ThE EmAnCiPaTiOn oF pAmMiE

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Sunshine Monologue 180

To The Left....Slide



Blog Musical Mood: Fly Like A Bird - Mariah Carey

I'm so glad they decided to release that song as a single. I loved it the first time I heard the CD! So what's up peeps?! Another day, another dollar pissed away. Everybody doing ok in their neck of the woods? Everythang is quite breezy in my neck of the woods. Working my 'Corporate' today - we have huge meetings today and tomorrow - I'm shady at best up in here, but I know how to MEET, lol.

My mind has been awhirl and a swirl with this whole Relationship thing. Nothing negative, but just thinking of how as a single person - there is a shift to get into this modi operandi, especially if it's going well. The following concepts have been floating around in my head.

Yes I can Share

Let's be honest, most single folks are pretty well set up, especially if they have been out here working etc., but by the same token, alot of us are also set in our ways and as each day goes by and we remain mateless, these things begin to take on whole new meanings. You have to learn to play nice and share, lol The first thing that comes up - the remote! You know being single, you got all your shows bookmarked and set up and if you are female for the most part the following stations are NOT in the line up: ESPN, ESPN ZONE, etc. etc. just like at his house The Food Network might not be either. As you watch a person enter your space, you get nervous "they touching...my shit!" eventually (well hopefully) it subsides - but that foray from 'it's all MINE' to 'I gotta share' can be a big adjustment.

Cocooning

The development of relationships has you adjusting something very important...your time. Budding relationships take up alot of it, you really do just want to sit around breathing each other in. You go into this cocoon that usually lasts for about three months - at which time, everything takes the back burner. Good friends, understand this and back off, lol. Like now, my friend are starting to peep out the woodwork and be like "Hey you wanna...?" It's good to go into the cocoon - but always keep your individuality intact, it makes the dips back into the cocoon once the relationship gets to coasting that much better. Your friends will be counting on you to disengage yourself and rejoin the living, lol

High Maintenance

The days when you come home, put on some raggedy PJ's and park it might be over. You no longer can wear your coke bottle glasses, your retainer, your moustache wax, or sit and clip your toenails on the couch. You are in a relationship. I looked at my lounge/sleep wear and it is PITIFUL!! I gotta overhaul most of it. It's amazing how much straightening up I've been doing, lol. No longer are my clothes piled on the bed till Saturday Morning, lol Bras are put up, Hell Bras and panties are now matching, lol The thing is - I never realized how much I had let get a bit shall we say 'comfortable' - it's just something that happens. I also feel the need to straighten up my damn house - the clutter has gotten ridiculous. I have mapped out a couple of projects - I think I need a storage facility, lol

The Secret Society of Singledom

Whew - I was looking through my night stand the other day and it dawned on me, I had old numbers and all kinds of 'spoils' of dating in that drawer. It made me think, hmmm as we get closer and closer, I need to start purging. The biggest obstacle in alot of relationships - that damn computer! Where do you begin on that thing. My stuff is pretty streamline now, because I had been working on that one for awhile, but I know people, I interact with people and I would hope I wouldn't have to stop. My ass ain't out there so that should be fine - - the funny thing is I have been needing to purge - and this certainly is a good excuse. I already trimmed my IM list, my cell phone has been trimmed as well. Another thing you have to do is update your freak kits. Nothing worse than recycling old freak kits. Your relationship deserves NEW stuff people!!! Don't be skank! Hell, your relationship may spark you to want new personal me time stuff. Because no relationship should make you give up personal me time activities. That's your time to connect with you, lol So no, you don't have to go over your stuff with a fine tooth comb - because life isn't like that and it's not about hiding, it's about...moving on, but you might wanna pack up or get rid of those numbers you scored at the club and just threw in your nightstand, lol lol If for no other reason than they taking up space!

Us to....WE
"Hey we need to just jump in the car and take a jaunt to Houston to see NE girl" "Yea that would be cool" "Um you have a man now..." SCREECH! Hold up wait a minute! Hmmm - that's a concept that takes some getting used to,lol You get VERY used to operating in a tunnel and a solo tunnel at that. Taking someone else into consideration is a big thing. Now I know there are necks starting to move at this notion, especially given the example, but if you are trying to make a relationship work - you need to consider your mate. This isn't about asking permission, this is being open and accountable to your mate. You dont want him calling and saying "Hey I'm going to Carnival in Brazil with the boyz - be back next week" WTF?!

The Peanut Gallery
You know who they are? They end sentences with "I hope ya'll work out" or "Hmmm, you sure are spending alot of time together" or "well now, he's spending.the night." or "How long have ya'll been dating?" add that to every discusssion group, everyone who think they know the right way it should go, all the women's magazines and you have....chaos! Everybody got something to say about what you doing, how fast you doing it, what they would do. I am guilty of it as well, lol - Funny how this was one of the things that made my eyebrow go up in terms of LA's Finest - he said "Don't let folks rent space in your head, you will have no room to think." I used to run a Apartment complex up in this bad boy. The peanut gallery is not all bad - but as much as I hate to use this saying, relationships are a good case of DO YOU. Even if they turn out messed up, you have to your own journey.

So now add all of that with things such as: "Um, this is my child" "You spent What on that pair of shoes?" "Man I tell you, he was just calling to say what's up?" and all the other stuff and your freaking plate is FULL! Now of course this is a female perspective of it - I'm sure men have their own things as well.

What I do know, is that on paper relationships look all dewey and glowing and alot of sistas got pages and pages of words about how they want to find that love everlasting - but are you REALLY READY?! Some folks can't get off the single train, some folks figure out that in order to clean out their closet and by the time they did - they will be to old to hook up,lol So to end with another oldie but goodie - BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR! Cause really if you are not ready - then leave it alone.

Posted by Pamalicious :: 12:39 PM :: 1 comments

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Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Sunshine Monologue 179

La La La La La Means.....



Blog Musical Mood: God - Prince

Is this blog boring you? Is it and life more interesting when there is strife either real or imaginary? Sometimes I find in my life that the ears are glued to me when I am analyzing and expounding new found wisdom in hopes that some of it will bring about change in my life. I have friends who are only interested in the story that begins with 'well we broke up' and are attentive until the story begins 'I met a real cool brother'. Is life itself boring when there is no drama? How do we begin to look at regular cruise control life as exciting as well?

How ya'll doing?! I hope ya'll are well. Spring started on the 21st - on paper that is and we Spring Forward on Sunday. Can you believe that?! This means it will stay lighter longer in the evenings affording us more time to get the damn thing done!!

Well I have a few overarching updates so let me get em going....

On Bended Knee - LA's Finest looked so nice in the suit. He had told me he wanted to talk to me about something and I wanted to know before he left for Church. I'm sitting there and this Brother looks at me and gets....on...bended...knee. Now believe you me, my heart started pounding because I was frantically trying to formulate the softest decline ever - you know something like "Baby this is beautiful, but why don't we continue to talk and continue to vibe and revisit this in a couple more months - in the meantime let's put it in the glass case so that we can remember " I guess he saw me looking crazy, lol cause what he did was confirm his love and then formally ask me to be his lady. I can't remember that happening to me in my adult life. I think the last time I was actually asked which meant a man was making a verbal commitment to me it involved notebook paper and "Will You Go With Me?" YES NO MAYBE. Wow a Platinum LA'S Finest Membership Card - .....I got the clock!

The Flying A's - Yes Mini-me made the squad...two weeks of intensive training and tryouts. $500 they want! Alrightyy then! She's excited. I'm excited and now my fall/winter is booked!

I see a new video game off in the horizon.......Cobb Vs Dekalb..fight for the county residence!!

A sentence foreign to my ears......You have a man now.......hmmm - interesting how that affects your life and decisions and.....range of motion.

I had an epiphany who LA'S FINEST reminds me of - there was something about his character, something about his vibe, something about his peace that has been so comforting to me and then it dawned on me...my stepfather!! That's a beautiful thang - having men in my life to use as litmus for myself.

Sending flowers to his job as proclamation that I'm in the house! Don't you love it?!

LITTLE VOICES...how are you?....you like my daddy?...BIG VOICES...How are you mam? Mam you have a wonderful son.....I know I do, he's a good man...hope to meet you....soon....

The comfort of ordinary everyday things - - flowing at an even pace - - progression of healthy - - rediscovering how to share because the remote...belongs..to..me, lol

Backpack to dufflebag......nighttime to dinnertime....I need to start removing clutter from the Castle - three washclothes - ain't that special? LOL

10 weeks in school ya'll! Just finished my second class and beginning the next one today. Financial Aid being quite shady in disbursement so I'm scrambling to get book money up etc. but I'm keeping it going. I will do this!! It's an example I need to set for my child and it's an accomplishment I need to do for myself.

Like the easy entry of spring time in the ATL - my life is just a blossoming and this time, I feel quite relaxed on the receiving end of the blessing.

Posted by Pamalicious :: 12:05 PM :: 2 comments

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Friday, March 24, 2006

Sunset Monologue 174

What In The....



Blog Musical Mood: You Put A Move On My Heart - Tamia


Ok, Ya'll I've officially lost it! I decided to spend some time with Mini-me celebrating her making the cheerleading squad. Dinner and a movie were on the agenda. We decided to go see Madea's because she has been whining about everybody don seen Madea and I want to know what it's about. I had asked around and they said it was ok to take her - so we went.

I'm not a big fan of Madea - that first movie sucked. However, I apparently was in another time zone when I saw that one - because what I am about to tell you has shook me to the very core.....

Why in three levels of hell did I cry through the entire second half of that movie!?! Specifically the love story between Boris and that girl. I'm talking about welling up and overflowing and then bawling! Mini-Me holding my freaking hand!!

Why was that whole thing (well not her circumstances but the blossoming of love) hitting me like a ton of oranges in a bag?! I AM TRIPPIN!

By the time they got to the wedding and I heard those vows (I was NOT delirious enough not to notice that HOT MESS of a Wedding however!) I was incoherant! That hit home and resonated so passionately in my heart and soul.

I had been kinda saying I needed to release and this was it my friends. What in Sam Hill has this man done to me?1 I haven't known him that long! How did he get here?! Ain't I too old for this?! I can't even talk to anyone about this! I told 'Janet' I cried and she asked was I PMS'ing, lol Hell I don't know - but my heart was beating so fast and I got the chills and it all just was speaking...to me.

When Cecily was telling about the love she had with her husband - I got faint. But the vows they exchanged - it was as if, I had projected myself onto the screen and it was I talking - where did THOSE words come from?! More importantly how did they bubble up...from me. I'm shaken ya'll. I really am. I am not a crier and I cetainly did not really think I was capable (or maybe I was denying myself the ability to be capable) of being moved on such a level by the subject of....love.

Ya'll need to talk to a sista. I'm going and lay down. Have a BLESSED WEEKEND!

Posted by Pamalicious :: 8:54 PM :: 1 comments

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Thursday, March 23, 2006

Sunshine Monologue 178

Puzzles, Legos and Lincoln Logs



Blog Musical Mood: Use Your Heart - SWV

Soo as I lay in bed last nite, I was thinking about life's journey and specifically a persons relationship journey and how they get to where ever they are in that journey. I think that relating to different people should provide us with an opportunity to gather 'puzzle pieces' because since no one is perfect - we should take away from each relationship SOMETHING that we want to keep in our pocket because everybody ain't so bad, you can't get something to add to your little pile.

I know for me - my journey has been more about self discovery than anything else. I was thrust into the world with a very strong father figure and having being taken care of emotionally - I knew off the bat that I wanted that to be in my life - the irony of that is that, being raised Muslim - my charge was to go forth and take care of the blackman. So basically I have spent alot of time....GIVING and GIVING while trying to figure out exactly what I wasn't getting. Because I didn't even know, seeing that I used GIVING as my RECEIVING. I derived pleasure from his happiness instead of requiring my own separate happiness.

I had to learn something that wasn't told to me in all my 'training' - in uptopia the clearly defined roles of men and women work - in hell.....they...don't. All people don't deserve the best of what you have to give just on GP. MOST don't, lol

I didn't really hit my stride actually until Mobetta. I gathered quite a few puzzle pieces from that relationship, yet there was a serious flaw and it took me a long time to realize it - even though the shell was right - the insides were not. If I am honest - that relationship drained me so much emotionally. I had to hold this man on my back so many times. Even after the 'relationship' had hit the skids - it became co-dependent and I was just beat down - it wasn't fun anymore did he even know or care about what I was going through?

I was able to add another piece to this puzzle in my next relationship, but I be damn if my own needs were starting to really bubble up. He provided alot of 'I'm into you' yet under pressure I was a......fat bitch (yea I know). I WILL NEVER let a man deplete me in this way! So I had to get rid of that...quickly. I don't do mental/emotional abuse!

So for the past year or so - I been dating and really, taking off layers of bullshit. I was quite conflicted in how to remain me - yet not be taken advantage of. I had not found the right...mixture I was looking for and I certainly had not found a man who was introspective enough to understand that in order to get his needs - he had to provide for some of mines. He had to WANT to even know mines - I don't run on automatic. I had begun to think I did, lol. I just fed off of myself and rejuvenated.

I spoke before about changing from Vanessa Bell to Shari Headly and that's real. I need a person who has space in them to fill up with me. Who can recognize that yes I give and I make men feel GOOD (and I dare one of em to say otherwise), But they need to be in tune to when I need to feel good. It's no longer about me getting him the water - (pop culture is a bitch) it's about him knowing when I'm thirsty (Lawd a White Men Can't Jump Reference, lol). I have put my foot down about that. Instead of being self motivated to GIVE - I need to be convinced it's worth it.

So now I meet LA's FINEST - he's an interesting creature to say the least. He's come with that elusive piece I've been seeking, Sure it's a bit haggard around the edges and the visual is a bit blurry - but when I put it in my relationship puzzle.....it fits. When you get this age, you got an idea about what will make you tick, you have enough relationships casual and otherwise to have an 'idea' of what would make you a good mate if that's what you seek. You have been around enough people to feed off of their good/bad/ugly. There are two things that keep us stuck - FEAR and Public Scrutiny and Criticism (which is another topic). We give alot of other things power over our lives - I've come to some understanding that LIFE is the proverbial baby - there is NEVER going to be a right time, you will NEVER have enough money and all the planning in the world will NOT GUARANTEE it will come out the way you want it to - but every minute of every day in some hospital, home, hut or otherwise - there is a mother looking at a new born baby with that far away look in her eyes - - that's how I am feeling right about now. I don carried and nutured this thing and lo and behold - it has birthed itself. Now ain't that some DEEP SHIT for a Thursday!

Posted by Pamalicious :: 10:18 AM :: 1 comments

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Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Sunshine Monologue 177

Nothing Wrong With A Little Bump and Grind



Blog Musical Mood: 12 Play - R Kelly

I go downtown thinking we are just going to have dinner - and then he pulls out Two tickets to the R. Kelly concert at the Fox! OH YEA OH YEA OH YEA!!

Ok, you talking 360 from the Prince Show! It was like we were at a BBQ or something,lol Niggas just strolling around the fox - all the ghetto fabulous in attendance.

R Kelly looked like he was sitting at home and said "yo let's go to the fox and perform" LOL LOL LOL Old T-shirt and sweats, lol lol

He did quite a few songs and the ladies were hysterical most of the time, but I must say Brothas was feeling R as well.

He did this whole piece for "Feeling on Yo Booty" which was funny.

I didn't know he made so many references to drug use however. It was for some reason comical - the amount of sex he sings about and I knew this going in, so I don't know why hearing him sing about it and improvise and whistle and every other thing about sex was.....funny.

He did three chapters of Closet - while in a closet, lol He lipsynced however and it kinda took away from the whole thing.

The best part - was he just started playing music and dancing. You know it's cool to just see someone dancing like they were in the club - he knows all the latest dances and we all were jamming.

I still wanna know however, why he was $80 a pop It wasn't worth all that.

I had a bomb ass time - I can't believe two concerts in as many weeks. This Brother gonna make me wanna birth something! LOL LOL

As we were sitting in parking garage traffic, I discovered something else we liked doing together - - people watching. At first I was like 'he know he think that woman fine' but as we went about commenting, I was like - he got it down pat, lol lol I enjoy being social with him - he said he was going to get me more 'active' and I believe it.

You know you don't want to get wrapped up in calculating when certain things have been done for or afforded to you, but I can't help but think that these types of things are few and far between for me. Makes me wonder has it been the man.....or what they decided they would do....for me and what I....accepted.

You know at a certain age, you really don't need to know a person ENTIRE life story, there's alot that can be cliff noted, lol but you do need to know enough to ascertain more about their character, check for inconsistencies and just round that person out - because their past does have meaning. I'm finding it quite intriguing and interesting as we are entering the 'fill in the blanks' period of the relationship. Events and Happenings that make us who we are today. His life's journey is alot different than mine, but it actually makes me dig him more - it speaks ALOT about him, his hopes and dreams and why they are important to him. I actually feel quite 'sheltered' in my journey when it bumps up against his. I feel quite sheltered now, lol. He's definately an Alpha male and the things he's motivated about are not the things I'm motivated about - the things I'm motivated about are more subtle and I am concerned that because it is and not as HYPED as his - it might be construed that I don't have any. My life is just very laid back - it's how I've always lived - that's what I bring to the table - calmness, which is probably why I always go for the Alpha male, lol lol

So it's all good. I need a vacation on somebodies all inclusive beach - - but it's all good.

Posted by Pamalicious :: 11:17 AM :: 1 comments

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Monday, March 20, 2006

Sunset Monologue 173

A Tisket A Tasket



Blog Musical Mood: Whateva Whateva - Jill Scott

Hey peeps! How's it hanging? I decided to take it back to some classic soul this evening for school, you know the Temps, Supremes etc. Can you believe I'm almost done with my second class. I'm pulling an 88 right now and this weekend is devoted to the final paper. I'm enjoying school - I wasn't as interactive this class as maybe I should have been in terms of the boards, but the book is great. I actually read some chapters that wern't assigned, lol.

So this is a mind dump sorta thing - enjoy...


  • Well AtlNEWbian is gone...she moved to Charlotte. Had to get out of a bad situation that was just not allowing her to grow or giving her any peace of mind. I hope I left her with some words of wisdom and that she finds a place to plant her feet firmly on the ground. Mini-me was really affected by them and enjoyed having them in our lives...as did I. I am actually a bit mad that it had to go down this way. However, having been in the 'defining your self worth' chapter myself many years back - I understand. We still miss her!


  • Well Spring is upon us, calendar wise anyway and I am almost done gathering the things I need to overhaul the house. I haven't changed out comforters, kitchen stuff etc. in two years and I'm tired of looking at this stuff. My Landlord has agreed to paint the entire house, my choice. So fresh paint will definately pick the place up. I so enjoy the home and decorating etc. I can't get off like I would like to, because I've run out of room and money - but I like a home that feels homey and is not just articles sat around for artistic sake. It feels good when, for instance, LA's Finest says he likes my decor and the way my home is laid out. I can't wait to do my thing. I need to find me some storage space however, we are definately running out of room in here


  • Spring also indicates that I gotta get my physical shit together. I can admit, I have totally tossed Diabetes care in the waste basket and that's one of the reasons I'm so tired. I intend to throw myself on the mercy of my Dr. and get back on track, before something funky happens and I only have myself to blame. I need to get back on my meds, I need to get back on my diet and I need to get OFF of my ass. Why is it so hard?


  • Oh and Before I forget....

  • "I've fallen in love" there I said it. I had to whisper them a bit so they could gain strength and momentum to burst forth. No time for fear, no time for over analyzing, no time for mathematical equations - this feeling was not taking no for an answer....I am getting chills just allowing the feeling to come forth to write this entry. I have so much bubbled up inside of me and it's spilling out in all kinds of ways, from constant daydreaming, to smiling like I've lost my mind, to a single tear just appearing for no reason. Wow! for once I'm absent of words - totally unexpected, totally unrehearsed. Channeling my Negro Pop Culture - remember the scene in Boomerang when Halle and Robin were sitting on the couch and Robin was just gushing "OOOOO This Man" well there you have it. He's a man, he's focused, he's gentle, he's kind, he's giving, he's strong, he's handling his business, he's standing straight no crook in his back, he has morals, he has values, he has God, he is funny, he has street sensibilities and white collar credibility, and when he looks at me...everything else disappears.

    "I Love You"..."I Love You Too" The words felt foreign to my ears and my heart. My heart was beating so fast - I thought I would have a heart attack - WE have fallen in love...

Posted by Pamalicious :: 7:37 PM :: 2 comments

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Sunday, March 19, 2006

Sunset Monologue 172

Baby I'm Back!



Hey Ya'll!! Well I finally have had an opportunity to get some blogging in. I hope everyone is doing well. I skimmed several blogs and have been,even though I haven't had time to write in my own and it looks like everythang is everything :) - I really miss when I don't blog or keep up with my fellow bloggers. This is quite addicting. So let me do the long post now and get it out of the way. Stay tuned for more - cause I'M BACK!!

Working Up A Black Sweat

Tamar Featuring Prince was the best $30 I've spent this year!!

Tamar tore it up! She reminded me a bit vocally of Fantasia, without all the yelling. She had legs TO DIE FOR! and my feet were hurting for that sista - her shoes were FIERCE.

She was accompanied by the Hubba Bubba Twins (they didn't quite make the Doublemint status) and those little frail girls were flinging that hair and doing background vocals proud.

Prince was of course doing his thang! He has mellowed and is obviously enjoying being in his mid-forties. He don't give a damn! You know as one the last great live performers who is still producing work (as opposed to just running through their catalogue) - he got down!! It was an old school party on the real!

There was a brother who LA's Finest and I have labeled the 'pick nigga' who's job was to just give him his guitars and provide the picks, lol. Now you know he getting much ass just for having that job, lol

The audience made the concert however. The Tabernacle is an old church and so the acoustics were excellent - it is very intimate and every place for the most part is a good seat. Before the concert the audience was involved dancing and what not and the cast of characters was hilarious - there was MARCHING BAND MAN, A COUPLE OF OLD STRIPPERS, and some other scary folks. The CHILDREN however disturbed me. There were two little girls at a midnite show about 9 and 11 or so - dancing on stage - provocatively and it just wasn't right and I was glad I wasn't the only one who was like it wasn't right. IF PRINCE SAID "this for grown folks - get you a babysitter" then what the hell does THAT say!? Audience Highlight: White boy we met in line singing 'Play That Funky Music White Boy' ON KEY w/Prince accompaning him oh and Tamar's man DARREN DEWITT making an appearance to dance.

I met Morris Day (as in Hi how you doing?) he was standing at the bar while I was walking by. Slight man (he's lost weight) and definately he's perserved his sexiness. No Jermome.

This was me and LA's Finest first foray into a social setting and it went over very well. Actually two fellow classmates from 'Highschool' met up with us and the four of us hung out for the evening. The absolute highlight of my entire evening: Before I sat down LA's Finest wiped my seat for me. (melting as I type this). To be able to experience this type of attention in my lifetime - ya'll just don't understand. but I digress....

All in all however, it was off the chain!!

You can NEVER FAIL WHEN PRINCE IS INVOLVED!!

BrokeBack Ballet

Now I got home at like 3:00 on Friday morning from the Concert. I'm tired but lately I've been just pushing the button on my life and that includes how much sleep I need. So Friday night, I'm sitting up at Ga Tech, watching the 'Ballethnic' yearly performance "Infinity" Believe it or not 'Janet's' mother was dancing in it. So of course I had to come out and support. 'Janet' is a bit over 4 1/2 months and is looking quite radiant. So I'm sitting there with her and mini-me and Lawd I didn't not know there would be so much homoerotic imagery! Blackmen need not do contemporary and classical dance, lol lol There was so much crotch grabbing, rubbing up against other men, acrobatics during men on men dance numbers it wasn't even funny. I mean serious dance numbers between two men and there were women in the troupe. That definately was something out the ordinary for me. It was good however and it was a perfect accompaniment to my week of Live performances.

Casuality of the Cell Phone

While at cheerleader tryouts Thursday - Miss Lady had her pocketbook gone into which was in her book bag and the cell phone stolen. Two cell phones were stolen that day - one was found in the toilet in the girls bathroom. The instruction was to place all of their stuff in a pile in the lockerroom.

I called the cell phone and the huzzy who took it answered. I immediately informed her that she was using stolen property and I wanted my child's phone back! She hung up of course and I went online to see about the minutes - because it is pre-paid - and it went from $25 to $3 in about two hours.

So the school says that though they allow kids to bring the phones - they are not responsible. So the phone is now temporarily off because it has ran out of minutes.

I accepted the lost and officially cut the phone off. My damn $59.99 just down the fucking drain (not to mention the $25 on the phone). Virgin mobile was very responsive to my call! They suspended the account and made the phone useless, the phone is now considered "stolen" in their records - so if someone tries to get it reactivated that won't work. They also were able to give me another one just like the one she had for $24.99 it will arrive Monday. She gets to keep her number and everything.

Well through dectective work (using the call logs) and my daughter making it known she was out to beat some ass - the cell phone magically appeared and was given to a teacher.

It had been reconfigured with the girls name and her numbers and she bought a ring tone and some other stuff.

So now the girl tells my daughter that she didn't know who's it was so she just took it home. My daughers name is on the phone, so that ain't the truth.

Now the cheerleading coach (who I'm not liking on GP but that's another story) still says that its not her responsiblity and I don't expect it to be. But if it has been proven that the phone was stolen - does this child not get any reprimand?

I'm going up there to talk to the principal and I'm talking to this girls mother because I want my $25 back that she spent on the phone calling Dial a Joke and what not. She used up the minutes and that needs to be reimbursed!!

Posted by Pamalicious :: 4:28 PM :: 0 comments

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Saturday, March 18, 2006

Sunshine Monologue 176

Almost Back To Full Speed



Hey people! I am almost back up to blogging speed. I have sooo much to talk about, so get ready for a flurry of stuff including but not limited to: Prince Concert, Brokeback Ballet, AtlNEWbian has left me, this thing called...love, the stolen cell phone, and alot more.....

Here's a quick picture to let ya'll know that a sista is doing A-ok, be back before the weekend is ova!!


Posted by Pamalicious :: 12:57 PM :: 0 comments

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Thursday, March 16, 2006

Sunshine Monologue 175

Waving at Ya'll



Blog Musical Mood: Sexy Motherfucka - Prince




Hey Peeps! I am here! I am alive! I am just busy! Ain't ya'll happy I'm busy, lol lol Above is a recent picture of me to tide you over - since this is the way I feel - like an old mountainside mule, lol lol Get off my back!

However, tonite is the Prince Concert and a sista WILL be lit for that! I'll start back blogging this weekend!

Peace!

Posted by Pamalicious :: 2:11 PM :: 1 comments

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Monday, March 13, 2006

Sunset Monologue 161

Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep



Blog Musical Mood: Love TKO - Teddy Pendergrass




How important is your bed? Your bed is one of your history lines. It holds alot of history in it. It's a place where you go to relax, sleep, refresh, heal, and lets not forget, make love (whether it be with yourself or another, lol). Within the coils of your bed is an intricate part..of you.

Lately, I have been quite restless in my bed. I have been tossing and turning for awhile now. When I look to the Right of me - I just see a wide expanse of....bed. It's been that way a long time. A spot pristine from no steady body weight. Like alot of folks, I turned that side of the bed into a portable office/closet/bookcase and piled things over there, to hide from myself the lonliness of it being...empty. I decided to stop doing that when I started my journey - because I was embracing my life circumstance and there's nothing wrong with it being empty. However, recently -the span of the empty side of the bed has widened.

Maybe because it's been a minute, or maybe because I'm about to turn forty, but I long to have me a full time bed partner. I'm fustrated currently with going to bed and there's no one to you know exhale from the day with, have chitter chatter, spoon with, be cuddled by. It's funny how, at some point you do go through a period where the 'freedom' of singleness and having 'control' over say...your bed and who is in it - has this appeal, but then you lay down one day and catch a chill from that other side and are like What The Hell?!

So I hope that this feeling passes, and I'm not sure what brought it on, but lately I feel like I want to sleep....on the couch.


OH and Before I go....

Superstar Nic broke out the ABC Meme and so am I, lol

Accent- Hip Hop smoothed out on the R&B Tip

Booze of choice- Cranberry and Absolut

Chore I hate- All of them, they are a necessary evil

Dog or cat- Not an animal person

Essential electronics-Cell Phone, computer with high speed internet access, television with remote control and cable

Favorite perfume(s)/cologne(s) - Goddess and Haiku both by Avon

Gold or Silver? - Silver right now

Hometown- Atlanta, GA (Decatur)

Insomnia? – Nah not really

Job Title – Slave by the name of Millie - OK OK - Administrative Specialist

Kids- One 12 year old girl

Living Arrangement- With the 12 year old

Most admired trait - I'm just a beautiful person and I am a born counselor

Number of Sexual Partners- 10

Overnight Hospital Stays - when I was born and when mini-me was born

Phobia- snails, snakes, worms,

Quote- "You can't win - you can't break even and you can't get out of the game - people keep saying things are gonna change, but they look just like they staying the same!"

Religion-Islam

Siblings- 7 Brothers and 7 Sisters

Time I wake up- 6:15am

Unusual talent/skill- I know a little bit about everything

Vegetable I refuse to eat- Brussel Sprouts

Worst habit - ignoring the fact I have any bad habits, lol

X-rays- neck, back, teeth, kidneys,

Yummy foods I make- oxtails, chicken pot pie, chicken stew, curry chicken salad,

Zodiac sign- Gemini all day!

Posted by Pamalicious :: 4:50 PM :: 2 comments

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Sunday, March 12, 2006

Sunset Monologue 160

March Madness!



{Channeling Julie Andrews} The Hood is alive with....sunshine, black people, music, BBQ and then some! What a fabulous weekend! 79-81 degrees - in March. Too busy enjoying it to worry about it's significance towards the end of the world, lol. Thought I'd hop on a brief moment and get this out, before Flav does his thing.



  • I woke up on Saturday with the sunshine calling me! We got dressed and went and picked up AtlNEWbian and hit the streets. We went window shopping for the most part - while I put Mini-Me a spring summer bedroom on the layaway. She's doing butterflies complete with the canopy that hangs from the ceiling to capture all her magnificence,lol. I checked out Kohl's and they had to drag me out of there, lol They had so much on sale and the housewares department. It was painful, because I saw so much I wanted! I was rolling back up to the crib about 9 hours after I had departed. It was a good day


  • Now the perfect evening would have been curled up with LA's Finest - but right now he has to go make that scrilla - so I was flying solo. I decided to take advantage of the warm evening and the absence of mosquitoes and park myself on my porch, in the dark with just me, my music and a bottle of wine. My toes felt alive in the gentle breeze as I sat and just chilled. I thought about alot and nothing at all. Just relaxing my mind, body and soul. I drank the entire bottle of wine during my 'mediating'. The song that resonated in my mind that evening was Jill Scotts' Whatever, Whatever - that song is FRIGHTENINGLY BEAUTIFUL TO ME and the wine made it just that much so. It was SUCH a peaceful night.


  • Today brought even warmer weather but my peace was interrupted by my janky ass neighbor who insists on doing loud ass stuff early in the morning right beside my bedroom window. To be awaken not by say the soft lips of LA's Finest kissing me on the back of my neck, but by a damn CHAINSAW was not working! I got on up and stood out on my porch in my PJ's just inhaling and exhaling. It was a BBQ'ing kinda day! I started getting ready and after going and getting AtlNEWBIAN, I came on back to get the que started. Oh and yes they were having a car show in the grocery parking lot, lol The DECK is just like that. I wanted us all to jump up and down in the Hyundai so that we could ride through - but Mini-me would have needed therapy and I'd rather the money go towards her trying out for Cheerleading - so I refrained.

    AtlNEWBIAN and I got the outside together and I came up with the perfect Sunshine in March drink: 1 bottle of Arbor Mist Cranberry, 1/2 bottle cranberry juice, 1 litre Frescha and two strong shots (so say 1 cup,lol) of coconut rum, put in some tom collins glasses, garnish with some fruit and let it rip, lol TASTEY! So we sat outside and drank our drinks, talking, playing UNO and just chillin.





    The food was looking good - I qued and made the beans and corn and she brought me some Kale. I had never had it before (ya'll know I'm just kinda catching up on the greens thing).


    I decided to lay out the table better than I usually do, but we still eating Japanese style up in this joint, lol It was EXCELLENT! and we enjoyed our food.


  • All weekend LA's Finest and I communicated. I so enjoy our whispered hushed conversations. We are both opening up more and sharing our pasts and hopes for our future. I wish we could just block out the world but there's no reality in that - so we press on. It's a nice feeling to know you aren't the only one sprung. He's a beautiful brother - I'm glad I met him - ya'll just allow me to grin ok?



All in all it was just a good weekend. Mini-me and I had alot peace up in this joint and I'm glad of that and feel blessed. The sunshine is such an important ingredient in our lives and I welcome it always.

Posted by Pamalicious :: 9:21 PM :: 1 comments

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Friday, March 10, 2006

Sunshine Monologue 174

Fantastic Friday!



Blog Musical Mood: Home - Stepfanie Mills

WHEW! What a week!! If I say so myself, the blog has been on fire. I appreciate all the conversation and insight. Well anyway - of course with it being Friday, I'm not going to bog you down in rhetoric, lol I want you all to have a fabulous weekend. It's going to be quite nice weather wise and I intend to get out in it - there is a chicken in my freezer BEGGING to end up on the grill and I can't let it down. I see potato salad, baked beans, string beans and some other goodies and I might even see LA's Finest covered in BBQ sauce, lol But we shall see, lol

Some Television Fodder

America Next Top Model - I had to cut the TV down in order to not have my skin crawl from the sound of these broads bones rubbing together. They are extremely thin this season, but I love this show! I'll keep it in the mix definately. Besides Ms and Mr. Jay have taken their Fabulousness to all new levels!!

American Idol - I am so glad we are through with the weeks of getting to the good part. - We are down to 12 and three sisters made it. I actually like Taylor however, now I will begin to watch it.

Black/White - All the hype surrounding this show, of course, made me watch - They jury is still out for me. I am still in a quandry as to what I AM suppose to get out of this as a viewer. I did however, pull something - that one episode confirmed for me that the BLACKMAN'S experience here in America is one that no one will understand and it's possibly contrived to think that this white man will be able to 'experience' it As well as - he has found great freedom in finally being able to use the word Nigger. That spoke volumes. I think in his contrived mind - he feels that's the gist of our struggle and if he can prove that the word has no power - then he'll earn his "i'm a good white man' stripes. The funniest part was mini-me's responses to the show. First question, Mom what is...JIVE and I respond 'think Good Times'. Then she was like ' why did they tell her she was using big words - what we don't use big words' - I will get my purpose for watching this - from her. Otherwise, tell me something I DON'T know.

I Love Toys on VH-1 - What did we do before this station came about. I don't wanna grow up I'm a Vh-1 Kid!

Some Musical Fodder

Are you not loving the LL COOL J and J-Lo song and video?! Dwele is killing me with his new single 'Weekend', Get Low Buss - WHEW LAWD!! I can't get that up high enough in the Hyundai! and THIS NEGRO HERE:



A Sista got two tickets to his midnite performance at The Tabernacle next Thursday - I'm about to put my thang down. I do have a camera phone - I'll see what I can do for ya'll, lol lol and I know you hear me 'coughing' cause I am getting sick and it probably will hit on.....next Friday.

And before I go:

I know the Cumbahyah Bus is in full swing and folks are really feeling the whole 'expand my horizons' but I refuse to all of a sudden become 'narrow minded' because my preference is MY BLACK BROTHER!! I LOVE THE BLACK MAN and if I want to broaden my horizons then I'll go get a pudgy, short, lightskinned Brother from out of town. Lately from Oprah to our local radio station - sistas been coming out the woodwork expounding on the wonders of the white man - GOOD FOR YOU! but I still have not heard a strong enough argument to leave the blackman alone. Nothing a whiteman can do - can top what the worse blackman brings to the table. Ya'll don't think the plan of slavery and separation is not working - look at this situation. So ya'll go ahead, gives those of us who are bold enough to stand and proclaim that we love our blackmen and we want to continue to try to work with him some more to pick from - cause the only thing a white man can do for me is point me to the mailroom - so I can talk to the brothers!




Ya'll I'm out! See yah on Sunday Evening!

Posted by Pamalicious :: 11:05 AM :: 3 comments

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Thursday, March 09, 2006

Sunset Monologue 159

The "REAL" Good Woman Postscript



Wow! My previous entry, brought about quite a bit of dialogue among me and my friends, a couple of fellow bloggers etc. Men and Women I spoke to who read (I don't lots of comments here - they come straight to the source) had a mouthful to say. It also gave me an opportunity to go introspective and look around in there and with the help of an 'nameless' commenter - I had an epiphany in the twelth hour and as we know it doesn't matter when you have - just have it. PAMELA HAS GROWN IN HER LIFES JOURNEY.

The missing piece to the whole quandry about good women is that little thing called 'passivity'. Pulling from Pop Culture again - Remember THIS? and Remember who He ultimately got with and WHY. I've grown from Vanessa Bell Calloway to Shari Headley! This is good people, this is very good. Yes I admit in my life that I have in some instances - kinda laid down and allowed situations to transpire without a fight - good or bad, but the distance between peace and dischord has gotten shorter. If you present yourself as a victim -you will be treated as such - and Pamela sure ain't no victim.

There are civilzed ways of doing that too - you don't have to cross over into 'yamp' land (that's young tramp for you beginners) to accomplish this. No neck rolls or sucking teeth is necessary. No games are necessary either, Some Brothers (or Sisters for the man with the good man syndrome) are not going to get it - (and here's something novel) JUST DON'T WANT IT then guess what? PRESS ON!!

And no, this is not about you giving more than them - men give differently, embrace your womanhood and use it to your advantage - there's nothing wrong with wanting something for yourself and fighting for it - even if it ends all fucked up to the left - at least you can say - well I made it do what it do and it didn't do - we, as women, speak on choices and all the opportunities we have - then make your shit happen or at least try. We got to stop being afraid of each other and letting others dictate to us the how, when and why's about things - don't be no fool, but it's okay to get caught up.

So, yea this is good - I wasn't feeling bad, but now I'm feeling real good - my journey to 40 (which is happening in less than three months) is looking so bright!! I need to definately get out my shades.

QUEUE SOME MUSIC -

Posted by Pamalicious :: 4:53 PM :: 1 comments

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Sunshine Monologue 173

The Good Woman Blues



Blog Musical Mood: Black Sweat - Prince


La's Finest was singing to me last night (yes he does that - don't hate, lol) and it was a song he had written. It was a beautiful song all about the virtue of a good woman. The song is one that a man will keep in his mental rolodex to pull out when he's really messed up. I listened to it and then we briefly discussed it (and no I didn't question whether it was a song written off a wish or a song written after a wish come true) but he said something "you know this song is about a woman....like you". I was gracious in my acceptance of the title - but later on that evening as I lay in bed, I could do nothing but sign because people I got the "Good Woman Blues".

Let's first start with the title "Good Woman" - specifically the fact that you can't label yourself a good woman! It has to be a title given to you. As a lifetime member and one who was inducted into the Good Woman Hall of Fame December 1999, the qualifications are that at least THREE men have to verbally say you are a good woman and one of those must be in angst as in "You are such A GOOD WOMAN, I don't want to lose you" and at least one non-hating sista must verbally assign that title to you - and she can not be yo momma. So if you are going around 'proclaiming' you are a good woman - that sends danger signals - folks TELL you that - you don't SAY IT yourself, lol.

But anyway, as I lay in my cold bed last nite - I really got to thinking - exactly what has being a 'good woman' gotten me? We can go through all the 'attributes' about what makes a good woman, there are songs, poems, books, movies all depicting it, but here's something folks don't look at; being a good woman is the lonliest gig in town. In my year or so of blogging - you can count specifically my 'excitement', lol lol I haven't even HAD A RELATIONSHIP since I've been blogging. I had sex twice last year (and years are still 365 days). Yet I am a damn good woman (sigh).

Good women's Ex's stay in contact because they need her to rate who they are trying to date. Good women's IM blows up with brothers who need 'counseling' on what's wrong with them and/or their lady, Good women have men come by their cube at their job so they can 'take a walk' and lift him up cause his woman won't support his dream of being whatever, Good women are precious, rare and BY THEY DAMN SELVES!

Good women are NEVER first. Sometimes the car comes before her. Most good women just want to be in the top five, lol We don't ask for much. We actually (and I believe that I do) undervalue our worth. Men must have foresight, balls, sense and fortitude to hem up a Good Woman but unfortunately, alot of Brothers are just plain afraid of the ramifications of having one. It sounds all good and dandy on paper, but they cop out before you even get to the good part. Good women nowadays are stepping stools - we prop brothers up, make them whole and then they thank us and go get with someone else :(

Now don't get me wrong - it is a pleasure and a privledge to be honored by Blackmen as being a Good Woman - I'm Muslim, I don't subscribe to the theory of heaven - I WANT MY WINGS AND MY MAN NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I'm sorry it's a curse sometimes people. I haven't been in alot of relationships in my 39 3/4 years,however, it's an excerise in futility - because like alot of other good women - we tend to pick brothers in flux, brothers thinking outside the lines - therefore they got much on their plates and even more on their minds. These are the Brothers we vibe with the best - because alot of the traits that constitute a good woman - allow a man to go out here in the world and be a man. But it leaves us ASS OUT most of the time - We always gotta wait on ours - we get ours in the long run - we get ours - as soon as he gets it set up for us - because we don't deserve anything but the very best...............

Keeping it real, here's a prime example:

U are the reason,I know what I want in a woman. - Mobetta (2006)


What in three levels of hell is THIS suppose to mean? All the stuff we went through and how I held it down and all that other stuff and this is the sum of our past relationship. I am the LITMUS for which he puts other women up against.

Keeping it even realer, Ya'll hold on I need to go in my closet in the back, under my good prada pocketbook and get out my bag of 'issues'. At this point, I don't carry it around - nothing really in it that I don't carry around in my cosmetic bag - and because I'm of the pop culture generation - it is on a VCR Tape as a Sitcom, lol Actually an episode of "The Fresh Prince of BelAir" in this episode Will's Father comes back into his life and they grooving or whatever and then right when Will had embraced him - his pops had to go - Will gave an impassioned speech about how he was gonna make it and how he was a good man in spite of etc. etc and then he looked at Uncle Phil (and you can insert me looking at the ceiling in the blue light of my DVD Recorder) and he said "Man why he don't never want me?"

Posted by Pamalicious :: 9:41 AM :: 6 comments

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Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Sunset Monologue 158

Chaste...Pure...Celibate



Blog Musical Mood: What's On Tonite - Montell Jordan

This afternoon one of our local radio stations discussed this phenom of the 'vow of chastity' and the 'vow of purity' that alot of Sistas are taking. They take some classes, have a ceremony and are gifted with a 'ring' signifying that they are abstaining from sex until they find their husbands. One of the main reasons is that they are taking time be with themselves.

Now, people, you all know what I feel about this whole 'spending time with yourself' and the self improvement alot of sistas have been doing for YEARS. I'm an advocate of taking a moment to access your sanity, but at what point do you reenter the real world? I declared late last yeat that I was done with that! If I see myself one more time, I'm going to whip my own ass, lol Me, Myself and I - are parting ways!!

If you overdo the whole 'self assessment' the mind has an uncanny ability of LYING TO YOUR ASS! The only way to see if you've made any progress is someone elses opinion, lol. You can spend all this time working it out with yourself and step one foot out here and realize - you been hoodwinked and are just as crazy as ever. You can't move on, until you move on people.

The other part that begs conversation is this whole 'purity' thing. Let's see what Mr. Webster lays out as a meaning for this word. We have to take the root word 'PURE' - Free from anything that adulterates, faultless, blameless, virgin or chaste. So if you have EVER been on all fours hanging off the end of the bed being taken there by a negro in nothing but gym socks and a smile - I'mma need you to line up ------------>HERE cause you are to the right of Pure. If you can remember when the above happen and when you do, a small bead of sweat ruins the relaxer at the nape of your neck --------------> HERE, cause as my daddy said "you can't go back to holding hands" You've already sullied yourself. Now you can acknowledge that and change your behaviour, but you can't reclaim your virginity.

Now this whole celibate thing - I, personally, will NEVER claim to be celibate. I am taken there quite a bit in my life, kicking and screaming I might add, because I haven't quite got that whole "I just can use a man for his dick" thing down - keeps missing me dammit. So I go long periods bereft of the wonders of the male being - but I don't proclaim to be celibate. I understand it and it takes great mental capacity to practice it - but I think it shouldn't have a name, because see that eludes to the notion that you are getting it so much that you have to cut it off because it's just become too much - when as we know, usually it's about something else.

The DJ had me laughing when he talked about the fact that it must be really hard to even date, because with the 'ratio' being what it is - for every sista who doesn't there are currently 10 who will for every brother in Atlanta. Now I always find this 'ratio' thing interesting, because all the men I know are constantly complaining there are no women. So let's get out our math books people and do a bit of addition as we break down the infamous 'ratio' Let's look at say 11 women that apparently are walking around the city for every brother.

Of the 11 women

  • 2 date each other

  • 2 are married to the Lord

  • 2 have taken a vow of purity

  • 1 has shunned black men a long time ago

  • 1 has enough drama for an entire season on FOX



that leaves a Brother with 2 sistas and ONE OF THEM HE JUST DOESN'T LIKE! So there you have it people. You all get an "A".

FINALLY:

RIP Gordon Parks - your imagery and depiction of black faces will take us into the future and beyond.



Gordon Parks

Posted by Pamalicious :: 8:33 PM :: 2 comments

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Monday, March 06, 2006

Sunset Monologue 157

It's Hard Out Here



Blog Musical Mood: You Can't Win - Michael Jackson


for a pimp! hehehehehe - do you not love it, lol Good for them - most of those folks in that audience has robbed our culture of damn near everything we got and have come up with, so good for them. My thing is - why are we to assume that they are bad people. Jack Black can stand up and act a fool - Robin Williams is beserk - Dude with the green suit came out looking a plum fool.

Our culture is what their culture was built off of. Understanding that in order to even play that game - you have to sell a piece of your soul - look at the Terrance's and the Jamie's etc. They've had to totally revamp to be 'accepted'.

Folks dont' get to this level by being idiots. Little John out of character is an entirely different person.

I'm more tired myself of the 'act' we put on for white people. I can safely say that a good 40% of the folks in the audience CHILDREN know all about three six.

As a person who does not just pull out the soapbox when it's convenient - if they really did bad I would say it - but to me, sure they didn't have a speech - but I don't see what the big fallout is going to be.

Be responsible for what YOU are contributing to and representing in terms of 'our culture'. If you work on that - you got a full time gig.

For Me - I really need to figure out why the things I want always come with 'small print'. I don't ask for alot ya'll. If it were not so fustrating it would be funny, I tell yah. I wish that we were farther along in the relationship to take away some of the uncertainity. The feelings and emotions are all over the place, popping like neurons and electrons. When all we wanna do is be together (insert the soundtrack of a great american love story here - pick one any one).

I'm in a very peaceful place. That's why he came into my life in the first place, because I have been so centered and enjoying of life. I will continue to do so - my light is special - it's also self sustaining, but he brought joy to it and I think I brought joy to his - we all need a little joy in our lives, it's a shame that joy is not something we can have without the fine print. Always gotta fight for it, always gotta justify it, always can never just have it and let it run it's own course. If we aren't living in hell - I don't know what to call it.

What I do know is that yesterday morning - something special happen and it doesn't happen everyday and if it was only suppose to happen yesterday, then I am hoarding it because it felt so good - but if I come to the conclusion that it was meant to keep happening - then I'm going to fight for it - I'm a camel baby - I got plenty to live on in this hump, lol.

I will not automatically assign an ending to a story that is just beginning.

Posted by Pamalicious :: 8:11 PM :: 1 comments

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Sunday, March 05, 2006

Sunset Monologue 156

Now That I've Fallen....



What am I gonna do? It happen this morning, it was real subtle like a gentle breeze swirling around the room, it invaded me and left me breathless. I've been off kilter all day and then I realized what had hit me.....

Wow is all I can say, this actually caught me off guard. I guess that's the way it's suppose to be. Surely must not be a time limit on these things and certainly timing can't be a factor.

I feel.......

I am not one to look at people intently without cause, because my eyes tell ALL my business - as we stared intently at each other - is when it happen, I'm pretty sure of that.

I won't speak it aloud, because it's in such an infancy state. It needs water, light and food to help it grow - and there's no guarantee (like alot of things in life) that it will be allowed to - but it feelssssssssss........so..........good.

The conversation was real, the outcome uncertain and it knows this but it came anyway, like it does - with no regard for what's going on - it has it's own agenda, it's own rhyme and reason.

I'm just going to wrap it up and perserve it, because I want it and I want it to go as far as it can, regardless of the consequences - I know that just as powerful as it comes, when it leaves it wrecks havoc, but I can't block the blessing and it might not be on my timetable - so I need to just chill.

The funniest part of this whole thing, this morning was that I could have swore while it was happening to me; it - was - happening - to - him....

What are we gonna do?

Posted by Pamalicious :: 6:00 PM :: 0 comments

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Sunshine Monologue 172

Finally Some Visuals



Blog Musical Mood: You Put A Move On My Heart - Tamia

What a beautiful peaceful Sunday morning. Just the type of day I enjoy the most. I especially enjoyed the way I woke up (wink) - ya'll know Sunday Mornings do it for me. I also am going into a quiet moment in general because I need to speak with God about some things,I've stepped out there, we've stepped out there - help us in our steps. I dug through a ton of shit to find that key to my heart I had hidden - couldn't remember where I put it, lol - I found it, and I'm shining it up - now I'm just giving it to God, he's the best knower.

So this day also is a great time to put up some pictures from my trip. Enjoy!



Me Chillin at the Harbor



My Brother and I




Mini-Me Looking Absolutely Beautiful





Ready to Go

Posted by Pamalicious :: 9:45 AM :: 2 comments

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Friday, March 03, 2006

Sunshine Monologue 171

Cornbread, Earl, Me, the camcorder, God and Oh My Own Personal Superman



Blog Musical Mood: I try - Angela Bofill

Mini-me let's go get a cab. suitcase - check, garment bag - check, carryon bag - check, camcorder bag - check. Whew am I looking forward to getting home. Hmmm, no this man does not have SHAG CARPET in this van. Daydreaming, Daydreaming...looking at the meter. Whew look at my little house! Glad to see yah! Thank you sir - I only have $39.55 of the $40 cab fare - thanks again. OH MY GOD! WHERE IS THE CAMCORDER CASE?! Wait Wait Sir I left something in your cab (puff puff running out into street)


And there I stood at the end of my driveway. I had made it all the way to my front door with no incidence only to leave my brand new digitial camcorder and my regular digital camera in the cab. My mind was going crazy because in my haste to just get home I (1) had no idea what cab company I used, (2) had no idea of any numbers for the cab (3) didn't know the cab drivers name. What I had was (1) He was bald and African (2) drove a conversion van with shag carpet and captains seats with a TV in the middle (YIKES) and (3) it was white. So there you have it. I immediately thought he might be going back to Amtrak to try to make some more money off the train, so I hopped in my car and with mini-me in tow and my heart just racing, I took off to the downtown area. I pull up at Amtrak and it is.....deserted! I go in and tell them my situation and they stare back at me, but a brother tells me there's a brother who is really helpful and he tells me about another brother who kinda hangs with the cab drivers and that he'll let him know to be on the lookout. I give them all my 'information' and file a claim with Amtrak. He tells me that they sometimes move over to the Greyhound Station - so I decide what the hell, I'm going over there.

Now is where it gets interesting...I give LA's Finest a call, I'm distraught as I tell him what happened and he wants to know where I am and then he says "I'm on my way" In all honestly , I'm looking at the phone like...really? I get to Greyhound and I ask around. In the meantime, Mini-me has told me that she thinks his name is Babtunde Johnson and that she was reading his license and laughing cause who would have an african name and then...Johnson. So I go with that - her comprehending score was freshman in college OBVIOUSLY more than my ass, lol. I am walking across the street and there he stands LA'S Finest. He hugs me and asks me questions and his presence immediately calms me down. It's not that he could do anything, but that he left his job to come comfort me. Mind you - I'm looking like a big huge boiling pot of H.A.M. I just got off a train for Gods Sake. I had on my glasses, a sweat suit that effectively needed to be burned and my hair looked like A bad day for Al Sharpton - but hey too late now. Seeing as it was a lost cause. I decided to go on home. I knew with the limited information I had, it was basically a wrap.

La's Finest checked in several times once I got home to see if anything had turned up and how was I doing. I had taken a hot shower by then and began the 'speech' about it's just material things etc. etc. BUT I WANTED MY SHIT BACK! I actually thought about 'Chubby' and her situation when she got back from Atlanta. I was just so ass outttttttt!! I then gave it to God. I had just come up off of a religious event - I had to have shined in God's eyes some kinda way. It was His Word on the Videotape. I couldn't sleep so I cleaned. I unpacked, I did things. When I'm stressed I carry it in my neck and arms and they were painful to the touch. Mini-me was blaming herself for not looking around before she got out. It was a Hot mess up in Camp Pammie.

My cell phone ringing broke me out of my fog - I answered "This is the cab driver. Someone found me, I'm out at the airport and I have your bag" I literally burst into tears (and ya'll know I ain't a crier). I could not believe it. It was a needle in a haystack at best. He was going to charge me $40 to bring it to me or he could drop it off at the Amtrak. I chose the latter. I called LA's Finest and he proceeded to tell me to give him the number etc. and he was going to the airport to pick it up! I told him to slow down, I was having the man go to the Amtrak.

I called Amtrak and let them know and then with my heart just a fluttering said "My Man is coming to pick it up his name is....." LA's Finest called me when he had it in hand and the stress that was lifted from my body caused me to start yawning immediately.

What a day! Wow. You know, alot in my life, because of my vibrant personality - it's hard for me to find someone who is interested in Pam when she standing in the dirty Greyhound parking lot looking like death warmed over. They wanna be around Pam when she ON and LIT. I can call and get a kind word or two but no action. LA Finest stepping outside of his world to enter mines was powerful. Did he see that behind my sparkling eyes - the deficiency of that in my life? I'm the best sidekick there is - but I need me a superhero in my life - and now I have one. He going for the jugular..my heart, I hope he doesn't decide to step all over it. I'm so open over this man and I can't even tell you why, lol No analyzing this time around - I'm just living in the moment.

P.S. He got a ringtone, lol Keisha Cole's "Love" it rings - and I knew when we started kissing -- cause I've kissed some damn toads believe you me and so I knew right off the bat....this was a sho nuff Prince.

P.P.S. Yes Mini-me met him in the parking lot. I inquired what she thought and she said without missing a beat "like you like em mom Tall and Black. He seems nice he got some kids?" LOL LOL

P.P.P.S. When I get the camera from him THEN you will see pictures - hold your horses!

Posted by Pamalicious :: 10:21 AM :: 0 comments

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Thursday, March 02, 2006

Sunshine Monologue 170

All Aboard



Blog Musical Mood: Turn Out The Lights - Teddy Pendergrass

Hello People! I have finally cleared up a moment to begin blogging again. Yah missed me?! Well this is my first day back at work so of course all of my euphoria about having been gone on vacation has been sapped from my very body. I had a wonderful time! It was nice to fellowship and see family and all that good stuff. Some thoughts:


  • Black people know how to travel. We've been riding buses and rails for so long, it's no big deal. I decided before I left I would NOT be frying no chicken, bringing no ratty ass blankets from the spare bedroom or anything like that - but believe you me it was on the train. We also don't let a little 2x4 bathroom dissuade us. We ALL had Lysol, wipes and portable toilet tissue. Keebers had....nothing.


  • The advent of modern technology makes travel much easier. Between the portable DVD, MP3's and Ipods and Cell phone - the trip was a breeze. However, for those that feel the need to SCREAM into their cellular devices - the TRAIN is not a good spot for that. As well as, exactly what is the point of a Nextel if you are not a construction worker. Who the hell wants to hear all your conversation?


  • I birthed mini-me so waking up to her breaking like a dragon in my face is something, though unpleasant, tolerable. Waking up to the waifing of strangers morning breath...is NOT!


  • The train originated in New Orleans and let me tell you - no offense - but there was some nastiness. What's up people? The train ain't the DOME! The train coming home originated from Boston and we had immaculate bathrooms, a real chef making lamb chops on the freaking train and top shelf liquor. What's up with THAT?!


  • Black people have made playing cards and UNO rich


  • Why must all our 'sides of town' look exactly the same?


  • The Baltimore Harbor is really nice - and if I could have taken off the 16 layers of clothes, I might have enjoyed it, lol


  • Why was I in Baltimore and didn't eat one piece of......SEAFOOD?!


  • What does this say that my family and I maintain our routines regardless of where we are - therefore, my mom, sisterinlaw and I went to the Thrift Store and the Dollar Store and the indian restaurant while in Baltimore


  • The DC train station is the BOMB! I love DC and would like to go back up there to hang out this summer. Maybe with LA's Finest - who knows....


  • Speaking of...why was THAT man on my mind and I kept wishing he were there with me...Hmmmmmm


  • Mini-me's phone came in handy. Cause you know the Metro went out immediately, lol Local Ass Phone



Next up (I need pictures for this post) Saviours Day 2006.

Posted by Pamalicious :: 10:45 AM :: 3 comments

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