ThE EmAnCiPaTiOn oF pAmMiE

Friday, April 28, 2006

Sunset Monologue 181

Freedom Finally Friday



Blog Musical Mood: Living For The Weekend - OJays

Hootie Hoooo! How are ya'll doing?! I am liking the mystery surrounding the death and rebirth of The Emancipation of Pammie. Ya'll keep it crunk for a sista and I think you will like where I take it.

Well my hormones are back in balance - so let me blast ya'll with some little Friday Ditties!



You all have a fabulous weekend!

Posted by Pamalicious :: 5:43 PM :: 1 comments

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Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Sunset Monologue 180

We Interupt for...Emotion



Blog Musical Mood: Beat It - Michael Jackson



For Those Who Take It With No Lube In The Name Of Assisting

I Salute You!

Hope You Had A Vanglorious Day!

Keep Your Eye On The Prize!



Hey ya'll! Want to take a minute to thank you all for the comments about the ending of this blog - let's just say this has been my baby and of course at some point the baby grows up - so yes THIS BLOG will be ending - but don't scrap the bookmark just yet..............

Well it seems as if I am 'feeling' and it might be due to some hormonal things going on - so I'll spare you all my drama and be back tomorrow. NO - Nothing is wrong, just feeling as if my ovaries are talking FOR me, lol.

Posted by Pamalicious :: 4:09 PM :: 2 comments

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Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Sunshine Monologue 188

So What Else Is Going On?!



Blog Musical Mood: Sweet Lady - Tyrese

Hey folks! What it be? I hope things are going well witcha. Thought I would start off by letting ya'll know what's happening in the rest of the Licious World. So let's begin....


  • My Bio Please Mini-me came to me a couple of weeks ago and said that she felt like performing so she 'booked' herself at XYZ elementary school to sing in their fashion show and would I email over her bio?! Um, you ain't got no bio and stop booking yourself and asking me to be your manager, lol lol The girl is BUSY! So her day came this past Friday and she graced the audience with "I Believe" by Yolanda Adams. She is the gutsy one I tell yah - she didn't go to this school, knew no one but got on up there and belted out her song. She said she had a good time and I got it all on tape. Good Deal!


  • I Do Have Insurance The leg drama goes on and on - I FINALLY have gotten her an appt to resee the Orthopedic Dr. to get the results of the MRI. The HMO system sucks ass, the damn thing is probably healed now and probably wrong. She doesn't need the crutches and can wear her leg taped up - but I make her wear the brace to school. The swelling has went down but not away and she still can't bend the damn thing. I just decided to NOT be fustrated.


  • I'm a Student I finally received my official transcript evaluation and I am pleased to announce that going through the summer in Community College has paid off. I need 120 credits to graduate with my Bachelors in Organizational Management and I have......67!! Look at that! I could be out by late summer next year! However, I am getting ready to call the school and find out how to after these next two classes (which I will complete on June 6th) I can take the summer off and go back when Mini-me goes back second week of August. I'm so nervous that with all the cheerleading camps, hanging out, traveling and summer activities I won't be able to focus, and I'd rather suspend than waste my money and have to take anything over. I don't know how that works with online schools, but I'll find out and report back. My current GPA is 3.35 so I'm doing okay. I'm doing okay.


  • I'm still Humble Being the recent recipient of the blessing that is...MAN (smile) - I want to make it clear that I am now not the knower of all things (not anymore than I already was) and that I am still quite in touch with and cognizant of the struggle and what not associated with dating and what alot of my other sisters are going through. I'm still pinching my damn self, so there is no need for me to gloat or to now act like I don't remember that just a few short months ago - this blog was FILLED with analyzation of the plight and what must be done. I want for my sister what I want for myself! So no gloating here - maybe a little jig but I would hope that me expressing my visual instead of my cognative is a good thing. As I look back on the wonderfulness that is this blog - it is leading up to having one hell of a transition to 40.


  • Party Ova Here The party plans are underway (it's almost making me a bit sad seeing as this blog will end in a short 41 days!). I am getting excited! I decided to have it at Casa De Pamalicious because it's wedding season and halls/hotels etc. are going for top dollar when I got...food stamps, lol. Hookups are coming out the woodwork for this event, so it's ALL GOOD!! I will start doing a party watch in the border so that you all can keep up. I find it crazy that all 40th party ware is making it seem like it's doomsday. I want a happy theme - any suggestions? Right now I"m geared towards a color scheme but no theme.


  • Love Exciting and New Everyday we get to know each other is a good day people! We spent this past weekend doing something we actually haven't had a chance to do - spend hours together. It was fantastic and the best time I've had in awhile. We have similar personalities and both like having fun so everything we did was tinged with laughter and what not. We went to the mall and had an opportunity to check out our tastes and sizes and what not, which is always nice. It was so comfortable us riding along, listening to music, filling in even more blanks about ourselves etc. etc. The sun was shining and all was right. Mini-me has warmed up alot and they are developing a relationship - I've explained to her that it's okay because regardless we needed this and it's been good for us. I'm all dewey and glowy and so is he and he is 1/8 a shade from coal black so that's a feat, lol. We went fantasy house looking, we went in the Zales (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that scared me, but I won't go there), It is just soo nice having HIM (because sometimes just having a man present is not enough). We get along so well and have enough in common and enough not in common that it's making a mix. We move about in my 'dollhouse' quite well - we haven't overstepped each others need for space as of yet and can be doing two separate things - now I do have a penchant to want to just stand around and look at him and what not - but I'm starting to not do that unless he got his wife beater on,lol. The 'Cabin' (which is his place since he's rarely there) is nice and cozy as well and I can see adding a bit of me there - since he's splashed his paint on the 'dollhouse'. We are past 90 days and going QUITE strong. I think I'm finally....comfortable with the continuous of me....having a man. EXHALE, EXHALE, EXHALE.



Finally - I want to take a moment to say HELLO to everyone who has discovered my blog and keeps coming back. I have appreciated ALL the comments etc. and I am happy that you want to peep in on little ole me. I will not compromise the integrity of my blog based on the audience - I'm keeping it R-E-A-L this is life according to Pamalicious - sit back and enjoy the ride - I got nodoze to the left if you get a bit sleepy, lol

A SPECIAL SHOUT OUT (old school style) to everyone LA's Finest has brought my way including his Mother, Brother and Co-workers.

Posted by Pamalicious :: 10:28 AM :: 4 comments

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Monday, April 24, 2006

Sunshine Monologue 187

Coming Up For Air



Blog Musical Mood: You - Raheem DeVaugh

I feel like after all the emotion that has transpired recently needed to marinate and I needed to come up for some air. There are other things going on in the world besides me and LA's Finest, lol lol. I know right! He wants to say Thank You to all the responses his entry got. He is retiring his pen and moving on to focus on his passion - Rock On Entertainment

Below is a post that actually came to mind because I had the best 'musical' weekend! Music and Me I tell yah! We both like music and we spent alot of time listening and remembering and this entry fits so well - so I thought I'd repost it today for my 'newbies'.

Enjoy!


Music Makes You Loose Control



All weekend I have been having music in my head and in my heart. Little ditties that I have enjoyed for a lifetime as well as new ones that strike my fancy. Filling out that 10 songs I'm digging now, certainly put that into overdrive and I just started thinking about music and the 'soundtracks' of our lives. I mean it's one of the few things that can chart our existence out here, lol. We know what music surrounds all the highs and lows of our life. I know that SPARKLE by Cameo was my song, when I was in love with KL from High School, lol lol. So I thought that I would devote this evenings post to "Music and Me" Come Take this journey with me.

How it all began



I sat watching Soul Train with my family. The Jackson Five were to perform. I wasn't quite sure what all the fuss was about, afterall I was what six, seven years old. Then they came out and began singing. My young heart began beating so fast, I thought I was going to pass out! I looked into those almond eyes staring back at me in those quite colorful clothes and when he said "Come here Girl I think I love yah! Show me what you can do" I got to shaking my little Muslim Hips, cause I just KNEW he was talking to me - this can't possibly be what love is all about - but it was and I had begun my first love affair --- with Michael Jackson. I still have that 45, my mom bought me - I'll never get rid of it.

The Longest most consistent and most satisfying love affair of my life



Well I could do a whole blog about this subject, but I won't and I swear I will keep this short and to the point. Michael Jackson, His Brothers and Sisters for that matter have been thru my entire life with me. I don't necessarily identify with the 'typical' fan because it's about the music for me. I can recognize that Mike has some issues etc. but his music DOESN'T, and that's what I focus on now as an adult; but let's go back to when I was into the MAN, lol. I think he is responsible for the 'romantic dellusions' I have today, lol My entire room as a teenager, was covered with pictures of him. I had diaries devoted to him, letters I wrote weekly, the record player with his face on it and an undying passion to be his wife,lol.

Part of my popularity in late elementary school and early High School was the FIVE VOLUME fairytale that I had written chronicling our life from him meeting me at 16 to us celebrating our 25 wedding anniversary and everything in between. I would hold 'readings' such as they do today, where girls and guys would gather while I read aloud all of our exploits. Five - five subject composition books full of our life, oh and by the time I hit 12, our passionate sex, lol lol I was a PIONEER in EROTIC WRITING, lol lol

When 'Destiny' came out the album cover was a fold out. Mike was at one end and Randy was at the other. I learned about kissing from that album cover. My girlfriend and I would put that record on and as we sat and listened we would 'make out' with them. She was into Randy because I didn't associate with anyone that was into Mike, lol lol I have that cover still and their lips are kissed off, lol

There was a song for EVERYTHING that was ever going on in my life, lol lol As my young adult angst went to an all time high - HE was there, (shit he's STILL there). No matter who I was in love with that week (lol) Mike was the one who could sing about it and make me feel good or better. Parent problems, eventually He covered that for me as well, job issues - He got that covered, stupid negro issues - He always has that covered, Orgasmic heights of bliss, he got that too.

When I see him perform, even in his current 'condition' a few things happen. I get extremely hot and have to take my clothes off and I get woozy. This is no lie, ask Mini-me, lol. When the CBS special came out, I stripped and got right in front of the TV and passed out. You might even be able to ask "Janet" about that. I can cut that special on today and I'll sit there and swear it won't get to me and it does, lol

So now I'm 39, a grown woman, with a few miles of yardage on my heart, but still Mike does and will always be the 'soundtrack of MY Life' and I wanted to first before I go into other music, I've had affairs with - speak about my MAN.


Getting my Freaky Deaky On

I was relatively a time bond waiting to explode on the whole sexuality tip. I had such an innocent relationship with Mike. All bubblegum and puppy dogs. Then one day a short, afroed, man came strollin in, He wore 4 inch heels and played a guitar and wanted to know if I was "Soft and Wet" - Well I looked him dead in the eye (literally) and was like HELL YEA! and thus began my back alley love affair with PRINCE.
All of the wires in my loins got connected and set afire as this man took me on a ride I will never forget. Him and his orgy pals (Vanity 6, The Time, Andre' Cymone etc.) Had me on overdrive. He wanted to do so much to me and I let him, from "Jack u off" to "International Lover" to "Beautiful Ones" I was his hooker baby! Drippin wet pictures of him hid behind the clothes in my closet, low low volume as he took me there time and time again.

I was 15, just got home from school - cut the radio on and they said 103'rd caller, call in. I picked up the phone and suddenly I was on the radio and they were telling me I had won. I was like "what did I win" and they said "Two tickets to see Prince at the Fox the midnite show" KLUNK! that was me passing out on the floor. I wanted to go with a 'date' my first 'date' but Moms wasn't having that, so after she donned a purple feather in her head (don't ask) we went to see Prince. I will FOREVER remember him writhing around in that bed on stage, his sexuality was just so raw - way to raw.....for my momma, lol lol

I am still prone to go off on a binge with him when he's hitting the notes I want to hear. You know you never forget your first sexual partner - and I haven't. He still makes music for my loins.

Somewhere There's A Love Just For Me

I have been a 'romantic' for as long as I can remember. The notion of love and men etc. has just been something I have always wanted. I remember the very first crush I had, his name was....'MC' and He sat next to me at JC Harris elementary school, I was NINE. I LOVED that boy, lol I say that to say that crooners have always been in the forefront of my musical landscape.


Shalamar: I have ALL of their Records in all their incarnations. Jeffrey Daniels, was definately on my 'to do' list, lol They would always have like one or two slow jams on the album and I would just play them over and over. I have followed Howard Hewitt throughout his career as well as Jody Watley (check her site out, and her new remix!)

Debarge: Shaped who I wanted to marry, lol Ahhh gotta love when Light Skinned was in!! El and James were both on my 'to do' list followed much later in life by their edgy brotha "Chico"

Today, I am still very much into 'slow jams' when I hear "Yes Indeed" by Tina Maria, it breaks my HEART! Phyllis Hyman "Living All Alone", Stephfanie Mills "Comfort of a Man".....all songs that touch the inner me.



I came to the conclusion that in a woman's life we have three cycles: Want a Man, Got A Man and Lost A Man. I made a three part CD collection, that musically - takes us on this journey. Still a favorite in my CD player.

Releasing my Inner Becky

At one point, I left my home and went to the other side of the tracks. I was doing the swirl bad. The Only person I associated with from my homeland was Mike, other than that - I was imersed and engulfed in this new world. Jackets filled with buttons of Culture Club, Billy Idol, Cindi Lauper, Madonna, let the world know that I was now batting for the otherside. There were darker sides to this life as well Motley Crue, Twisted Sister, Poison - pseudo dealings with the devil I took glee in. Then there was confusing identity crisis with Duran Duran. I still get dressed and go to some favorite haunts that I enjoyed, have a beer and do the white girl dance with the best of em.

I Used to Love H.E.R.



Today I got to thinking about Hip Hop and when I met 'her' and if she's had any influence on me. I grew up in Atlanta in a world that was black - I rarely interacted with the rest of the world. Black hoods, black people, black schools. Uptopia in a manner of speaking. I have memories of 'her' in passing - we met but it was nothing that made me want to meet 'her' again. The Sugar Hill Gang was catchy but it was seen more as this quirky 'song' that came from some place called New York. At least to my friends. My girlfriends and I couldn't figure out why? NOBODY was cute! She was that girl that stood on the wall and maybe one person asked her to dance..but Mike, Prince, El Debarge were the frivolities of choice.

Then I met my math teacher. He was from 'up north' as we liked to say and one day while we were acting a plum fool - he brought out a cassette player and popped in this tape and "She" came out sat down in front of the class and commanded our attention - 'she' had brought Grand Master Flash and they were telling us they were 'close to the edge'. We looked around at our trees and grass and southern charm and were blown away. Where is this place of urban decay and what is this form of talk/singing? 'She' had passed out party favors and alot of us kept them on our dresser - in sight but not touched.

I moved to Philadelphia and when I stepped out the car and my $10.00 sneakers hit that concrete I was....appalled. So this is urban squalor. Where are the trees, what is this 'accent', how come the homes are...connected?! I just couldn't get it. Then one day up in my older brothers room (and excuse if my chronological order is out of wack) he pulled out an LP and these three guys were on the front with these funny hats and huge glasses. He told us this was RUN DMC and listen to this. When he put the needle to that piece of plastic - 'She' was Carrie at the prom! We sat mesmerized by this music...but unlike Carrie 'she' won prom queen and went on to graduate w/honors.

So many memories of the beginning of the commercialization of rap. We were like the stepford kids - this music was making us act strange, we were moving with jerky movements and the music replaced our former passtime..the television. The first time we heard "Eric B for president" and then.....Public Enemy. We would sit in my brothers little car and I mean little; 2 doors put 5-6 of us in that car as he blasted this music and our heads bobbed in unison. For a voracious reader like myself - this was prose put to music and I could get with that. Hours and Hours on end we were instrumental in making Def Jam rich.

I moved to New York in 1989 - so I lived in the mecca and took part in the pilgrimage! My husband grew up in New York and used to be part of the Wrecking Crew a very popular breakdancin group. "She" had introduced me to her friends :) 'her' consciousness was mind boggling - KRS ONE etc. taught and preached and made us be so proud to be black...Ralph McDaniel became my second cousin, lol and slowly some 'cuteness' began to emerge as well as a reshaping of my personal choice landscape in the form of Big Daddy Kane...oooo la la.

Then one day - a shot rang out from far away..a place called Compton...there were black people in California?! It was intoxicating..mesmerizing...and addictive. Our cousin who we didn't speak about had come home and he was UPSET! Your psyche didn't want to embrace the violence, but it did and in doing so...we slowly self imploded.

Throughout the years 'she' has planted herself firmly in my life. The Chronic, Parents Just Don't Understand Doggie Style Hammer Don't Hurt Em - all parties I have joined in with 'her'.

At 39 however, she has alienated me for the most part. She's now naked, hungry and out of doors. She has lost her own respect and whored out so many of her bretheren. She sits at the grown folks table but the grown folks don't really respect her..anymore. We want to see her cousins from back in the day - sit back, play a little spades and remember when.....

What the Future Holds

Well as part of growing up - you reach back. I am enjoying classic R&B, vibes and grooves where you lose yourself in 'inference' - letting me paint the picture. I still will visit the dark, murky world of the underground - this time as a stripper with the joy of booty bass music - I can hear my stiletto's tapping on the ground, lol,but I'm getting kinda old; back kinda hurting - I think I will one day be grown enough for Jazz - some of it is starting to sound quite soothing.

Posted by Pamalicious :: 11:07 AM :: 2 comments

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Thursday, April 20, 2006

Sunset Monologue 179

No Options



My Blog Musical Mood: Feels Good All Over - Stepfanie Mills
His Blog Musical Mood: 50/50 Love - Teddy Pendergrass


After reading my last blog entry, LA's Finest indicated that he wanted a voice on the page. He needed to get something off his chest it was bubbling up and was about to overflow. So I told him to write and I would post UNEDITED - it would add so much depth to the recent words I have been writing. So without further adieu - LA's Finest..........

I can not speak for every man but, I can speak for myself when I say I was afraid of commitment. I was afraid that I might miss something better. I was afraid that I might hurt her and she would hate me. I was afraid that I would need to win the game before the game beats me. I believed that love was a convenient word to say in order to get the rights of passage to anything I want from her. And then something happened…….I grew up. Not just in a physical sense but spiritually, emotionally, and mentally. I don’t think the same, act the same or do the same things I used to do. And with that in mind, I don’t love the same. The love I have now has meaning and depth behind it. I use to feel like, “What if I use this good love I have on the wrong woman and end up stuck.” I did and was. Let me rephrase that, not the wrong woman per say but a woman with a different direction than mine. After years of irreconcilable differences, I was back in the mix, the game, on the market……….SINGLE!!!! let me dust off my players card, get a new Black Book, and redo my wardrobe (label whore. Indie.Arie would hate me). But the game ain’t what it used to be. The internet is widespread, and clubs are dangerous. You could pick up anything from bullets to AIDS. My weapon of choice was the internet. No strings attached. Just for fun. See ya when I see ya. Who Let The Dogs Out?

Then I came across somebody that made me rethink my situation and want to do some type of realigning of my standards for the type of woman I would like in my life, a good one. I wondered though, what, in my terms, constitutes a good woman? And if she’s such a good woman, am I that good enough of a man for her? I can play the roll for the panties. Hold it up for a little while then ease out when she gets serious. I love having a stable of women strategically placed around the city to fit my needs when I am in that area. She would fit perfect. Not too close to me and not too far for a midnight creep. I can make it look like my schedule is too hectic and permits me from getting serious. Hit her up for my needs whether it be sexual or financial. The ratio is so on my side, she would think she hit goldmine with me. But then I realized that it’s harder to keep up the front than it is being real. I have to remember all those lies I told and make sure they didn’t run on top of each other or was said to the wrong woman.

I decided to be upfront and real. She made me feel comfortable enough to expose myself and not feel like I didn’t measure up to Tyrese/Diddy. O.K. here’s the hard part. Can I keep my interest in HER and HER ONLY? Am I ready to be monogamous?

I’ve come to this conclusion. I Love this woman with all I have. My world is not a perfect one and neither is hers. Yet together our worlds are as good as anybody else’s. What strikes me the most is that she was happy before I came along. She didn’t look for me to make her happy. That’s what makes this comfortable. I love this woman and am not afraid to cut off my options to anyone else. My nights are now filled with reminiscing on the 80’s and 90’s, old episodes of Martin while sharing popcorn, stretching a dollar one week and blowing $100.00 the next. Her giving me the control to watch ESPN and me being considerate and giving it back for Lifetime. I have a new journey and a partner to take it with.

I LOVE YOU PAM !!!!!!!!!


Sorry Ladies....His Brother is Happily Married :)

Posted by Pamalicious :: 11:23 PM :: 10 comments

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Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Sunshine Monologue 186

Rain On Me



Blog Musical Mood: Inseparable - Will Downing

"You have a man now - I got/you got" The money sat on the table. It represented roughly 50% of the second job. Now if you got a million then 50% isn't so bad, but if you got a dollar, then 50% means something significant. And in my world it was a defining moment. Ever caught a movie sequence where a person life flashes before them and beams out from their body? I listened intently as he quietly explained to me the who, what, when and why's of his gesture. However, my mind was sparking and racing all over the place.

Sometimes when we take a journey - we want the past steps on that journey to disappear. Some things, mind you, need to - but alot of our journey is forever just below the surface for us to go over, use accordingly etc. Relationships, unfortunately are one of those things. Not just your romantic laisions but all of them - our interaction with other humans is a pivital aspect of our make-up in my opinion and that's why they never really fade away. You have a decision to make, you can either spend your life's journey throwing your past into boxes, bags and closets and exerting unnecessary energy pretending that at each striking of 12:01am the previous day didn't exist, or you can find you a spot and catalogue, scrapbook and file your past and feel secure enough to pull out a chapter sometimes.

As I sat there - the drawer marked 'Love Journey's' flew open and a strong wind tossed those memories right up in my face. Except something was different - the words smeared on those pages cleared up and I had an epiphany...........I had never really had a man before. I've had dating, I've had marriage (!!), but I haven't really had a man.....before.......today. I know, I know - you think the prime grade A 100% fine specimen of NIGRESS in me, wants to start ripping to shreds all of my past relationships and their shortcomings, but to do that would be crack my own self across the skull exposing the white meat. However, the truth is the truth. I've had lovers of my flesh, I've had lovers of my personality, I've had lovers of what I could give - but I've never had a straight up, no afraid, not ashamed, not conflicted, open lover of...ME. I should curl up in the shower naked and let scalding hot water beat down on me at that realization - but instead I feel good! I feel good that the little bits and pieces of goodness that I find in all Brothers all put together equals LA's Finest Right SOCK, lol Because the rest of the outfit of Love this Brother wears and it's custom tailored and it looks good on....ME!

I wanted to get angry, I wanted to lash out, I wanted to call up and ask every Ex - what was it that made them afraid, but I've acknowledged my own fear, and that's enough. We are who we are and we are where we were during each encounter with each man. I am now HERE and the journey has taken on new forms and shapes and I'm now spinning in my cocoon closer to my emergence on June 4th -

So it's raining on me - the paper with the time I was bleeding internally for 15 days and couldn't find or reach my 'man' is soaked, the post it note with the time my 'man' called me a fat bitch in front of my daughter is all gummy, the notebook paper with my 'man' explaining that I wasn't really fly enough to be on the arm of a record producer is soaked - I throw my arms out to receive the rain and then strong arms encircle me and pull me under the shelter - they wrap a warm towel around me and hand me some hot chocolate....."You Got A Man Now...It's Okay....It's Okay"

Posted by Pamalicious :: 9:02 AM :: 5 comments

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Sunday, April 16, 2006

Sunset Monologue 178

14 going on 40



Blog Musical Mood: Dreamin - Vanessa Williams

What it be people?! I saw a piece of that movie 13 Going On 30 and thought I would do a play on that - by posting some actual diary entries from when I was....14. Of course I have all my journals from 14 to present ( now isn't that gonna be off the chain at my demise?). So let's look into the world of Pamalicious when she was 14 (In no particular order) - believe you me the psychosis started EARLY!!


March 16, 1981

Dear Diary,

I had a wonderful time. I went to the movies with T. We had a great time. When we got home he kissed me about twenty times. It was soo romantic. I guess I better go!

March 21, 1981

Dear Diary,

On I am so sad! at the last minute my mother changed her mind of all the things. I guess I"ll call T. and tell him I can't go. I know he will be upset.

March 22, 1981

Dear Diary,

Boy am I mad. I called T. and he had just talked to Z. and I told him and he said "well I'll bring you something back". I am so mad at my mother. She gets on my last nerve. She's always ruining my plans. I don't know why she doesn't trust me. If I wanted to do something, I would have been done soemthing.

March 27, 1981

Dear Diary,

Today T and I got into an argument and I slapped him. I coudl tell he was mad, because he didn't say anything to me the rest of the evening. We have not kissed each other in 10 days and I guess we won't now - since I slapped him.

March 28, 1981

Dear Diary,

I know why we aren't kissing - he said I was on punishment. He said I had a month to go for the slap incident. We were talking on the phone and he goes "you gon give me a date?" and I asked, What date?" and he said "to have sex" and "you know I don't do that kinda stuff, I'm not ready for all that" He goes, "Ok Love I can wait" I'm so confused I like him alot, but I'm just 14 and I don't want to be one of 'those type of girls'. I'll just have to explain that to him and probably he'll find himself another girlfriend. Oh well.....


April 7, 1981

Dear Diary,

T. was very upset with me today, He didn't say as much as hello to me, he igged me today like I didn't exist. He never walks me home anymore. He did have on the tightest jeans today. I should tell him that he could go sterile wearing those tight jeans...hmmm then I could have sex with him because I wouldn't get pregnant Laugh Laugh Laugh.

April 19, 1981

Dear Diary,

I went to six flags today. It was fun, I had a goodtime. We left about 12:00a.m. and came back about 11:00pm. We had a good ass time.

May 1, 1981

Dear Diary,

Well it's over. T and I broke up today. It's a very long story and I actually don't feel like talking about it.

May 20, 1981

Dear Diary,

I'm on Goddamn Punishment! Ain't that a bitch?! However, I did see K.L. at school - he sure was looking good.



June 13, 1981

Dear Diary,

What a day - I need to cuss, damn, shit pussy face, bitch two time motherfucka, hoe, hussy, heifer. Oh I can't think of nothign else right now. I feel better already. My life is no way where I need it to be. Maybe I'll leave home. I got six dollars...

August 17, 1981

Dear Diary,

This was my lucky day. I went to the laundrymatt and the cutest boy ever came in. I liked to died, then I went to the Omni and saw 50 to 60 boys! Not one of them ugly! DAMN!

September 8, 1981

Dear Diary,

I haven't written in awhile. Well I'm in love again. His name is K.L. and you should see him. He's tops, dark, tall and very very very ditto thirty times cute or should I say handsome. He might be my future husband.


October 4, 1981

Dear Diary,

I got me some nice Gloria Vanderbilts friday. I will wear them Monday. I asked my mom about going to the homecoming dance and she talking about chaperones and shit. I won't go. I don't want my mom there!

K.L. and I cut 1st and 3rd period together and hung out. I had so much fun, he came to my locker with me and then we just hung out where the cutters hang.

December 27, 1981

Dear Dairy,

Oh wow I met today the finest boy I've ever seen. I mean it, I told him he was fine, couldn't help it. He's a 10,000 in my book. Fine beyond comparision. He's a transfer. I saw him in the hall and he saw me too. He walked up beside me and his hand brushed my thigh and I thought I had an orgasm. We stood at the lockers talking and when he left he said so sexy "Bye Pam" Whew!

January 3, 1982

Dear Diary,

today I went to see Switch and The Barkays at the skating rink. I had a ball. There were so many fine boys it was pitiful. Tomorrow I"m spending the night over P. house and that should be fun. We've changed our names and adopted celebrity names. Mine is Walanda and Her's is Monique.



So people - do you see a reoccuring theme?! Good Grief! I'll see about posting some more entries from other periods of my life - I've had fun reaching back.

Posted by Pamalicious :: 9:17 PM :: 3 comments

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Friday, April 14, 2006

Sunshine Monologue 185

Mental Exercise Friday



Blog Musical Mood: Chante's Got A Man - Chante Moore

Happy Good Friday for those that subscribe to Christian Doctrine. Traffic was a beeze today - to those of us that....don't. Professor GQ has been badgering us with his deep thought process lately and I decided to wait a minute before I weighed in on these questions. Well today is the day I give this some thought. Enjoy and have a good weekend!!!!!!!


  • If you were to be the opposite sex for one day, what would you do? Um - I got four words for you I GOT A PENIS! Man oh Man, I would spend half the day watching, touching and making that bad boy react. What an intriguing piece of machinery. So what as a woman I can have babies - this thing is wayyy more fun. (Channelling The Nutty Profession) SPANDEX! I WANT SPANDEX! I want to put in in some boxers, some boxer/briefs. I want to hunch the bed with it, I want to stand around and grip it - after blowing half the damn day fascinated with my dick, I would then go out and mingle with the ladies. I want to see exactly what possess a woman to just drop the drawers and ride the pony. I know that most of us have equakequake fault deep denial about our issues - but I would love to see it through a man's eyes - cause I got a sneaky suspicion, he got our number, lol

  • If you had to name the most difficult thing about being a teenager today what would it be?The inability of our parents to parent thus leaving way to much pressure and to many decisions on a group of children who were born LOST. They can't figure out their way and all of their beacons are off doing their own thing.

  • If you had to name the most embarassing moment of your life, when was it?Well I already spoke about pulling my skirt down in front of the Bell South dudes - but of course I have more. How about - trying to impress a boy and slipping and falling and actually sliding down the walkway ending up in between his legs. Damn those tight ass Jordache jeans and Candi Heels. Well we did go to the prom together, lol - or when I first had my eventual husband visit our family home - I fell down the front steps in a heap at his feet. My Pops was like "Don't mind her - she falls all the time" LOL LOL

  • If you could have a lifetime 50 percent discount in any single store at your local mall, which store would it be in? Macy's but in reality I would like this discount to be at the VALUE VILLAGE THRIFT STORE - keep it real!

  • If you could spend New Years Eve doing anythign, what would you do and with whom?I would like to be standing someplace where the sun coming up was about as close to God as you could possibly get - holding LA'S Finest Hand and then we would make love up there and reach total nirvana

  • If you could have one person you have lost touch with call you up tonite and invite you to dinner, who woudl you want it to be? My childhood friend Patricia. I still miss her!

  • If you have to name the best music album ever recorded, which would you select? from my generation it's a tie - Sign of the Times and Baduism - just SPECIAL, however, The Michael Jackson Catalogue transends time, space, energy and sanity. Bury me with my Mike Music.



AND PROFESSOR GQ JUST KEEPS GOING AND GOING......


  • Hello My Name IsPamela Muhammad aka pammiepie aka pamalicious aka Mariah/Beyonce/Eva

  • I Was Raised InBorn in Ohio, Young Years in Atlanta, Early Adult in Philly/NY/NJ, The Emancipation Atlanta

  • The Reason You Are Reading This is because I always find these downloads about self intriguing

  • Right Now, I'm working on..The mess at my gig, this blog, my homework

  • the first thing I do in the morning isRoll over and kiss LA's Finest on whatever body part I can find

  • the last thing I do at night isSnuggle up and kiss LA's Finest on whatever body part I can find

  • My Momma Always saidA whole plethora of stuff you can also know at www.shahrazadali.com knock yourself out.

  • I Love It When Peopledecide to take a journey and sidestep all the things that make the journey real - what magic the mind holds to convince us of our greatness, lol

  • I hate it when peopledecide they are of some importance to me and the world and it's obvious they are not!

  • If you ever see me walking down the street ask me aboutHow it feels to be celebrity, lol

  • My notable run in with the law Involved me getting pulled over for having expired philly plates here in atlanta. As the officer reaches the car and I roll the window down Mini-me who was three and a half at the time yells OH HELL WE GOING TO JAIL and begins to sing the theme from Cops at the top of her lungs - he let me take her ass on home, lol

  • This One Time At Camp We had the nastinest camp counselor who always changed her panties in front of us and then would do naked yoga and one time we saw her tampon string - EWWWW especially when you 10

  • Yo, You see this scar, I got this when IFell on a coke bottle playing touch football with the fellas

  • the last time I swore I'd never drink again was after a night of.. Drunk Karoke when I was so drunk I fell asleep on the couch being filmed because they kept putting on Michael Jackson and I would wake wide up and get on the mike,sing and then go back into my drunken stupor

  • Future ProjectsGetting Mini-me healed, passing this course, getting the house painted, loving LA's Finest in new and exciting ways, Bringing in my 40th Birthday CRUNK and witnessing the birth of my bestest friends bundle of joy!


Giving a Shout Out to: EVERYONE WHO READS, RESPONDS, LURKS, HATES AND EVERYONE IN BETWEEN!!

Posted by Pamalicious :: 9:51 AM :: 5 comments

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Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Sunshine Monologue 184

HMMMMMMMMMMM



For some reason, I like this picture. I have this look on my face that I can't identify. I get clowned by alot of folks because me and my family take ALOT of pictures! We will pull a camera out in a minute. Those that are bereft of their own identity say we are attention seekers - I say we are chroniclers of our life in pictures. It adds depth to our fabric and it speaks to our souls.

What's up?! Mini-me finally got a referral so let's see now can we get an appt. I had a revelation that I could get to work at 7:30am as asked if...I just had to come in the dining/office, lol lol. I was up and stayed up and got some work done. The pollen induced conjunctivitis is doing alot better, I won't have to pluck my eye out.

I have SO NOT BEEN FEELING LIKE I'M PERSERVING MY SEXY!! Yet apparently my sexy is way more than my looks (which I've always known) because LA's Finest seeing me raw and uncut like I've been lately - seems to be turning him on. Reminds me of Maya Angelou's "Phenonomal Woman" it's the subtle stuff that makes you sexy - not your hair and nails being done.....So though, I'm about to get back up on my game - I feel good...cause I am not defined by my exterior - but embraced and loved for WHO I AM, the Sway in my hips, the gleam in my eyes, the silliness of my laugh - yea it's like that.

Funny that Hassan spoke about his turning 35 and the personal ramifications of this because I am 52 days away from the big 4-0! It has been on my mind for reasons similar to his. I never have had a...plan. I have just floated along this river of life - hopping off my raft to do this and do that. I wonder if living like that has served me well, am I going to hit 40 and have some kinda panic attack about the meaning of life, my life. I'm getting 'old in the tooth' as my momma says and though I have alot of irons in the fire - are any of them getting heat? Will my next 40 years be the ones that define me? I am starting to think that my first 40 might be chalked up to being WACK. Damn! Ok, Ok - I am not going there - breathe....

Ya'll know that I am a believer in the concept that you make a decision to love and I still hold to that notion, however, I am starting to ponder that there might be a bit of 'falling' in the mix as well. Why? because I am feeling it. I keep having this vibe that I am plowing deeper and deeper, my heart keeps fluttering and skipping beats. What in the hell?! Conversations bring new things to ponder and appreciate. I bounce back in between fear and estacy at the whole thing. We are in the process of trying to literally consume one another. As petals on our flower open and new things are discovered, I keep tumbling. I will now (after Janet began a conversation with ok first, what has LA's Finest done now) contain my thoughts to here and my personal diary. I guess folks are officially tired of me, lol. Seeing as he is gushing still, I wonder when folks will start giving him the 'uh okay you in love - good for you - stop telling us about it' look. I still am a bit baffled why happiness is still suppose to be a measured emotion, but sadness/drama/strife has no time limit....

I also have reaffirmed something else - when the relationship is not founded on sex, the discovery of how good sex can be is FANTASTIC! I don't dwell here often, but we been getting DOWN!! **giggle** **giggle** Reason One Million why I love being a GROWN ASS WOMAN! Bro been exercising his right to be a GROWN ASS MAN and it's looking JOOD (which is better than good). Queue up Busta Rhymes new one Touch It- the original and peep those lyrics, lol

And as we started, got me ringing her bell (Uh huh)
When I come I be doin it and doin it well (Uh huh)
Then I beat up the coochie and be makin it swell
Tryin to hide the smell of the sex, spraying on the Chanel (TURN IT UP!)
THEN THEY TRY TO WALK WITH A STRUT SO NO ONE COULD TELL
HOW A NIGGA GOT IN THEY BUTT, MADE EVERYTHING GEL (Come on)
CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF THE KID I PUT HER UNDER MY SPELL

AND I'M O-U-T!!

Posted by Pamalicious :: 7:44 AM :: 1 comments

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Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Sunshine Monologue 183

Stay In My Corner




Paging Dr. Kildare - good grief, so Mini-me has a soft tissue sprain and I am fighting the HMO system to get a referral in a timely manner so she can go to the Orthopedic Doctor and we can get some direction and therapy and she can get back in the mix. It's starting to go down a bit, but is still painful and stiff. I guess because I have an HMO which apparently is one step up from being uninsured, things can wait. This is a child and I'm about to...go...off.

I Got My Eye On You - chillin with La's Finest last evening and I feel like my eye was itching - by midnight all hell has broken loose. Swollen, ugly, mucousy and all of that! What in the world! I take my own self to the Dr. this morning and I have some kinda bacteria and one eyed aversion to pollen, so I'm doing $35 drops four times a day till Thursday when I go back to see him.

Get the paddles STAT - My money is on LIFE SUPPORT! All this out the box expense is something my money can't handle and it's having an allergic reaction. I have been in the hole before and I'll get out again, but I wanna get back on track quick so that I can plan my birthday party - hell as of today it's looking like it's going to be right here at my house - I wonder how much it would cost to get some tents and really have it here in my front yard. Hmmmmmmmmm.......

I Got BlueBalls and they hurt - the mindfuck that is 'highschool' has resulted in not one orgasm lately and therefore I must go ahead and get myself off. I am coming to realize as I coast into forty that I really don't care about how you (1) Raise your child (2) Practice your religion (3) convince yourself you are gonna make it to heaven, so after awhile adults continuously talking about how on the money they are, especially from an internet skewed point of view eventually makes my head hurt. Time to **Read Only** making it into a tabloid is much more interesting.

Behind the Green Door - We stood at the door, we've leaned against the doorbell by accident, we've even peeked inside while others went in; Last night we held each others hand and went in...and neither one of us dropped the others hand - intense, personal, mindblowing...Whew!

If I don't get motivated to get caught up on my school work - I am going to scream!

Posted by Pamalicious :: 2:04 PM :: 3 comments

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Sunday, April 09, 2006

Sunset Monologue 177

Busted Knees and ROI's



Blog Musical Mood: I'm Bossy - Kelis

Evening Dude and Dudettes! Sitting here chillin in my unmentionables listening to some music. Decided to bless yah with a double dose....

So we went to the Dogwood Festival at Piedmont park. The weather PERFECT! It was packed! We walked around looking at the art, moving out the way of the dogs and doing some major people watching. Seeing as this was Piedmont Park - all men were suspect and unless I saw them openly tongue kissing a female - this was the crowd to ascertain who was most fabulous, lol. So many muscle shirts, so many bare chests - my back tooth is still twinging a bit from all that sweetness, lol. However, my celebrity meter did go off and who was standing in the Gyro line but...Ralph Tresvant and his family! I looked for awhile, but decided not to snap any portraits with my phone or anything because I understand, with me myself being celebrity (mariah, Beyonce or Eva on any given day)and dating the CEO of Rock-On Entertaiment, that he was out with family and that would make me a FAN and not an Equal, so I didn't bother him. (it's alright I get my prescription tomorrow, lol)

We chillin on the big field and Mini-me and her friend are partaking of the kid stuff when after a bike ride around an obstacle course - Mini-me decides to Limbo under the rope outlining the course. POP! went her leg DOWN! went Mini-me and the day was officially over. Park paramedics arrived on the scene and after we got her calmed down and rolled over ascertained her leg was not broken and her knee not dislocated. We got her up and through MUCH FEMALE 12 YEAR OLD ZERO TOLERANCE FOR PAIN DRAMA - made a slowwwwww procession back to the car. So now she's laid up on Motrin with an ice pack. It is quite swollen, but she put some weight on it. Tomorrow I may still take her to the Dr. to make sure this is just a slight sprain. OUCH!! My poor baby! however, the consensus was that, welcome to your future in...cheerleading!

As I sat on the field in the bright sun looking at the people - I missed LA's Finest (he had to work) yet there was this great feeling of 'having' instead of 'wanting' that felt...good. I sat there and thought about the fact that I was being placed in a very interesting situation in my own life. I was taught that you are not responsible before knowledge, meaning until you KNOW you aren't responsible, after you know, you are making conscious decisions. Well now I have a commplete picture of what type of man I would like. I got the last puzzle piece and so now I have a PROTOTYPE and that's kinda scary. Will that impede me because forever I will be looking for this particular grouping of man?

I also thought about the gamble we take in life about everything but in particular dating. Because it is a gamble and all about your ROI (Return On Investment). I think the hardest part is getting the proper dossier in place to make a sound decision on whether or not we should invest. I know I've invested before in my lifetime to NO RETURNS, and I'm sure alot of us have. I think I've accepted the fact that I was lying to myself about the fear - but I got HEART because on some level, I think I had closed my porfolio and I was just going to look back at past investments and live off of the 'interest', as I looked over new stock and new opportunities, the market was slim - but then..LA's Finest and I met and though I was (and still am) a much more sane and cautious investor, there was something about Him that made me speak with my Broker and say "God - there is a light in his eye and a fire in his speech maybe I should put a little bit here - what do you think?" He relaxed my heart and so I've decided to invest once again. Not all my chips like I used to do, with no sign of prosper, but a little bit and it's already producing returns - I feel like you stand at that long craps table and you hold those dice and you roll them around and blow on them and then you look at your chips and at some point, you just got to let those bad boys.....go. Yea you very well might crap out, but sometimes you get you a nice little return and maybe just maybe if all the stars line up right and the wind is just so....you just might hit the JACKPOT!

The most infuriating thing about life (and everyone can attest that this is one of my faults) is that I can't figure out what's going to happen next and letting it take it's course represents to much unknown to me, but life itself and the journey is so intriguing to me, that even though I fight it tooth and nail - I get a painful pleasure out of letting it unfold. So I ain't gonna lie, LA's Finest is in enemy territory right now and bullets are flying everywhere and it seems as if he has a orange target on his back, but I've decided to invest anyway - I think the Return on my Investment might just be what I've been looking for.

Posted by Pamalicious :: 9:22 PM :: 0 comments

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Sunshine Monologue 182

Easy Like Sunday Morning



Blog Musical Mood: Zoom - Commodores

The clarity I see in the sky this morning can only be inspired by God. It is crisp, clear, slightly cool but a beautiful Sunday I tell you! How ya'll doing?! I know, I know - a sista been ghost for a minute. I think this is the longest I have not blessed the blog with some of my words. I actually have just been so caught up in living the Emancipation that I haven't been able to record it, lol.


Spring Break 2006 is officially entering the closing ceremonies! Mini-me has Skated, bowled, shopped, climbed Stone Mountain and today I am taking her and a friend to the Dogwood Festival. I really just feel like walking in the park and breathing deep and clearing my head. I've spent money this week and though I do feel 'bad' that I couldn't pull off anything grand for she and I to do together - she is still a recipient of the "I'm Blessed" award, so I'm okay with it.

I had a Spring Break of sorts myself, with the arrival of one of my Brothers (Ya'll know I have seven Brothers and Seven Sisters right?) He is two years younger than me and during the formative late teen years was my bestest brother,lol. He came in from Texas on Thursday Afternoon and we had a wonderful visit. Nah it wasn't a flossing one but it was cool. Janet and JD came over and I pulled together a party in 30 minutes, lol Racheal Raye would have been proud, lol. We had a good time!


Ronnie, Rickey, Mike, Ralph,Johnny and BOBBY! - HERE I COME!!! May 19th! Ya'll be on the look out in your town. New Edition with special guest K-ci and Jo Jo and Ginuine...should be a hellva good time!


Well La's Finest and I out of the love tunnel and now just traveling along the countryside. Things are blossoming and going at a nice pace. There is enough reality of the 'ghetto' intertwined among the nice trees and spring lillies to keep it real. Major Developments: (1) I went to have lunch with him at his job (2) He turned in his internet playa card! (me and him on his BP page WOW!) and (3) There's a Key on my nightstand to his abode. All of that however is trumped by a piece of notebook paper that said:

Ms. Pam - I'm glad you're with my daddy, he is a good man - Love La's Finest Little One - age 5

I still haven't fully digested the ramifications of that. I am a little overwelmed by it all.

It made me realize how close to the vest I have kept my own heart. The mechanisms I've carefully put in place and wrapped in cool words and an overabundance of personality. I didn't realize how 'tired' I was, until I finally had an opportunity to 'rest'. I am seeing visions of things that just might not be fantasy, the visions suck the breath away from me because I didn't know I had them.

I am ashamed to an extent to say that so much of this is...foreign to me, this kind of realness, this kind of selfishnessless, this kind of openness, this kind of emotion, this kind of fearlessness, this kind of man - and here I am thinking I'm the one who has NOT had fear, lol Isn't that the joke of the year.

For the second time in my life - I have discovered my 'voice' and so if this doesn't go a minute farther - THAT IS A BEAUTIFUL THANG!

Posted by Pamalicious :: 10:35 AM :: 0 comments

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Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Sunset Monologue 175

The Photo Booth



Remember the Photo Booths? They had them at the mall (still do) and the game room and you and your friends or you and your beau would get in them and take all those crazy pictures - reminds me of "The Ink Well" Well I wanted to make that memory come to life....Enjoy!


Posted by Pamalicious :: 6:58 PM :: 3 comments

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Sunshine Monologue 181

Bullets Are Flying



Blog Musical Mood: Summertime - Will Smith

Mannnnn - been having internet problems at home and haven't been able to check in wit my peeps!! How are ya'll doing? Are you wearing your surgical masks to block the pollen? DAMN!! I think I should rinse my car daily. Everyone has weighed in on their weekend and here comes my as on straight CP time,lol lol I got something cooking for next week however - so ya'll make sure you stay tuned. Well let me go ahead and pull back the trigger on this bad boy and drop these little Bullets of info on yah!


  • Georgia - All The Time in Georgia! Mini-me and I went to see ATL this weekend. I ain't gonna lie - I really liked this movie!! It was a coming of age story and another angle on teenagers life. Seeing as I am stuck on my own childhood - it made me think about being a bit more open to the rest of the story and that I too, can sometimes be accused of stereotyping the youth.

    T.I. did a VERY good job and Big Boi really has me anticipating him and Andre's movie - he was some good comic/gangsta relief.

    The story flowed, it was not inappropriate for my daughter and though I was never really convinced T.I was skating, lol I had a good time at the rink.

    T.I. is not bad looking, a little ok ALOT too skinny for my taste - he all baggie in the wife beater, lol (which I've termed a Girl Smacker,) but there were shots where he endeared himself to you. Esquire on the other hand - YUMMY and ripe for some cradle robbing!!

    I had read here in the locals that the movie was long and.....boring - that speaks directly to the fact that secretly they (and I don't use quotations because Sonya Murray is black) want to see the kids act a damn fool and I truly think there was some kinda disappointment that....they....didn't.

    I saw it with a black audience at 4:30 on a Sunday and there was no trouble at all - everyone seemed to enjoy the movie - and yes the cops were outside the door. Not just the theatre but right outside the door.

    I enjoyed Roll Bounce and I enjoyed this - I actually would buy it.


  • Spring has inspired some....cleaning. I went through my closets this weekend as part of my declutter plan. My entire porch was almost filled with hefty bags YET when you walk in my home, it sure didn't look like I had did anything. Cleaning out the spots that people don't see always leaves you a bit unfulfilled, lol. Yet you know you threw away a ton of shit. Next Up before the month is out: (1) Kitchen Cabinets (2) Home Office (3) Night Stands and cabinet in Bedroom and (4) switching out clothes. I got a full plate on my quest to just get rid of some stuff.


  • Looks like my Brother is coming to town to celebrate his birthday! He'll get her Thursday afternoon. I haven't kicked it with him in awhile so this should be fun!! and LA Finest gets to meet some of my family


  • I was giving Mini-me some money to go skating this morning and why is the only picture in her wallet of her in FULL princess get up from her 9th or 10th birthday party! LOL LOL LOL I loves me some Mini-me


  • Lo and Behold - I have lost some weight! Just in time for my Drs. Appointment tomorrow. I know that this flies in the face of every independently thinking blackwoman - but I'm not ashamed to admit that having a man has certainly gotten me back on point with alot of stuff. We always try to act like he just a dick and a job - but if you honest that you want one for real - then they do bring some balance to your life and give you some new things to put on your agenda like putting down the mac and cheese, lol lol and walah you look better, you feel better!!! OH YEA!! Summer of 2006 - ya'll gonna have to tie me down!!


  • Well guess who is kinda sorta 'dating' someone? Mobetta. He knows all about LA's Finest (cause I don't play those games)and is happy that I am happy. Speaking of the Ex's.....Why did Italy cop a 'tude' NEGRO PLEASE!! Um, excuse me - could you all move out the way cause he's being regulated to the cheap seats!


  • You know in thinking about La's Finest and I, there is something I am getting used to - this Brother is very comfortable with wanting to be with me. Since he told me he had shut down other prospective sistas and wanted to get exclusive with me - he's been doing just that. I'm introduced as his girl/woman, folks know about me, his momma, his brother, his kids, his job. He's not afraid to begin and end each phone call or encounter with I love you - at first I found this unnerving just because it has been for the most part foreign to me - but I'm warming up to it quickly. It's funny how the 'benefit' to having him in my life and the significance in my own journey is crystal clear. Our time together is wonderful, each day more of our personalities come out and we are learning more and more about each other and it's not a chore at all. We had the best time talking and laughing last evening while cleaning out his car. I think we are filling a needed spot in each others lives. The balance that we have and the subtle needs we are having met are the things 'till death do us part' are made of....


  • This also is presenting a journey for Mini-me and I. I'm keeping the lines of communication open and making sure that she is comfortable, balanced and settled in me embarking on this relationship. The last relationship she's been involved in was well over a year ago. She's spoken to me and even had a breakdown of sorts about something that I NEVER thought I'd be exploring but something every parent encounters. We got it all straightened out and things are back to normal - but my radar is definately up. I made sure she knew that I have worked diligently at making sure that she was not exposed to people, places or things that would affect her negatively and that I am still practicing that. I told her that her happiness is paramount in my life and will always be - and that I love and care for this man and he loves and cares for me......and her and we will work to continue to make sure she and his daughters are comfortable as we progress in our relationship. We've spoken about her minimal exposure to men (she brought it up in saying that her Grandmother mentioned it) and I explained to her that I think I have made sound sound decisions about who I expose her to and that I wouldn't expose her to any man that was not contributing to our happiness. Her home has never been filled with drama and chaos and never will be. I explained that even if at some point he and I don't work anymore - this has already been a pivital and good experience for all of us.



Life......Exciting Ain't It?!

Posted by Pamalicious :: 8:40 AM :: 2 comments

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