ThE EmAnCiPaTiOn oF pAmMiE

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Sunset Monologue 107

Is She Breathing?!



Musical Blog Mood: I feel Good - James Brown

As I was sitting here slapping myself to make sure I was still conscious after the boredom of the day, I thought - why don't I cut on a little classic soul on the old Yahoo Music and crank out another blog entry, lol. The monday morning crowd will certainly appreciate that, lol. Especially after I started a blog entry in my own damn comment section, lol.

I'm not one who gets 'things' from men. I don't know how that came about, but I wonder exactly who are the sistas who get their car note paid, or their rent etc. and exactly what it is they are doing..Shit when I had a man living with me, he barely gave me anything. In the 11 1/2 years I've been 'widowed' I can honestly say (and I'll go back in some journals to make sure) I've hadn't the fortune to have a man pay any bill for me. I've gotten some birthday gifts etc. But the things like trips, jewelry etc. etc. I just haven't gotten. From my minds eye, I spend alot of money in relationships, from having drink, food and other things available to babysitting, to gas, to gifts etc. that's just how I am. I guess if I were to be honest - I haven't been in a legitimate EQUAL relationship since my marriage - - but since I'm doing back in the day next week - I'll put THAT epiphany I just had while sitting here on the back burner for after Thanksgiving....

Anyhoo, I started off on that tangent to get to this - I go to my mailbox on Saturday and there's an envelope from "Africa" I'm like hmmm, is this a card? I come on in and after stomping and spitting on the pile of bills to ward off the evil spirits, I open the envelope and just like in a movie a check floats to the floor. I pick it up and it's from him and in the memo line it says "Psych Therapy" and the small note says "You have no idea how prolific a woman you are - thank you and here's a little something to get you an IPOD because you are a music fiend" Now I'm standing there letting various germs float into my mouth because it's WIDE OPEN. What a nice nice gesture, I am quite thankful. I will not overanalyze it (though I started above) - I will just....ACCEPT and start working on my list. Create a very nice thank you card and make sure I enclose a picture of whatever I ultimately end up getting. I won't spend this money on anything but what it was designated for.

Take One Step Forward and Two Steps Back is the way it seems sometimes with me. I've been seriously considering moving out of my little doll house back into an apartment. Why? Because more and more the wall I have to climb over financially is looking like the kryptonite that is gonna take me out. I can't get over the damn wall and I'm so panicked about it that I can't even see a way out. I'm tired of looking at this house and this yard and I want a new surrounding, but purchasing one is farther away than the land of Oz and it would take a Oz to make it happen, so I was considering moving back to (1) get me an extra bathroom I so desperately need (2) have someone else take care of stuff and (3) save about $200. Mini-me's expenses are growing by the day and though I'm handling it, I would like to have some breathing room. I'm a Gemini and I'm feeling trapped and I need a major activity. So right before my 40th when my lease is up, I think me and Mini-me might be getting us some new digs. I got the "Big Apartment Book for Atlanta" since despite it seeming like everyone and their momma owns a home, this is the land of the transient, lol. I want a gated community with a nice pool, lol I don't even mind going to the laundry room honey - well I might rethink that portion, lol I am spoiled, lol.

Thinking Aloud - Is you is or is you ain't my man? It sounds like it, it's time consuming like it, it feels like it - but I know it ain't. Ain't that a bitch?

That's a perfect ending to the longest day on record for a sista. SLAP! SLAP! SHOCK HER WITH THE PADDLES! THIS BROAD IS ALIVE AND KICKING!!

Posted by Pamalicious :: 9:55 PM :: 3 comments

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