Thursday, September 29, 2005

Sunshine Monologue 48

Run On Sentences….

Hello is this thing on?when the most excitement you have is an old re-run of Martin – time to reevaluate the lifeplan, lol

Conflict Resolutiondoesn’t include ‘with your bad weave’ mini-me! I’mma need you to do better – and a weave in middle school?!

I don’t like you but I’ll do you what is that about? My genitals don’t even wake up if I’m not feeling you as a person, lol yet everyday you hear about the I slipped and fell into the situation. Shouldn’t more of us get suction on the bottom of our shoes?

Last night as I looked at that football field known as the empty side of my bed (don’t it look big as hell when no one is over there) I really missed coming into my room and seeing some 6 foot brotha lounging in his boxer/briefs. If you ‘built’ for relationships – the visual without one is pitiful.


Truth in Advertisingwouldn’t it be revolutionary if this ad were real? (thanks Crunk)


School yard antics are raising their ugly head in my life. There’s a new sista in the group and though she cool– she got all the others mesmerized and it’s wearing my nerves thin. I USED to be the wittiest and the one they all turned to for pearls of wisdom and now here comes this broad and she sucking up all my air. Not to mention she been everything and everywhere – no story is complete without ‘oh yea when I was a rocket scientist…’ or however she can interject her story into my story. I know it’s childish but I’m jockeying for position on my own playing field and I’m not liking it! See, it takes a conscious effort to unite – unity has to be forced because your natural territory instinct is gonna kick in. So I’ve been forcing myself to grit my teeth and bear it. I hope I don’t snap.

A word about expectations from a mate as part of that other question that can suck the air out of any budding relationship (what are you looking for?) the second part of that is more an implied question: What do you expect? Other than I expect you to have a bit more game than to ask that question – here’s my answer:

"The mental strain and aerobics of trying to wear several sets of costumes out here in the world I would 'expect' the man in my life to alleviate some of that stress for me. HE figure out what direction our family needs to go in, HE figure out how to best utilize our money, skills etc. out here in the world.

His owning and being productive with chores/obstacles that require a stronger hand and/or testosterone (for respect) - I would also like him to be able to do - independently of me. My answer applies to a man who has staked claim and made PUBLIC his desire to be the head of my household.

I don't 'expect' household bills to be paid by a non-residential boyfriend. What am I suppose to do charge him for the TV time, lol Break down how many miles he rode in my car and then charge him accordingly. I never understood the logic that a man who comes over twice a week should be required to pay one of my bills. Some things you are just going to have to bite the bullet for and that includes running your household.

A conscious man 'might' offer up household services such as grass cutting etc. etc. because he can SEE that there are some things that might require his assistance, astute men do these things because they recognize that works when trying to get closer to a female. If a man never offers I never ask - but it is put in the mental rolodex."

Would it be ghetto if I won a car from V-103 and then let them repossess my old one so I wouldn’t have a note. Now sure, my credit would be messed up forever – but oh well.

Does anyone else have a lottery winning plan I have one for various amounts of money, but one thing that is constant my family must write a 500 word essay as to why I should be giving you some money. I have to make this interesting – I have 11 bros and sistas, lol I think I need start playing first though.

I am officially declaring myself dumb as hell and will begin repeating the sixth grade immediately. Mini-me is kicking my as with this homework! I told her in the second grade that momma not going to be able to help you past the fifth with your math – and here she comes with Fractions etc. the Teacher sent a note home saying ‘old school eh’ because I had to show her circa 1978 how we did it and it shole didn’t take half a damn page!

I wanna be 50I know this is suppose to be about my journey to 40 – but I wanna race ahead a bit. Why? Because then I can DO ME and come from under the boot of society. Once you get 50 (and I don’t mean celebrity 50) I can just let it rip. First thing I’m gonna do? TAKE OFF MY DAMN GIRDLE! I can see it now – I can breathe!! Next, I’m rocking my elastic in the waist jeans! I’ma also finally get me a man because by that time – the criteria will be about Are you nice? Do you love me? Can you cook? Can you still get it on a couple times a week? Can I go fishing every other weekend without you being all in my ass? All that REAL stuff and then me and my new man are going to be happy as hell! Now don’t get me wrong, I’m sure there is some new uncharted bullshit that awaits me when I get to that age – but I think that if I make it thru what I have to go thru now – that will be a piece of cake!

I want my man a little crusty and I mean that. Blackmen have always taken pride in their appearance and even that one with three teeth (and two of em loose) smelling like death warmed over will approach a sista cause in his mind – he strutting with the best of them (reason number 1003 why I love the Blackman – he the only one got that kinda confidence) but a lot of bros are walking a thin line with the metrosexualism. What is that you might ask?

metrosexual (met.roh.SEK.shoo.ul) n. An urban male with a strong aesthetic sense who spends a great deal of time and money on his appearance and lifestyle. metrosexuality n. A metrosexual is a clotheshorse wrapped around a dandy fused with a narcissist. Like soccer star David Beckham, who has been known to paint his fingernails, the metrosexual is not afraid to embrace his feminine side. Why "metrosexual"? The metro- (city) prefix indicates this man's purely urban lifestyle, while the -sexual suffix comes from "homosexual," meaning that this man, although he is usually straight, embodies the heightened aesthetic sense often associated with certain types of gay men.

Mark Simpson invented this term in 1994 it drifted slowly from one media source to another throughout the rest of 1990s and early 2000s. Then Simpson wrote another article about metrosexuals in the online magazine Salon.com on July 22, 2002, and the term took off. Since then it has been picked up by thousands of media outlets, has made numerous TV appearances, has spawned at least a couple of books, and has been dropped in untold numbers of cocktail party conversations. There is no escaping the metrosexual.

Now no fire breathing, ball scratching, farting brotha would EVER admit to being this, but some of you exhibit such behavior. Getting a manicure is one thing – getting ‘blush’ as a polish is another; One earring is one thing – door knocker hoops (unless you are a Black Hewbrew Isrealite) is another; wearing the latest fashion is one thing – but pitching a fit because it was from last season is another. A facial routine to keep razor bumps down is one thing – FOUNDATION is another. You get my drift. Watch it!

AND FINALLY…..

Step right up and get your B.O.B.’s from….Walmart Now we all know that most stores sell ‘deep tissue massagers’ and that a lot of women buy them to massage something alright, lol, but now Walmart is selling ‘sexual well being products’ beginning in the $5.99 price range! I am so excited! B.O.B.’s (Battery Operated Boyfriends for those not in the know) Phallus’ as a Kwanzaa gift for Everyone, lol. I’ll give them away on Kujichagulia – cause that just sounds fitting.

ALSO BEFORE I FORGET…

My new blog obsession is Babee Munkees and Clams – ya’ll ain’t ready, lol lol

Candidate For that Empty Side of the Bed


Posted by Pamalicious :: 8:50 PM :: 5 comments

Speak Your Piece

---------------oOo---------------