ThE EmAnCiPaTiOn oF pAmMiE

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Sunshine Monologue 190

And The Thoughts Continue


Part II



I had something interesting happen that deserves a few words. LA's Finest and I are adding more and more to the foundation of our love as we take this most beautiful journey. Now of course - our union affects alot of people, we got kids, ex's and all kinds of other people that we both will acknowledge within our union. Now we might not give them any real energy, but we do know they are around. Well LA came home one day and said he was told that he probably wouldn't end up marrying me because I didn't look like I was up to his....speed. Now unbeknownst to him, this was not the first time this sentiment had been expressed about me. I actually had heard this before from Mobetta's Ex wife. And here I was again, many years down the line running into this sentiment again.

I always find it interesting how as women we think it is our 'right' to chew up and spit out men and then require them to forever be in debt to us because we gave them the time of day. So many women operate on the principle "Do as I say and not as I do". We can break up and move on with new people and new experiences but don't let our last man, finally bury what we had and move on - - Oh HELL NO! How dare him! How dare he have the nerve to......be happy. We need to really check this among ourselves, because not only is it not fair - it's borderline psychotic behaviour if you ask me.

I smiled this time like I smiled last time at that 'ASSumption'. When LA's said it, it reminded me of that McDonalds Commercial, where the dude looks at the woman and thinks she's square and not with it and then her cell phone goes off and she's CRUNK! I like being that woman! I like the fact that the fabulousness that is I - is not wasted on everyone and it takes a keen eye to even point it out. There are alot of thoughts out there about me and WHO I AM. I find it exciting and intriguing. So please, continue to think right up until "I Now Pronounce You Husband and Wife" rings out over the land........


Missy Heat Mizer! Missy Heat Mizer! I have been laughing at this one as well, because I have come to accept that I can be a meany and can get quite fiesty. It's a part of my personality that I have embraced. It also is coming in handy when it comes to LA's Finest. He has the softest, most open heart I have ever encountered. He is AN ANGEL!! We are really ying for yang because he certainly has made me look more into my sensitive, tender side and I have had to just lay some stuff out on the line to him - because I want to fight so many people for taking advantage of him! How dare they take such a beautiful person and use him over and over again for their own evil selfish plans! Know this: Pamela is in the house and I'm blocking left and right on his behalf - the days of using LA's Finest are OVA!!!!!!

You ever feel like you wanna get even closer to someone. Love Making, which is the ultimate expression of openess and passion is NOT ENOUGH. I feel like that about LA's Finest. Ya'll just don't understand, lol and probably are tired of me expounding on it - but oh well, lol. This is soooooo different than any experience with a man I have ever had. I feel like I want to take my skin off and show this man my soul. He is stripping away so many layers of old paint and the shine that is coming through is blinding! Getting in touch with deeper levels of me (including tears) has me all discombobulated but it is such a necessary journey. I sing from the rafters my love for this man. I have never been this demonstrative, this open or this forthcoming about a relationship. I have opened up to my momma, my family, perfect strangers.

We feel a bit fustrated because we want to be more to each other than just dating or whatever - it's like we need a bigger title and a bigger identity for what we got going on. I don't keep track of time or anything because it would put limitations and societal pressures around our union and I'm doing MY THANG with this man.

The atmosphere in my world, in my house is so wonderful. He belongs here - he is not outside of the scope of my day to day and I am not outside the scope of his. We have merged and it has been the most natural thing I have ever experienced. We have NO PRESSURE among us - our bond is bereft of drama. Some say you should argue before you mate - well we have disagreed, but we both are not argumentative - so why interject something that is not needed for us to get along.

We are up in here living, grooving and loving. I gots me a family and that's a beautiful thang! LA's Finest has met and integrated himself into my friend base - we move as a unit. Him being so open about our love with his family and friends is the most beautiful thing in the world. I have been a 'secret' in a man's world more times than I care to admit and for a man to 'claim' his love for me - is worth it's weight in gold. It's allowed me to 'claim' my love for him.

To be on the cusp of 40 is sexy within itself, but to then find Love and GOOD LOVE from a GOOD MAN - is Orgasmic.

Posted by Pamalicious :: 8:45 AM :: 4 comments

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