ThE EmAnCiPaTiOn oF pAmMiE

Friday, December 30, 2005

Sunshine Monologue 69

I'd Like To Thank My Momma!






Lights, Camera, Action! Welcome to the year end Pammie style! For those in the cheap seats (no DSL or Cable Internet) this will be picture heavy! So get your finery's out the cleaners, Go pick up your champagne and finger foods cause we didn't have the budget for either and see what tops the list in Pammie's World! The views expressed in this blog entry are mine. These are things that I found to be relevant in my world for 2005.
Unfortunately just about everyone had something else to do and couldn't come pick up their award - I should have said I would be telecast on BET or something.

Song Of The Year
Whoop That Trick!


Rap Guest of The Year
Ludacris


Video Of The Year
Amerie - Just One Thing!


Movie Of The Year
Roll, Bounce




Best Reality Show
Being Bobby Brown




Best Sitcom
Noah's Arc




Most Disappointing Show
Girlfriends


Most Memorable TV Character
The Church Lady




Drama Of The Year
Nip/Tuck




Comedian Of The Year
Katt Williams



Best Live Concert
New Edition at Chastian Park


The Oh Lawd The Cousins Are Coming To Dinner Award
Bobby and Whitney Brown


Hope You Invested Well - Cause Your Gig Bout To Be Up Award
Tyra Banks on behalf of her talkshow


I Know My Man's Sparkly Award
Star Jones


Wish You Would Go The Hell Away Award
Curtis and Vivica




Make A Keebler Sweat Award
Randall - Apprentice
Honorable Mention: Tookie Williams (R.I.P.)


Entertainer Of The Year - Male
Jamie Foxx



Entertainer Of The Year - Female
Beyonce

Beyonce


Season Pass To Hell Award
Katrina Relief Efforts

and FINALLY.......

Blogger of the year - Male

LIVE AND UP CLOSE WITH TRENT JACKSON

Blogger of the year - Female

THE ADVENTURES OF CHUBBY CHOCOLATE

I hope that each and every one of my readers have a SAFE New Years Eve and a Wonderful Wonderful New Years! I'll see ya'll January 2nd!


Posted by Pamalicious :: 8:22 AM :: 5 comments

Speak Your Piece

---------------oOo---------------

Thursday, December 29, 2005

Sunshine Monologue 68

Go Get A Switch!



Blog Musical Mood: This Love is Forever - Howard Hewitt

Man did Howard not have some good songs be it with Shalamar or solo? Where the hell is Jeffery Daniels? Man I wanted him bad! LOL. Sooo - I'm home today, still on work sleep schedule (even after those couple of cranberry and stolies I had last evening) so I'm up. Not to mention there is 2 hrs left on the phone I want on Ebay so I have to monitor that, lol - which is nerve wracking. Some bobo tried to outbid me in the midnite hour but I got back on top still within my budget!

Haven't heard from Mini-me's ass, lol. She's with my Brother because my mom went out of town - so being in a minimal parental environment with her cousins is making her heady I suppose. What's funny is that Mini-me wants parental supervision, she's told me this - she wants me involved in her life. I like that because as we know - that's sure as hell gonna change, lol lol.

I think I've said it before and I'll say it again - exactly what's so exciting about living alone?! This is boring as hell!! and I'm convinced that some of ya'll lying about the benefits, lol. Ain't that many friends, lovers, books, computers, parties, liquor cabinets in the world! I like having someone in the house with me. I know for a fact I'd probably have a roommate if I were in that situation. Just to hear someone - but then again - they would definately get on my nerves, lol So here comes a PET,lol.

Everytime Mini-me leaves I think about a pet, lol then I think about they are expensive, they lick their own genitals, throw up and other nasty ass shit and the thought goes away, lol.

I know it's the end of the year and I should be writing all this prolific shit about the year. Well you got the interview (I will answer questions from there tomorrow) and you'll get my year end review and that's that, lol. I haven't just freestyled in awhile so that's what you get today.


I went to the "High School" and got someone to beat me about the back and neck about school - so I called and got the application which has to be turned in on Friday and I'll fill it out over "Janets" this evening so that I will get it done. So hopefully January 17th I will be starting classes! I did open a dedicated email account for this venture so that's a plus!

The club is on a 14 day countdown starting TODAY! I have stepped in so much sticky gummy gooey toxic waste that my skin is glowing - but I say this all the time, lol I don't know why I keep venturing there - keeping hope alive is alot harder - I have to confer with Jessie on this one in 2006.

Today is get out and about day. I am going to the mall, mentally spend a portion of my income tax check, have me some lunch (I love applebee's honey glazed salmon) and just kinda hang out with myself. I'm glasses, leather jacket and jeaned down today - got my smile in full blast and my energy is quite receptive, I'm looking forward. Then it's head on out to "Janets" and watch her sleep, lol.

Ohh I'm getting Mini-me a cell phone. After she came strollin in here at midnite that night and didn't call me because the girl moms didn't have a cell phone - it became apparant I needed to go ahead and addres this. However, she has to earn it. I will be using the demerit system. Mini-me is divalazy - thats different than lazy because divalazy is that they do things that benefit them. So I have made a list of all the stuff I'm always getting on her about and from the time she gets back until Saviours Day in February I will be taking a point for having to speak to her, nag her etc. I was going to just give her my own Metro but then I got to thinking and a pre-paid would be better so that we have a phone that works outside of Georgia when we travel - so I'll go that route. I got all kinds of information from Target on phones, they all the same - I'll do a comparison chart.


And finally - ending the man/woman thing on a LOW NOTE for 2005. Here's a convo I had last night after some preliminary convo me and 'bad decision' did this:

HIM: I probably won't be able to come over till later, I gotta do some stuff.
ME: (conflicted anyway) Hey why don't we just call it off, maybe tomorrow I'm not
feeling all to hot anyway.
HIM: What's wrong?
ME: I just got a stuffy nose is all
HIM: Yea folks got stuff because of the changing weather. I'm going to have to put your face in a pillow and get it from the back because I don't want to get sick
ME: Um What?! I'm not looking for any maintenance or a human vibrator I got one.....
HIM: Girl I'm just playing
ME: Um, I gotta go

See him in the club and send a message on a cocktail napkin:

"Hey I thought about it and that crack you made along with another one leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I really don't want to end 2005 or bring in 2006 with my face in a pillow so a person won't get sick. So take care Bro! I wish you good tidings and peace in 2006...."

AND THERE YOU HAVE IT FOLKS!

The pimps and the playettes probably are thinking I over reacted and that's why I can't find nobody because I'm too uptight and you can bring out your DAT 808's at any moment and add a funky hip hop beat to my madness....

I'm not impressed cause a man wants to fuck me -

Besides I deserve more (by my own calculation). I deserve a man to be intrigued by me and pursue me and call me in the afternoon just to say hi. To be able to sit around and laugh and talk and vibe, to know that I can call him and it won't be awkward, he ain't trippin, that there are no 10 rules to being a fuck buddy wallet insert so I won't forget.

So I'm thru for 2005, I don't want to see no parts of a man right now. I want to end my year and bring it in with my friends, myself, my God and my sanity.

Posted by Pamalicious :: 8:48 AM :: 6 comments

Speak Your Piece

---------------oOo---------------

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Sunshine Monologue 67

The Year End Interview



Adjusting the Mike: Well because I am a Gemini and borderline crazy (lol) - I've gotten Eva, Cumisha and myself together to bring forth Pamela for an interview. Ya'll know the ever changing Eva, Cumisha and her crazy ass and Pammie the writer of this blog - but Pamela is the one who is out here working, doing and just keeping all of the damn thing together. I thought it would be nice to sit down and talk with her as we start wrapping up this year.

Interviewer: Well I first want to thank you for sitting down with us - so how are you?

Pamela: I'm doing fine thank you

Interviewer: Are you sure? Your eyes have this, I can't place my finger on it, look to them - they are quite soulful I might add.

Pamela: I am okay, they just might reflect my readiness to get this year over with and thanks for the compliment. I've been told that sometimes it's very hard to look into my eyes because they tell the truth.

Interviewer: Sooo where do we start? How has this blogging thing been for you?

Pamela: Let me tell you, I have QUITE enjoyed it. Allowing other parts of me to express myself without judgement and other nuiances that humans tend to have has been refreshing. I certainly have liked the bigger opportunity to meet and explore the mindset of a whole different set of folks out here on the net. Message and Discussion Boards are cool, but the blog world is a place to speak without retribution from someone else (mostly) and I feel so close to folks I've never laid eyes on thru this medium.

Interviewer: Any specific things that affected you this year?

Pamela: Katrina literally tore me to bits - it touched me in a way I haven't been touched emotionally by forces outside of me. Feeling that kinda emotion made me look at just how selfish I can be with my feelings - it's really not all about me. A definite turning point in my development.

Interviewer: How has the year been in terms of Mini-Me?

Pamela: Whew! Mini-me is into the second stage of her development, the one where if the first stage was not right - it will begin to manifest itself negatively. I've seen her 'grow' in all sorts of ways and it's allowed me to take a peek into the future. I think we have a MUCH better joining of the spirits and I'm thankful for that. I think that I have become confident in my parenting abilities which is right on time because now is the time I'm going to have to use it, lol. She's a beautiful beautiful person and that fills my eyes with tears because that was so important to me. She's going to be just fine......

Interviewer: Did you accomplish what you set out to do this year?

Pamela: What keep breathing? LOL Hell yea! Now breathing thru the bullshit was sometimes difficult, but I felt this year I was more prepared with the necessary filters and blockers to really bob and weave. The thing about next year is that it's time to get out that comfort zone and take some chances. I want 2006 to be about chances and strength.

Interviewer: What do you mean chances and strength?

Pamela: I am a person who thrives on normalacy. I want everything to be just so - no waves rocked, etc. This was fine for many a year, but I see no movement and I feel as if my brain is shrinking and so I want and need to feed it and that means taking chances. The strength comes into play because basically I'm a scary person, and I am non-confrontational but sometimes I have to confront and feel strong about confronting.

Interviewer: Tell us a couple of 2005 joys?

Pamela: The biggest joy actually came late in the year and that was finding out "Janet" was having a baby. So joyous!

Interviewer: Any Disappointments?

Pamela: Sure - the biggest disappointment I have to honestly say was with men. Every man I've dealt with this year has been a disappointment to me from Mobetta on down. I never thought I'd be the one to say that - but I know what I've encountered. Whining, Disillusion, False sense of pimpdom, reckless dick activity, lies, overwelming crippling fears - the list is quite disturbing, Quite prolific and telling about the condition of our people as a whole because the blackman's condition is directly linked to the condition of the blackwoman..due tell. At this point as the year winds down - I am just going to focus on the overall MEANING of why these people have entered my life. What was I suppose to get from this? How am I suppose to do and be in light of this? I think that alot of this was to test me and my 'values' and identify exactly (1) what I was bringing to the table? and (2) What it is that I want in my life? Some things were confirmed that I was on the right track and somethings was a humbling experience. I became consumed with the 'image' of Pamela and not Pamela the woman. Right now I take away from this years experience that I actually think a change is gonna come. I think that I was in a spot this year to get ready to receive next year. I want to hold on to some semblance of self while out here and that my heart and my body are important to ME, therefore I am protective of them. I need a 'groove' to get off in and out the bedroom and this 'maintanance man' mentality that alot of Brothers have is sorely lacking originality. Who needs a walking vibrator - they make them already - and why are brothers deciding to be that? But I digress - -

Interviewer: So any favorties etc., Resolutions, New Blog Ideas

Pamela: Well I'll be coming back with my picks and pans later on this week so stay tuned! I am not making any resolutions really except to get my health on track - that's important and in terms of the blog - I'll keep it going and bring ya'll into my 40th year. Who knows what might happen in the meantime, lol

Interviewer: Well I want to thank you for sitting down and talking to us - AS AN EXTRA BONUS - WE WILL OPEN THE FLOOR UP TO AUDIENCE QUESTIONS - IF ANYONE HAS ANYTHING THEY WOULD LIKE TO ASK PAMELA - PLEASE POST AND SHE'LL BE SO KIND AS TO ANSWER TO THE BEST OF HER ABILITY.

Posted by Pamalicious :: 11:14 AM :: 2 comments

Speak Your Piece

---------------oOo---------------

Monday, December 26, 2005

Sunshine Monologue 66

Joy To The World



Blog Musical Mood: Whoop There It is

Six Days! Six Days 2006 you're on! Hey peeps! I am sitting here listening to my MP3 player in my PJ's at....Janets. My pre-40 sleep schedule is in full effect. Early to bed, Early to rise, lol So not even the dog is up yet! So why not blog? I've only blogged from my work and home computer so this is like 'doing it' in someone else's bed to me,lol. Hey I also finally finished the left side,so be sure to lean to the left as you look around. So without further adieu...

HAPPY KWANZAA!!!




Kwanzaa is an African-American cultural holiday which originated in 1966. Created by Dr. Maulana Karenga, Kwanzaa is celebrated from Dec. 26 - Jan. 1. Each day of the celebration focuses on one of seven principles ("Nguzo Saba"). The name, "Kwanzaa", is taken from the Swahili phrase "matunda ya kwanza" which means "First Fruits"

As I went up the esclator at the airport yesterday morning, my heart was pounding. The thing I hate about Hartsfield-Jackson is that you just never know what you are going to encounter. I was hoping with all my being that everyone left the 24th and luck was on my side! We ended up getting upstairs by 8:00 for a 9:15 flight. So we drank hot drinks and ate muffins and watched CNN, lol. I feel good that I can provide mini-me (and yes sometimes by cutting it wayyy to close) with the type of lifestyle and class training (which say what you want means something in this world) that (1) I was afforded and (2) that I want her to have. She got to Philly just fine and is already hitting her Grandmom up because I received a voice mail at 11:30pm talking bout 'can you tell Grandma where you found that That's So Raven stuff on the net?" LOL LOL LOL She'll be back 1/4/2006.


So I stroll into Janet's and begin putting my stuff up. She starts asking me about when can mini-me babysit and I'm like she too scary right now, I'll start working on her so she might could when she's 13 and then I ask why? Which opened the door to the most precious gift on a semi-warm Christmas Day....JANET IS GONNA HAVE A BABY!! Wow! I hugged her sooo hard as we looked at the little ultrasound picture that she's framed (I LOVE first time moms). This is sooo exciting. I ran upstairs to congratulate JD on a job well done. I started putting little things together like why everytime we spoke, she was either about to take a nap, just finishing a nap or wishing for a nap lol . This definately will make the summer interesting since she's due in August. We'll have to do some revamping of my I turned 40 extravaganza - and I've promised her that I will take responsibilty for all the drinking she is missing (and I started last nite).

Now this is really cool because it also represents a genetic change in her family. Now though they are referred to as Janet and JD here for fun purposes (well and she really believes she's a kindred spirit to the gal, lol). In actuality Janet is 4'11 and JD is 6'4. Noone in Janet's immediate family is taller than 5'3 - soooo she's about to have a GIANT. We've confirmed they are not twins (which also runs heavily in her family) or I would be writing this from her invalid bed, lol. I am SOOO happy and I didn't even have to get pregnant myself.

Well it was a good Christmas - time to get my family fill. We went over "Rebe's" House and had a good time. These times are when I miss my family of yesteryear. We ate, bopped around, loud and free and then got into our yearly playing of some board game. This year was 'Battle of the Sexes' and that always gets wild!! Couple that with an apple martini in a tumbler and six shots in a juice glass and you got a splendid night! I got reall tipsy and seeing as we all had to go drink in front of "Janet' for effect - a good night was had by all.

I remember when my family would get together and it would just be laughter and my brother would be in rare form. I couldn't breathe for laughing so hard. Its not like we don't get together now, but (1) they start working my nerves (2) there is just this undercurrent of 'tension' among us all because we don't really hang or be together except for 'events'. The only good thing is that now we will drink and that certainly takes the edge off,lol lol.

So it was fulfilling being around folks who get together just because they are family, they all speak frequently and are not waiting on 'the other one'. They know what's going on in each others lives and it matters to them. Did my soul some good.

I really need to do some soul searching for 2006 about my own siblings and those relationships - - but not today, lol.

While in my 'haze' last night I spent some time thinking bout 'mobetta'. I won't go into detail but it's a difficult time for him right now - ya'll send some good vibes his way....

Posted by Pamalicious :: 8:23 AM :: 5 comments

Speak Your Piece

---------------oOo---------------

Sunday, December 25, 2005

Sunset Monologue 139

Lighting A Candle



Blog Musical Mood: Another Lonely Christmas - Prince



He Would Have Been 41 Years Old Today



R.M.

1964-1994

MeRrY cHrIsTmAs to all!!




Posted by Pamalicious :: 12:01 PM :: 1 comments

Speak Your Piece

---------------oOo---------------

Friday, December 23, 2005

Sunset Monologue 138

In Da Club



Blog Musical Mood: At Your Best - Aaliyah



Hey peeps! I know alot of you are either on your way to family, cleaning up for family, overwelmed at the malls or sitting back having a nice cocktail like yah sis here. I went out for fish this evening (afterall it IS Friday) and noticed that I must live on Scrooge Lane,lol Only one house on my block has lights.

As I was listening to Aaliyah (and as a joke apparently - launch played R. Kelly next) I realized that she had alot of music. I made a compilation of all the songs I enjoyed by her and was blown away by how many I had. I do wonder where and what she would be doing right about now.

Well I am still obsessing over a phone. Now I've moved on to the newest phone Metro has to offer. Only one on Ebay and I've checked it throughly. I'm not sweating it - I set my maximum bid and I'll let it ride. Me seeing some 16 year old at the fish shop DID NOT help matters. Who buys this stuff for these kids!? That phone is over $200!

Soooooo - I've been hanging out at 'the club' long enough to (1) have an opinion and (2) be just about bored. I'm actually glad about the bored part - it no longer holds the kinda interest it used to. That's a good thing. Let me tell you though:



  • How about the 15 year old female, who using fake ID got in and exclaimed to me "Aren't you too old to be up in this joint?!" - you can see my jaw drop right? Now the kicker is at least three of the words were spelled wrong - "Shouldn't she be spending more time in school than in the club?"


  • Much global love to my African Brothers - but no personal love. Sorry, but cultural differences can be more weighty than racial differences. Not to mention, I really look to the male child of a former slave because they..get it.


  • The conversation is so boring and mundane. Has not a brotha's rap changed in the wha...last three years? I keep having these visions of The Five Heartbeats - when JT is mad because Bro is taking all the women and Duck says "you got that same ole tired rap" LOL. It fustrates me that the first thing men do is try to see how tight the waistband on your panties are. The game of making a woman feel 'old fashioned' if she doesn't want to entertain that is tired


  • Exactly how do you get across to a man your 'vision', but not start your own tired rap about finding someone 'special'?


  • I've become so 'suspicious' - I HATE feeling that way. The goal now is to not get dogged and it's still a crap shoot. For Example: Bro throwing MUCH shade my way - dammit - made a bad choice.


  • Always on the receiving end of being ass out - is - shitty


  • How do you 'hold the pocketbooks' in a cyber club? Somebody tell me


  • Isn't internet communication the equivalent of tossing paper in the wind. It's so easy to bounce it back there - folks meet and are back on in a matter of minutes after parting. If you have MET why are you still doing most of your communicating online (and I'm guilty of this sometimes as well).


  • How do you assert yourself without 'ramifications'


  • Can you be too square and too nice and still survive out here in the dating game?


  • Have I 'eaten' an idea and now have morphed into it to my own detriment? It's so easy to look up and have fell in the bed with man after man after man, and today men just don't give a damn - so how do you balance wanting the touch of a man with wanting the clearness of your conscious


  • I really really really am totally perplexed at how men today - can really not give a damn about anything but a nut. It seems so 'sinister' the mode operandi that is used today and quite frankly frightening. The argument that they are built like that has validity to a point, but I really think alot of Brothas have taken it to a new level and feel as if there should be no reprecussions for their actions and I wonder who to blame that on.......sistas! I have a right to call you (thought NO I HAVEN'T DONE THAT - FUCK IT) and have you explain your actions. You should be made to be accountable for the bullshit, you know this. The facade it's as simple as we are all adults and let the chips fall where they may is equivalent to Santa Claus to me - sounds good, makes you all excited but what a fucking let down when you find out they don't even exist.


  • I already see, the drinks are getting weak, the music is not slammin and the crowed is getting tiresome. I won't be chillin at that spot long.




  • I know, I'm whining a bit and laced in there is my own disappointment over what did and didn't go down, but I made the choice and I accept my responsiblity - however, I, as always - find this a unique medium to give a view from the inside looking out and it's not always "yea I fucked that nigga......." Believe it or not the majority of us struggle constantly with how to make a somewhat wise decision.

    Well 'da club' is dry, the TV is dry, The phone is quiet, all my other spots are dead, I'm not sleepy/hungry/horny....Damn what's a broad to do?

    Posted by Pamalicious :: 9:14 PM :: 0 comments

    Speak Your Piece

    ---------------oOo---------------

    Thursday, December 22, 2005

    Sunset Monologue 137

    Just another December 25th



    Blog Musical Mood: Be Here - Raphael Siddiq


    As mini-me and her friend sat in the car keeping warm until her mom came (our rule is leave no girl standing outside in front of the school alone) I heard her telling mini me that she couldn't wait until 'Saviour's Day' so she could see what she got. It warmed my heart and got me to thinking about what it was like to be young and NOT celebrate Christmas.

    I have never celebrated the Christmas holiday and neither has Mini-me or any of her cousins. However, like mini-me, it seems I/she has had an opportunity to be around 'open' thought processes so it never has really been anything stressful for us.

    I have very fond memories of the holiday season and waiting along with my friends to see what they were going to get. I guess I was around 8 or so when I was first asked "What?! You don't celebrate Christmas?!" I can still see the looks of amazement on my best friends face. I had no problem explaining that I was muslim and we didn't celebrate Christmas and that I enjoyed my Birthday and we had our own 'holiday' Saviours Day in February where we celebrated the birth of Master Fard Muhammad. Now back in the day - we got a whole heap of stuff during that time - but it was stopped because (1) it was beginning to look alot like CHRISTMAS, lol and (2) there were too many damn people in my family!

    I have no memories of ever being ostracized or made to feel 'different' because my beliefs were not the same as the majority. Parents and Kids always just took it in stride and I am happy that Mini-me is having the same experience.

    One of my absolute fondest memories is the year we all wanted bikes. Christmas morning rolled around and I was not allowed out the house until like noon that day and so I stood in the window and peered across the street as they held up each gift to the window. Finally I could go over - I flew across the street and there stood two shiny new bikes. I had two whole months to wait for mine - but my two best friends who were sisters - rolled those bad boys right in the house and DIDN'T TOUCH THEM UNTIL FEBRUARY WHEN I GOT MINE! When I came flying around the corner on my new bike - they joined me and we rode all day long. Let me tell you - that's happiness on a level few folks would understand.

    So what exactly did and do we do on Christmas? When I was little, we didn't do anything but wait until we could go play with our friends toys for awhile then come on home, lol. Now as an adult, it's kinda somber. My late husband's birthday was on Christmas - so we say a prayer and basically just go about our day. For the past several years Mini-me is with my mom in Philly, so being in that cocoon allows life to go on as if it's nothing even special. I'm invited to break bread with "Janet" and her family - which is always cool - we have a good time laughing and drinking and joking and drinking and did I mention drinking, lol.

    Folks always ask "aren't you depriving your child, she's going to grow up with issues about that?" Why? She's NEVER mentioned Christmas to me,lol. We enjoy the cartoons and I have a penchant for listening to Donny and Mike sing tunes - but we don't deal in fantasy (well except for my quest to find the man for me, but I digress) - so by just dealing with that- she has no longing for it. Not to mention, she is a blessed child in the material department and so remove that and it's pointless anyway since our spirituality lies elsewhere.

    Mini-me received three gifts from her friends and they are excited that they will get gifts in February when the luster of December has worn off and they are looking for the next thrill.

    So don't 'feel' anything for us because we don't celebrate Christmas, because (1) I enjoy the season and the vibe and get good feelings from it (2) I got enough bills and (3) I know a whole bunch of folks not just Muslims that don't indulge in the holiday and we doing....just fine.

    Posted by Pamalicious :: 9:21 PM :: 0 comments

    Speak Your Piece

    ---------------oOo---------------

    Wednesday, December 21, 2005

    Sunset Monologue 136

    Hit Em Wit The Heee



    Blog Musical Mood: Sunglasses At Night - Corey Hart

    Hmmm I still have on my favorite PJ bottoms and a T-shirt and I don't give a damn! Today was the first day of Vacation Part One. I just wanted to kinda lounge, but tomorrow I'm getting out the house. Daytime TV sucks big time - I just thought I'd say that. If you are not into soaps then you are pretty much ass out. I am in a pretty good mood. Have a headache simmering off in the distance - but I hope that will go away soon. Well after that LONG ASS entry yesterday I will keep it brief, lol.


  • Kinja is back up! New interesting format if I say so myself. It did capture all of my stuff and I've spent some time reading - I'm so glad to see Frank Leon back. I missed him terribly.


  • Nip/Tuck Season Finale got a bit tonque in cheekish for me during the reveal of The Carver. I thought it would be to easy to have Quentin as the He, but of course that was the case - He just looked at the camera looking smirky instead of deranged, lol.I'm more concerned about 1. kimbers new 'attitude', 2. The rest of Matt's crazy story; 3. What's wrong with Julia's baby - because whatever that Dr. told her is what made her change her mind about that deed. She ain't slick. Oh and if Quentin isn't a cautionary tale about 'inspecting the package' before you get down - I don't know what is. The man has no penis! Personally Kit is more sick than him to me, lol


  • Am I quivering at the fact that "Bobby Brown's Christmas" will be on Bravo tonite at 11pm - what a treat! HELL TO THE NAW!


  • I've entered the world of EBAY. It's not that difficult, except you do become obsessed with watching your stuff. I have like 6 phones 6 days out from final bid on watch. I want to be able have it roll into my pay week. I'm getting me a phone dammit! I don't ask for alot in terms of material, but I want back the fun phone.


  • Damn I have got to drop in all my stuff to the left. I want to get me a flicka acount as well - there's somethign to do over these holidays


  • I'm looking forward to going out to 'Janet's' kicking up my feet and falling dead asleep like a bear in front of the fireplace


  • I am NOT looking forward to another New Year countdown where I kiss myself. I always dream of the well-timed two person orgasm just as the clock hits midnite - -


  • Ocean Spray has made a sparkling Cranberry Juice Cocktail and I've been doing it 1940's housewife style. Got so tipsy (from the splash of Vodka I added) just walking around the house I had to take a nap, to get sober enough to get ready for bed, lol


  • Why am I procrastinating on this whole school thing? I am so scared of the notion of L-O-A-N-S. I am so broke I can't see over the hump, but I'm going to call her tomorrow so I can get the app fee waived and get it going


  • Deal or No Deal on NBC is bad for the heart, lol. I love these type of shows and I hope like Millionaire - it gets enough steam to come on more than this one week. Howie Mandell with a baldie - alrighty now.


  • Who Knew I was in a Blog Beauty Pagent. Not I said the contestant.


  • Someone actually googled my blog,lol I wonder how I feel about that? I wonder how I feel about my presence on the worldwide web? Folks are hitting my spot everyday, from everywhere for everything. Will this come back to haunt me?


  • Mary J. Blige was so beautiful on Tyra today. (Um sidebar, Tyra needs to make sure she has a backup plan). I feel bad that I actually said Mary needs to stay in hell so she can 'sound' better. To wish someone not grow to satisfy me the consumer - is a horrible thing. Especially after I looked in that sistas eyes and saw peace. Bad Bad Pam. Want for your sista what you want for yourself!


  • I need to really evaluate what it is that I want from a male/female thing, because it's become so convuluted that I no longer know. I just go thru the motions now, not feeling, not living, not anything. I really need to mourn the fact that the picket fence has NIGGA spray painted on it, the two car garage is full of junk and the man is next door screwing someone else's wife. How do I derive some happiness out of that jumbled mess?



  • Before I go and buff my nails - This is taken without permission but with LOTS of PROPS and ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS from The Emancipation of Professor GQ's Spot. I found this Hilarious and I wanted to share the Blog Commandments:

    The Ten Blog Commandments

    1. Thou shalt not type a long post without paragraph breaks, multiple ellipses, and run-on sentences. (I know you ain't writin' an English essay, but do us readers a favor and make the reading a lil' easy.)

    2. Thou shalt not have more than 50% depressing, sad or angry posts in your blog within the last thirty days. (A blog is a form of self-expression, but a blogger who types negative posts consistently must see a psychiatrist for mental help.)

    3. Thou shalt not load your blog with more than twelve photos or photos over 100K in byte size, including banners and integral parts of the blog layout. (Everyone doesn't have high-speed internet connections, and those who have can be impatient for a page that takes more than 30 seconds to load.

    4. Thou shalt be respectful of fellow bloggers and potential readers of your blog. (It is okay to talk about other people on you blog without purposely insulting the subjects. Waging war is a no-no.)

    5. Thou shalt not type posts that will take more than five minutes to read. (You do want to keep people interested in your blog? Well, keep it short and keep it moving!)

    6. Thou shalt respond to blogs that refers to the post. (What do you mean by "nice post" and "great blog"? "Thanks for stopping by my blog" is better to send as an email to your visitors and not a post to a visitor's blog about President Bush, hip-hop music or religion.)

    7. Thou shalt announce vacations, returns and closings of your blog activities. (The readers would like to know why haven't you been blogging.)

    8. Thou shalt have a legible design and layout on your blog. (Is using eight font types and colors really necessary? Also see #3.)

    9. Thou shalt realize what you say in your blog can be used against you. (Think twice before hitting that publish button.)

    10. Thou shalt not be offended when you read blogs. (You are reading mostly opinions unless someone is saying slanderous things with the intention of hurting your reputation or livelihood. Therefore, have thick skin!!!)

    Posted by Pamalicious :: 9:07 PM :: 5 comments

    Speak Your Piece

    ---------------oOo---------------

    Tuesday, December 20, 2005

    Sunshine Monologue 65

    It don't be all bad



    Blog Musical Mood: Good Times - Jacksons

    Yah dig that horrible bad english in the title don't cha? LOL What's up peeps! Another daytime blog entry. Have to mix it up a bit yah know. Well let's not dilly dally, I feel 'talkative' today.


  • GRRRR! I'm hot! I got my ebay bought cellphone in the mail yesterday. I was soo excited! I open the box and it had the word cricket on it, I'm thinking it's the store she bought it from. I call Metro and they verify the phone can be used and so I'm like well hook a sista up....SCREECHHHHH! Can't use the phone. I'm confused, but you just said that this phone is compatible with your system - long story short - I have non-sim card based service and so in order for the phone to work, I have to have a phone on the same system, not just a compatible phone! Non-sim card phones can't be 'unlocked'. So I contacted the seller who prior to the sale was very responsive but now is NOT. Whateva! I looked up this 'cricket' and it's more a midwest thing. So I'm just going to list the phone myself and be very specific about who can use the phone.


  • Which means...I'm still on the hunt for a phone. This time, I am watching phones and I'm asking for ALL the numbers under the battery before I bid. Now I have to wait though cause my money is hella funny!


  • Why does Biggie A.D. not have as much impact or relevance as Tupac A.D.?


  • The Chappelle Theory - read it and get a true headache, lol


  • Mini-me is getting excited about going home. The paper says snow Christmas morning - I hope not, that's when she flies out. I called to pay the 'unescorted child fee' and they said at 12 - I don't need to and I'm like but who is going to walk my baby to the gate and keep an eye on her and make sure she's given to the right person when she arrives in Philly?! What 12 year old is just traveling without absolutely no adult supervision?! I paid the fee, lol




  • You know sometimes we can recall with vivid detail, everything that goes wrong in a relationship. The folder for that person is full of stuff but the things we pull up first AFTER the fact are all the bad things. In the car this morning, I was listening to some Howard Hewitt and thinking about good times with Brothers I've known. I can't even front - I haven't had alot of drama filled relationships. Things just usually drift off either due to the religious cross-roads, or they aren't ready to take it someplace else and the like. I've had a cheating episode (him not me) , but even that was (based on some drama I read about) a 3 on the drama scale, lol So because I feel like rambling and I'm so excited that Serial Dater has decided to finish some of his stories - I wanna talk about me, bros and the good times.

    Of course I'll start with a 'Mobetta' story. Ya'll know we met on line, but the very first time we met face to face was funny. We had been talking a good six months when he had to come to Atlanta on business. He extended his trip and I went to pick him up. I was sooo nervous but excited at the same time. I came into the complex where his business partner stayed and he met me at the front gate. He got out the car and I got out the car and it was like wow, we are actually standing in front of each other! We got in the car and all the nervousness melted away and we both exhaled and got to talking. He was much more built than his pictures allowed and Thank God I was alot thinner than my pictures allowed (still am dammit!). I had planned a great weekend for us. I wanted to do something 'different' and not be all about the floss etc. So I took him to this little restaurant called EATS. They have the best jerk chicken in this whole city and they are dirt cheap. 1/2 a chicken two sides 6 bucks. As we stood in line - very very casually, he started bumping into me in a sexual way. I couldn't do anything but laugh. We sitting eating and my cell phone is blowing up and I had to admit it was my 'get out the date' contact (janet). We had a good laugh on that as we both ignored each of our phones ringing, lol. At the time I had never had a man visit me from out of town that I had met on the net. I wasn't quite sure how it was suppose to go, but we were soo comfortable with each other (hell all that time we logged online and the phone). Back at the house is when my nervousness got going again. We got all comfortable and what not and I put on "The Best Man". Morris Chestnut would certainly relax me, especially when the man sitting next to me was finer, lol. That's when we had our first kiss - which I burst out laughing from nervousness. Then he excused himself to go to the bathroom. I was sitting there and as Morris came on the screen - I looked up and this man came around the corner from my bathroom with PJ bottoms and no shirt. To this day that image is BURNED IN MY MIND. I didn't know he was going to come out like that! I'm over here now grinning like a fool. 5'10, Wesley Snipes black, 225 solid and even (no chicken legs). Me and this man here! We had the best weekend! We went to The King Center, The APEX museum, we walked Auburn Avenue just chillin, talking, we had fish and bean pies and the vibe and groove was great. That began a relationship that spanned three years back and forth between our states. We had better times on my turf than his (we always fell out about his shady ways at his house, lol). I remember one time, no lie we stayed on the phone 9 hours. Who the hell has that much to talk about, lol. We spent time with the kids. We brought in the New Year asleep on my floor where I had decorated the house, We took long drives in his town looking at homes etc. THE RELATIONSHIP POSITIVE: We had (have) the best friendship I ever had and the relationship is based on that. as well as our uncanny knack for communication.

    I was the front desk receptionist at a job and in walks 'Fireman'. He took one look at me and decided I was going to be with him. I was fighting it tooth and nail. I wasn't sure if I liked him like that. He had some cute bowed legs but he was so abrupt. You know women - it can be something odd that will finally melt our resolve. Mine was he asked for my number everyday and I turned him down, well one time I said it backwards, very flippantly as he was walking out the door. Later on that evening he called me. Memory like that - deserves a bit of conversation. We were like night and day and though I always felt like I needed to check his pulse - we had this incredible heat. My fondest memory is one time we got in an elevator together and I could almost see the sparks. Elevator broke. We stuck - he attached it to our connection, lol. That was his running line from that moment on. I can't really say much about our actual relationship - I learned some things sho nuff, but I throughly liked our flirtation process. THE RELATIONSHIP POSITIVE:He made me think.

    To come home and see a car parked right at your front window, grass be damned was something I became used to messin round with 'marriageminded'. Our relationship went quickly - we had spoken, lost touch and reconnected. Because he lived very close to me - we just kinda started kicking it. He was a very open person - wanted to know and wanted you to know. He had no problem with you showing up at his home. He was the one man where I spent time more over his home than mine and it was REFRESHING. Mini-me and I would go over afterwork (one of three instances in her life where she was involved in the relationship as well). He would cook dinner for us and we would just chill over his house. He had no cable or nothing, but we had a good time. We would have the oddest dates, lol Like we would go to the dollar store and just shop. He also has been the ONLY man who has ever contributed to my household that didn't live with me. He would say get a cart and I was able to stock up on supplies etc. He was a pack rat on this kinda thing and wanted me to be as well, lol. We would have dates at the farmers market or mall dates where we would just hang out at these stores. We were always in the streets or at each others homes etc. I enjoyed the genuine attention. THE RELATIONSHIP POSITIVE:He took good 'care' of me and the experience of a man not being 'afraid' of relationships and family was a good one.


    So now of course I have just as much to say about what was/is wrong with these relationships, but sometimes people want and need to know that they were appreciated and this for me is letting these brothers know that while things went to the left and what happened happened and it was just not meant to be I welcomed you into my life and through it all took something positive away and as you reflect, I hope that you can say you got something positive from me that hopefully we all are using as we continue on this journey.

    Posted by Pamalicious :: 11:43 AM :: 1 comments

    Speak Your Piece

    ---------------oOo---------------

    Monday, December 19, 2005

    Sunshine Monologue 64

    The blanket got mighty dank and needed a wash



    Blog Musical Mood: Psychedelic Shack - Temptation

    Man Happiness Week went very well. I still have lingerings of it's powerful effect on my psyche. You really have to fight the notion that happiness is corny and lame -and experience it for what it is in your life and not what you would like it to be - the lesson I learned is that Happiness IS the status quo, we just fight it because we live in Hell and Hell dictates that we worry, sulk, fight, etc. I'm rearranging my emotional priorities....

    So with that being said - let me get started on this here blog entry!


  • Kinja is down for maintenance and so I have no idea what my peeps have been talking about over the weekend, yet this is good because I'll be home the majority of the week and now I have reading


  • Why was Atlanta cursed with both Michael Baisden and Frank Ski on our radios? Did we do something wrong? I'm so tired of Frank Ski's 'Gospel' program in the morning - he is NOT inclusive of anyone who is not like him.....and Michael Baisden -if he can have a show - hell I can have a show. He has no radio personality at all!! All that hollaring. I try to avoid BOTH.


  • So having watched 'The Temptations' on VH-1 all weekend - I had to clear out some room on the MP3 and make a Motown Gold folder. That movie ranks up there with 'The Five Heartbeats" for obvious reasons.


  • If you didn't see Kung Fu Hustle - check it out. Funny as all get out. For ATL Originals, it was like I was at the Rialto again, lol


  • TOMORROW we find out who the Carver is on Nip/Tuck - well we better find out!/li>

  • I will not buy that camcorder I am 'watching' on Ebay - I can't afford it right now


  • Mini-me went out Friday as well and came tipping in at 12:38AM!! Though she was supervised the entire time, I got in her ass about not calling me and I hadn't seen her since 7:30 that morning. The parent she was with didn't have a cell phone but they still make phones. Her eyes were so twinkling from the good time she had, lol lol. She's blessed



  • A true recipe for disaster: Justin Slayer films (I have four in my collection now), Aunt Flow rising over the horizon, A pair of perfect white teeth surrounded by wonderful full "I'm black and proud" lips......

    So in all honesty - I felt the same the day after as I felt the day before. I'm not necessarily sure I've been 'satisfied'. What I mean by that is - physical release is good and all, but once I placed my heart back in it's cavity - it's still at the same place it was. If it's not all connected then there is a disconnect. The nagging feeling in the back of my mind is there, the whispers of it would have been even better if we had an emotional connection got kinda loud the day after and I had to let 'Cumisha' come and have a talk with me.

    For the folks who take notes specifically to point out flaws - this was not a stranger. I actually had met him a year ago, but at the time he had a girlfriend and so it went no further. He contacted me at the 'club' and we started communicating again. I can admit however that I praticed 'self hypocrisy' in order to get to that point - but you know what I truly BELIEVE in what I speak and I LIVE my life based on those principals, YET even I say I got swallowed up by my own rhetoric this year, lol lol. It is not that deep, lol It doesn't have to be that heavy on my soul, I'm still walking a good path in my life - when you start judging self, then you are minimizing your journey and blocking trials and paths you might are suppose to walk.

    So I'm not going to let it overtake me in this coming year. Life is what life is and I took myself out of it by becoming bogged down. Besides it's usually embarassing when I get back in the game, because I have this 'revirginization' issue - and at almost 40, it's a pain in the ass and a bit embarassing.

    I wanna give a special shout out to the thin lean brothers. They have always had a special place in my heart because in the beginning of my attraction to brothas - this was it. It was only after I had become a true adult - did I begin to explore the bulked up man. So my range on body types has some wiggle room in it, lol. 5'10 or so about 170lbs - muscle definition - I likes.

    So Cumisha had her a good time - neither one of us has any expectations or know the 'next step' and neither one of us is worried about it. They know how to reach me........

    Posted by Pamalicious :: 10:48 AM :: 2 comments

    Speak Your Piece

    ---------------oOo---------------

    Friday, December 16, 2005

    Sunset Monologue 135

    Write Your Own Blog Entry Friday



    Blog Musical Mood: Ooooh Ahhhh Part Two - Boys 2 Men

    Happiness Meter: 10+++++++++





    Think about my writing - think about my journey - focus on this picture - think about my mood and meter - What possibly could have happen? :)

    Have a good weekend!

    Posted by Pamalicious :: 10:51 PM :: 4 comments

    Speak Your Piece

    ---------------oOo---------------

    Thursday, December 15, 2005

    Sunset Monologue 134

    The Sweet Taste of Happiness



    Blog Musical Mood: "Georgia" - Ludacris

    Happiness Meter: 10


    It's harder thinking up the corny references to being happy than actually performing the act. It's quite interesting how alot of things in our lives are just decisions. We can DECIDE to be miserable or we can DECIDE not to be. As soon as that idea fills the brain cavity, whatever it may be our bodies and souls take it on. The decision to be happy should be REQUIRED at least once a month, lol It's quite a oool way to be. It does wonders for the stress in your shoulders as well.


  • Well folks I got a 85% good review! To only feel the lashes of a wet leather whip instead of the one with nails is refreshing.


  • While riding in the car today - I thought about Trading Spouses last nite. The thing that aggravated me is that I don't have the LUXURY of not knowing anything about them. It's not an option for me and I'd like it to be.


  • Cumisha Jones and I are getting along fine. I have taken more control over the situation because quite frankly - I just can't go out like that. Cumisha however has other ideas, lol lol. I am continuing talks with HER and HIM so everything looks quite delicious - I like cumisha however; expanding my personality zone is cool; I won't pick up more than three however - don't wanna look crazy, lol


  • I really wonder what the new year has in store for me


  • What's with this new conversation men expounding on they just like deriving pleasure in pleasing a woman, no need to please them. If that isn't a Ray Ray the mack line, I don't know what is. Sex is about the sharing of pleasure, get you a doll if you just want me to lay there and be selfish. I think it's a thinly veiled excuse to exonerate oneself from the possibility emotions might get involved. Look at yourself as a tool to a woman's pleasure instead of a receiver of pleasure deeper than a nut


  • Freakygoodman must have been sitting around in my mind lately, lol lol He hit the nail on the head with this one


  • I'm downloading as I type another movie a friend gave me......


  • Is it cold in Decatur or WHAT?! A Fireplace and man hands rubbing my booty are needed items this evening,lol Fuck the hot chocolate, lol


  • If someone could expound on exactly how do you relax, release and get in touch with that part of you than can allow your sexual needs to stay at the top of your list - I'd appreciate it. I"m not clowning on anyone, but there are folks who feel comfortable after one date - who can call someone and say 'come over' with no qualms and I am not one of them - I want to know, what mechanism does a person use and ultimately is it positive - I await some responses


  • Posted by Pamalicious :: 9:57 PM :: 1 comments

    Speak Your Piece

    ---------------oOo---------------

    Wednesday, December 14, 2005

    Sunset Monologue 133

    Happiness is Bliss



    Blog Musical Mood: Cab Ride - Tweet

    Happiness Meter: 10


    I'm over here smiling. Either I'm about to go into some kinda depression never heard of in my life - or all is well with the world. I do know it's mighty chilly in Decatur tonite (based on usual weather in Decatur) and I wish I had a fireplace.

    I am actually liking my little blurps I'm giving. Me everyday kinda vibe. As much as it may appear - I don't spend all my time solving the worlds problems, sometimes I just take a seat and enjoy that world the way it is. I like beign among the people and sometimes I want to be incognegro and blend in seamlessly. I'm not exempt from the ills of my peeps - I just have been blessed to recognize some of it and all of it is not bad. I really am in a place where I'm accepting that and seeing where I fit in. Where does my puzzle piece fit. Now that doesn't mean that my shoulders won't droop again with the weight but what better time than the end of the year to take that heave ass overcoat off and run around in your drawers, lol


  • My entire post has been pre-empting by an episode of 'Trading Spouses' now Fox is the ultimate jacker - they will take anything and give it such a low class spin. A good sociological experiment like Wife Swap; they reduced to gutter trash. However, it has also given us some wonderful characters like the Church Lady and now..Ms. White Surburbanite. A white woman from the burbs trades places with a sista from harlem.

    Everyone looking crazy. The black family was a bit more concerned was she going to be fat and lazy while the white family was a bit more perplexed that she was black.

    white woman scared to cross the street to get coffee. White man has black woman cleaning and in the yard PICKING STRAWBERRIES while he stands there and eats them on first day! I was running around the room - not because I was shocked cause I know - but because I know,lol lol

    Fast forward to them going to the park they at the corner on Malcolm X Blvd. She asks "Who is Malcom X" Car gets quiet - then she goes "Did he ride the bus?" Now I'm on the floor laughing - it's so real out here - it's so in our face.....CUMBAHYAH MY ASS!!


  • Have you ever ran into someone and felt the drought about to end? Someone might be getting ready to have a GOOD ASS CHRISTMAS, lol lol Cause I'm in a Jolly Damn Mood, lol lol


  • Very Close to just going with this school....I am trying so hard not to overanalyze this and have charts and graphs of schools and talk myself out of it.


  • Had a hiccup with my Ebay purchase and it's jammed up my already tight funds. Good grief! Watch everything wanna clear tomorrow


  • Mini-me is booking her calendar faster than me, lol I gotta catch up


  • Comcast only cut the cable off - not the internet thus I still got phone - Friday get here so I can cut my shit back on! I've missed the season finale of Noah's Arc. Thank God for repeats!


  • I'm suppose to be downloading some stuff but I just want to lay in my bed...so I think that's what I'll do



  • Posted by Pamalicious :: 10:17 PM :: 2 comments

    Speak Your Piece

    ---------------oOo---------------

    Tuesday, December 13, 2005

    Sunset Monologue 132

    Isa A Happy...



    Blog Musical Mood: This Christman - Donny Hathaway

    Happiness Meter: 8

    Whoop That Trick Tuesday (had to get me a funny line like Topmack) went quite well. I've moved on to playing Kem's Heaven every morning on the way to work - what a beautiful song, just sends chills.

    I'm finding that focusing on happiness is not that hard at all. I can't focus on one particular topic, lol but snippets of happiness happen every day. I guess I'll just leave the 'topics' for next week.



  • Went to the recital this evening. I feel good in knowing that the sacrafice might put me behind in this rat race, but not missing these moments in Mini-Me's life are worth it. These babies sounded so bad - it was GREAT! LOL LOL. The 1/2 of the gym they used was packed and it was nice to see every one I wish the invitation could specify no niggaz, dang why they got to show up EVERYWHERE! They did the entire spectrum of Holiday songs. The light in their eyes as they looked out at us weary parents was worth it.


  • You can now refer to me as:

    Your Porn Star Name Is...

    Cumisha Jones



  • My Reputation is at best:
    Your Reputation Is: Maneater

    You're the kind of girl all the chicks hate...
    And guys are both scared of you yet strangely drawn in.



  • Happiness Is...Discoverying who Justin Slayer is!! Bestow my Heart. I need to get me some freakier friends. I can't believe I've been walking this earth and had never ran into his work. Long Lean and Chocolate. Oh I'm getting faint - let me move on (but I got that sucker froze on one particular part - only a GROWN MAN can pull that stunt off, lol lol


  • I need to stay away from EBAY - but I shole is happy I have joined the game


  • I'm chit chatting with four Brothers I met at the 'club'. Doesn't matter at this point who they are. I'm just conversing - the two that I want to talk to, I haven't started up with as of yet, but having new candidates for "Pam's Next Top Relationship" is refreshing. I'm just taking mental notes and working my way thru and we shall see what the fall out is


  • Ever had something look like it was going to be so good, but the moment you eat the first forkful, know that it's soo good - it's going to make a comeback you are going to with you were dead? Yea last stall on the left got a workout today damn!


  • Spending while Mini me is gone: $200, Having an unexpected bill show up: $250; Realizing you only have $60 bucks but not even care & neither do your friends: Priceless


  • I spoke to the admissions offices and I could be in school by January. I have to research this some more. I don't want to make a rash decision. I am going back however.


  • My review is Thursday - CHANNELING THE HAPPINESS!!


  • Posted by Pamalicious :: 9:34 PM :: 1 comments

    Speak Your Piece

    ---------------oOo---------------

    Monday, December 12, 2005

    Sunset Monologue 130

    Rambling Thru the Happiness



    Blog Musical Mood: Eyes Without A Face - Billie Idol

    Happiness Meter: 10 (on a scale of 1-10 with 1 being curled up in a knot and 10 being floating on air)

    A great Monday it was. I don't want this euphoria to stop. First of all because I don't know WHY I am in such a centered place - but it's nice and Second because it just allows one to function better.

    All kinds of Short Bursts happened today, pre-empting my original subject flow - I might have to double up tomorrow, lol


  • Found Out that my Brother will be a speaker at Saviours Day 2006 in Baltimore next February - so now I have to drive up there - which brings me to the headache I'm going to have getting to that point as my Mom bothers me about buying regulation uniforms, as I cram for a Religion Cliff Notes before that time and prepare myself for the smile and front. Lawd help me now!


  • In the same token my mom got digital cable and announced to me that she's been watching the LOGO Channel - by the way if you want to see the interview that Sheryl Swoops did with the Advocate go HERE) Now this means that the channel has OFFICIALLY become mainstream, lol I will NOT be talking to my mom about Noah's Arc...Speaking of


  • Why is the season finale this week? Um, I was just getting started


  • Prince will be pulling a Mike and premiering his new song at 11pm est on ALL VH-1 Channels; I'll be up for that


  • Why have I been just a giggling as I watch Keith Boykin do his thing on Logo this weekend (as you can tell - it's replacing Lifetime Channel for Women, lol); I feel like I 'know' someone on TV


  • Why I love the Net - put a call out for some porn that didn't include Rick James music and curl and got me two new things to peruse - I still have the link - email me if you want it


  • Why did I win my first bid on EBAY!!! It was just what I wanted to, a new cell phone (told ya'll I was going to upgrade). Now as we know I have Metro Piece Ca Shit (Metro PCS) and so the phone are not cutting edge anyway - therefore I was not spending no real money - but I had the Metro starter phone, that was one cord short of a set of tin cans. I just wanted to look like I was up on it more than anything else and can a sista get a darn ringtone, lol. So I was messin around and saw a Audiovox CDM 8900 that was like $35.00 with like 25 minutes left on the bid. I read over it - and then I called the provider to make sure they could cut that bad boy on and gave them the serial number to make sure it wasn't stolen and I just bid. Won it for $42.00!! I'm soo excited. So of course I went and looked at some reviews and no it's not capable of moving the space hubble but it will work for me, considering I use my cell phone once a day - twice tops! I have a digital camera so the camera will be for odd stuff at best. I have five days to pay for it - I'll get that worked out, lol. So now I hope that I am not going to become a EBAY casualty, lol Next up That's so Raven outfit for Mini-me, they don't sell them here.


  • I've been Yahoo Launchcasting and comparing 1980's R&B to 1990's R&B and hmmmm...I am remembering why I switched Genre's for most of the 80's. Not good, Thank God for the Madonna's, Billy Idol's, Duran Duran, Flock of Seagulls, Howard Smith and countless others of the decade.


  • So I was chilling at the 'club' having a drink and saw someone I thought was attractive. I sent them a note by the 'bartender' and eventually they answered and I was intrigued because they answered with some familiarity and I had been gone for awhile. So I responded and then they say "I don't know if I should feel bad you don't remember me seeing as we saw each other almost daily for almost 4 years." I'm racking the old brain cause I don't forget fineness and then they identifed themselves - I went to High School with him. He sure wasn't at the reunion,lol. My face was C-R-A-C-K-E-D though. Hmmm, I pushed up on Bro in response - I'll see about this one


  • Where the hell is my paypal password?!


  • I'm writing and thinking about my year end wrap up and I'll be rolling that out in the next week or so - this should be interesting, lol


  • I put up a flare for an airline hookup - I'll see what happens there


  • My Niece has embraced her Maternal Grandfathers Cuban Heritage and now says she Afro-Cuban, I'm sure by the time mini-me gets back she'll be Carribbean since her Paternal Grandfather comes from Grenada, lol


  • Well at 12:01 am (I'm not sure if this is est or pst) but I'll flicker my lights for Tookie :( I'm not sure WHY I wanted him to be spared - I can't sit here and say I was all knowledgeable on Tookie and his doings, I live in the South. I saw the movie and it was boring to me, but this seems kinda flimsy - -


  • I have been checking my referrer feature of my count (thanks Marz for doing it and making me check out mines) - I am being discovered thru some unique avenues and I like that


  • What's up with all the pop-ups coming thru Blogger!?


  • Spoke with Rosalind (an OB - Original Blogger, lol) about getting the Black Bloggers Community Board back up and running. I think it's needed so we can speak and socialize outside of our blog universe. Blackgayblogger hipped me to the fact that very little of African Descent is nominated for blogger awards. Glad as well we have our own (hint hint for next year, lol).


  • I am going to put back up my links etc. Just haven't had the time or patience



  • Well let me wrap up a few more things and go to bed. Mini-me debuts with the Orchestra tomorrow eveing at 7pm. I'll be on with pictures tomorrow :)

    Posted by Pamalicious :: 11:03 PM :: 2 comments

    Speak Your Piece

    ---------------oOo---------------

    Sunday, December 11, 2005

    Sunset Monologue 129

    Happy Happy Joy Joy



    Blog Musical Mood: The Reflex - Duran Duran

    Welcome to Happy Week. There will be no bitching or moaning on this here blog the next five days - I'll take note of stuff that deserves the sentiment, write it down and blow it all out this up coming weekend,lol. Sometimes we (I) spend more time than should be allotted focusing on everything wrong and bad and fustrating and sad -and the things that can and do bring us joy are thrust out the limelight. I want to really react off of this great mood I've been having and stay in the sunlight you know? I will dig into my memory banks, my current life and dream about my future time on this planet and just S-M-I-L-E!


    Well yah girl got all gussied up to attend my jobs Holiday function. I had a very nice time, I enjoyed related to alot of people I only see during the day in this type of atmosphere. The day before we had a potluck and I brought homemade Chicken Pot Pie and my Curry Chicken Salad - I've been quite social lately during my day time hours - I guess it's the season....speaking of...

    All this debate going on about whether or not to say Christmas or Holiday to 'accommodate' the melting pot that is America. Let me say for the record, that I suggest you say what you believe in, lol. I don't celebrate Christms, so why include me? It has no effect on me, lol lol. Call it what you call it.

    Otherwise this weekend went well. It went fast too. I wonder is it because it gets darker earlier now. I keep saying it's Sunday Nite already.

    Is it just me or should Duran Duran be the official musicians for Nip/Tuck? Everytime I see that show, I think of them - they just seem to fit that entire atmosphere. As well as only one more episode until the two hour season finale! My how time flies! Will we find out who the carver is? I hope so.

    TV ALERT: January 1st started the next batch of celebrity on VH-1 which includes Celebrity Fit club with Temptess Bledsoe and Countess Vaugh and the Bachelor featuring Flava Flav, lol lol. Ain't no Bobby and Whitney but it will hold me over.

    I remember sneaking and listening to Mudbone very very low for fear of being caught when I was little. I didn't and haven't had an enormous amount of expose to Richard Pryor in my life, but I was a fan of his boldness and his passion and his position in the comedy world. R.I.P Brotha!

    I'm contemplating what I want to do while Mini-Me is gone. I always move out to Janet's palacious pad during this time - but I want to also incorporate some me time and maybe some time with an adult of the male species. I'll see what I can pull off.

    I see the blog topic of the moment is all about mastubation - whew Lawd, has the winter cold made us hornier or something. I've seen convo about making this month do it once a week month, I've seen folks having to stop cause they have rubbed the skin off their joint, I've seen scientific conversation on the purpose and validity of doing the do. I've mentioned it subtly on here way back when I said that B.O.B. died (that's a Battery Operated Boyfriend, for those not in the know). So I'm a member,lol. Carry on strokers and pokers, lol lol.

    I know, I know - I've been quite boring lately, lol lol. I just been chillin - tomorrow however I will start specific topics on the Happiness Train! I promise!

    Thanks for continuing to read me - I DO appreciate it.

    Before I go, I want to roll out my new alter-ego, because as I stated Mariah is giving me cloth burns from squeezing into Mini-Me's clothes. I considered taking back on Beyonce, but I want to stay young, lol lol Soooooooo...You may now call me....

    EVA....

    Posted by Pamalicious :: 7:13 PM :: 5 comments

    Speak Your Piece

    ---------------oOo---------------

    Friday, December 09, 2005

    Sunset Monologue 128

    Back In The Saddle



    Blog Musical Mood: Sex Machine - The Miracles

    Yea Yea I'm back. Headache gone replaced by a stomachache, lol. Today was the office potluck and I made chicken pot pie and my curry chicken. I've been noshing all darn day! Then after work I picked up Mini-me and we went out to this restaurant called 'barnacles' which is a seafood sports bar. We were meeting two other moms for an evening out socializing.

    This is my new crowd, these sistas are together and are inspiring me to be the same. I fit in with all crowds (or so I like to think) and so I'm lapping up the energy - we had a good evening.

    I came home about ready to explode this evening.

    Tomorrow should be quite interesting - I have a formal to go to. I know ya'll can't wait to see me all gussied up, lol lol. My job is having one at the Rialto. Now the last time I went there it was to see a karate movie, lol (old school Atliens know bout this). I should have a nice time.

    Seeing as my blogs popularity is apparently directly linked to me staying up to date, I'm blogging tonite even though I don't have a specific topic to talk about. I have some in the works - just not weekend topics. So bear with me. Sometimes you gotta recharge.

    Of course my mind has been working so here are some random thoughts that have been accumulating:


  • Well I very nicely rolled that date I had into a conversation about being friends via email. He said it was the nicest Dear John Letter he had ever received. Well I don't think you have to be uncivilized. I didn't mention him in detail because it's a blurb honey, lol

  • Coming away from dinner tonite, I really feel like it's time for a partner in my life. I want to get back on that vibe

  • I must be going brain dead because I kid you not, I JUST took a listen to the WORDS of "Laffy Taffy" and was like OOOOOH SHITTT! The whole country is so caught up in this cutey beat that we haven't listened to this. Did he say SKEET SKEET SKEET like a water hose and bust a couple of nuts and I stay hard like a jolly rancher or some shit?! I can't even roll it back (though I quietly will) cause Mini-me already listening to it. Damn! I'm slipping!

  • I also just realized that you don't have to get your cell phone from your provider (duh). I was messin around on EBAY checking it out before I start selling stuff and found that out (duh). So I put my provider in the search engine and folks are selling phones right and left at pretty good prices! Now I know where I'll be getting my new phone from

  • When I get paid - consider that faux fur throw on sale at Target for $20 MINE!

  • Making the Band ended just like I predicted to folks - the girls who we hardly ever saw on camera...made the band. I hope that isn't their song

  • I'm back talking to Mobetta - get over it. It's only online - no harm, no foul. Besides we just friends

  • Every morning on the way to work, I've taken to listening to Sylvester's live version of "You Are My Friends" - When I listen to him sing, I am at Studio 54 complete with caine, too much make up and free wild sex.

  • I need a camcorder and I'm going to the pawn shop to find me one

  • I want to do a whole week of Happiness on the blog

  • This week was a very good week. I have been in rare form - quite upbeat - quite giving of my 'yellow' personality traits - quite at peace

  • Two online schools offer a bachelors in education. I hope I get my info soon, so I can just stop sitting here in the evenings pissing away my time

  • Mobetta is a blog fan, lol. He reads Mine, Babeemunkee, Freakygoodman and Topmacknigga (this last one I should have never mentioned,lol



  • Oh and here's a site for you: What's In Your Name of course I'm so spooked by this:

    First Name:

    You don't fair well under inharmonious conditions. You are very peace loving. You can get very upset when you are frustrated. You have much enthusiasm with a driving attitude toward achievement in life. You are always involved with projects and things to do. You can be quite inventive and quite curious. You have a diplomatic flair to your nature. Equality and fairness are important to you. You have a need to be up front.

    Middle Name:

    Your world, good or bad, revolves around your family. You are determined and loyal, and your word is your bond. You have a need to be up front. You enjoy a challenge. You can take thought-directed actions. You must learn the lessons of self-worth; learn to love yourself before you can love others. You need to learn to be expressive. You are a person who cannot tolerate being misunderstood. You can handle details well. You have a methodical mind. You have a need to be up front.


    Last Name:

    You are always involved with projects and things to do. You are soft-hearted with a charitable nature. You work hard to achieve material success through your own efforts. You have a need to be up front. You need to learn when to let go. You need to learn when to let go. You have a need to be up front. There is a need to learn to evaluate family ties properly.

    Well MTV Hits is having a Mike mini-thon and what a way to cap off a good week.

    Before I go, I want to show some blog love to Marc His America Top Model entry is fabulous, my new find Blogging While Black and my new favorite Getting Myself Together

    So I'll be back on Sunday with pictures from the formal and the beginning of a bunch of new thoughts......Have a good one!

    Posted by Pamalicious :: 9:36 PM :: 4 comments

    Speak Your Piece

    ---------------oOo---------------

    Thursday, December 08, 2005

    Sunset Monologue 127

    Just Some Visuals



    Blog Musical Mood: Unpredictable - Jamie Foxx


    All of this and a can of diced tomoatoes and tomato sauce





    Makes one Hell of a good warm dinner for a cold Decatur Night





    Yea I know - I'm resting my eyes, lol lol

    Posted by Pamalicious :: 8:16 PM :: 1 comments

    Speak Your Piece

    ---------------oOo---------------

    Wednesday, December 07, 2005

    Sunset Monologue 126

    She's A Dancing Machine



    Blog Musical Mood: Dancing Machine - The Jacksons

    (Squinting) I have a raging to much computer time headache, but I wanted to drop thru and post some pictures of Mini-Me's Dance Team Debut. I am so proud of her! They danced halftime for both the girls and boys basketball games. They looked great, the uniforms were cute and it went well. Ahh to be young again! I will be back on Friday - I need to take a break and rest my eyes in the evening.


    Lets Get It Started!


    Work IT!


    Job Well Done

    Posted by Pamalicious :: 9:47 PM :: 0 comments

    Speak Your Piece

    ---------------oOo---------------

    Tuesday, December 06, 2005

    Sunset Monologue 125

    Just Some Convo



    Blog Musical Mood: Slow Wine - Toni Tony Tone



    I've been feeling quite fetching lately, lol. My skin is so clear and my eyes are so bright. My breast are particularly perky as well. I do like my curves - I'm just a bit over a handful; a nice package to hold close, lol. I look in the mirror these days and say "you ain't a bad looking chica" LOL LOL. That feels good.

    Do you have a blog ritual? As I sit here I am thinking of all the ways I get ready to get in the mood to blog, lol I know it ain' t that serious, lol


  • Get me something cold to drink

  • Turn on the Yahoo Music

  • Open up about three windows because while I blog I read other blogs and I might need an image or two

  • Clear my head and organize my thoughts

  • Take off one sock - the cool air on my foot helps me think, lol



  • It takes me about an hour to craft a specific subject and maybe shorter when it's random. I have fallen into the habit of doing some preliminary work in my head on the car ride home, now that's geeky, lol

    Am I feeling Adriana Evans or what?! When you click on the link, go down and check out her new video 7 days - Whew! Back in 1997 I fell in love with her single "Love is all around" I'm really feeling the urgency and strength of this song. As well as why am I fiending for Jamie Foxx?! His first CD was the bomb to me (and yea that says $54), just not his time - now it is and I can't wait till it drops.

    Saddaam told em go to hell - - now that's gangsta!

    I'm SOOO excited I'm a Decaturmunkee - I'll get to this before the weeks out. As well as I want to say to Twin, I am quite honored to be yah blogmomma :)

    So I'd like to get my bachelors in Language Arts (I have two years to go). I'll be looking for an online school that will help facilitate that - so if you know of one that's pretty good and accredited, please let me know. Thanks!

    Ok, why did no one tell me about "My Name is Earl" on NBC. Good Gracious! I thought I was going to stop breathing I was laughing so hard! Now that's some funny stuff - keeblers in their element. Not to mention, one of my favorite of all time shows Fear Factor is BACK! It's going to be off tha chain too. Oh yea baby!

    Why did it just come to my mind that lying is possible on blogs. I just approached the world of blogs as personal diaries/journals and who lies...to themself. I guess I should keep that thought process cause if it's just stories a person can make up - then I'm devasated.

    My new favorite Blog: Topmacknigga - cause I just like saying 'check a bitch monday' LOL LOL LOL Between that and the fantabulous way Trent cusses you out - I'm in heaven, lol.

    Hmmm soon I guess I have to compile all kinds of stuff looking back on 2005. I guess I'll start that on paper - someone come up with a Meme so I can fill in the blanks.

    Well - I have a lonnnng day tomorrow; Mini-me makes her halftime debut tomorrow evening dancing for both the girls and boys basketball team. Look out for those pictures tomorrow evening!

    Midnite it is -

    Had to come back because I got a treat for yah!

    Baby Daddy of the Week



    What a Xmas Present!

    Posted by Pamalicious :: 11:04 PM :: 4 comments

    Speak Your Piece

    ---------------oOo---------------
    Sunshine Monologue 63

    Looking Over My Shoulder



    Blog Musical Mood: Elevator Music while on Hold

    It's currently 8:57am

    Blogger was not having it last evening - so NO I was not entralled in something decadant, I just couldn't get on. Therefore (while looking over my shoulder and pacing my 85 wpm to a cadence that won't be recognized as me typing out my head). I'm giving it to you during 'the hours', lol lol.

    I know that I started out with my pitiful sunday post - however - I'd like to say that I am feeling fine. I am not depressed or stressed. That's actually the whole point of that entry. That I am comfortable in the way I am handling myself as I go about this world. I've gotten to that point and I want to stick with it. Now it makes good blogging fodder to whine, bitch and moan but I do want to make sure my friends know that I'm doing okay, lol lol I have not lost any sleep and I still have alot of faith about the man/woman area of my life. I find my journey unique and it might actually be offering insight to someone - so that's why I keep plugging away. Now that I got that out of the way.....

    I just had the best customer service probably of my LIFE, lol. Metro was holding my cell phone payment twice on my card and you know a sista ain't trying to pay folks ONCE let alone TWICE - so I called up the bank to see what the problem was and the sista on the phone was soo nice. She actually called Metro to verify I actually had only paid and they had credited my account once and then released the hold on my card. I told her that she was the nicest customer service person I had met all year and I got her name and a place to write. I got off the phone feeling good!! and $54 richer, lol.

    So confessional time - I've been trolling the on-line sites again. I went to the various 'bars' I used to hang out in and just sat in the cut incognegro seeing were there any new faces etc. etc. You can do that you know, lol. I came out of hiding on one site and then decided that was too straight forward and so I actually deleted my account. The only way to break that particular cycle. But I am laying in the cut, not drawing attention to myself on another site. I have enjoyed some snippets of converation and this is all in 24 hours, lol.


    I watched some good stuff on television last night. I caught up with Nip/Tuck (sorry no links due to the venue I'm making this entry from). Man oh Man. It wasn't even disturbing that Doc was taking it up the rear and doing Julia and finally digging hard into Troy and McNamera, but Christian dogging that woman was disturbing...I can't wait to tape this evenings episode.

    Has anyone watched this show on the A&E channel called "Intervention" . It focuses on two addicts of some sort making their way to an intervention. Last Nite I saw a man who takes 22 shots sometimes a day and by shots I mean ICE TEA GLASSES of Jack Daniels and what is his profession "a Stunt Driver" Yep he gets behind the wheel of an automobile! I also saw a woman so stoned on Heroin that she just laid by her nose on the bathroom mirror and said "umm I must have fallen asleep" it's raw I tell yah. I was watching her and I'm not going to lie and "Janet" concurred, that looking at her - you felt compelled to ask yourself, "what does that feel like to be that in some zone".

    BE BACK GOTTA GO GET SOME OATMEAL

    Ok, I'm back, lol - Finally last night I watched a Discovery Health special "Dangerous Deception: DL Men" Now I guess I should (though I shouldn't have to) say that I am well aware that I have a strong gay readership - Gay blogs were my introduction to the blog world and I have made some wonderful on-line friends, fans etc. I don't subscribe to the hysteria or the rhetoric - and in actuality this isn't the group of folks this was about. I believe that just like we as African Americans have a 'problem' with niggaz - there is a problem with DL in the 'community' it sullies the movement and the clarity that everyone is trying to reach. However, I'm a hetrosexual female and whether it's on the front burner because the media needs something to talk about, or it's the hysteria for the coming years - it's a topic that needs to be in rotation in our community.

    Ever been watching someting on TV and wish you had people around you because you feel a good convo brewing? There was one sista who was an IV drug user and made it thru that portion of her life - even in her drug haze she took an HIV test every six months. Only to be taken down 'by the love of her life' who she met after getting clean. Another sista spoke about how they used protection and he was the manliness of men and one time the condom broke and in that one episode she contracted HERPES, HIV and Got pregnant! DAMN!!! He was just a walking cess pool. One of the Drs. spoke about at what point do you take the condom off and then how do you renegotiate putting it back on without implying anything about your mans' manhood is HARD. It is definately alright to inquire as to whether or not your man is or has indulged in intercoure with men - but are you ready for the answer? A man told his woman he had in the past. She is on screen saying she's cool - she's never been loved like that - (damn was he fine, lol) then when they fight she calls him a Faggot. He's hurting because he told the truth and that's his past, but deep inside she's harboring that.

    This subject because it is SOO charged with emotion, experience, and religious connotation that our community has been and will continue to struggle with this topic and yes I had 'feelings' while watching this. - personally the time to stop making sure we know 'they' are going to hell has ceased and the time to try to study, understand and make oneself knowlegable about how this behaviour is affecting us has arrived. We can't continue to expound on how much pussy and dick we getting and be so ignorant as to cop a tude when something real is brought up. Man do chastity belts come in different colors?

    Signing off at 9:54am

    Posted by Pamalicious :: 9:52 AM :: 5 comments

    Speak Your Piece

    ---------------oOo---------------

    Sunday, December 04, 2005

    Sunset Monologue 124

    SHUT UP WHY DON'T CHA!!



    Blog Musical Mood: Somethings Going On - UNV

    Dang it's mighty dead on the net today! I guess everyone is getting into the winter slouch,lol. The weather today was mighty weird. It actually had this scary 'warmth' to it and the sky was looking quite spooky. Now tomorrow it's suppose to be five degrees or something.

    I went down into the belly of the beast looking for "Her" because she has court at 8am. I didn't find her but verified she did have an apartment. I went to the place where she said she worked and no one had ever heard of her; I wonder should I show up to make sure she did tomorrow, I'll let that marinate tonite.


    I don't know how to cut my mind off. Some people can just go with the flow but not me - I gotta cast my net wide and work out mathematical equations. I listen (and read) the tales of people who encounter people and don't think past how attractive, funny they are and WALAH end up in some decadant sexual position and is no worse for wear. I don't have that mechanism - I don't know how to find it and put it to use. Therefore couple that with I've been single to long and I.....remain alone.

    I look at how a man speaks, carries himself, approaches me, lays out his life, his life plan - I talk and converse and take mental notes, I insert scenarios, people, places, things. I figure how he fits in my world, would it be someone I would bring around my daughter....I just think to much! Thinking can be murder when coupled with intelligence - but is it really intelligence...or...psychosis.

    I don't know when I began thinking to much -

    was it when I discovered that the willingness of women to do whatever, whenever, however - caused alot of men to become complacent when it came to dating. They don't have to do anything because we'll pick em up, pay for half, put out great amounts of energy to be with them. The natural order of the ways things should go and the way men approach a women is gone. They don't have to ask us out - we invite our damn selves out, they don't have to pursue us - we're always available. They don't have to seduce us, Pussy cost a dinner at Red Lobster; sometimes just a watered down drink.

    was it when more and more 'dating' fell to fast into the three C's Cooking, Couch, Coochie. No need to plan, or be imaginative or explore and experience discovery before we get that familiar.

    was it when because of the net and the fact that the one's who will far outweigh the one's who won't, made a sista like me someone not worth the time and effort. If I'm not phone sexing or inviting you over after 11pm after one date and two weeks of phone conversation - there is already a stable in the celly that can take care of that.

    I don't know...I think I have more issues ABOUT dating than I have ABOUT being in a relationship, lol.

    I don't have outrageous demands but I do have a set of standards, morals, values and a way of carrying myself and a way I was raised that apparently impedes me getting past the first date.

    I'd like to be in the passenger seat, I'd like to be courted, I'd like my stress to be about the fact that I want to be in your company so I'm scrambling to get a babysitter.

    I can admit that I have middle class ideals and I enjoy living that type of lifestyle. I am broke but I am not broke minded (there is a difference).

    I just feel that (not as if someone else doesn't as well) I have alot to consider and alot at stake in my life, to make but so many love mistakes; however maybe that's what it's about making those mistakes, letting things unwind anyway they may -be it good bad or ugly...

    Folks (including myself) issues are so close to the surface that they come out before I even have a second to get caught up and once they appear it's just so hard for me to brush them off.

    I told some friends that maybe I should go see a therapist and they told me that they were going to beat my ass - if I started to feel that me having some type of standard and not wanting to look up and be like "hmmm I finally have gotten with the one but it took me 100 dicks to find him" Cause however much fun you think the otherside is having - there's a great price you pay for it. It does feel nice (if not lonely) to believe that someone somewhere actually admires my struggle.


    Um I'm basically happy and I'd like to stay that way. I have met more than one Brother who is...depressed and our conversations veer from 'getting to know you' to a 'counseling session'. There are a whole heap of us that live alone (not counting kids) and some of us don't handle that well. I've always said that if a person can live comfortably in their own head by themselves - then half the battle is won when it comes to joining on to someone else. If you need others or outside activity to validate you - then the other person becomes your 'source' and not your 'auxillary'.

    I have been basically living alone (without extra adult interaction) for almost 12 years now. I am, and I do not lie, absolutely comfortable with that situation. Sure there sometimes gets to be a loud echo up in here, especially when Mini-me is out of town or something - but I don't freak out. I know how to reach out and I enjoy my own company. That's important. To sit in here and whine and moan about not having a life or not having friends or needing a mate to the point of depression is counter productive especially when these are things we contribute to ourselves.

    Ho Hum, can you tell I have had an encounter with a man, lol lol. It's too much work, I'm trying to come up - up my happiness quotient, up my activity quotient, up my affection quotient, up my desire quotient - but maybe I should just get a dog -



    because I submit and humbly ask God what is the message you are trying to get to me in having the set of men you've introduced me to this year come into my life - I'm about to give this up. Please let me know what you have in mind for me.

    Posted by Pamalicious :: 8:26 PM :: 3 comments

    Speak Your Piece

    ---------------oOo---------------