ThE EmAnCiPaTiOn oF pAmMiE

Sunday, November 27, 2005

Sunset Monologue 118

Mobetta Speaks/Next Lifetime

Blog Musical Mood: 70's Soul on Yahoo Music

I hate when you have to put in holiday vacation time in advance. Anticipating a house full of people for four days, I took off Monday to 'recouperate' - well seeing as that didn't happen - I still have Monday off. Now a good slave would just go on in - but fuck that! I'm going to stay off and do some things around the house etc. I have more than enough days left this year. I took the time to chart out Mini-Me's travel plans for winter break (these are important). I got them solidified with my moms and I'll be purchasing her tickets Friday. Hmm bout 14 days at the end of the year to run amok in Atlanta.......

Well As the title suggests this is about to get D-E-E-P. Might as well start the week off right. I don't subscribe to the 'things happen in three's' philosophy because it's pulled from the Christian belief process of the Trinity - therefore it doesn't necessarily work for me; however over the past couple of weeks some interesting things have happen. Three things that have brought me to this entry. First Quest 4 Love found the courage and strength to let go of Hero (and it's going to be a journey, but she took the first step); Second, I received a note from "MoBetta" and with his permission I will post it below and Third, I read this book "He's Just Not That Into You" Let me tell you that was a PAINFUL book to read and it was suppose to be 50% satire, well it made my head hurt and I'll be sharing with you tomorrow these pearls of wisdom.

So without further Adieu, MoBetta me:

The Emancipation of Pammie....what a great name for your blog. When I first met you, you were very reserved and introverted. Instantly I noticed a gift for communication and you were very open minded.

Over years you have continued to grow and evolve. I think our relationship, though very unorthodox, shows that with alot of communication, a strong bond can be formed.

We are true friends in every since of the word. We pick each other when we are down. We tell the truth about each other mistakes and pitfalls. We are each other biggest cheerleader and biggest critics. Even though we have physically not seen each other in years, the mental and spiritual bond is strong as ever.

Sometimes I wonder, if we became totally committed to each other, if somehow it would distort our relationship. But we are committed as true friends and that should be the basis of any great relationship.

Noww, you can stop the ahhhhs, because YES these are very kind words to say and anyone would be proud to have someone think of them this way - HOWEVER, when it's LOVE you want from a person - this is equivalent to Hot Grits. This my friends is a 'dear pam' letter.

Five years on and off of my life I have given this energy. It's time for me to unlock my heart out of it's self imposed prison and allow it to be captured by someone else - someone who wants it. It became so convenient to fight for a fantasy than deal with the possiblity of some reality.

Now Mobetta will probably argue to the end about this but 'He's just not that into me' I deserve more - just based on this affirmation of what type of person I am that HE GAVE ME. He can't give me anything else and I can't keep trying to get what he just doesn't have to give.

So I'm going to let it go, I am officially freeing all fantasy of us being some dynamic couple, of romance, of him moving heaven and earth to be with me because he loves me. He has told me the nature of our relationship and I'm going to accept that. I did this privately a couple of nights ago and I feel so refreshed - yet very scared. I had gotten so out of the loop, I don't want to make a mistake, but you know what - a real life mistake is going to be better than the calculated heartbreak I've continuously set myself up for. So I'm ready!!!!! Break out the India Arie CD cause "I'm Ready for Love" just be gentle with a sista, lol lol lol

And as if the Heavens were listening "Neither One Of Us" comes on the Yahoo Launch....

Posted by Pamalicious :: 10:45 PM :: 6 comments

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