Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Sunset Monologue 77

Brotha Can You Spare....

Some GAS?! Whew Lawd! Katrina is being felt near and wide. We all have seen the images and read the press, boards, blogs etc. so I won't expound on that. As a matter of fact - I'm just frazzled! I've had to have some sugar to comfort me and of course some muscadines. I just had to wrap myself in some comfort, lol.

Timeline of my gas hell

• 7:10am 2.59


• 3:40pm 2.99


• 4:15pm 2.99


• 4:30pm 4.99


• 6:15pm 3.79

I got my gas at 4:15pm and I only needed a quarter tank and it was $9.15! I typically with just going to work and coming home, use 1/2 a tank a week. Seeing as that's what I'll be doing indefinately - I hopefully should be okay.

So many emotions

I could go on and on with long diatribes about all the ramifications of the storm etc. etc. but I'll leave that to the newscasters and the political bloggers :) I think what touched me was the fact that it made you seriously (or I would hope)consider your place and space on this earth. I have political issues, racial issues, monetary issues and human issues I am sorting thru, like I suppose others are as well. I think the feeling of as the water recedes the tragedy will become overwelming is what is frightening alot of us....and we should be frightened.

A Couple of Epiphanies

Always thinking..Always examining...

• I am thinking about the concept that my generation is the last generation that pretty much is solely responsible for our own condition. the generations after us were handed the condition on a silver platter.
  
  Those in the know, remember a common saying was "they always going out and getting in some devilishment" we had to go find the devil for the most part, but now a days he's sitting in the chair beside the delivery table (in a manner of speaking). We had this invisible safety net around us as a group - the younger generations don't have that so they are not soley responsible and it certainly makes me wonder if any of this even remotely true - what does that make me?



• We have to qualify for alot in this world. Good credit gets us good things, good resumes get us good jobs, we spent alot of time making sure we got all that straight - the right clothes, the right speech etc. If any of that is lagging we make a concerted effort to get it right and regret it tremendously if one day we look up and we don't qualify (those with bad credit can testify to this) however, sometimes we (and I am wording this oh so carefully because words and the messenger carry alot of weight around here) don't put that much energy into who we lay down with. We all are going to go to the dollar store sometimes, lol but if we use the same determinant and rate people like the rest of the world rates our credit then we all would strive to be in the 700's so we can get the best. You are a mansion - don't let just anybody move in check their credit,lol

Dateless in Atlanta

I am hitting my stride of being on haitus. What's interesting is it's not about 'withdrawing' from men - never do that,lol but about stepping away from the rigors, bullshit and ambience of the 'method' of dating. I stand on the soapbox quite a bit, but that's because when I'm not on it, I usually am somewhere in the vacinity. Whenever I get to far away from who I am - my reflection gets blurry and I HAVE to get the windex. One thing about me is that I want to NEVER lose sight of me. I don't have to conform to anyone's vision of me but my own and it might not be who people want me to be or even comprehensible to others - but isn't that what makes 'you' so beautiful, lol

All of the men I've known thru this medium have fallen by the wayside which is certainly indicative of where they were to begin with - - right on the curb, lol lol Only a few, I speak to casually and my phone is silent, but that frees up the frequency for those that are really about me. Sometimes you think attention equals affection when (especially if you are using this medium the internet) it just means passing fancy. I don't want to be known as a passing fancy.

'Mobetta' and I have connected and he keeps my cerebral cup full. Unlike before, I know when to put him on the shelf and so far, I don't take him to bed with me, if you know what I mean. He's where he's at. I haven't slipped down that slippery slope as of yet - I have looked over the edge and the valley looks so good - lush grass, waterfalls, trees heavy with fruit - - but I know all about the quicksand..so I just peek.

I actually haven't really even thought about opening up the application process at this time. I do however have some future blog ideas about the whole thing, lol so when I do stayed tuned!

Pretty Ricky What They Call Him



I was so entranced with this picture - I had to 'lift' it from Rod (or at least I think I got it from him). What a vision of artistic loveliest. This is the cover of a new magazine devoted to the ballroom scene in NY. I am having a hard time finding the link on his blog to the story - but if I do I will share!

TOMORROW A MINIMETASTICAL ENTRY!!
Posted by Pamalicious :: 7:32 PM :: 2 comments

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Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Sunset Monologue 76

Black People My People

As we all sit spellbound by the devasation that Katrina has left in the gulf coast, you also are starting to see images as night falls of civil unrest. I need my people to STOP! Human nature is survival, but this is not the time to be looting.

It makes it painfully clear to me, that we as a people who are usually unequal in wealth, status and preparation have gotten too comfortable1 Just to comfortable! We 'panic' in the face of danger. We need to have a plan, mobilize and move out! We need to stop letting tragedy close our ranks. All they need is an excuse and under the cover of night - guns will fire.

It always amazes me how quickly America falls into a wild wild west mentality. It's partially due to the fact that we have been rocked to sleep by the convenience of technology - we get so caught up in all the things that make our lives easier that we forget who ultimately can TAKE IT ALL AWAY! GOD IS KING! and He alone can determine our fate. He brought the water to the land in the blink of an eye and then sent the sun, to assure us that He has mercy.

We better recognize!

Those of us spared and out of harms way, our people are going to need us. So if you have anything to give - please do! You can go to almost any major website or search engine and find ways to donate (be careful, there will be predators in this arena as well).

Say a prayer for the people - all the people.

Some things NEVER Change!



A young man walks through chest deep flood water after looting a grocery store in New Orleans on Tuesday, Aug. 30, 2005. Flood waters continue to rise in New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina did extensive damage when it made landfall on Monday. (AP Photo/Dave Martin)




Two residents wade through chest-deep water after finding bread and soda from a local grocery store after Hurricane Katrina came through the area in New Orleans, Louisiana.(AFP/Getty Images/Chris Graythen)

Posted by Pamalicious :: 7:50 PM :: 1 comments

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Monday, August 29, 2005

Sunset Monologue 75

Lemma Ask You Somethin!

Katrina is Upset! I hope that everyone that is being affected by Katrina is okay! She has been spitting fire our way here in Atlanta, but so far minor damager. Mini-me wanted to know how it is reaching us all the way over there (and yes you can use this) It’s like when you spin around with two cups of water – the majority of it is going to fall very close to the cup, but the sprays from the water can go across the street and actually wet someone.

I actually am pre-empting my first thoughts about a thread to venture into the territory below. I’ll post my originally scheduled entry tomorrow.

I believe the children are our future

Let’s be real, statistically folks over 35 chances of either remarrying or getting married for the first time are slim. Cut that in HALF when it comes to African American’s. Now it’s all good and dandy that we are all ‘hopeful’ but in reality – we just looking for someone somewhat sane and the rest we’ll deal with, lol

So we’ve outlined the bleakness of the situation, so let’s look at the ray of light – There are generations after us that have a chance. It’s not so sullied, it’s not so out of the question. They have a real shot at meeting someone special and continuing on the age old notion of happily ever after. At least that’s what we hope for them, I know I am hoping for that for mini-me.

Now comes the question, what responsibility do we have to them seeing as our own situation is so fucked up. Do we heap all our bitterness and discontent and proven wrong methods on them – or do we lift them up and somehow try to make a change exponentially even if we can’t get it ourselves?

We got a lot to go up against; the media, music, the condition of the world in general – but should we punk out and just say ‘the hell with it’ and let them flounder. Are we only responsible to those that come from our loins or is there a bigger fish to fry?

Can we agree that our generation is one of the most aloof, selfish and self centered we’ve seen in awhile. We grew up with the yuppies and buppies and it is showing.

Isn’t it irresponsible if we purposely guide a young person in a well beaten and wrong path. Has the foundation of morality change, just because the climate has? Has the word of all the religious text we read that preaches having a higher standard etc. become extinct because the Devil is hard at work and has taken most of us for a proverbial ride thru hell with gasoline drawers on?

If the youth (and I describe youth as anyone 10 years younger than you) comes to you for guidance, is it not our responsibility not to unload on them our jaded view of the world?

Good still conquers bad – so why give examples of bad and not at minimum speak about good?

We are all accountable for things? Monetarily, Religiously, Morally, Educationally, etc. Are we taking the bull by the horns or are we so busy wallowing in Sodom and Gomorrah, that all we can offer is a brief moment of clarity?

Makes me wonder?

Casting a Net Wider Than My Legs Can Open

There’s a lot of pressure in the world to be sexual. Sexual fulfillment is one of the basest actions that we have as a human and the only thing that separates us from a mere animal is that (1) we have sex face to face and (2) we have a higher brain capacity to think of circumstances. Otherwise, we pretty much are moving on impulse in that area. Sex is EVERYWHERE! You can’t escape it and I’m not talking about children – I’m talking about ADULTS. There is an undercurrent that if you are not being sexual, you are not being adult and real and relative, lol lol Can you believe that shit?! Grown up’s are putting pressure on other grown up’s about their sexuality. You either wit it or you square.

What about if you are trying to live your life in a broader scale than just your genitalia. What if you are still in control of your ‘urges’ like it was intended so that you can make wider choices and make your journey be about the total experience than the one that happened behind closed doors? What if the ability to be able to speak positively outweighs the need to orgasm? What if you are just not a follower?

Numbers or Quality

Hmm it is my understanding that the act of copulation goes as follows: the male penis becomes engorged with blood, making it become stiff for insertion into the female vagina which becomes lubricated to ease insertion. The male moves up and down to create friction which is needed for him to climax, thus releasing sperm for their journey up the vaginal tunnel thru the cervix to it’s destination the egg. A female climax which is a set, timed number of vaginal contractions helps move these sperm towards their destination, but is not necessary for the sperm to reach it’s goal.

Now that we got that out of the way – let’s expound. Humans no longer have sex just for procreation; we have sex for recreation and being curious creatures, we’ve add a whole arsenal of ‘things’ to do that differ from that basic function and move above. However that move is ALWAYS included in the mix. We also use methods to kill, maim and eliminate that little procreation function, thus freeing us up to try the other stuff. Questions like “I wonder if I put my mouth on his penis what it would feel like?” “I wonder if I insert something in the ass, will that produce a response?” are all things that make us humans ‘special’.

So now let’s be really real, exactly how many different things can you do before you are repeating and once we find something we like, don’t we tend to stick to that, lol. So exactly how many people does it take to come to an understanding about what you like and how you like it done? There’s a common belief that more equals better, I agree to that, but more shouldn’t have to mean MORE PEOPLE. The activity of sex itself is what can hone a person to be so-called good (because if there was EVER a relative thought process it’s about who is good at sex. You are only as good as the very last persons critique of you and those critiques whether good or bad are not up for discussion with others and can be manipulated to suit your own personal need for validation – YOU tell the story to your next person – they don’t).

Exactly how different can one person be from another that you need to engage in sex with a whole heap of people in order to ‘get it right’. Shouldn’t it be about at minimum tweaking, and shouldn’t at some stage CONVERSATION, put you on the right path to fulfilling your partners needs. Is there a time (especially as a female) that “I sucked 150 dicks might not sound so good” or “I got up in 300 women” just not fly. If you have to keep trying on others to figure out what you’re doing – doesn’t that say more about you than them. The ability to please one person good should outweigh the ability to screw many. Shouldn’t your journey be about bringing it in tighter as opposed to spreading it around thinly? Is everyone worthy of your dick/coochie? Do you always step away feeling worthy?

Post Script: I know I know lots of rhetorical questions, but sometimes I just wanna think aloud.

Posted by Pamalicious :: 7:09 PM :: 1 comments

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---------------oOo--------------- Sunshine Monologue 31

Happy Birthday Mike!

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Sunday, August 28, 2005

Sunshine Monologue 30

Assaults to my Senses

Whassup! I woke up bright and early today with a couple things on my mind and my to do list. I already am coing into the day feeling good two more pounds lost and that makes a total of 5 in three weeks. I know, not quite an infomercial, but I think that's good - almost 8 inches - which is real good. Check out the Diet Blog (link to the left) to catch up with that portion of my life. So anyay, let me get it started.

Eviction Day

Before I begin this entry let me first say "MY HOUSE AIN'T NASTY!" I live in Georgia, low to the ground and surrounded by damn near jungle bush, lol lol All kinds of things share this space with me, especially when it rains but this morning was Eviction Day for two particular borders that HAVE GOT TO GET THE HELL ON!!


They started appearing in force after the last bout of rain when it rained every evening for a week or so. Seeing at "Katrina" might be blowing chunks this way the first part of the week, I needed to get this taken care of, so no invitation of a safe haven can be sent out. I don't care about the crickets or the spiders they take care of each other, but these bad boys are a nuisance. Especially because they come in to EAT! I noticed them in my cabinets how, because Waterbugs are some shitters!! WTF?! I was like Aww Hell Naw!! so I was up at 7:30 this morning with my gloves and Weapons of Mass Destruction.

It was of course a good time to clean out all the cabinets in general. I threw away alot of stuff, I wasn't going to eat - old cereal etc. etc. I also reinforced the closure of a couple of boxes and basically wrapped my entire cabinet in saran wrap and freezer bags,lol.

I am happy to say "This House Is Clean" though I need to go do something around the outside of the house.

Um, No I don't want to Date a woman?

This might just be me, but when did bi-sexuality among black women become the new hetrosexual. I mean is it like in the movie Jurrasic Park - where they made all male dinosaurs and biology took over and created females so the dinosaurs could procreate? Meaning, the so-called shortage of men, have turned some women back on themselves? LOL WTH?! I mean nowadays, if you are not bi-sexual alot of brothas won't even TALK to you. They mention stuff like threesomes and do you get down with women,as easy as inquring as to what your phone number is? The strip clubs here are filled with women - lusting after other women. The halls of our middle and highschools are filled with young women all hugged up in the halls. According to a very reliable source, straight girls have to wear some form of pink in some Highschools which is an indicator that they are straight. WTF?! Maybe I'm missing a money making opportunity - T-shirts perhaps? "I'm Straight and loving it" any ideas? I ain't knocking the 'circumstance' of being bi-sexual, but this is a bunch of bullshit if you ask me. Some sort of 'new style' that doesn't make any sense, making us look like we have absolutely no control over our sexuality and taking away from the stance and cause of those that are. Whateva Ma! I am strictly chocolate dickly - so don't even go there, and bros. the quickest way to lose my attention is to step to me with that much disrespect.


I May Be Black..I May Be Ugly..But I'm Here God!

You know this blogging thing is the first time my interest has been genuinely peeked concerning blacks on the net in awhile. I am amazed and amused with how many different black voices open up daily/weekly/monthly to the delight of my senses to let me and the rest of the world know what's up? It reminds me of one of the many quotes Celie Gave in "The Color Purple" cause we in the house, yah heard? I want to take a moment to list here - some of my very favorites (in no particular order) and to just give some shout-outs to some peeps,and to thank those that come over and show me love as well. I know they are listed over to the left but I wanted to list some of them out here.

• Rod 2.0 - the best gay political blog around. As well as my "Blog Father" LOL


• Perez Hilton - Ya'll ain't ready for this level of gossip. Make sure you check out his message board as well - hilarious!


• Rupaul - Don't Act like you don't know who's the ultimate Queen - Bow Down! Bow Down!


• My Blog Ain't Sh#! - My friend living in his alternate universe and taking us there with him.


• Brooklyn Boy Blues - The Premiere spot to check out the party, the balls,and a touch of the brillance of Frank Leon Roberts.


• El Mundo De Morena - A Sista thinking outside the box in a couple of languages


• FreakyGoodMan - a hetrosexual male exploring his sexuality in front of an audience (both literally and figuratively sometimes,lol)


• HollyHood Blogzine - a mysterious child of a mysterious celebrity, giving us a new look at the facade of hollywood.


• It's Like Butta Baby - Commentary on all kind of stuff, including an 'affection' for RU the girl, lol.


• Just Ask Trent - and ask politely or you WILL get cussed out! Author, Diva and unlimited fame.


• Philadelphia Bred - from my fam's homespot; chilin and doing the tri-fecta blog.


• Crunk and Disorderly - The Reason I know I am free to be as catty as I wanna be, lol Entertainment commentary at it's best


• The Brutha Code - This Brutha here! Strap yourself down and don't read where noise will draw attention cause you gonna be hollaring!


• The Quest For Love - Tragedy at it's very best - this sistas journey is painful, but revealing.

AND SOME NEWBIES ON MY BLOCK:

• Being Bobby Brown Jr. - yea I thought so too, but Nah! A brotha giving some powerful words is who this is - so of course it ain't THAT Bobby, lol


• Jai-uncut - The Sista is Raw and Humorous


• ManNMotion - Cerebral Man


• My Teenage Years - a very unique view into the life of a teenage gay male. a coup to find this if you ask me.


• Johnthan Speed: Bored,Back and (mostly) Black - I LOVE his perspective, gotta love the youth


• The Life of a DBM - His third blog entry contains a picture of the Jacksons - he might not be single long,lol lol
  

and yes, I read all of these daily and a few others that don't post as frequently. so take a moment to check them out; give em some comments and let em know you digging them.

Posted by Pamalicious :: 10:05 AM :: 4 comments

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Saturday, August 27, 2005

Sunset Monologue 74

Checks and Balances

What a relaxing day. The sun is so healing. I have been keeping myself 'level' all week. Last evening I went to bed around 10pm and so I slept well and I woke up early and refreshed. Pitter pattered around the house, straighten up and after showers and dressing we hit the streets. I usually never go any futher than 30 minutes in any direction but there's plenty to see and do. Today we spend a good portion of the day in the Surburban Plaza. A little strip mall in between my house and job. I grocery shop not to far from there, and one of my favorite restaurants (especially since I've been dieting) Piccadilly is there and after having a nice nutrious lunch - we took a stroll and effectively emptied my checking account. As always there's a story to tell - so come on shopping with me,

A whole bunch of SH!T I don't need

Whereas when some people get antsy they head for the mall and sometimes end up with deep buyers regret for purchasing those $100 shoes; well I get the need to shop as well, and get the regrets but I end up with a WHOLE BUNCH OF STUFF, lol lol I have spoken before about the pleasure I receive from going to all kinds of discounts stores. Well Suburban Plaza has a couple: Biglots the overstock store, Family Dollar, and this really cool Antique shop. As well as this really large Beauty Supply Store. The 'catch' at this little strip mall is that most of the stores bring stuff out onto the walk - so you are drawn to stuff, lol lol

I went into Big Lots to get some sugarfree Country Time Strawberry Lemonade - apparently it didn't do well in the stores so it was here. I came out with all this junk.

The strip mall coup of the day: The Tiki Cups were marked down to a dollar and so I scooped up four; now I have these cool cups and the pitcher.



Up in the Antique Shop - I went down memory lane. They have all kinds of cool stuff up in there from my childhood. Then my eye caught these little bitty shot glasses. I have a thing for glasses and just collect them. They were $.50 a piece and there were only three so I scooped them up. In the back they sell used books - and they have - to my surprise a very big black book collection. I saw Carl Weber's "Preachers Son" for $6.00 HAD to scoop that up. He's one of my favorite artists! I have all his books now in hard back. Love it! Mini-me and I looked over every nook and cranny of that store - discovering all kinds of cool stuff. We spent quite a bit of time up in there.

Eating Healthy is EXPENSIVE


Because I decided not to get my hair done today, since we'll be going to Calloway Gardens for Labor Day next weekend (of course a blog about that is coming), why get my hair done to get it wet - I decided to go to the grocery store today. The sale was pretty good and it was the last day before the new circular came out. Grocery Shopping takes alot of time for me. You would think that with two people it wouldn't, but I like certain things and sometimes it takes going to two stores to get what I want. I also try to get the best bang for the buck you know. I have meals I have thought about, I try to shake up our usual by at least one new meal a week. This time was no exception. Not to mention, I actually like grocery shopping. I take my time, I like looking at food, lol lol So anyway, the things that will keep you alive cost to much damn money! Veggies cost! Quality Meat cost! Healthy snacks cost! I spent $78 dollars on this crap and I still had one more store to go to - because I wanted some red meat and the grocery store in the hood.

Ahh the grocery store in the hood. Not any healty food in site. I look around and as it has been I guess for Years - this is the grocery store where our elderly go, or those that can't get a ride to the 'better' stores. Cabs line the front to take them here and fro. They have to take what they can get and believe you me - they are supplying less than healthy choices. They should just let whole hogs run wild, since that is the most popular meat. Did you know you can get 50 pig tails for $6.00!! You always got to poke a small hole in the meat pack to make sure it's fresh - for some reason they must split the wires on the meat coolers - they always seems just a little bit warmer than the larger chains. I decided today to take a walk thru and I saw none of the carb conscious or lower calorie stuff I had just bought. Interesting ain't it.

Grocery Store Coup: I spent enough money to get a DIME off on my gas per gallon!!!! Honey,don't front - you know you would be smiling too!

My Last Stop of the Day


Of course I did have to stop thru the thrift. Spent $15 and picked up these few items. I needed some end of the summer tops and mini-me found a cute pair of cropped pants. My coup: These Fabulous glassware pieces. The bowl with the suspended mini-bowl for $2.52 and this nice pasta serving platter for $1.21. I cant' wait to put these to use.

Dragging on in

Well we spent about five hours out the house and finally crawled on in. After putting everything up - I tossed all the receipts on the table - I wanted to prolong my joy - cause I KNOW I overspent.

Calling It A Nite


MY SATURDAY NITE DATE - AIN'T HE CUTE?

Soo I've put on my Home on a Saturday Nite outfit - shorts and a tank and picked out some new sites I have been wanting to check out. Should be a nice nite. (who the fuck am I kidding - damn I'd like some male companionship, lol lol)

Posted by Pamalicious :: 6:30 PM :: 0 comments

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Thursday, August 25, 2005

Sunset Monologue 73

Someone Please Call 911

Hmmm, when the first thing you do when you get home is pour you a drink, you know it's been one of those days,lol "Bob and Weave" "Bob and Weave" is all I can say.

Gotta Shake It Off - Part III

Self-Righteousness is a motha! You know that little click inside of humans giving them the ability to have 'selective amnesia' - like the drug addict that's been clean one week and now all of a sudden they 'better' than other drug addicts and can't imagine how they ended up there. Funny how strong those wings grow.

I Rebuke Thee!


Whew! I've had to toss my pea soup up today! My head had spun around and I have levitated at the sheer magnitude of some people's nerve. I am a changed person, I am a changed person - I will not get down there or go there - just maintain who you are and it will all work itself out. It will all work itself out.






She Ain't Heavy - She My Woman

Because we live in a semi-hell state most of the time; alot of the value of other humans is lost. Particularly among the opposite sex. The 'purpose' of men and women and the 'necessity' of them in our lives has been warped to reasons so superficial that we basically can remove all that makes us us and just keep the genitals and the wallet. If they had a coochie/dick wallet - even better - kill two birds with one stone.

I know differently and as I drove home today, I thought about a good reason to have a mate. I wanted to come home after having told my mate previously on the phone what a horrific day I had; trying to make sure I have a spot in this world and am heard in the chasm that is a part of my life, and be turned right around because I'm going out to dinner. When I get home, the child is directed to leave me be so that I can just sit down and relax. Later on strong black male hands are rubbing my back and comforting me and giving me perspective I can't see because it's my nature to react emotionally. My bath is drawn and we sit and talk him moving the washcloth lovingly over my skin as the warm water lifts my day away and the cool wine - clouds my head of the bullshit. He's the king of that house - and he's taking care of the house. You can't tell me that a man is just about having inhouse sex and some extra money.

Posted by Pamalicious :: 8:00 PM :: 0 comments

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---------------oOo--------------- Sunshine Monologue 29

Dropping It Like It’s Hot

What’s up good people! As promised, I’m carving out some time to give you the word, lol. I have been jotting down all kinds of topics but, some have bubbled up to the top. So let’s get it crunk! (Feeling quite youthful today, if only the words I were using WERE the words the youth are using currently, lol)

Have We Cum Yet?

(This is apart of a new series – So High on the Soap Box I Got A Nose Bleed - I will visit occasionally)

**WARNING ADULT LANGUAGE**

I remember back in 1994-95 when I got my first computer. I immediately became entranced with that old IBM – who would have thunk? Were my first words. I then proceeded to hook that bad boy up to my telephone line and begin my journey thru prodigy on the internet – dirt road. As construction became diligent and the road turned into a Highway – something else caught my interest. Pornography and the overwhelming abundance of it. I had never seen so many images in my LIFE. At the time, they were mostly white images and let me tell you, people started coming out the woodwork. I could smell the demise of a people off in the distance and the pages of a lot of holy books were blowing in the wind landing right on the chapter/verse about Sodom and Gomorrah.

Ahh those were the days, as more and more people of color got up to speed and joined me on this quest – boy were we off the chain. This was like emancipation all over again, we had a voice to the whole freaking world! We could say what we wanted, when we wanted, to whom we wanted with no retribution. It was the closest to true Freedom of Speech we had ever come.

We laid it out too, every repressed sexual curiosity we were ripe for the taking. Men at the time led the helm – being a Blackman in American and dealing with his sexuality has always been a hot bed topic, so they came out in force – letting sistas know they had the goods to keep us satisfied and letting other races of men know “fuck what cha heard! Here it is IN YO FACE, don’t trip on it now” Black women quickly caught up – we didn’t want to be overshadowed, we were holding it down as well – “HA! Don’t you wish you had this round ass? Don’t you wish you had these full plump breasts? Collectively we all stood up and was like “We are sexual, we look good and don’t you wish it were you?!”

Fast Forward…….alot of us are now in our mid to late 30’s if not older. The highway has no ending and a lot of the side shows have become deviant. You gotta wear hip boots, to really get a good speed going as you surf. We’ve totally become desensitized to the abundance of sex on the net and it doesn’t phase us anymore. Now we have internet dating, internet proposals, internet marriages, web cams, digital cameras, photoshop and a host of side equipment to present ourselves to the world. We also have stalkers, sex addicts, pedophiles, disrespect all mingled in their together.

So for me, the question begs to be answered. For anyone over 30 (because the youth are going to experiment) exactly what is the purpose of flaunting your sex (because sexuality is different) on the net?

Did a new way to suck dick come about in the last 24 hours that I missed? Did the configuration of genitalia change – have we had some kinda biological metamorphosis? Have we not figured out how to have sex as of yet so we need a constant reminder that doggy style works? With the state of the relationships between black men and women; how productive is it to constantly describe in detail how you like to be fucked? Or how you fuck? Then become offended when you get disrespectful IM’s, an email full of perverts etc., and in the very next section of your internet life, discuss how you are looking for a good strong ‘God Fearing’ person…hmmmmm – notice the disconnect?

Anyone in their 40’s – why is your naked ass on the net? Why would a grown man put his penis on the net at this point in the game? Why are 85% (and I don’t think that’s to far off) of the black women currently on the net in the popular discussion groups etc. etc. just nasty – at the blink of an eye – they will show you anything – no shame – in the game – at all. (and it will be another discussion about the fact that about 75% of us are overweight and out of shape to begin with - the double D's didn't come about by genetics - try Macaroni).

If you continuous show up at the party naked, who can respect you clothed? Has freedom of speech, caused us to develop emptiness of morals? I have no sympathy for any of us in the marriage/dating pool. It’s like we are stuck on masturbation overload – look at me – I got a dick – it’s a big black dick, I can line quarters on it, ooo excuse me for being married,just focus on the dick – look at me – I can open my pussy lips as wide as the screen – ooo excuse my nasty house and just focus on the pussy.

It’s old – we are now grown up and we have grown up right here on this highway – we scrambling now to protect our children from guess what? All the shit we have done on the net. I expect to see plenty of teenagers running into their mommas and daddies on www.bootycall.com it’s only a matter of time. Is that how we wanna go out?

Doesn’t anyone else see the absurdity of how we are acting on the net?

Grabbing the Tissue for my nosebleed and stepping off the soapbox


Gotta Shake It Off – Part III


Part of my journey is about accepting responsibility for what I have done to configure my life the way it is, both negative and positive. That for a lot of people is a big step. We always have fantasy, excuses and selective amnesia when it comes to looking at the total picture. People just don’t assign behavior or attitude to people by osmosis; a lot of times you have exhibited qualities that get you labeled evil, mean, stingy, skanky, etc. etc. Accepting responsibility for what you have done is a big thing. It also is very freeing, because if you look at it honestly – then you can filter out what you haven’t done – and give that back to the person etc. who it belongs to. Even in doing that, you find you got a whole hell of a lot to work on, so imagine when you were working without all the tools necessary. I have given back what belongs to a person and it immediately diffused the stress in me and I am one day closer to hitting my mark on stepping into 40 with a lot of new attitude.

Posted by Pamalicious :: 7:21 AM :: 1 comments

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Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Sunset Monologue 72

Time Won't Give Me Time

Hey Peeps! I just can't find the time to blog, lol lol. For me it's at least a one to two hour process and I have all these snippets but haven't been able to take the time to put them down. I got some good stuff too. Mini-Me News and more! So stay tuned. Should be up by mid-morning.

Posted by Pamalicious :: 8:23 PM :: 0 comments

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Monday, August 22, 2005

Sunset Monologue 71

Gotta Shake It Off - Part II

Sometimes in life you have to just walk away. It might not be the overall best thing to do, but it's the quickest distance between you and that person/place/thing. In an earlier post I wished the Force to Be With Me Well what I hoped would be a journey towards healing, has become a lesson about dysfunction and so I'm going to have to get to stepping, head held high and with so much of my life ahead of me; it's best that I don't take the cement blocks with me. Sometimes what should be good for you by default is full of fat, sugar and starches and as we know I am dieting - so I'm pushing away from this table. If it ever gets filled with nourishment, maybe I'll come back. Sad state of affairs I tell yah! Sad state of affairs; especially when it is about family.

Make Me Feel Better

I watched The Players Club Last Night for some reason, lol and that was one of the more funnier lines to me, lol So I am going to post some images that will make me feel better.



I am starting to Smile as he walks in the room



As he takes his shower, I think I'll have a drink - Yea I'm starting to feel a little bit better, lol

Posted by Pamalicious :: 8:12 PM :: 0 comments

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Saturday, August 20, 2005

Sunset Monologue 70

Going Back To Highschool

Howdy! This weekend for some reason, has been all about High School,lol lol. First this is the 20th reunion weekend for those who graduated in 1985 from my alma mater, then mini-me and I went to see "Sky High" which as far as I'm concerned is the best movie of the year up to this point. I hope to go see it again! I hadn't started this blog when I had mine last September, so I didn't get to give you all the 411 on mine, hell I haven't even developed the picturs, but I am going to do that by the first anniversary of the reunion end of September, lol. I was riding home thinking about we all have this period in our lives where we just felt 'safe' and right at home. Well Highschool (I know, I know - crazy ain't it) was that for me. I honestly wouldn't mind rolling back the hands of time and going back there. I probably would only change maybe two things (1) NO GLASSES and (2) more boyfriends, lol Otherwise it was all good.

I don't like blogging about seriousness on the weekend - so I thought what fun it would be to take you back to my High School, lol So for those that graduated in the 80's put on your leg warmers and madonna lace and come on with me.

(I know some former classmates visit here quite often - I'll try to keep it on the up and up, lol)

Introducing MY HIGHSCHOOL



Booker T. Washington High School (1924-Present). In the days of the segregated south, Washington opened in 1924 as the first public high school for African Americans in the state of Georgia. As such, in 1986, the school was placed on the National Registry as an historic site.

Our Hall of Fame:

• Dr. Martin Luther King - Civil Rights Activist (left for early enrollment at Morehouse



• Lena Horne - Actress



• Mr. Leroy Johnson - First Black to be elected to a political office in the South east



• Ronald Yancy - First African American to graduate Georgia Tech



• Roberts Gibbs - First African/American to enter and graduate from Harvard University



• Gwen Torrence - Olympian



• Michael Hollis - First and only black owner of an airlines

My Journey

I started Highschool in September 1979. I was 13 years old and in the 8th grade. At the time, there were no middle schools, or I hadn't heard of any. I came from JC Harris elementary and so like mini-me, I didn't know anyone - most students didn't feed from my school to there. I felt like a baby with all those students, but I met that very first day at sub-freshman (Lord we wern't even freshman, lol) two people who would be part of my inner circle and best friends my entire High School tenure and one is still one of my dearest friends.

I had all the usual angst of being in High School from immediately falling in love wtih a Sr. and pining away for him - to having my first boyfriend, who happen to be the ex-boyfriend of a girl my brother wanted to get with, lol lol He broke them up and then the ex started going with me, and we all hung out together, lol. Had my first real kiss and everything with him.

I never had any problems fitting in, making friends etc. I had a 'unique' kind of popularity all thru High School. I wasn't the prettiest, or the coolest, or had the most money, or the most freedom or any of that - but people graviated towards me. I was just that gal Pam. I was cool. I had enemies, but that was to be expected, lol Everyone in High School had enemies, lol Personally, I had me a ball in Highschool as I've said before - so my complaints even about the people who I didn't like and who didn't like me are minimal. Hell I never got in one fight in High School, lol. Drama - yes; Negativity - no!

No matter where we moved, I stayed at Booker T. I graduated in June, 1984, in the top 10%.

The Highlight Years



If I had to pick a specific time that I single out as the best of my years there - it had to be Jr and Sr. year of course. Those years are forever engrained in my mind. I think for all of us it couldn't get any better than this, lol. We moved from the main cafeteria to the private one for Jr/Sr. and though we were scrubs up in there, we had three lower levels that were scrubs to us, lol

This was the time where music was blossoming and alot of us turned in our negro cards and got on the Madonna, Culture Club, Duran Duran Train.

We had the best band in the City and for miles around, I must say. It was all about football, band, boy/girl friends and our clubs.

During my 11th and 12th grade years, social clubs were VERY popular. They were fashioned after Fraternities and Soroties and you had to have membership and there were rules and regulations and initiations etc. Your popularity pretty much depended on either forming or being a part of one of these groups. Our group was called the 'Preps'. We also had 'Echelon' 'Omega Knights' and a few others that are slipping my minds. It was like Grease, lol We all had tables, secret meetings, nametags, jackets, rivals etc. What a cool time to be 16, lol lol

I came into my own during that time as well. I was Jr. Class President, A Sub then full fledged Debutante, Queen of My Homeroom, in other clubs as well and my social life was out of control.

What was interesting about me is that my preferred social circle was the fellas. I was for a time the only girl in the entire Preps. I brought my best girlfriend in, but to be honest - she was a 'token' girl most of the time. She was my friend and they never let me forget that,lol. I have ALWAYS found the male species alot more interesting. Now the otherside of that was that I was in some underground talk, the biggest non-sex having whore around, lol No one could fanthom these guys would let me into the inner circle if I were not doing something. As well as, I had some shall we say boy like qualities such as I cursed like it was nobody's business, lol lol I mean to the point where it got offensive to the guys,lol. I also developed my early fascination with pornography, but I was a girl and I liked dressing like one. I wore heels thru most of my High School tenure, lol lol even if I did keep them in my locker, lol.

This Love and That Love

I have also always been in love with love. From the 4th grade when I feel in love with MC who sat next to me, I have been having one imaginary love affair after another. High School was no exception. I was in love every week. My mom had her foot on my neck, so dating and boys were pretty much out of the question above board, but I had plenty of boyfriends. I had at least one every school year and when I hit the 11th grade I had several. We moved out of district - so the perception was that I never had a boyfriend, I did; it was just that they went to another school, near where I lived off Campbellton Hwy. In my 11th grade year I think I had 3 boysfriend a couple of them at the same time. We all liked each other at various times for various reasons. One other thing I developed, was my shoot for the stars mentality. I always fell for the absolutely top of the crop,lol and spent quite a bit of time in dream land behind these dellusions, lol. I quite enjoyed my High School love shenangins and wouldn't change them for the world.

Proms, Queens, Debs


I was blessed to have an opportunity to get gussied up quite a bit during my last couple years of High School. I went to two proms as a Jr. and was a Sub-Debutante and a prom and came out as a Debutante as a sr. I also was queen of my homeroom a couple of times and was elected Miss R.O.T.C. now that holds a special place in my heart because I wasn't IN R.O.T.C. to have that many guys decide that you should be their queen means alot. I held the highest rank and had a white suit and saber and all that good stuff. Lots of fun! Lots!

The Debutante Honor was the highest I felt I achieved in High School. It was classic Southern Charm and I was all for it. Debutante's are honored for their civic, academic and moral high standards. You had to be an A student, do something for the community and be a.....VIRGIN. Now I'm sure back in the day, they checked that stuff a bit more rigorously, but since I was - worked for me, lol

It also is the closest I would ever get to my Daddy walking me down the aisle (R.I.P). When you are a Sub-Debutante, your job is to help the Debs and you do a bonafide dance to welcome them to 'adulthood'. When you are a Deb, you basically wear a white 'gown' and your father presents you to society and then you dance with your father (what a blessing) a waltz no less and he gives your hand to your Jr. Escort (as a symbol you are of dating age) and then you dance off into the sunset with him. Alot of pomp and circumstance and I can't wait until it's mini-me's time.

(I will not reveal the names of the Brothas in the pictures, but I will show thier faces - if you know these brothas, let me know - I would love to say hello! I haven't seen any of them (well my Sr. Prom date I have) in over 20 years!)

Debutante Ball 1984



One of my Jr. Proms went to mine and his


Sr. Prom

21 Years Later

I was the head of the planning committee for our 20th reunion. It was held last September and it was one of the best adult experiences I have had. I rank it up there with the birth of my daughter. Really. The love and joy in that room, I'll never forget - I won't even forget the tension because it also was just what the join needed. I love those folks, I really do.

Posted by Pamalicious :: 7:45 PM :: 2 comments

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Thursday, August 18, 2005

Sunset Monologue 69

A Productive Morning Drive

I gotta get me an alarm clock. I've never been one to want to wake up like that and I haven't used one in years - but two things are going to make it a neccessity (1) I'm not as young and spry as I used to be, meaning I need my sleep (2) I don't get said sleep because I wake up looking at the clock; so I need to take care of that. I wonder do they have something gentle?

I cruised in this morning listening to Chante Moore's First CD! I don't know what was up with all her subsequent ones, but this one is a classic, every song on their is my JAM! Nice soothing music for the morning commute. It also opened up my head a bit so that I could get some fragments solidified and put it out here for you all to let marinate - so let me get started.

Chemistry


On the way to work this morning, I was thinking about what exactly was missing with the dating I did this summer. It dawned on me...CHEMISTRY. You know that feeling you get when you meet someone and get all tingly. Their energy sets you aflame. I have not felt any of that in awhile. Not since "Italy", to be honest. I know when I feel it because I actually have shall we say a 'physical' reaction to the person on the spot. I only get this reaction with that and when I first take a drink, lol lol Because it's so strong with me - I term it the BOOM BAM POW! Now don't get me wrong, I have met some nice people and what not - just no BOOM BAM POW! That's why it's just been so-so to me and making this 'haitus' not difficult at all. I like personal excitement. A person who is throwing it back at me like I'm throwing it at them. If you don't have it..I shut down and I think in alot of instances, I have just shut down. Hmmm, this leads me to another thing - I dealt with in a very productive morning drive.

"What Are You Looking For?


That one question can cancel out a potential in the drop of a hat. My initial response has been morphed to 'I'm looking for who is looking for me' - that stands on it's own merit. I thought about something else, fear sometimes keeps me and other women from really laying out what it is we are looking for? The word looking has been manipulated by people to be a negative connotation; "I'm not looking" "If you are looking you won't find" blah blah blah, some brothas take that word and make it out to be the kiss of death. What IS the kiss of death is not having the courage to say what it is you are looking for? Why would a person have fear? How about the reality that what you are looking for might leave you alone? How about if what you are looking for is not the current want of the majority? How about you don't want to scare a man off before he even sits down? All reasons to make sure you have a clever response to that question. As well as, don't get me started on the personal ad entries, lol lol 85% J-O-K-E (there are some sincere people out there on the net).

Part of my journey to 40 (remember this is what this blog is all about, lol, is to really work on my fears and to work on that 'living your life for others' and 'it's okay to receive without giving'. Those two things have stunted alot of my growth over the years. So that's why as I began this 'haitus' from dating (because it's not one from men, I'm just in the passenger seat instead of the driver and so far I'm sitting in the hot sun, waiting, lol), I want to stick to my real 'what I am looking for and that is:

I want to meet a man that is seriously open to the possibility of a serious relationship, not "I'm looking for friends" not "Looking to Casually Date" not "Seeking Intimate Pleasures". I'm looking for a man who has the capablility, maturity and whereforall, to approach a woman in this manner.

Now any SANE person knows that this is not something that happens overnite, and I'm not saying that one date and we a 'couple' but you can tell by the conversation if someone is really trying to get to know you - have that conversation and if I'm not (or I determine you're not) fitting that picture - then let's move on. I'm slowing it wayy down old school style. I've already talked about how I'm not driving to kingdom come and sitting up in your living room, or how I'm not making any phone calls unless I'm returning one, so I'm also going to be LISTENING and if I get the impression you operate your life on 'casual' then I'm not for you.

Saying this is setting myself up for the long haul because as we know, that's not really popular right now and couple that with the whole attraction and chemistry thing and I think it might be a lonnng winter, lol but at some point we as women have to start standing up and saying "I want a MAN, not a BOY, not a live Mastubation Aid, not a vampire" I want a MAN!

Just like when we stood up and said "I'm about to get my whore on" Men adapted, if we stood up and said something similiar to that - guess what? they will adapt again.

Posted by Pamalicious :: 8:35 PM :: 0 comments

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Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Sunset Monologue 68

Just A Quick Message

This isn't a formal entry because there is structured rambling and then there is nonsensical rambling. Right now, I am void of a fully composed entry mentally. I find myself on this computer just because it's here. I'll just dip my ink in the well briefly until I can come back full strength.

The Flow of Letting It Go

All the while I have been joking about the application process for my affection being closed, but deep in my psyche, there was some truth to that. I don't know about anyone else, but it gets draining for me; this whole dating game. It's so taxing on the mind and spirit and because I am a intense personality when it comes to these things, especially so for me.

Sometimes we say 'fuck it I'm thru' but we get antsy in our personal space and are right back on the hamster wheel and sometimes we really get into the flow of letting it go. That's where I'm at.

There is more peace right now with the phone not ringing, the IM box not blowing up than there has been in awhile. My indication that it's okay to just be at the moment.

When I get in this mode; the level of come hither that has to be presented to me is exceptionally high, lol You gotta be whooo weeee for me to get excited about it.

Being a woman - a single woman - a woman who would like a man (because alot of us don't want one) is an interesting journey to say the least. You are in a constant state of flux - you want to not think about it, but you do; you want to shut the door - but you always leave a foot in the crack. You mosey around; walking like you don't care, but looking out the corner of your eye for him. That's just too much fucking pressure if you ask me, lol lol

I'm chillin - it's peaceful up in my spot and at the present moment - I'm content.

Standing Tall



Took Mini-me to the Dr. today and she's grown 5 inches over the summer!! She's now 4 feet 7 inches to my 5 feet 2-1/2 inches. Isn't it funny that you can remember when they fit in the length of your crooked arm.

Posted by Pamalicious :: 9:04 PM :: 0 comments

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---------------oOo--------------- Sunshine Monologue 28

Do You Get The Picture?

I'll be back with a more awake entry, lol

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Monday, August 15, 2005

Sunset Monologue 67

Communication or Lack Thereof

Communication - The exchange of thoughts, messages, or information, as by speech, signals, writing, or behavior;Interpersonal rapport.

OR

My favorite hobby, lol. My need to converse almost (I said almost) outweighs my other needs. I enjoy the art of communication and all that goes with it. It's a needed component of my life as well as my interpersonal relationships and certainly my romantic life. If you can't carry a conversation or don't know the rules of engaging in one; we are dead in the water, lol. I'll even let you get by saying 'conVERSATE', lol. Today was all about communication etc. so relax while I communicate with you :)

Uncle

Remember when you were younger and you got put in a choke hold by your brother (or maybe that's some of my bad memories, lol); if he made you say Uncle, that meant you gave up? Well currently I am playing that game, except it's whomever picks up the phone first. So far we are in a dead heat. I wonder how long this is going to go on and then I wonder if whoever does pick up the phone wants to hear what's on the other end. I wonder if we are even ready to engage in the conversation that needs to take place, which is why we have each other in a choke hold. I have air reserves, so carry on.

Mr. Telephone Man.......


Over the weekend my phone went out. I just suddenly stopped having a dialtone. Now you know - I first took a moment to make sure I had paid the bill, lol. Next, I called the house from the celly and all I got was constant ringing but I couldn't hear the phone in the house. So today I called my service provider and the first prompt under problems was "if you have no dial tone press one" so I did and after waiting 22 minutes on my cell (glad I got unlimited metropcs minutes) - someone answered probably dinner time in India or something. I explained my situation and then he wanted me to apparently contract out to the phone company and get a non-cordless phone and go outside and plug it into the phone box on the side of the house! So I get the phone and go out there and I'm standing there looking at the box - why? because it is cracked open and empty. No wires no nothing! Where the hell did my phone system go?! I tell him there's nothing in the box and he's incredulous. I'm like the box is EMPTY!! So a technician is being dispatched, but I have to call back tomorrow to find out when (!!!!!) And don't you think, I won't be asking for a credit for all this unusable phone time! NIX all that!

I told ya'll the game gon change

Brring Brring - um hello? - (insert thick accent) Hello, you don't know me but I want to get to know you - I'm in the middle of something, maybe we can talk later - (finding IGNORE THIS CALLER BUTTON).

Beware of Searching

Like I need anymore time devoted to the net - once I got to mini-blogging on my diet is hell site; I went ahead and filled out my entire yahoo 360 page. HS has taken to it like water and is plugging away over there so I wanted to see what was really going on, lol. I hate to not at least be on the outer loop. So it's similar to blogs in that by going to someone's page - you open the gate to others based on who they have saved. Well I did a quick search to see what kinda guys were participating and ran into some interesting stuff. Several genitials in full-bloom (wink) came across my screen (one I had to save, um, for further investigation DAYUM!) and then someone devoting their logs to getting urinated on. At this point, I had to back up off that joint. I always wrestle with opening my circle to sistas, I don't know alot online; but maybe I'll search and see what I come up with.

My Job Blogging

Lord, my job has joined the blogging world. I hope I don't run into them on this thing!

Communication at it's best

Ever meet someone who just is a deep well of conversating water? "Mobetta" and I talk five six hours a day - that kinda commitment to the written language is damn near unheard of from a brotha,lol. We talk about everything under the sun and then some, sometimes never even taking the convo no a personal level - there's so much out here to talk about, lol. I have yet to meet someone that I can communicate like that on that level. I've had driveby's like "Italy" (he can talk, lol), but nothing on the cerebral level me and this brotha communicate. I just take it for what it is at this point, becuase it could disappear at any moment, but the conversation is so compelling and so complete and really so orgasmic in it's very essense - that in the absence of it or any good conversation for that matter, I can sustain myself on little bits and pieces that remain on the tip of my tongue. His gift of gab is a beautiful thang - I guess that's why he's 'mobetta'.

He asked me did I really dig him as much as I said I did when we were a couple. I was a bit taken aback, because I believed I did, but in hindsight, I got caught up in the tornado that was him and just flowed with the wind. In 2005, I've grown, matured, experienced a bit more to bump up against what we had and I still say I dug him, but I think now I'm open to really digging him on the level a person should be dug on. The biggest thing this relationship has taught me: Loving myself allows me to welcome a man in my life not to just complete it but to enhance me. Now if 'mobetta' is that man, has yet to be seen, it's anyone's guess who I will end up with in this life, but one thing I do know - I'm getting closer and closer to the 'light' and I'm sure that 'Somewhere's there's a love just for me'.....

Baby Daddy of the Week

Posted by Pamalicious :: 10:30 PM :: 1 comments

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---------------oOo--------------- Sunset Monologue 66

Welcome to the sixth grade

We started the sixth grade today! All is well, if not a bit tired because it's a long day 8:50-3:50; I start my new hours tomorrow 7:30-3:30, I already see me being late in the morning!

Posted by Pamalicious :: 8:29 PM :: 0 comments

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Saturday, August 13, 2005

Sunset Monologue 65

My Blog Eye Can See You

Happy Saturday Evening! The sun started off shining, but as is customary here nowadays, the rain came in. All day today I was looking out of my blog eye, lol. I keep a folder open in my brain for blogging ideas. I have quite a few specific subjects, I would like to explore, and it's quite cool - observing life from that vantage point. My writing mind hasn't been this active in awhile - I need to get my manuscript OUT.

So let's see what pops out my head and travels down my fingers to this entry this evening.


Living My Life Like It's Golden


How I decided this was my official pose, I don't know - but I be working it, if I say so myself, lol




Saturday Sightings

• Sista laid out almost $100 at the hairdreser today, hair L-A-I-D - someone compliments her, she turns and smiles....whole front grill MISSING! Priorities skewed you think?



• Ever seen a younger brotha and say to yourself, as soon as he get grown, he's going to be fine as all get out? Saw one at the ATM machine, about 28 - delicious!



• Every tried to sing rap in an operatic voice. I graced mini-me with my versions of a couple of things in the car



• If you gonna be a DUDE - young LADY, please be a high class one, who cusses in the grocery store?!



• I've been waiting on this stuff to go on sale all summer. Finally, got them all for $6.00!





• Ain't it messed up you been gone from your home for over six hours and not one message?

I Got A Crush On YOU!!!!!!

I was up watching PBS (my new channel). They were showing one of the pledge draws "Motown: The Early Years" (I'll be discussing a thought about this in a future blog). I'm laying there - chillin, watching Dennis Edwards Temptations Review when next The Four Tops came on. I was not even aware that Levi Stubbs, was battling cancer, so that was interesting, he was in the audience and that was special. Then this Brotha starts to sing. I sit straight up in the bed WHO IS THAT?! Tall, Chocolate and sounding like heaven.

Now the spooky part - I got up this morning and went straight to the computer to find out who he was. I put Four Tops in the search engine and went thru each site until I found HIM! I'm reading his Biography and it said that he used to be a member of the Temps - and is known for his silky vocals on "This is my Promise to you" I starting running around this room, WHY?! you ask.

Like alot of females, way in the recesses of our mind, we have a wedding plan. Even if it never comes to fuition or we just place it there as a comfort zone - we got it. Part of my 'fantasy' (which also will be a blog topic in the near future)is the first dance and the song. I had chosen the second I heard it (it actually was inspired by my relationship with 'mo betta' the only man I actually pulled that file out for) was The Temptation "This is my Promise" off of the Phoenix Rising CD. Well lo and behold this brotha wrote and sung that song!! How in the world is the man I want to marry the vocalist of our first dance song? LOL LOL LOL LOL

So without further Ado and in the spirit of forever staying young (which means it's okay to have a crush) - let me introduce you to MY CRUSH.......

THEO PEOPLES


Role in Four Tops: Baritone, Lead replacement for
Levi Stubbs (currently not performing due to illness)

This minister's son hails from St. Louis, MO. Theo Peoples refered to as "The Voice" joined the Four Tops organization in 1999. He initially replacing Lawrence Payton who died in 1997. Theo moved into the lead spot on the Four Tops roster, when Levi Stubbs discontinued touring, due to illness. Peoples brings a style that is comparable to the talent and performance level that Tops' fans are used to.

Prior to joining the Four Tops, Peoples was one of the lead singers of the Temptations (1992-1998). Leads on the Tempts "Stay" and "This is My Promise" are some of his most memorable contributions.





Whew Lord! I will be dressing in a nighty for the next couple of days, instead of my wife beater - so that I can be appropriately dressed in case this show repeats itself. Glad I have two public access channels, because I'm on the hunt for this brotha.

Posted by Pamalicious :: 10:07 PM :: 2 comments

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Friday, August 12, 2005

Sunshine Monologue 27

**News Flash!**

Today, August 12, 2005, Grade 87 Gasoline is $2.50 a gallon! Air off, windows down - park it! AWWWWW HELLL NAW!!!!!!!

Posted by Pamalicious :: 8:10 AM :: 0 comments

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Thursday, August 11, 2005

Sunset Monologue 64

I Got to Shake It Off

A muggy Thursday nite in Decatur. Yuck! I need to have a slip and slide in my bedroom so I can just lay there and let the water mist me, lol. I've taken to staying up a bit late. I spend about two hours just sitting here reading blogs, listening to music and contributing to my own blog. I feel like a late night reporter, working a story. This has become quite relaxing. I feel like I need sleep, but my mind is awake and vibrant, so I stay up. I'm sure I'll crash soon, but I'm enjoying the cerebral stimulation. I need to get my manuscript out - I might be coming out of writers hybernation. So here's a montage of the brain cells used today.

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT ABOUT CONVERSATION

If you are engaged in communication where you don't get a chance to say anything - then you are not conversing. You are listening to an oratorical. If you are doing all the talking and not letting an exchange of views, ideas or information take place - then you are not conversing. You are giving a speech! People let's learn how to communicate effectively. It goes such a long way.

A Bespeckled Spectacle Called Me



I can remember getting my glasses and coming outside when I was NINE and saying to my Daddy "The Trees are so Green", lol lol. I have been blind as a bat for a long time now. I went all my formal undergraduate education - with just ugly glasses. Then contacts came along and I chucked my glasses.

Now because technology is much better and I can spend some loot. I have a nice pair of glasses, however, I still have this thing about people seeing me in them, especially men,I got enough problems. It's rare any man I've dated has seen me in my glasses, lol. Shame the vanity eh? I don't even look that bad in them.

I've been wearing them all week, which certainly leads me to believe, I'm not trying to attract anyone. It's my shield - my way of not drawing attention to myself. I need to stop using them for that purpose and rock my glasses; but as long as they make contacts - you'll get to see my pretty brown eyes - loud and clear.


May The Force Be With Me

Ever just had to set wheels in motion, that have needed to be given a spin for a long time. In a three page letter, I did just that and after sleeping with it under my pillow, and almost crashing this morning reading it, I did just that. Federal Express style. So PRAY FOR ME, because this is going to be a long weekend, starting at 10am tomorrow.

I am going to have to move

"That" family member (that we all have) that causes the hairs on the back of your neck to stand up has moved to my county. Twice has showed up unannouced at my home and I just got off the phone with them asking for money. This is not in line with my 'stress free year of being 39' mantra. I know as well, I should start something grinding concerning that as well, but one step at a time - getting that going - requires an advanced degree and I'm just a freshman. I hope I don't have to move out the county, I like it here.

Hooking Up

Well the ABC show "Hooking Up" wrapped up this evening. It was almost painful to watch these 11 women, because I was watching snippets of me and my dating adventures. People keep wanting me to write that book, but why? I have lived that and I want it to be two chapters in my auto-biography, lol I came away, feeling normal and that's a good thing - now define normal?

Roller Coasters are for kids


Mini-me went to Six Flags today with camp. She tells me she got on all the coasters, except for Superman which was shut down. I looked at her and realized I wasn't riding The Scream Machine or the Mind Bender at 11!! Obviously I was a late bloomer. Go figure! Fear not little one! I like that.

Survivor Guatemala

Hmmm, I guess we won't be outplaying, outwitting and outlasting this year. The new cast of Survivor, beginning September 15th on CBS is HERE

Questions I Pondered Today

• Can Blog Reading be a career?


• Why did I call Mike Jones?


• Why like most Brothers I meet these days, he didn't call me back?


• Why am I satisfied being a "Calendar Wrangler"?


• Why do I just not answer my house phone sometimes?


• Why do I still think I am going to ultimately end up with 'mo betta'?


• Why do I want Macaroni served in a bread bowl, right this second?


• Why do fools fall in love?


• Who could I call off the big list of dating and strike a convo up with?


• why do I keep chewing cinnamon gum when I know it makes my tongue hurt?


• Why did my hairdresser decide to go out of town this weekend?


• Why didn't she know my hair is a hot mess?


• Why is my check already spent and I haven't gotten it yet


• Why is 'Highschool' taking a field trip and I'm mad I'm not going?


• Why do Ying Yang Twins ruin "The Whisper Song" by calling her a bitch?


• Why did I have this much thought today?

A Moment of Clarity

Sometimes you run across a point of view that is so poignant, that you must lift and share. This little ditty was taken from MIDLIFE CRISIS - what a succulent breakdown f I say so myself.

Please Stop Fronting ... For the Love of GOD!

YOU ARE FAT…Stop Acting Like You Don’t Care.
That overly-aggressive, arrogant attitude don’t mean shit. You’re secretly afraid that men don’t find you attractive and you overcompensate. Plain and simple.

YOU JOINED THE ARMED FORCES…Don’t be mad at Bush now.
I guess you thought that you were gonna go to college and see the world. That’s what the fuck you get for believing those commercials. Your life belongs to the most retarded first-world leader at present. You fucked up. For real.

YOU WANT TO BE SPECIAL, Better Than The Rest…
So you’ve been spoiled by being singled out every now and again. You know you have the potential to shine. But you haven’t really. Not yet. So you focus on the future—when you actualize your true destiny. When your REAL LIFE will begin.
But you’ll be ready to fucking kill yourself if you were told that you have actually PEAKED.

YOU GOT PLAYED…Stop making excuses.
You were a dumb bitch. You had all the signs right in front of your face. He was cheating on his OTHER woman when he got with you. But you thought you were special. You thought he would treat you better than the others. You thought you had something over on the other girls. You thought you he showed the real him only to YOU. You thought wrong.

YOU’RE INSECURE…and you keep trying to prove otherwise.
You need other people to boost your self-esteem. You are annoying because you are always fishing for compliments. You read Iyanla Vanzant and watch Oprah and proclaim yourself healed. You try to pretend that you are independent but you’re really a needy motherfucker. And your stupid enough to think you’re fooling people.

YOU BELIEVE NO ONE’S GONNA LOVE YOU…so you’re busy fucking everybody else’s man. You call it independence. You call it Power. You call it being able to take him or leave him. But it’s just a way to get the attention and affection that you need in the meantime. Better that than standing around lonely and biting your fingernails scared that no one will truly ever love you for YOU.

YOU THINK PEOPLE ARE IMPRESSED BY THE FACT THAT YOU”RE A CHRISTIAN…You wear your “God-fearing” label proudly. You announce that you went to church this weekend like anybody really gives a fuck. You have illegitimate children. You forget that we know that you are a ho with little standards. Stop fronting.

Man Overload

Hmmm, I guess I got something on my mind, look at the men I've produced this week so far - I'll be having sweet dreams....

Posted by Pamalicious :: 9:46 PM :: 0 comments

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Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Sunset Monologue 63

Footloose and Fancy Free

This evening, I am going footloose and fancy free - not so much about me, but just stuff all around that I am experiencing. Enjoy!

Blog getting kinda fancy

Let me tell you about some of the new stuff. Most of it is located to the LEFT......
<------------- For instance, I have now added feed clickets to the page. You can click on the Yahoo one and add me to your 'my yahoo' page and I'll be there waving back at cha! I also have added an RSS feed, if you are Yahoo 360'ing etc. feel free to add me.

Another addition is my mini-blog. I rolled that out yesterday and still working out some kinks with the link over there, but it should be fixed this evening. This blog is entitled MY DIET HELL - so stop by while I document basically free-style my trials and tributions to get rid of some of this extra licious, lol

I also have added more names to my favorites. Please take a moment to read some of this stuff. Open your mind and let these people come into your world. I think you'll find it quite interesting. I have now replaced my magazine reading with the blogs - a nice way to relax in the evening. I need a body double, so I can just sit here, lol

I haven't had time to get the sponsers going, but that will be a weekend project, I hope some of them can be helpful to you.

Cyber Stress Release

Wanna SLAP SOME HOES or BEAT SOME BITCHES? Well have at it!

R Kelly don got cartoonized!


Introducing Trapped in the Closet - SIMS Style

• CHAPTER ONE


• CHAPTER TWO


• CHAPTER THREE


• CHAPTER FOUR


• CHAPTER FIVE

Beverly Two Books in One Year!

Oh wow! My favorite author Beverly Jenkins, the best Author for Historical Black Romances - delved into the land of the present with two books, well apparently in November she has another one coming out "Black Lace". Whew! Cant' wait. I need to read the second book in this series and quick. I have it on my shelf, but was having a hard time - focusing on the present when she's so good with the past, but I'll get it read before November.

My Next CD Purchase


Ok the last CD I bought was Fantasia and that was a stretch - but I am going to get.....Eric Benet's new one "Hurricane". I have read around and heard that it is absolutely beautiful. I have his other ones and I don't give a hot poptart about his dealings with Halle, they are entitled to thier drama, besides quiet as it's kept, it's not to far fetched to believe something's wrong with the twizzard anyway. I mean damn, she just like the rest of us, lol So why deprive that broke brotha some ends to feed his child? I think I'll pick that up this weekend.

Baby Daddy Extra!

I'm single - why not!

Posted by Pamalicious :: 9:34 PM :: 1 comments

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Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Sunset Monologue 62

Random Randomness

Hey ya'll! One of those days where all kinds of snippets of all kinds of things are floating around in this head of mine - so let me go ahead and lean to the left and shake this stuff out! Enjoy!

I want to give a shout out to all the new readers! Thank you so much for your support!


Moment of Silence

JOHN JOHNSON, Founder and Publisher of Ebony/Jet



PETER JENNINGS, Head Anchor ABC News



A Parental Advisory


Remember these? Use to be all the rage several years ago, well like everything else they have made a comeback - among the middle school sect. However, there is a sordid twist, the wearing of these bracelets now indicate what SEXUAL AND INTIMATE ACTS you will participate in. It was important enough for the meanings to be listed in our neighborhood papers back to school edition. So let me school you:

• Yellow - I will hug


• Pink- I will give a hickey


• Orange - I will kiss


• Purple - I will kiss a partner of either sex


• Red - I will perform a lap dance


• Green - I will perform oral sex on a girl


• Clear - I will do whatever the snapper wants


• Blue - I will perform oral sex on a guy


• Black - I will have missionary sex
• 
  
• White - I will flash


• glitter Yellow - I will hug and kiss


• glitter Pink - I will flash a body part


• glitter Purple - I will french kiss


• glitter Blue - I will perform anal sex


• glitter Green - I will 69


• glitter Clear - I will let you feel me up

Oh I forgot one more; Rainbow Colored - DEATH INDUCING ASS WHIPPIN! If I see, hear about, feel, imagine that mini-me has one of these bracelets. I'm going to have a sit down with her this weekend and lay it out about some things. I am sick to my stomach!

Yahoo has changed the game!

Yahoo Messenger 7 has launched! If you are like me; you have a couple of techy friends who keep you up to date about all these types of things. I saw the message and went ahead and did my download. I also alerted people on my messenger list to do the same - it's like I now have high-speed, could you get off dial-up, lol lol

Anyway, this new messenger is HOT! The hottest thing - you can make FREE phone calls via the Instant Messenger. I made one and left a message, lol lol

Now dudes and dudettes - this is certainly (when everyone gets up to speed) going to CHANGE THE GAME! If you have a mike, you can talk to your family and friends and everyone else! So that guy/gal you got on stealth cause you regret you put them on your list - CAN CALL YOU! The Africans can CALL YOU! With a phone call and a web cam - you can have some interesting conversation, lol lol. Lord have mercy! Let the games begin!

Funky Cold Medina!


DAYUM! What is the problem with the human bowel tract and why are women so nasty! I am so tired of walking into the restroom and (1) it smells like something died in someone's ass and decided to come out and (2) it's just dirty.

I swear and I got a bet - when I get paid Friday I'm buying air freshener for each stall and put it in there.

Folks need to be eating their vegetables or something, because it's some backed up people in the world!!

I go to other floors looking for breathable air! That mess just made me mad the other day - you know once something gets in your nose - it attaches to your nose hairs and stays there! So I was hot the rest of the day behind that mess and I was only in there a minute because when I walked in - got a wiff - I left that mothafucka to whomever was in there!

DAYUM!!!

Say it Loud! I'm Black and I'm Proud!

What time is it?! NATION TIME! Jessie Jackson led the chant on this very good documentary being shown on PBS as part of the P.O.V. series (check your local listings) entitled "Wattstax". Here's a snippet from the synopsis:

The legendary "black Woodstock" finally gets its due when a newly restored and digitally remixed "Wattstax," Mel Stuart's documentary of the epochal 1972 concert at the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum, receives its first-ever national broadcast. Featuring incendiary performances by Isaac Hayes, Albert King, Rufus and Carla Thomas, the Staple Singers, the Emotions, the Bar-Kays, and other greats of soul, R&B, and gospel— plus biting humor from a then little-known Richard Pryor — Wattstax is more than a concert film. It also captures a heady moment in mid-1970s, "black-is-beautiful" African-American culture, when Los Angeles's black community came together just seven years after the Watts riots to celebrate its survival and a renewed hope in its future.

Let me tell you! This is WONDERFUL! I always say I'm living as an adult in the wrong era - I needed to be like 19 when this was around. Man I can see my afro, my wooden earrings, my very very fly mini-dress and I can just see me! Say it Loud I'm Black and I'm Proud! If you want to experience a pivitol time in our history - check this out!

Do My Eyes Deceive Me?

I like to show mini-me the evolution of celebrity, so when I saw Mariah Carey's first performance was going to be on, I called her in the room. I explained that just about everyone has been on Showtime at the Apollo and we sat to hear her sing "Vision of Love". I'm looking at the cheesy sets and the more cheesy background trio, when I had to blink - is that AJ from 106&Park?! We put the trusty DVR into effect and rewound and paused and it sure does look like him and he has had a long standing friendship with her. I had to take a picture off the TV and so you tell me......

The Boob Tube

I am quite looking forward to the new seasons but there are some gems being shown now. I highly recommend FX's new show "Starved" it's not for the addiction sensitive. There's quite a cutie on there who is a NY cop and bulimic (a BLACK MAN?!) Thursdays at 10pm on FX Channel. As well as I am eagerly awaiting the new show on UPN "Everybody Hates Chris" a Chocolate Wonder Years - stars Chris Rock discussing his life as a young boy. It premieres September 22nd at 8pm.

Nice to meet you but I'm not interested...

Ok, someone please explain to me what is UP?! If I have One more date when the man doesn't have the courtesy or decency to follow-up and/or put closure to a meet, I'm going to scream. What happen to manners? What happen to assertiveness and directness among some of our blackmen? As a woman, I already have to do most of the work - and you don't even have the politeness to follow up. I am no longer driving to college park or whereever the hell else, sitting up in someone's living room, putting forward my most delicious Pam only to never be called again What the hell is up with that?! Sure everything isn't for everyone - but to me as a man that's just foul and not attractive at all. Moving on......

New mini-blog!!

Well I've decided to use my Yahoo 360 account to document my latest THE DIET BLOG; so feel free to check in and see what's going on with that. I will also post a link over to the left on the page.

Now for Our sponsors

I'm going to investigate adding some advertising to my blog - I need to speak to Rod about the pros and cons of that, I have looked at all of his and I see how it could work and I could make some chump change as well. I'll keep you posted.

AND I have yet to post my Black Blogger Award Nominees! Coming Soon!

Post Script!

Excuse me while I drool

If you are this shade or look like this - hit a sista up, lol

Posted by Pamalicious :: 9:05 PM :: 2 comments

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