ThE EmAnCiPaTiOn oF pAmMiE

Saturday, August 06, 2005

Sunset Monologue 60

Feelings....Nothing More Than Feelings

So this is what it feels like? Mini-Me and I woke up leisurely and bopped around a few moments. There is something so beautiful about an early southern morning. We actually stood out on the porch, just feeling the heat starting to rise. The grass is cut and so the view was nice. It was a peaceful morning me and my child. It's funny that 'mother emotion' it's a strange bird and mothers are a strange breed. I didn't think I would be 'emotional' over seeing my child, but I was. It just dug deep into my being - when I wrapped my arms around her, smelled her, touched her. All the things I see in my head for her, all the experiences and life I see her living, all the hopes and dreams I have for her, was oozing out of me as I held my child. Now check back with me in about 3 years when she's 14 and see what I'm saying then, lol lol

Carrying on with your Friday Nite Fandango!

Please No Autographs

Mini-Me was eager to get back in her social group, so I drove her up to the camp. This is where things get surreal. We entered the building, rounded the corner and a bunch of 4 year olds looked up and exclaimed "MINI-MEEEEEEE" (well you know they said her name, lol) The rush of air that hit my knees (lol) as they burst past me to give her hugs, almost blew me over. She wrangled her way from that and then we proceeded on down the steps to her group. I swung open the door and the kids looked up and the look on their faces immediately registered the event about to occur. I was literally knocked over as they all screamed, girls and boys and ran OVER me to get to HER. I felt like the girlfriend of a famous actor - and I wasn't famous as well - move bitch get out the way! Was the inaudible chant (at least in my ears) as they dove on my child. She lost a shoe and an earring, as she fought to get above the crowd and get in the room. There is a Downs Syndrome Boy who she works with alot (she has been blessed with wayyyy more compassion than myself, she's so humble and good with little kids and challenged kids, it brings tears to my eyes) His face lit up and in perfect diction he exclaimed "Welcome Back Mini-Me" and went back into his Happy Place. I stood at the door, a glimpse of the rope your child is attached to getting a bit longer. She looked and waved and I went on back upstairs.......I'll be back to get you around five....I said in the distance as I walked back to my car........I had no plans.


Lately I have been 'touching' things. You know caressing the remote, rubbing my arms, touching the back of my head to feel the smoothness. I've been making physical contact with mini-me, letting her skin touch mine, reconnecting. I'm sitting here now humming "Touch" by Omarion. Outwardly manifestations of something I am missing and that's you guessed it....TOUCH. We all know how important touch is to infants, but what about adults? I would figure it's quite high up on the list of needs. I know that I have not been lovingly touched in awhile. A determined caress of a lover, the connection two humans make when their skin touches. Absently grazing your arm, cupping your face in their hands as they lean in to kiss you. The feeling of having a warm body in the bed beside me, spooning, heartbeats in rhythm is now only stuff that happens in movies - I can go back in my memory and pull a visual, but it's blurry now - takes a minute to get it in focus. It's srong in my mind, adults need to be touched. Touch me....

Dateless in Atlanta

A coupla questions were asked of me today by "MoBetta". He wanted to know exactly what the dating situation is in Atlanta. I thought about it for a moment and I said "Well if you are not looking for a sexual relationship and you are not married already - there is a huge chasm of confusion the rest of us are stuck in" He wanted to know how do we date here in Atlanta and I said "Well I've run into the 'drive by' date. Which entails the man doing pretty much nothing. You go to his location, where you might get a glass of water and he feels you out in his space, you all watch a little TV, check each other out etc. He doesn't dress for this and this must take place before you can go ON a date. Now of course this is in reference to an on-line meeting. It has been brought to my attention that this is the result of overaggressive women from the net. Men now don't know how to put in any work to obtain a female, they don't have to anymore - we have to do it all. Quite interesting.

I also was schooled to the mindset of the new 'speech' which goes a little something like this - "I am really laid back, I enjoy watching a movie, popping some popcorn, you know low key things. Going out is expensive, I like to chill. Now I do go out sometimes but that's not my main thing"


It's cool having Male friends, lol lol thanks for that! Because I was really wondering what the deal is with the complacent brothas, who you can never figure out if they even like you, they expect you to be the aggressor, they have forgotten the art of wooing a woman, they all seem to be stuck on dickmode and casual is their middle name.

I'm tired cause this mess here, will fuck with your head, believe you me. You start to question yourself, doubt yourself, wonder what's up, try to figure out are you doing something wrong and that's not the way anyone should feel about something so natural as male/female meeting/connection and bonding. Or is it 'natural' anymore...I think it's a victim of pesticides, lol Because this can't possibly be what my daughter has to look forward to.

Off to The Land of Pink Elephants

Well my allergies have started acting up! Cleaning up yesterday sent up a dust storm and I've now got about 20% lung capacity. I am not a medicine person, I hate taking it - but I can't BREATHE!!!! So Meds and I are strange bedfellows so I can sleep at nite. I hope this doesn't turn into a summer cold, then I would have to just plunge off my roof, lol lol I can't stand those.

Ten Songs You Currently Are Digging

The rules:
List ten songs that you are currently digging…it doesn’t matter what genre they are from, whether they have words, or even if they’re no good, but they must be songs you’re really enjoying right now. Post these instructions, the artists, and the ten songs in your blog. Then tag five other people to see what they’re listening to. Taken from Philly BredClick on Title to see CD and possibly listen to song.

I am passing this to: Heyward, Morena,Supafly,Gina and Rosalind.

Posted by Pamalicious :: 11:02 AM :: 2 comments

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