Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Sunset Monologue 110

We Interrupt the Past....

Blog Musical Mood: "We Fall Down" - Donnie Mcclurkin

If I put my straw right in the bottle of absolut - will 'mini-me' get concerned? Slurp! Slurp! Ok, let me put this absolut down. It's been one emotionally draining day for a sista! I was on a roll with the trip down memory lane where I was all warm and fuzzy - but today ripped me a new one - so I have to first sew that wound up. I do however, want to mention something about monologue 109 and my inability to remember what happen prom nite, lol. The second prom, where I got put out the car for not giving it up - should tell folks - whatever happen - it didn't involve 'spank me daddy' LOL LOL. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 19 years old - so sorry to disappoint, I went back into my journal and actually we came on home because the next day we were suppose to do Six Flags, but it rained...so we didn't do anything. Slurp! Slurp! Let me tell this story real quick, cause I really want to retire early.

Let me start off with a little PSA for the masses:

The Pam's Inn of Dysfuntion and Co-Dependence is FULL!
NO VACANCIES!

I flicked through my CD's looking for the appropriate music. I fingered Public Enemy but that was my soundtrack for getting ready for another day of 'the man and his cronies', I needed something to get me crunk. I playd "Whoop That Trick" at volume 15 all the way down Memorial Drive. The building took up almost a block and loomed over at me like a crazy woman - looked all nice on the outside but you talking bout INSANE.

My heart was beating so fast. I had never been............in a jail before! I was going to see 'HER' and lay eyes for myself and my family. It's been 9 or so days. I was immediately assaulted by all the signs and the attitudes and the smell....it wasn't a bad smell just an institutional smell. After damn near stripping naked to get thru the metal detector. I asked for directions to visitation and followed a woman and baby up to that floor. I looked around and a horrifying thought came to my mind - IS THIS THE BLACK FAMILY?! "come on and let's see your dad" "Sorry baby but Daddy can't have visitors today" WTF?!

My eyes were so big, I might as well pasted a sign on me that said - "I've never been here", lol lol. I filled out the paperwork and was told to follow a sista with a beautiful, oh about 2 month old. We got in a little elevator and after getting to the 3rd floor, we hit a buzzer and stated (now for the 10th damn time) who I was there to see and was buzzed in. Lo and Behold I was in HBO's OZ!! I thought it would be a room where we could sit and talk. But oh hell now - plexiglass and broke phones! I straddled the chair (no sitting lady like) and waited. I started to feel faint - I looked down and saw the POD of guards and women mopping, sweeping etc. It was all getting to be to much to me. I hated waiting like this. To my left the sista with the baby (who was very nice) had taken the baby cause he was born in there. I turn to my right and right before my eyes two women were tonque kissing thru the glass - AWWW HELLL DOROTHY YOU AREN'T ON THE LOGO CHANNEL ANYMORE!!! I want my MOMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAA!

Then 'She' appears. Looking like Cleo (can you tell I only do this in movies ya'll). Some gal had braided her hair, she was all bruised and it was just too much. I started heaving! The lady next to me asked was I alright. I said yes, it was just overwelming to me. 'She' and I talked and she expressed her self and I expressed the sentiment of all the people she had hurt. She hadn't eaten (because it took 30 days for them to consider her Muslim diet requirements) and so I promised to put some money on her books.

I told her regardless we loved her, got up - buzzed myself out and started wailing! I am not really a strong person and these type of situations, are always too too much for me. If it's something directly related to me, then I got this - but that shit was too much. I'm wayyyyyyy too self imposed sheltered for that.

So I put on my 'lift my soul' CD in the car and drive on to work. I get in and see my girls and there I go wailing again - I need to stop this crying. I got myself together and finished out my day. Put money on her books afterwork and will be getting her out on Friday. I know she's not going to come out some changed person, she hasn't hit bottom, that's a journey you have to navigate. I probably will cry more tears for her - but it felt good to know that I can cry........for a sibling.



and to add insult to injury:


I DIDN'T SEE NOT ONE FINE GUARD!!!!!!!!!

Posted by Pamalicious :: 9:45 PM :: 3 comments

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