ThE EmAnCiPaTiOn oF pAmMiE

Sunday, October 02, 2005

Sunshine Monologue 49

Is This Thing On

Blog Musical Mood: Greatest Inspiration Live - Teddy Pendergrass

"Can You Hear Me Now?" The most annoying but brand worthy commercial I've ever seen. Good Morning. Happy October 2, 2005. Can you believe it's October already? Should be interesting, remember mark October 21st on your calendars and "Mini-Me" will be turning 12 on the 27th! Scary how fast 2005 is slipping away. I've found that me and sleep don't get along as much as we did in, lol I tend to go to bed and get on up in the morning. It's a crisp quiet morning here in Decatur, Georgia. 'Mini-Me' is still recovering from sixth grade so she's knocked out. I like getting up early like this as you know and just letting the words flow. They started to slip out while I was sleep but I first had to watch 30 minute meals,lol maybe be inspired for the upcoming week.

Yesterday we went to see Roll Bounce. Loved it! I love period pieces and this one took me right back to Greenbriar Mall Skating Rink. Bow Wow did a good job and was a cutie - now there might be some speculation that I would put him on the young and tasty list like I did Omarion, but nah - he's a 'regular' young man to me - whereas Omarion has this this 'thing' about him that screams young nubile homothug and so my attraction is twisted and sexual at the least - I can't DO Bow Wow, but Omarion can certainly come and 'touch' - but I digresssssssss.

Today, I think if I can pull together $100 for GAS (lol, I'll ride out and see Janet. She's been running around celebrating JD's birthday and what not, and I haven't had a chance to see her. I picked her up some things when I last went shopping, and I want to deliver them. So if I do, I'll be cooking dinner as soon as I finish this, lol so I can be ahead of the curve yah know.

Well let's get it started...but first I put my advertising up! It's at the bottom of the page - so as you peruse and decide you need to look up something, please feel free to use my google search - thanks!

Not All My Numbers!!!

I gots me a new toy (not THAT kind) late as hell on the technology market, but that's cool - I have to go the way of the hookup,lol. I have been, of course messing with that thing all weekend - trying to get all my old infomation from my Vx into this new one. Well a wrong keystroke (damn fingernails) and I inadvertantly ERASED the whole shebang!! Even my backup!! I had about 5-6 years of phone numbers on my old one!! I sat here just staring at the screen. Luckily, however, I decided to turn the actual Vx device on and it was not erased! Whew! However, in that moment I did some thinking. Was that a sign? Did I really need, know and use all the numbers I have acquired in these years and did they need to be solely electronically stored to begin with? I had to get downright old fashion and with a pen and notebook paper - transcribe everything. NINE PAGES front and back later. I looked at what I had before me - my big black book, lol lol.

I ain't gonna even lie - I been out here in the dating scene so long, I have more numbers than I would know what to do with and that's just it - I have NO IDEA anymore who half these people are, lol Being an on-line dater, I would get numbers all the time. I would jot them down in my Vx and that be that. Well fast forward a couple of years and I'm looking at entries like "6'2 from Blackplanet" their number and their screen name - UM WHO THE HELL IS THAT?! LOL LOL LOL If I actually spoke to you - it might have your name, and if we actually met, it would have a complete entry. Well lo and behold, I only can remember those I actually MET. I have vague memories of some conversation etc. sometimes I put a hint or something and it was fun last evening trying to figure out who that brotha was and for some wondering if they are still around somewhere,lol. I decided that as part of my journey to 40 - I'd be letting portions of the past go - so I did NOT put these numbers in my new T2. This caused me to go to my email account which I've had since 2000 and see who was listed in there - Lawd! Who the hell are all these people, lol I actually have matched some ID's with some numbers and names and I've deleted alot on there as well.

Now believe it or not - some people who I have dated etc. I don't have their current information. I'm one of those people who feel like I should be able to contact any Ex and it not be any beef. As time has went on, of course, I don't have the desire to, but I feel like if I wanted to I could. Why we got to be enemies. Even folks I dated briefly - alot of them I don't know why we stopped talking - so why couldn't I drop a note and say 'hi what's up' I say all that to sayyyyyy if you get an email from a sista - don't trip, lol lol Cause now I'm intrigued to see what's up with some folks, lol lol See this is how you start shit purge the past.

Oh and if you are the owner of these devices and like me, is not interested in paying for anything check out THIS SITE - good stuff!

I Have A Hand Cramp

Though I love modern technology, I came up in a time when alot of it wasn't available, and thus, I can remember simplier times. As I was thinking about contacting folks I hadn't spoken to in awhile (both men and women) I thought about something that used to be quite relaxing for me, before this computer came along - handwriting letters. Remember that? You would get your stationery out and your best flowing pen and sit down at the desk and write people using your own script. No bolds and underlines and embedded pictures - just you, your thoughts and a pen. I miss that - though I have been able to effectively add 'me' to things I write on this cold medium we call a computer; there was nothing like going to the mailbox and having a letter waiting for you. You ripped it open and there were pages and pages of a persons thoughts for you to view. It had such an authenic quality to it because it had scratch offs and if you were like me, you added personal artwork etc. etc. Now it's just about "You have 3 new messages". I encourage 'mini-me' to write at least three letters a year. We can't lose the art, because it is part of what makes you a 'civilized' person. When we spiral towards being uncivilized, the language is the first to go and writing letters is part of the language. Nowadays, nothing comes in the mail but BILLS! They sure as hell haven't forgotten, lol.

Though I don't do written longhand anymore - I still write letters Ivia word) and mail them snail mail with my handwritten signature. It dawned on me last nite that I needed to write my biological, my sister and I want to drop a quick line to my very first girlfriend from the 4th grade once a year I think about her and I'd like to let her know that.

Letter writing - now only reserved for the behind bars set.

Remembering A Fling

All this delving into my address book, email addys etc. Made me do alot of reminiscing,lol. I heard something last night that I am adopting as part of my 'words to live by' "Do you want a SAFE LIFE or an AUTHENTIC ONE"
This is powerful to me, because though for the most part alot of my life has been safe, I deem it to be authentic and I want it always to be authenic and my journey to be real.

Well a part of my 'authenic' life is my male/female interactions. Regardless to who exhibited psychosis - it's been real and most of it has been documented in the now three boxes of handwritten journals I've kept since I was 12 years old. I've written my memoirs and I hope that someone has the foresight to publish them when I am gone.

Last evening I ran across two names and numbers and it brought back a memory. I met "Airport" right where his name implies, lol In line during Xmas. I was in the process of sending 'mini-me' to my moms for the break and there he was. I didn't notice him at first because as ya'll know I've moved on to the bigger bros, but he was reminicient of my past thin, curly hair but he was a wonderful chocolate color. I stood behind him trying to figure out how to make my presence known and in conversation with 'mini-me' I must have said something funny because I could see the back of his head move as he smiled. Eventually we got separated in the maze of the airport, but as fate would have it, he was at the terminal next to where I ended up and in a bold move on my part - I just approached him with chit chat conversation etc. I was in an exploring mood and he was the 'subject'. We traded numbers before he got on his flight and that was that.

He (in a rare and admirable move) actually called when he got back in town and thus began my winter fling. Yes I was well into my 30's before I had a fling - so sue me. Acting on physical attraction was not something I even know/knew how to do fully, evidenced by how this fling went to the <-----LEFT, lol I am just not built for it and I've accepted that, but I had to see what it was about since in actuality - it's what more people are about these days.

Now here's where my life is certainly authenic, lol Ok, I fucked that up big time because I was bored and wanted the fling to be full-time. Howevever, we didn't fall all the way out - so there came a time when this bro. got sick and I ended up at the hospital with him - wayy after the holidays - just being a friend...except we wern't that. I was nearby and I cared. Every bluemoon I'll get a text from him or an IM and we cool. Definately not something I regret and I'm glad I had the experience.

Now, we know I have a thing for NY Brothas - (which has since been modified slightly after NY Transplant) but my love for the NY Bros is still strong. I met "Boogie Down Bronx" in the way I usually meet Bros and I was attracted right off the bat. The first time we spoke, I remember we talked for five hours, lol lol by the time we met and went out on a date - the attraction was sealed. We met and I was MORE attracted. We had a good time walking thru the sand and talking and just vibing. I was not looking for a fling at the time, but such is life. "Boogie Down" was just so so on point, lol. His entire vibe was on the money. I dug him, his mind etc. MISTAKE in the game - it's best if you don't actually like your flings and compartmentalize them, lol I can safely say that only one other man turned me on to the extent he did and that's "mobetta". I was a hot mess around "Boogie Down" a HOT mess, lol lol. We hooked up a couple of times and it was spicy, lol. He's one of those - I might hear from when we get about 45, lol lol He might be 'thru' by then, lol I also still talk to him every blue moon via IM and I see him around on the sites doing this thang. I have a fondness for Bro - so no love lost here.

A part of my journey towards 40 is about calling a spade a spade so to speak. If it was a fling, don't try to recreate it as something more. Nothing is wrong with expeiencing life and I've been experiencing it on my terms - be them good or bad for that matter. I still haven't run out of fingers and toes concerning my encounters -so as far as I'm concerned - I'm doing okay.

Posted by Pamalicious :: 10:00 AM :: 2 comments

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