Friday, November 18, 2005

Sunset Monologue 112

Back to the Future

Blog Musical Mood: Things I Do For You - The Jacksons

Hmmmm - as of today, I've been to the Dekalb Cty Jail three times - ahh what a feeling to have the inmates hollaring cat calls at me from the slits in the building; you know I'm just gonna take a seat at rock bottom, lol. I downloaded 162 songs on my MP3 - a perfect combo with this remembering the past stuff since I fell asleep with 62 michael jackson songs in my ear last nite, Mobetta and I took our usual tumble right on schedule - we'll sulk a couple of weeks and see what's up, and I've determined my house is haunted (I'll save that for a blog entry).

Tonite, will be my last 'back in the day' entry. I hope you all have enjoyed it, I feel like you can't know where you're going if you don't know where you came from and this chapter (cause there's alot more) made my blog feel real...to me...

So we are looking at Hey what have I been doing the last 11 years, since my life is definately split in two based on the murder of my late husband. I was with him for 10 years total - so basically what have I done with the second half of my adulthood?

Well, I learned how to drive at 29, lol lol. Bought me a cute little Jetta after Sears said I was qualifed to go on the road and my first trip - was driving down here from Philadelphia.

I sat back and got my head together for about 14 months after he passed and then I was like time to see what else is out there. I answered a newpaper personal ad from a brother who was from down south. We were together for almost a year - me easing back into the world of men and women. Thus began a bad habit - dating thru electronic mediums. I want a whole bunch of choices and not have music, big asses, and what not blocking the view to me. I don't have to 'hold the pocketbooks' when I'm online, lol lol.

In these 11 years I've lost weight, gained weight, lost weight and done it again, lol lol. I'm back a bit plump right now, but I'm not going to sweat it. I'm cool peeps, I ain't sloppy and nasty, my skin is firm and I have a figure - It's a work in progress and if the opposite sex so got their stuff together - that my work is a burden for them - then I'm sureeeee there are other choices. Not accepting the 'visual' that I'm not acceptable.

Been down here with basically no lifelines for about 8 years now. Have lived in two places, worked three jobs, had about 8 'relationships' and some other things thrown in the mix. I can NEVER find a reliable babysitter and my money been short since day one.

However, I have towed this line quite well. I'm happy - mini-me is happy. We have carved us out a little space in this world. I have alot of things that procrastination and outright fear keep me from just jumping out there and doing - I gotta have my t's crossed and my i's dotted - but I'm feeling more and more able to just toss some shit out there and see if it sticks.

The set of friends when I got down here are now associates and the even smaller set I have now - do it for me.

I think more importantly - I SEE BRIGHTNESS ahead and not DARKNESS!!

Ya'll have a good weekend - I'll be back at cha on Sunday Evening!!

Oh and let me leave you with Mini-Me's first hair appt. A once a month gift for a year from her Grandmother. I'm going to have to beat her down, lol


Posted by Pamalicious :: 10:00 PM :: 2 comments

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