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Monday, February 20, 2006

Brain Spillage

• At about 7pm this evening with a quick click, I officially completed the first formal college course I've had in about seventeen years. Hooray for me! I worked on that damn paper all day and finally got it finished. I did this first one for the most part absent of help, but I did purchase THIS - because the wheel has already been invented, I just need to take the ride,lol. A good sound $39.99 investment. I get no break, my next class Management 330 - Management for Organizations begins tomorrow. I don't have my book yet - but I think it will be here tomorrow so I can get started. I have to complete a weeks worth of work in three days....



• Because I go to Baltimore this weekend. I don't want to go in all honesty. This weekend like I mentioned before is one to stay in Atlanta for. However, I'm doing this (1) to appease my mother and (2) because my daughter needs this. Ya'll know I don't talk about religion to much on the blog, not because I can't but because I'm just in a way more spiritual place and that doesn't really need discussing. I'll give ya'll a lengthy one when I get back.



• Sooo it seems as if very quietly LA's Finest has 'googled' me,lol. I don't have an issue with that because I don't have anything to hide - but I find it funny and slightly cute. I don't know if I've ever been googled before. I've been on this information highway when it was a dirt road - and I've had my screen name for five years now, so sure my name got legs. I googled myself one time and didn't find anything exciting, lol. My naked ass ain't on the net - so anything else is fair game. Now if in the googling he found a way to fix my messed up credit - THAT would be something, lol



• 
  I have a couple of new toys, I'm really enjoying. First look at this beautiful crock pot! I broke it in with some oxtails the other day and I can't wait to cook more things in it. Ya'll know me and my cooking, lol. Then I got my video camera in the mail. This was a good score on Ebay. I sold the one I had and made a profit - so that's even better. I'm still figuring it all out, but I definately will be taking good video and pictures of the Baltimore Trip - who knows this bad boy here might take the blog.....visual in more ways than one!



• 
  Mini-me went to the dance and had a good time. I got a chance to peek in, since the dance was held in the Cafetorium which is all glass. Honey some things don't change. All the girls were all clustered together or eating and the boys were running around buck wild - wrestling and hitting one another, lol. As you can tell, she sure thought she was cutey (and I did too, lol)



• My mood right now is sooo smokey. Even LA (he gets a nickname of the nickname, lol) said that I sound like I been smoking weed etc. I get in these kinda moods where I'm just so in the zone that I am this low key. I flared bad today in a shall we say intense debate with my mom - but you know what - I stood my ground and said what I had to say - the level of stres that relationship produces is on the decline honey. I hang up the phone and poof, moving on. So I guess this is just me getting back centered. Now what would make this mood even more right is a kiss right down the middle of my back, with lips that have just drank a red bull so they are all cool and sweet - but in due time.


And Finally......


• 
  I had something interesting happen at the end of the week. I have been involved in keeping up good spirits as well as planning an event for a co-worker. I am always involved because folks know I give a good set and my signature dishes are requirements at most social functions I attend. So I'm all set, when someone approachs me and asks if I'm going to an event that would precede the one I was involved in. I'm like um no, didn't know there was going to be one. I get a description of how nice the invite was blah blah blah and I'm confident that it was just an oversight. So I proceed to ask one of my girls, that very question. Now here's where it gets quite matrix like - I am told I wasn't invited because I....wasn't....Christian.
  
  Apparently the preacher will be there to bless the house, bless the mom and say some scripture etc. etc. and it was felt that I would be uncomfortable. Let me pull from one of my favorite movies "Sparkle" So we got one brain thinking for two people. HUH?! to tell ya'll my feelings were HURT is an understatement. I was there when 'Janets' sister's home got blessed, I was at there in the Church when 'Janet' got her wedding blessed (she got married in the Islands and needed the Priests blessing when they got home), I have been to Weddings, Baptisms, and I could go on and on - so to exclude me, especially when the exclusion was coming from folks I've known for YEARS, considered friends and have always respected and admired - cut to the bone. Especially when this is a BABY SHOWER and I still can't imagine what was going to go down that would cause my presence to sully it. Might as well told me I couldn't sit at the counter because I was a nigga.
  
  I rolled with it, but as always, it was VERY evident in my eyes that I was beyond...I have gotten my head together about it, but it's all changed in my eyes. I won't pull out my recessive 'bitch' gene and say some things that crossed my mind - but even though I'm not Christian - I'm going to exhibit Christian like behaviour and take the high road and turn the other cheek. But best believe me, things won't ever be the same.....they can't.

Posted by Pamalicious :: 10:06 PM :: 2 comments

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Sunday, February 19, 2006

Sunset Monologue 159

I'm Sprung

Music Video Codes By MusicJesus.com

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved. You'd like for your lover to think you are optimistic and happy. You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something you've always wanted... though you haven't really thought about it. In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Ok people - I'mma need you to bear wit a sista cause - I don got my nose WIDE OPEN for this man,lol. Whew Lawd!

A whole year now, you've heard about my trials and tribulations and though on the bigger scale the stuff I went through trying to run up on someone to date - have been tame, but they have been my journey. So to actually run up on this Brother and it be like BAM POW BOOM (which ya'll know - is something that I believe in the electricity effect) Hmmmm....is all I can say. Sure I got some analytical thinking about it and what I learned last year that certainly is allowing me to (1) receive this blessing and (2) enjoy it with a sane head and a pure heart - but like alot of things - we got plenty of time to go over there - let's just enjoy the moment.

LA's Finess and I had another fabulous date nite and let me tell you - the general consensus of my inner circle is - GET A ROOM, lol. This feeling of being wha...17 again is so great! We are just some happy negroes, lol. We riding, singing 'Bonnie and Clyde' with Jay-Z and Beyonce, laughing, kissing just enjoying each others company.

Now mind you, we both doing our thang, living our separate lives and keeping all of that going - but I sincerely believe I'm on his mind as much as he's on mine. It's a GOOD THING - we don't live really near each other - because we'd get sucked up in that vortex, lol.

I also know LIFE is going to step her complicated ass in the picture, as we come down from the initial meet and start to flow into the 'we've reached our cruising altitude'. We got Kids, we probably much broker than we letting on, our friends are about to CUSS US OUT if we don't spend time with them, they also are gonna wanna 'see' the other person, we are gonna want to find ways to spend more time together, we both in school, we both got jobs, he got his music - but it's all good.

I feel like I wanna iron his shirts or something, lol. You know as females we get in a space where we want to 'express' our feelings - of happiness. Some women pull out the sexual trick bag, some women pull out the lingerie, I pull out the domestic Pam, lol. I wanna cook, clean, stuff like that. I know weird, lol.

Soo that's where I am at right now. Sitting around with this silly grin on my face, lol. Yea Yea I know, don't get caught up to fast and I'm not. I got my head on straight - We are not moving at any pace that is not mutually agreed upon.

And yes there are some possible storm clouds off in the distance - that he alerted me to. But I'm not going to let that bother me either, because if it starts to rain - either we're gonna run out of it together (in a perfect New Edition Moment - he likes them too - told ya'll this man got me LIT) or it's going to leave me in a position to have a nice all weather coat from the experience and that's that.

And I'll just end this post, because I know ya'll about to throw up, lol by Paraphrasing Teddy Pendergrass:

"It's so good liking somebody when somebody likes you back and that's a fact"

Posted by Pamalicious :: 7:05 PM :: 3 comments

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Saturday, February 18, 2006

Sunshine Monologue 168

It's My Anniversary!

326 Posts
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2 Step Out The Blog Friendships



Today is my One Year Anniversary of Blogging!

I want to thank everyone who actually reads, whether it be once a day or once a week or once month or once a lifetime.

Thanks to the Black Blogging Community for embracing a sista and allowing me to carve out my little Niche' in this world.

Of course special thanks to my blog father Rod 2.0 - he's doing big things and I STILL wanna be like him when I grow up.

Special Shout Out to my Blog Children - who happen to be all male. It's always fascinating and interesting to hear a man speak - I appreciate your voice!

I only have 4 months and some change before I turn 40 - can you believe that?! However, chronicling some of the journey here has saved me THOUSANDS!

Guess What? I actually have more to say - so all I can say is STAY TUNED!

Posted by Pamalicious :: 8:22 AM :: 1 comments

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Friday, February 17, 2006

Sunshine Monologue 167

It's Friday! It's Friday!

Blog Musical Mood: Run It - Chris Brown


Hey people! It's been a long week and it's now the beginning of a three day weekend! I'm looking forward to it. I've been fighting off a funky mood - due to external employment stresses - but it's all good, I know my rule about that and I keep breaking it sooooo, when I get stressed out it's on me.

Next weekend it's Baltimore for myself and Mini-me - meeting the family for Saviour's Day. Now I'm not overly excited because that weekend is HOT in the ATL! Dang it! First the New Jack City Reunion Tour with Teddy Riley/Guy/Toni Tony Tone/Blackstreet/After Seven, then the Some broad having a party with strippers from five states and invited the public!, THEN it's LA's Finest Birthday! This would have been a crunk weekend!!!!!!! But such is life :(

So here's an interactive Blog - and please note I read the comments, I haven't figured out how to make them just appear at the bottom of my page - if someone could put me in the right direction - I'd appreciate it.

I'm sure some of you have heard the chant - but let me get it started for Friday and let's see what we come up with HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND!!


Its Friday, Its Friday, its the end of the work week, its the last day, Yo Pam, its on you, so what you gonna do?!

I'm gonna get my rest on, I'm gonna get my school on, I'm gonna get my movies on and I'm gonna get my Freak On!

It's Friday, It's Friday, It's the end of the work week, it's the last day YO ___________ it's on YOU, so what you gonna do?!

Posted by Pamalicious :: 9:43 AM :: 1 comments

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Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Sunshine Monologue 166

Call Me If You Need Someone To Talk To

Sooo yes Mini-me got herself a phone on Friday. As part of the 'no contract' deal she had to sign a 'contract' I made up. Now what's interesting is that several parents asked to have a copy of my contract. I find it amazing that sometimes we as parents really get confused as to what our 'rights' are concerning our children, since they have been compromised so much by todays times. You the parent run it and you can do what you please in terms of setting parameters for your child.

A twelve year old should not just be given a phone; prepaid or not with no expectations. I have a friend who works at a cell phone company and the horrified looks on parents of the child with the $1000 phone bill are not fantasy. As well as, you should not have any issues with the way other folks are making decisions about their children - your child is your responsiblity and you can set rules and regulations as you see fit.

CELL PHONE RULES AND REGULATIONS
EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY



• PHONE MUST BE OFF DURING SCHOOL HOUR



• NO SUGGESTIVE LYRICS OR IMAGES ARE TO BE DOWNLOADED ON THE PHONE



• PERMISSION MUST BE GRANTED FOR ALL DOWNLOADS BEFORE HAND



• NO PHONE CALLS AFTER 9PM SUN-THURS & 9:30PM FRI-SAT – SUSPENSION OF PHONE
  PRIVLEDGES IF THIS RULE IS BROKEN TWICE.



• PHONE MAY BE COFISCATED AS PARENTAL UNIT SEES FIT



• PHONE PRIVLEDGES WILL BE SUSPENDED IMMEDIATELY IF PHONE IS TAKEN OR SPOKEN
  ABOUT BY AUTHORITIES AT SCHOOL (Three Days)




• NO BOYS (OUTSIDE OF FAMILY) ARE TO HAVE YOUR PHONE NUMBER



• SPOT CHECKS ON INCOMING AND OUTGOING CALLS MAY HAPPEN



• PARENTAL UNIT CAN AND WILL MONITOR EXCESSIVE PHONE USAGE



• PARENTAL UNIT HAS ACCESS TO PHONE AND PASS CODES AT ALL TIME.

FOOTNOTE: THE PHONE IS CURRENTLY ON A THREE DAY SUSPENSION BECAUSE APPARENTLY SHE COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE AND BECAME OVERCOME AND STOOD UP IN CLASS PULLED OUT HER PHONE AND CALLED ME - TO TELL ME DANCE TEAM HAD BEEN CANCELLED!!! DURING SCHOOL HOURS! PHONE GOT TAKEN BY TEACHER, I HAD TO COME IN AND SIGN FOR IT.

See - as much as we would like to think - they are JUST CHILDREN.

Posted by Pamalicious :: 5:07 PM :: 2 comments

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Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Sunset Monologue 158

I'm Sending You This Valentine

I had to come home and take it back to the old school and pull out some REAL music. I needed Stephfanie Mills singing "I Feel Good All Over" I needed Anita crooning "Sweet Love" - you know how it is.

As I took the elevator downstairs - I figured it was one of my co-workers husbands, planning his attack. This happens often. I step out and my heart went pitter patter - it was LA's Finest!! Yep - standing there looking so fine with a single rose and a card. How absolutely wonderful! Man this period right here - it's worth every messed up time you've ever had - just to go thru the first 8 weeks of meeting someone, lol. Especially, when they are excited as well. So we both skipped our happy asses out the building and took a little walk and did a little kissing and as I felt my legs getting weak, I knew it was time to go on back in the building. Having my "Waiting to Exhale Moment" I know he looking at my ass - I strolled on back in.

As the elevator closed I heard someone loud as hell calling my whole name like my Daddy. I open back up the elevator so 'Militant Facilities' can get his crazy behind in. He is my ace at the job, because we are eye to eye about keeblers, lol and he keeps me abreast of what's happening in the building. So of course - he's stood up on the balcony and peeped the whole thing - "Who is that Negro?! Look at You Miss Pam - putting yo thang down" I couldn't do nothing but laugh. He's a hot mess and he knows it.

Well the rest of that day was shot to hell - - What a wonderful gesture - - a man not afraid of the light.

(looking to my left and right, because I know haters and they smell blood) Yep, those who find my personality too 'soft' for them, whispered little things about it's always like this in the beginning, let's see if they make it past three months. Pam's too happy for her own good, she acting like a school girl. Hmmm, ain't that interesting - remember, it's just about time for me to do some winter cleaning, I'm taking names. It's always interesting, how happiness presents a threat to people. I'm just living my life like it's Golden Baby - sometimes it's shined up quite nicely and sometimes it's a bit tarnished, the goal is to recognize it's worth regardless.

Well I hope (I've done some skimming and I see some good stories developing from my blogfriends, lol) that your day went well - and regardless of recognition or not from others - I hope that YOU took a moment to validate how special YOU are.

Oh and.....

Was it wrong to tell AtlNewbian Sista to bring her PJ's Saturday - cause I don't think I'll be coming home? LOL LOL LOL

Posted by Pamalicious :: 7:34 PM :: 2 comments

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---------------oOo--------------- Sunshine Monologue 165

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!

THIS IS FOR THE LOVER IN YOU!




THIS IS FOR THE HATERS!





On the real though - we are all fully aware that this day was conceived in the vein of commercialism - but don't let that or your issues get in the way of enjoying the day. We know we like 'days', lol So stop fronting.

Be bold and give a complete stranger a smile, a wink or just a good attitude. If you've been busy - take a moment and call yo momma and say Mom I love yah! Sure we should be giving and loving 365 days a year - but we all know it don't even happen like that - so take this day to jumpstart your cold hearted ass and reach out and touch....somebody's hand...ok ok - I'll give Diana a rest, lol

Have a good one ya'll!

Posted by Pamalicious :: 9:53 AM :: 0 comments

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Sunday, February 12, 2006

Sunset Monologue 157

Pixie Dust

Ever have an instant where you just really need your girl. That was the way I was feeling as I drove at break neck speed out to "Janets" this afternoon. I just wanted to look her in the eye and have her hold my hand while I told her some stuff, you only tell your girlfriend. Reason number 275 why I so enjoy being female - the capacity to feel freely.

It was as if Pixie Dust was sprinkled on my weekend folks. A 'friend' joked (sarcastically) that they know when I'm feeling a man because I get to writing poetry, singing songs and just over the top with mine. Well surprising, even to myself, for the most part I'm keeping this close to me. Letting it blossom privately, keeping ya'll niggas guessing, lol.

The Epiphany - you are never to old to explore. Always continue to explore your wants, needs and desires. Continue to validate them and tweek them if necessary, but stay true to them. Every day has the capacity to bring an opportunity for you to get bits and pieces of what you need - sometimes without you even knowing you need it.

I'll just sum it up by saying, the experience was as if two people who had their own private sorrows (and we all got em) made so much joy together, that for that moment in time - all was healed - all was ok.

Of course, I had to add the flavor that is Pammie and give ya'll a musical summary of the weekend, lol.

Posted by Pamalicious :: 8:56 PM :: 0 comments

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Friday, February 10, 2006

Sunshine Monologue 164

Friday Floetry

"to be nobody-but-yourself-in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else - means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting." - c.e. cummings

What an epiphany that quote was! This edumacation is paying off, lol. Good morning people! I hope that your week went well and that you are anticipating what is officially Valentine's Day Weekend 2006 (since it falls on a Tuesday).

For the playas and playettes - Wednesday was your cut off to downsize your stables, now you stuck with who you got, lol So I'll see yah at the dollar store - they got cards 2/$1.00.

I don't have anything profound to speak on today. Just some odds and ends to take up space. Someone cracked when I had writers block that it seems I don't have blog writing block and my priorities are off. You know it's so interesting - I didn't take it as an assault on me, I took it as Hateration on the Blog. I'm enjoying being challenged to write because someone told me to as opposed to because I want to. I really think I'm about to do another round of cleaning house folks fucking up my vibe - I tell yah!

So anyway, have a wonderful wonderful weekend (I am shivering with anticipation for the coming weeks blog entries - I can't wait to see how many of ya'll have a I ain't got a Valentine blog breakdown, lol and I might have a breakdown just because - who knows, lol)

• I am nigga rich today and I won't spend it all in one place



• I have been sitting here calculating the cost of having a girl and just gave up. Both of us desire the same thing - both of us will be sitting in the Manicurist chair this evening getting our nails and feet done; both of us sit in the hairdresser chair; both of us drool at the mall - this is going to be a long next 7 years or so.



• I'm going to put mini-me out her misery and allow her to get a cell phone. I'll be working up the rules and regulations at work today - I'm sure she's going to faint - but she didn't get 10 demerits and she got 6 A's on her progress report and Her standardized test show she's overall performing on a 10th grade level but her language and english skills is freshman in COLLEGE. Her behaviour has been good as well, so I'll get it for her.



• I just realized there's no denying it - Mini-Me is privledged. She's not spoiled, but she pretty much gets 90% of what she wants. I hope this doesn't come back to haunt me........



• Why was I outbid on four digital camcorders on Ebay?! Those folks are serious about their bidding!! Damn!



• I've discovered that I don't like to meet, lol Can we stop having meetings?



• I'm ultra cute today in my $3.00 boot cut jeans with the frayed waistline - I got on sale, lol



• I really need to start using my Insurance. I was able to get two eye exams, contacts and new lens and frames for Mini-me for $40!

Like I said I ain't got shit to talk about, lol lol Have a good one!!!

Posted by Pamalicious :: 10:35 AM :: 2 comments

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Thursday, February 09, 2006

Sunshine Monologue 163

Rules of Engagement

Blog Musical Mood: Family Affair - Sly and the Family Stone


"Do you enjoy Valentine's Day?" Awww shit! As I sat there hemmming and hawingg and recalling some lame Valentine story from yesteryear, I was having an internal R. Kelly Moment "my mouth is telling him noooooooo - but my mind is telling him yesssssssss". Welcome to the current 'Rules of Engagement' when it comes to the dating thing. These rules are the blueprint basically for remaining as neutral as you possibly can. I say it's a way to become and stay emotionally constipated.

Over the years I've examined and forced myself to abide by some of the rules, because some of them are valid, but the majority of them are straight bullshit. It seems that the only area that is wide open currently when it comes to 'getting to know someone' is that you can talk, hint, remind, harass and make it known as often and frequently as you want anything of a sexual nature. Everything else is OFF LIMITS.

This also seems to be a hetrosexual thing. The LGBT community seems to embrace the importance of interpersonal relationships. They greet, meet and sing their happiness from the highest rooftop! Joy to the world - a match is born! They seem not afraid to let someone know that they are interested, that they care, that they are excited about a person. Even if it ends terribly, they go into it with sunshine and lillies, lol. On the other hand, the 'Rules of Engagement' keep most hetrosexuals on such the straight and narrow, it can take months even years to even figure out if the person likes you!

Alot of these rules are skewed to keep women in check. Some men have presented a front that they are devoid of emotion, that women come and go and that love doesn't live with them anymore. So it behooves us women to act the same. Except we wern't built to act like that. I, for one, attest to and take great joy in saying "God is a Man" when I have a man interested in me, the sun shines brighter, my disposition is better, my smile is brighter, I sleep better, my other interpersonal relationships are more lively and things just go right. If I'm interested, I enjoy interacting, getting giggly, doing the HS thing. but I best not tell or over exhibit that to said man or I would break all the rules and we wouldn't want to do that now would we? (rolling my eyes).

You always gotta be on your toes. Always congnizant of conversation do's and don't for fear Bro runs for the hills. For example:

• You can certainly can tell a man that you can suck the chrome off a electra 225 the first day you meet him, but you need not say "Hey I really am looking forward to what the future might hold for us


• You can certanly call a man at 12:45am and let him know you just got out the shower and you're all 'moist', but you need not call a man more than once every other day just to say I'm thinking about you (especially not in the first six weeks)


• You can certainly tell a man that you like doing it in front of a plate glass window, but you need not tell a man you like anything else that might be construed as...romantic

As well as the following words/phrases/actions shall never leave thy lips within the first 6-8 weeks:

• Future


• Love - don't use this word AT ALL


• Relationship


• Commitment


• Projecting pass 48 hours in advance as in: You meet in winter and say "This summer, I bet we could go to the beach"


• Invite yourself anywhere with them


• Tell more than 2 people you even KNOW the person

In all fairness, Men are under alot of pressure as well. There might be 'feelings' or 'excitement' they feel about a person that are not within the legal time limit to feel anything or they can't express it due to societal pressures they endure. You know the fact that Yes that stripper did wink at you, so you better not get with that woman cause she is gonna one day want you, or we know Halle isn't really seeing anyone, so you better make sure you don't tell ole girl you like her, cause I sent your number in a bottle and she might get it.

That's why it's so hard to get off of the internet - you think you might 'miss' something - because alot of men have been conditioned in this society that to admit that someone interests you is a sign of weakness and men themselves have bought into the notion that they are obligated to seek out and be in the company of as many women as possible, because after all, there aren't enough of them (men) to go around.

Why can't we all just be ourselves. God made us to be together - so if you find someone that really peaks your interest - why can't you just say it, feel it and enjoy it. Fuck what folks say you should be doing. If you wanna become a couple after three dates, then dammit do it! - folks be hatin anyway. If you wanna spend all your time talking and laughing and being with that person - then dammit do it! If you wanna call and say 'damn you fucking my head up, I'm thinking about you" then dammit do it! If you meet someone Monday and go and get them a small card just expressing the fact that they make you smile on Tuesday (which is Valentines Day) then dammit do it! This goes for men and women. We've put up so many barriers and walls and what not that we have all boxed our own damn selves into a corner. What ever is going to happen is going to happen anyway - so express yourself, let another human being know (as our elders used to say) that they got your 'nose open'.

And I'd just like to say for the record:

I LOVE VALENTINES DAY!
I LOVE LETTING SOMEONE I'M INTERESTED IN KNOW THAT THEY ARE SPECIAL TO ME!
I BOUGHT LA's FINEST A CARD!
So there!!

Posted by Pamalicious :: 8:57 AM :: 1 comments

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Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Sunshine Monologue 162

O Brother Where Art Thou

Blog Musical Mood: My Life - Mary J. Blidge


The other day I got an email from my younger brother. It always amazes me that he actually is able to maneuver the information highway, even if it is to send me a picture of a woman being violated by a horse (insert appropriate facial and vocal response). However, the thing I noticed more than that was on several emails, there was an address that was familiar, that of my older brother. Yep I have an older brother. One I haven't spoken to in um 7 or so years if not longer. I wonder if this was his actual email address. I had written it before to no response. I've sent mail thru traditional means to no avail. What happened you ask? Well in a nutshell - he and I were very very close coming up, he was my bonafide hero. I looked up to him and was very protective of his well being as he was mine.

A series of things began to happen that basically fucked with his psyche. I've talked before about the fact that I believe the theory that Mike J. was just sensitive and wasn't able to take what maybe another person could. I have a great amount to fortitude about some things, but apparently my brother did not. Around this time, he also met a series of women who did NOT have his best interest at heart. I spoke to him about this situation, but as we know affairs of the heart can break up the closest folks.

I remember exactly what went down. I was visiting his home. His wife at the time was point blank nasty. I was amazed (especially coming from the 'Man is King' upbringing he came from) how he was so submissive to the idea that he should work 60+ hours a week then come home where a stay at home wife has done NOTHING, he cooked, cleaned etc. for himself. The final straw was, the strips from the sanitary napkin laying exposed on the dresser. I got home and spoke to him about it and he went and told her what I said. She effectively banned me from coming to her home and speaking to him and surprisingly he went with that. As a matter of fact, it got to the point that he stopped speaking to everyone in the family and outside of his very recent communication (though VERY stilted) with his mother - we don't hear from him. Not a hello, how yah doing?, Wha I got a nieces and nephews - - nothing.

In the beginning I was very tortured about this and was very angry, then the anger turned to self because maybe I should have never said anything, then it just became I'll resolve this within myself and move on with life. Which is where I am at now. He's not even with the woman anymore - so that's a mute point. I would think, especially after all these years and after I have offered olive branch after olive branch - he would maybe make contact.

What is the kicker of all this - he has an ex girlfriend from many moons ago - that in the meantime in between time he has maintained a friendship with that spans over 20 years now. She has access to him and guards it like it's the answer to world peace or something. A couple of times important family information needed to get to him (regardless of his response) and I've had to go through her to get it to him. I no longer even ask for his information anymore. I have always found that situation the most fustrating of all. She and I are friends as well, but she's loyal to him like I've never seen folks be loyal.

So there you have it. I think about him often - what does he look like? Is he taking care of himself? Has he found any peace in his life yet? I would like to tell him about how I'm doing, have him see his niece - you know stuff like that. I don't even know his last three children at all, never even seen a picture of them (but then again neither has his own momma).

If I were to talk to him, I think I would really have to swallow deeply because yes my first inclination is to cuss him slam the fuck out. However, I won't...I just wanna say how are you my brother?

Posted by Pamalicious :: 9:30 AM :: 1 comments

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Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Sunshine Monologue 161

Swing Low Sweet Chariot

Well I'm about to go here and I want to preface it with I am not disrespecting the dead, but I am questioning how we put the dead to rest. I've been, like the rest of America, watching and listening to the 'homecoming' of our dearly departed Mrs. Coretta Scott King. It has been going on for the past week. Now since 11am est this morning the actual furneral. I printed out the 28 page program because I want to put it up with my paper the day Princess Diana died, my paper of the Day Mike got burned on the Pepsi Set, My paper of Tupac being shot and killed etc. etc. These are important passages in my lifetime.

HOWEVER, as we roll into the FOURTH HOUR of this. I'm getting agitated. Exactly how long does it take to bury someone? Now let me say off the bat that me not being Christian, maybe I just don't get it, we get our bodies in the ground immediately as the Jews do. This poor woman has had folks gawking at her body for darn near a week now. How much longer must her children see her in that......box? Couldn't this have been done after a small private furneral? Shouldn't this have been done, say after the first stroke when she could have known before she DIED in this big wonderful way - what she meant to us and the world? Seems a bit after the fact, except I do understand the concept that no matter what she did, it pales to this 'homecoming' (yes you can insert me rollin my eyes at this point and sarcasm is duly noted).

They shut down Dekalb Cty schools due to security risks and the fact that we can't drive in the summer on dry road with us being the only one on the road Lord knows we can't drive now. For the first time in I can't even remember - we are getting all day traffic reports.

I'm kinda sitting over in the cut, keeping to myself about this - you gotta be careful about this subject because it ranks in the top three of things to not discuss with negroes right up there with their minister and their intrepretation. But I've just come to my handy dandy blog to say LET THIS WOMAN REST!!!

They will be showing a repeat of the furneral at 8pm est on CSPAN

Posted by Pamalicious :: 3:36 PM :: 1 comments

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Sunday, February 05, 2006

Sunset Monologue 157

Jerome Pass Me A Mirror

Blog Musical Mood: Next Lifetime - Baduism Live - Erykah Badu

That meme from the other day makes me want to add some new stuff to my MP3 player, which I will do after I finish this post.

Weekend went A-OK. Today is my Mother AND my oldest Niece's Birthday! Happy Birthday!

I hung out on Saturday with 'AtlNewbian'. We had a nice time. We did some thrifting and had lunch and then came back here and watched "Deuce Bigelow - European Gigolo" and that was a RIOT!

We also went to the mall and I had to acknowledge as we were walking around that I am going thru a serious ME period. Now rumor has it among the family unit that I am ALWAYS going thru a ME period, lol, however that's survival this is a real ME period that is based on just taking time out to celebrate and accept my damn self. I have been seeing clothes, jewelry, shoes, lingerie etc. that is just screaming my name and I want to continue treating myself to some things. This is a two-fold situation: (1) Gently turning so much of the focus off Queen Mini-me and enjoying some of the spoils of my own labor on myself and (2) I sometimes have 'hid' behind rhetoric to disguise my 'fear'. I spoke in a previous blog about my issue with the mall and how I was going to overcome that. Well alot of that revolved around 'body image' and the weight I've gained. I used to put off being cute and accepting me NOW waiting on that situation to rectify itself. Well no more. I know what looks good on me and compliments me - so why not do just that....compliment me. I like this feeling and I'm picking me up a couple more staple pieces (like I really need a pair of boot cut jeans) and take my size 16 ass right on up and beyond!

LA's Finest and I didn't connect this weekend - stuff a bit chaotic in his world, but he called and we talked a couple of times and I had to giggle that he called as he said to "check in and let me know what was up with him". It dawned on us both we've been dating a month now. Where did that time go? The crazy part is that up until this morning - I wasn't convinced he was really feeling me. That's how out of the loop I have been concerning the man woman thing. I'm still actually uptight in terms of, how freely can I feel to call, how freely can I feel to speak of him to others, how freely can I be with him. I'm so accustomed to stuff going to the left - - and that my friends is such a crying shame.

On another note, Mobetta (yes that's a name you haven't heard in awhile) has managed as ONLY an Alpha Male can even begin to conceive, to slowly and steadily start pulling himself from the prone position he's been in for months now. I am praying and have been praying for his speedy return and it seems as if it's working. We are in a space where because it became really taxing for a minute, we are kinda tipping around each other or at least he is tipping around me. He knows about the saying 'with each passing day'. I don't ever count him out of the equation because life can sure be funny sometimes and he's just that arrogrant, but right now..in all honesty..it's not really in the forefront of my mind..but who knows?

I've come to the realization that I am a soup/stew kinda person,lol I pulled out the remains of my Thanksgiving turkey I had froze and made some quite delicious Turkey Noodle soup this past week.
Tonite however, I felt like cooking so I whipped up some greens and bbq beef ribs and heated up some low fat freezer mac and cheese, lol It was a good Sunday Dinner.

At said dinner 'mini-me' slid a deficiency letter across the table for me to sign. Apparently she has a C in...HOMEROOM! What the Hell!? Of course the first thing up in this piece to go until I get some better understanding is.....TV, and I'm going to take the mix stick away in the evening. It says she's not doing or making up her homework, she swears there is no homework in homeroom. I'll get to the bottom of this. Silencing her world however, is the way to go.


Oh and to end this rambling mess, lol Is a picture of my first summer 2006 shoe purchase. Whew this is gonna look hot with a very cute dress. This might even make the birthday clothes change rotation.

and don't forget to watch our girl Raven in the Lifetime Movie "For One Night" premiering tomorrow on Lifetime at 9pm. Just in time for black history - let's INTERGRATE the prom!

Posted by Pamalicious :: 7:56 PM :: 4 comments

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Friday, February 03, 2006

Sunshine Monologue 160

Music on my mind

Courtesy of Phat Lady, this is a meme I quite enjoyed! I've really been feeling music lately. Hell I've been feeling all kinds of stuff lately. Life in technicolor! I've been so stressless and it's all been about a decision to just not be that way. Now like most life, I'm sure there is going to be some downhill bobsledding - life certainly follows a certain path - but my goal is to keep the even keel going for longer and longer periods. We determine, whether we admit it or not, when the downward spiral begins to happen. I'm focusing more and more on keeping it even keeled for as long as I can balance it and then WHAM! Come on down, lol lol

So here's my musical Meme and yes 'Whoop That Trick' gets it just due.

A FEW OF MY FAVORITE THINGS...

1) A favorite political track.

SELF DESTRUCTION
Stop the Violence All-Stars
This is the signature line on my email accounts.

2) One of those tracks that make you dance on the dancefloor no matter what.

Wanna Be Startin Something - Michael Jackson

3) The song you’d use to tell someone you love them.

I Love Me Some him - Toni Braxton

4) A song that has made you sit down and analyze it’s lyrics.

If I Were Your Girlfriend - Prince

5) A song that you like, that a two year old would like as well.

Jump - Kriss Cross

6) A song that gives you an energy boost.

Whoop That Trick - Dee Jay/Hustle and Flow Soundtrack

7) A song that you and your grandparents (would probably) like.

This Little Light Of Mines

8) A song that you really liked when you were 14-16, and still really like now.

The entire Jackson Discography

9) A sad song that would be in the soundtrack of the movie about your life.

We Fall Down and We Get Up - Donnie Mcclurkin

10) A peppy song that would start the opening credits of the movie about your life.

Hey Mikki - Toni Brazel or Lose My Breath - Destiny's Child

11) A good song from a genre of music that no one would guess that you liked.

The entire Chris Gaines a/k/a Garth Brooks CD

12) A song that you think should have been playing when you were born.

Fear of a Black Planet - Public Enemy

13) A favorite artist duo collaboration.

Ain't No Mountain - Marvin Gaye & Tammi Terrell

14) A favorite song that you completely disagree with (politically, morally, commonsensically, religiously etc.)

All of the Crunk and Snap Music Genre of Music

15) The song that you like despite the fact your IQ level drops several points every time you listen to it.

See Number 14, lol

16) Your smooth song, for relaxing.

I have entire artists I chill with - currently Dwele, Kindred and Kem

16a Favorite Song to Bone to:

A combo: 12 play by R. Kelly and then 24 Play by Janet Jackson

17) A song you would send to someone you hate or are mad at.

Whoop That Trick - Dee Jay/Hustle and Flow Soundtrack

17a Favorite PMS Song(s):

See Number 17

18) A favorite track from an outfit considered a “super-group.”

Concentrate On You - LTD

19) A song that makes you reminsce about good times with a family member.

Feels Good - Tony, Toni, Tone

20) Your favorite song at this moment in time.

I Think I love You - Dwele
I Gotta Go - Trey Songz
Lil Bit More - Jon Astin
That song by Robin Thicke
Oh I think they like me - Dem Francise boyz
Lean With It - D4L

Posted by Pamalicious :: 1:31 PM :: 4 comments

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Thursday, February 02, 2006

Sunshine Monologue 159

B.S. from the M.S.

Blog Musical Mood: Lean wit it, Rock wit it - Dem Franchise Boys

"Mommy go to bed" It was that bad last night folks, as I was passed out sitting up on the couch - school books in hand. I trudge on however because I"m looking forward to climbing in my bed early tomorrow night and crashing OUT! Oh, and let me say - I'm not thinking of dropping out. I just got there! Just verbally expressing what's going on with that. Thanks for the words of encouragement.

Time for a general download of little tidbits that take up space in my mind:

• So Terrance Howard got nominated for an Academy Award (Oscar). I am tingling at the anticipation of the Orchestra playing any chord of "It's Hard Out Here For A Pimp" I would pass out if "Whoop That Trick" graced the stage. Whew, I'mma have to make sure I scroll on thru.



• OK OK, I just realized the Superbowl is on Sunday and I still am not completely clear on who's playing. I think I'll sit this one out. Obviously it hasn't been on my radar



• Should we think of Roger Troutman as a visionary? His "Computer Love" was YEARS before it actually came to fuition.......we were all trying to figure out how to use prodigy and I think this song even precursed that.



• I work near Emory University, Children's Hospital and the CDC, well apparently this is also the humans can't die from car hits zone. Folks just walk out in the street as if they are immune to the pain of me hitting their asses. Maybe it's because they are Drs./Scientists etc. they feel invincible - but they need to watch out!



• Some of my favorites are back on TV: Survivor, Amazing Race and America's Next Top Model are all on the horizon. good!



• Don't get caught up in the hype that is Black History Month - continue to live it, breathe it and be it 265 days a year and refer to Babee Munkees if there should be a need to institute the Slap a Keebler Rule during this time - it can happen......



• Mini-me wants to go to the dance - I want to curl up and DIE



• LA's Finest is starting to make me have visions of sugar plums dancing in my head, lol not to mention a faint hint of a song starting in other regions, lol


AND


• I made Employee Spotlight at my job - I hope I stay under the radar, but evidenced by the multiple emails and stops in the hall and the declaration of the team that did the interview that it was the best since the inception of the column (which leads me to believe it was a good piece of Colonial White Bread to begin with, lol) that might not happen.

What do you enjoy most about working for the Society? 
I enjoy working with other people in my department. I like the fact that we are all on the same page about our mission for the ACS.
 
What is your secret ambition? 
It was to be Michael Jackson groupie. I like the music, but I’m a little upset with the man.
 
What was your last major purchase? 
My new cell phone. It has all the bells and whistles.
 
What was your most embarrassing moment? 
I was at the gas station pumping gas and this Bell South truck pulled up and these good looking men got out. I tried to be cute but as I stepped over the gas line my heel caught my skirt and yanked it down. I was standing there in my slip at the gas pump. We all had a good laugh about that.
 
What book is on your night table? 
I’m reading psychology textbooks. Some of them are interesting. I’ll probably need therapy after this.
 
What is your idea of a perfect day?
Alive, breathing, sane, active, happy – and the opposite sex.
 
What’s your guilty pleasure? 
My guilty pleasure is “crunk” music because I look like I would not listen to that. It’s quite entertaining to see me roll the windows down and see my car jumping.

Posted by Pamalicious :: 1:16 PM :: 1 comments

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Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Sunshine Monologue 158

I'mma Let Him Check Up On It

Blog Musical Mood: Eyes Without A Face - Billy Idol

Vague: Not clearly expressed; inexplicit.; Not thinking or expressing oneself clearly;Lacking definite shape, form, or character

Now people, lol lol Let's look at my track record as outlined on the blogspot. You know why I am being vague about Broman, lol but, due to popular demand and the fact I am kinda excited - why not roll Bro out. If it goes left - it goes left.

Previously on the Blogspot:

• Why is it that the best conversation you've had in awhile - belongs to a man who is soo busy nothing can really jump off between you two - yet you are intrigued. What irony - which I think is reserved...just for me."- Sunset Monologue 150 He made time......



• How come this man got me giggling like a freaking school girl - I'm a Grown Ass Woman?!



• His skin is so smooth, his smile so bright. I just wanna hold his hand as this warm fire engulfs us both. The place I'm in is calm coming from within - so whatever happens, I'm just a floating, so I"m sure I'll land gently

I overheard some conversation he made at 'the club' and found it intriguing - so I sent a cocktail napkin over. Well time passed and I stopped hanging at the club, but in the beginning you do check in because as soon as you are gone is when folks start clamoring for your attention. It has been blossoming from that point.

This 37 year old divorcee, 5'11, dark dark chocolate, slim,but not thin brother we shall from this entry forward call "LA's Finest" because that's where he's from. He is a Brother with a plan working two jobs, owning a business and going to school in addtion to his role as Father and Step Father.

This weekend will make the third weekend we've gone out and we've already made tentative plans for the following weekend. Going out with this brother is such a pleasure to the senses. He always looks good (Ladies he wears cuff links - how sexy is THAT?!), he smells good, his conversation is wonderful and engaging and the following sentences have not come out of his mouth:

• So when is the last time you had sex?


• Do you get down with women?


• Do you like oral sex


• Are You Open-Minded

these questions consitute the most common questions asked of me by men I've met

He also is so attentive! I've had to totally revamp and move into the space where I can be the woman out on a date. He opens doors, holds my coat, let's me walk on the inside, plans every facet of the dates we've had, walks me to my car when it's over and opens that door for me, calls me to make sure I got home okay, calls me at least once daily to say hello, all those little things that you become used to not getting because it's always just a chess match to see how long you can avoid aggressive sexual overtures.

This is in it's infancy stages, but I feel good about it. He's been more focused, attentive, up front and consistent about his interest in four weeks than anyone I've tried to date in the past year. I look forward to hearing from him and want to date him some more. And did I say he was FINE!

So there you have it. I look no further than the following week and hope for the best. I have had no analytical stretch of over examining this. He could be the person who just sets the tipped over cart upright or he could be the one - don't know and don't care - I am just so enjoying the brother right here, right now.

Oh and definite bonus points go to the fact that (1) He likes Oxtails (2) His song is "Oh I think they like me" and (3) he's about perserving his sexiness. WORKS FOR ME!!

Posted by Pamalicious :: 9:59 AM :: 2 comments

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