of this? I think that alot of this was to test me and my 'values' and identify exactly (1) what I was bringing to the table? and (2) What it is that I want in my life? Some things were confirmed that I was on the right track and somethings was a humbling experience. I became consumed with the 'image' of Pamela and not Pamela the woman. Right now I take away from this years experience that I actually think a change is gonna come. I think that I was in a spot this year to get ready to receive next year. I want to hold on to some semblance of self while out here and that my heart and my body are important to ME, therefore I am protective of them. I need a 'groove' to get off in and out the bedroom and this 'maintanance man' mentality that alot of Brothers have is sorely lacking originality. Who needs a walking vibrator - they make them already - and why are brothers deciding to be that? But I digress - -

Interviewer: So any favorties etc., Resolutions, New Blog Ideas

Pamela: Well I'll be coming back with my picks and pans later on this week so stay tuned! I am not making any resolutions really except to get my health on track - that's important and in terms of the blog - I'll keep it going and bring ya'll into my 40th year. Who knows what might happen in the meantime, lol

Interviewer: Well I want to thank you for sitting down and talking to us - AS AN EXTRA BONUS - WE WILL OPEN THE FLOOR UP TO AUDIENCE QUESTIONS - IF ANYONE HAS ANYTHING THEY WOULD LIKE TO ASK PAMELA - PLEASE POST AND SHE'LL BE SO KIND AS TO ANSWER TO THE BEST OF HER ABILITY.
Posted by Pamalicious :: 11:14 AM :: 2 comments

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