Thursday, February 09, 2006
Sunshine Monologue 163
Rules of EngagementBlog Musical Mood: Family Affair - Sly and the Family Stone
"Do you enjoy Valentine's Day?" Awww shit! As I sat there hemmming and hawingg and recalling some lame Valentine story from yesteryear, I was having an internal R. Kelly Moment "my mouth is telling him noooooooo - but my mind is telling him yesssssssss". Welcome to the current 'Rules of Engagement' when it comes to the dating thing. These rules are the blueprint basically for remaining as neutral as you possibly can. I say it's a way to become and stay emotionally constipated.
Over the years I've examined and forced myself to abide by some of the rules, because some of them are valid, but the majority of them are straight bullshit. It seems that the only area that is wide open currently when it comes to 'getting to know someone' is that you can talk, hint, remind, harass and make it known as often and frequently as you want anything of a sexual nature. Everything else is OFF LIMITS.
This also seems to be a hetrosexual thing. The LGBT community seems to embrace the importance of interpersonal relationships. They greet, meet and sing their happiness from the highest rooftop! Joy to the world - a match is born! They seem not afraid to let someone know that they are interested, that they care, that they are excited about a person. Even if it ends terribly, they go into it with sunshine and lillies, lol. On the other hand, the 'Rules of Engagement' keep most hetrosexuals on such the straight and narrow, it can take months even years to even figure out if the person likes you!
Alot of these rules are skewed to keep women in check. Some men have presented a front that they are devoid of emotion, that women come and go and that love doesn't live with them anymore. So it behooves us women to act the same. Except we wern't built to act like that. I, for one, attest to and take great joy in saying "God is a Man" when I have a man interested in me, the sun shines brighter, my disposition is better, my smile is brighter, I sleep better, my other interpersonal relationships are more lively and things just go right. If I'm interested, I enjoy interacting, getting giggly, doing the HS thing. but I best not tell or over exhibit that to said man or I would break all the rules and we wouldn't want to do that now would we? (rolling my eyes).
You always gotta be on your toes. Always congnizant of conversation do's and don't for fear Bro runs for the hills. For example:
- You can certainly can tell a man that you can suck the chrome off a electra 225 the first day you meet him, but you need not say "Hey I really am looking forward to what the future might hold for us
- You can certanly call a man at 12:45am and let him know you just got out the shower and you're all 'moist', but you need not call a man more than once every other day just to say I'm thinking about you (especially not in the first six weeks)
- You can certainly tell a man that you like doing it in front of a plate glass window, but you need not tell a man you like anything else that might be construed as...romantic
As well as the following words/phrases/actions shall never leave thy lips within the first 6-8 weeks:
- Love - don't use this word AT ALL
- Projecting pass 48 hours in advance as in: You meet in winter and say "This summer, I bet we could go to the beach"
- Invite yourself anywhere with them
- Tell more than 2 people you even KNOW the person
In all fairness, Men are under alot of pressure as well. There might be 'feelings' or 'excitement' they feel about a person that are not within the legal time limit to feel anything or they can't express it due to societal pressures they endure. You know the fact that Yes that stripper did wink at you, so you better not get with that woman cause she is gonna one day want you, or we know Halle isn't really seeing anyone, so you better make sure you don't tell ole girl you like her, cause I sent your number in a bottle and she might get it.
That's why it's so hard to get off of the internet - you think you might 'miss' something - because alot of men have been conditioned in this society that to admit that someone interests you is a sign of weakness and men themselves have bought into the notion that they are obligated to seek out and be in the company of as many women as possible, because after all, there aren't enough of them (men) to go around.
Why can't we all just be ourselves. God made us to be together - so if you find someone that really peaks your interest - why can't you just say it, feel it and enjoy it. Fuck what folks say you should be doing. If you wanna become a couple after three dates, then dammit do it!
- folks be hatin anyway. If you wanna spend all your time talking and laughing and being with that person - then dammit do it!
If you wanna call and say 'damn you fucking my head up, I'm thinking about you" then dammit do it!
If you meet someone Monday and go and get them a small card just expressing the fact that they make you smile on Tuesday (which is Valentines Day) then dammit do it!
This goes for men and women. We've put up so many barriers and walls and what not that we have all boxed our own damn selves into a corner. What ever is going to happen is going to happen anyway - so express yourself, let another human being know (as our elders used to say) that they got your 'nose open'.
And I'd just like to say for the record: I LOVE VALENTINES DAY!
I LOVE LETTING SOMEONE I'M INTERESTED IN KNOW THAT THEY ARE SPECIAL TO ME!
I BOUGHT LA's FINEST A CARD!
Posted by Pamalicious ::
8:57 AM ::
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